Lin Qile hadn’t seen Yu Qiao in a long time. Their falling out happened during the summer break after freshman year. In the blink of an eye, a year and a half had passed before Yu Qiao returned.
This in itself was a bit strange. Lin Qile was chatting with Huang Zhanjie while queuing outside a Nanjing restaurant. She spotted Yu Qiao emerging from the crowd at the mall, carrying bags with a new schoolbag and shoes for his younger cousin, Yu Jin.
Lin Qile had known Yu Qiao since kindergarten. They used to play and bicker daily, so familiar with each other. How did they suddenly fall out for no apparent reason? Lin Qile couldn’t understand. Today, she could no longer recall what she had been agonizing over every day during her freshman year.
Huang Zhanjie stepped out of the queue, greeting Yu Qiao from afar. “Captain Yu!” he called out dramatically, going over to shake hands.
Yu Qiao laughed, “Writer Huang!” He turned his head, glancing at Lin Qile, “Teacher Lin!”
Lin Qile smiled, shaking hands formally, “Hello, hello, Captain Yu!”
Cai Fangyuan, Boss Cai, arrived a bit late, saying he was up until midnight working on a website launch. His studio was so busy that he overslept this morning.
Du Shang, Dr. Du, arrived even later. He had just started his holiday and returned to the provincial capital today. He was supposed to bring his girlfriend, but she went home at the last minute, so Du Shang came alone for the meal.
“Why didn’t Qin Yeyun come?” Du Shang asked, helping himself to some spicy chicken.
Cai Fangyuan replied, “Qin Yeyun is about to get married. She’s not interested in hanging around Yu Qiao anymore, so she didn’t come.”
Yu Qiao remained silent beside them. Du Shang was shocked, “Marriage?!”
Cai Fangyuan gloated, “She even specifically asked Yu Qiao to attend the wedding.” He glanced at Yu Qiao, “You didn’t tell them?”
Huang Zhanjie asked Lin Qile about the difference between Beijing and Nanjing roast duck. Lin Qile couldn’t say, “They’re both delicious.”
Huang Zhanjie complained, “You’ve been in Beijing for three years and don’t know much about its cultural traditions?”
Lin Qile looked up, quietly asking, “Huang Zhanjie, how much do you earn monthly from writing novels now?”
Huang Zhanjie’s eyes suddenly turned mischievous, “Why do you ask?”
Lin Qile said, “Just curious.”
Huang Zhanjie put his hand under the table, gesturing a number.
Lin Qile guessed, “Five hundred?”
“Five thousand,” Huang Zhanjie corrected.
“Oh my…” Lin Qile tried not to exclaim loudly, surprised, “That much??”
Back in high school, life was simple – study hard and get good grades. But now, as they approached adulthood, Lin Qile felt the gap between her and her friends widening.
“When I was interning, I asked a kindergarten teacher,” Lin Qile said at the dinner table, “She said even in better Beijing kindergartens, teachers with a few years of experience only earn two to three thousand yuan.”
Huang Zhanjie said, “That can’t be right. You graduated from a top university!”
Lin Qile mumbled, “It’s true. They don’t seem to value degrees much when it’s all about teaching little kids… My senior classmates don’t want to stay in this field. They find it exhausting and can’t make a living…”
Du Shang ate some osmanthus cake, shaking his head, “Teaching kids is so tiring? I thought our job was tough enough with low pay.”
Cai Fangyuan took Lin Qile’s small porcelain bowl, helping her scoop some freshly arrived Meiling porridge. “Don’t worry,” he said, “Your boyfriend earns a lot, why stress?”
Before Lin Qile could respond, Huang Zhanjie asked from the side, “Lin Qile found a boyfriend in college?”
Cai Fangyuan said, “No, it’s still that guy, Jiang Qiaoxi!”
Huang Zhanjie was stunned, “Huh??”
Only a few old friends from the headquarters community knew about Lin Qile’s trip to Hong Kong during the National Day holiday to find Jiang Qiaoxi. Huang Zhanjie stared wide-eyed as he heard about Lin Qile’s adventure from Cai Fangyuan, then lowered his head and started typing on his phone.
“What are you doing?” Lin Qile asked.
“I-I’m just jotting down some material,” Huang Zhanjie said, still looking down, earning a punch from Lin Qile.
“Jiang Qiaoxi is in Hong Kong and passed the Morgan Stanley interview,” Cai Fangyuan remarked, “He must be starting at a million-yuan annual salary at least!”
“What’s Morgan Stanley?” Du Shang asked, confused.
Cai Fangyuan explained, “Even God would go to Morgan Stanley for financing!”
After dinner, the group went to the cinema to watch “Let the Bullets Fly.” Lin Qile sat between Du Shang and Yu Qiao, drinking cola and holding a bucket of popcorn. Du Shang and Yu Qiao took popcorn from her bucket as they watched. When someone’s intestines were cut open in the movie, Lin Qile stopped eating and handed the popcorn bucket to Du Shang.
Yu Qiao couldn’t reach it. He glanced at her from the side and silently mouthed, “What a scaredy-cat.”
As they left the cinema, it was snowing outside. Before leaving, Huang Zhanjie mentioned an old classmate to Lin Qile, “Feng Letian seems to be planning to take the civil service exam!”
Lin Qile put on her gloves, exclaiming, “Is he going to become the President?”
Huang Zhanjie hunched his shoulders, laughing, “I’d better go now. I’m afraid the snow might get heavier!”
“Goodbye!” Lin Qile raised her hand, waving at him.
The four of them, the little “Gang of Four,” waited for a taxi on the provincial city street.
Cai Fangyuan was looking down at his phone, his new iPhone 4. Du Shang peered over from the side.
“I feel like there’s hardly any difference between this phone and a computer now,” Du Shang remarked.
Cai Fangyuan furrowed his brow, “I was just thinking about that today…”
Cai Fangyuan stood by the road, making a call to his studio staff, saying they’d have a meeting when he got back tonight to discuss trying to develop mobile apps. People worldwide were rushing to buy iPhones, and things were changing too fast.
“Are you going to Hong Kong for the New Year?” Yu Qiao asked Lin Qile, hands in his pockets.
Lin Qile, standing on the curb, nodded.
“Not sticking to your parents anymore?” Yu Qiao said.
Lin Qile smiled, “I’ll stick to them when I get back.”
She didn’t explain what she was waiting to come back from.
Yu Qiao looked up at the falling snow. He stretched out his hand, wearing a black glove, but couldn’t catch the snow. It melted as soon as it touched his hand.
“Isn’t Canada extremely cold?” Lin Qile asked, looking up.
“It’s alright,” Yu Qiao replied.
Cai Fangyuan hailed a taxi from the intersection ahead and called them over. Yu Qiao reached out and ruffled Lin Qile’s hair, rubbing the snow he couldn’t catch into her hair. Lin Qile lowered her head and then raised her neck, chasing after him to playfully hit back.
Back home, Lin Qile arranged a meeting time with Qin Yeyun for tomorrow. She fell onto her bed, still in her coat, lying quietly for a while. The cat walked in from the living room, jumped onto the bed, and snuggled up to Lin Qile.
Jiang Qiaoxi asked, “What’s wrong?”
Lin Qile, holding her phone, choked up, “Every time after meet with Cai Fangyuan, Yu Qiao, Du Shang, and Huang Zhanjie, I feel so sad…”
Jiang Qiaoxi was silent for a moment, quietly listening to Lin Qile’s soft sniffling on the other end of the phone. He gently asked, “How’s the packing going?”
Lin Qile wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She got up and walked to the kitchen, breaking into a smile through her tears, “My mom just steamed some red date buns. How many do you want me to bring?”
High school junior Qi Le texted to ask if senior Rongrong was back in the provincial city for the winter break: “It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other after graduation. I just saw you on Xiaonei. Do you have time to grab a meal?”
Lin Qile saw this message while sitting in McDonald’s, drinking a milkshake, and listening to Qin Yeyun talk about her boyfriend’s proposal. She replied with a quick “Sorry, I don’t have time” and tucked her phone back into her pocket.
“So you’ve decided to get married?” she asked.
“No,” Qin Yeyun said.
Lin Qile was surprised.
“But I told Uncle Yu,” Qin Yeyun explained. “My dad’s legs aren’t good, and I can’t exactly walk down the aisle in a wedding dress supporting my dad when I do get married someday. Uncle Yu said to let Yu Qiao do it, to be my brother at the wedding and give me away!”
She seemed quite pleased with this arrangement, apparently not caring much about her marriage.
Lin Qile said, “Your boyfriend must love you to propose while still in junior year.”
Qin Yeyun laughed, “He doesn’t particularly love me. He’s just been spoiled by his family, so he’s mentally young and incredibly immature.”
As they shopped, Qin Yeyun started talking about her other boyfriends.
“Other?” Lin Qile didn’t understand.
Qin Yeyun picked up a knit sweater to examine, “You can never have too many boyfriends.”
“All men are the same. They want you to be both an angel and a seductress. If you can also take care of them like their mother, nurturing their hearts and stomachs, then they’ll propose,” Qin Yeyun said. “There’s a girl in our dorm who acts all tough and jokes around with us, but she completely changes in front of men. It was only after I got to know her that I realized I used to take men too seriously.”
Lin Qile suddenly remembered her nineteenth birthday in the second semester of freshman year, when Qin Yeyun cried all night on the phone.
Because Yu Qiao had officially rejected her during dinner that night.
“You think Yu Qiao is so great?” Qin Yeyun suddenly brought up. Her nails were adorned with rhinestones that could easily snag the silk nightgown she was holding. She let go of it, “I now think it wouldn’t be difficult at all to get him. He’s just a naive straight guy. What does he know about the ways of men and women out there? If something were to happen between us, I’d tell Uncle Yu. You know Uncle Yu’s temperament. Do you think Yu Qiao could escape? What choice would he have but to marry me?”
Lin Qile looked at her.
“But there’s no need for that,” Qin Yeyun’s tone suddenly softened. She shook her head as if she had just said it to feel better, to vent, “With someone like Yu Qiao, there’s no need…”
Lin Qile hesitated for a moment, “I think… you should find someone you like and who genuinely likes you back. That’s better for marriage in the future.”
Qin Yeyun sighed, “I wish I could. You know what? The reality is, that the more men you meet, the more men you sleep with, and the more you realize there’s no one truly sincere. Everyone is pretty much the same, married or not, with friends or without. In reality, no one gets what they want. It might seem like I have this boyfriend and that boyfriend, but when they’re with me, we’re just filling each other’s emptiness that we can’t get elsewhere.”
“But you,” Qin Yeyun stood behind Lin Qile, holding up the straps of a silk nightgown in front of her. She looked in the mirror, “You, silly girl, are about to sleep with your first man.”
Lin Qile’s face turned red, especially as she looked in the mirror, unable to speak.
What Lin Qile viewed as a major life event, the most important threshold at twenty years old was as casual as eating or drinking water in Qin Yeyun’s words.
Qin Yeyun said, “I hope he’s also your last.”
“I don’t think he minds my old nightgown that much…” Lin Qile said while paying the bill. Qin Yaoyun had always thought her previous nightgown was fit for elementary schoolers and utterly uninteresting.
“Perhaps,” Qin Yaoyun replied. “Jiang Qiaoxi might like that style. Why don’t you take it with you?”
Lin Qile pressed her lips together, her face reddening further as they discussed such purposeful matters. Hugging her shopping bag, she continued browsing lingerie stores with Qin Yaoyun.
“We’ve got the new nightgown, new lingerie, and perfume,” Qin Yaoyun said, sipping her tea in the booth. “But we forgot shampoo and body lotion!”
“Shampoo?” Lin Qile asked.
“Exactly,” Qin Yaoyun flipped her hair. “When your hair is all loose and you’re sweating, he’ll smell it. Buy a super fragrant shampoo, and he won’t be able to stop sniffing! Then he’ll think, ‘Wow, I love this woman so much. How can she smell so good? This must be pheromones!'”
Lin Qile used to think men in romance movies liked smelling women’s hair simply because they loved them. Now she realized how naive and innocent she had been.
“So, are you buying it or not?” Qin Yaoyun asked.
“Yes!” Lin Qile answered immediately.
By the time they finished shopping, it was nearly dark. Qin Yaoyun walked along the street, her high heels clicking rhythmically. One of her boyfriends in the provincial capital was coming to pick her up.
“The first time…” Qin Yaoyun gazed at the snow on the roadside, reminiscing. “I was very nervous too, and felt like crying.”
“Was it very painful?” Lin Qile asked anxiously.
Qin Yaoyun blinked, then suddenly laughed. “At that moment, I thought, ‘If only it were Yu Qiao.'”
The two young women, both twenty years old, huddled together, laughing.
“The feeling? It’s just so-so,” Qin Yaoyun said, swinging her handbag over her shoulder. “Protecting a man’s fragile ego is a required course for every woman. Sometimes it’s instinct, though. When you see someone smile at you, you smile back. When you see him trying so hard, you can’t help but respond, right?”
Lin Qile clearly didn’t understand. Qin Yaoyun leaned in and whispered, “Hey, have you ever seen Jiang Qiaoxi’s…”
Her voice trailed off as she whispered into Lin Qile’s ear.
Lin Qile’s face reddened even more. “No, how could I have seen that?”
Qin Yaoyun said matter-of-factly, “You lived at his place in Hong Kong and never saw it? Not even through his pants?”
Lin Qile wondered if all grown-up girls talked about these things when they got together. Qin Yaoyun repeatedly reminded her about contraception details: “Don’t just trust the man. What if you get pregnant?”
Lin Qile’s face turned crimson as she nodded frantically.
The provincial capital boyfriend’s car stopped by the roadside, honking from afar.
Qin Yaoyun turned around, smiled, and waved at the car.
“Lin Yingtao,” she looked back at her friend, “You used to run from the mountains to the provincial capital, and now you’re running from here to Hong Kong…” Qin Yaoyun suddenly paused, lowered her head, and took a deep breath. She suddenly hugged Lin Qile tightly. “You and Jiang Qiaoxi must be happy together,” she said, patting her back forcefully, her voice choked with emotion. “If any woman tries to cause trouble for you two, tell me. I’ll tear her face off!”
Lin Qile burst into tears, or perhaps laughter. Holding her shopping bags, she hugged Qin Yaoyun’s waist tightly.
Back home, Lin Qile organized her purchases and packed them into her suitcase. She was leaving for Hong Kong the day after tomorrow and wanted to spend as much time as possible with her parents, helping around the house.
Her mother was sewing a quilt on the master bedroom’s large bed and asked Lin Qile to help thread the needle when she came in.
“Your aunt once made you a quilt, saying it was for when you got married,” her mother said with a smile. “Back then, I thought my little girl was so young. Now look at you, already twenty years old.”
Lin Qile looked up from the bedside and noticed a few strands of white hair at her mother’s temples.
“Today, many aunties in the neighborhood asked me,” her mother said, lowering her eyes, “why Yingtao is going to Hong Kong for the New Year.”
Lin Qile pressed her lips together.
In the state-owned enterprise compound, there were rarely any secrets between households.
“I told them Yingtao was going to Hong Kong with her boyfriend to play!” her mother said, looking up at her with a smile. “I didn’t dare say it was Qiaoxi…”
“Mom…” Lin Qile called out.
She leaned over and hugged her mother’s shoulders.
Lin Qile, usually away at school, was now far removed from the compound environment. But she could imagine how many people had watched her and Jiang Qiaoxi’s journey from the mountains to the provincial capital. Especially after Jiang Qiaoxi gave up his guaranteed admission to Tsinghua University, disappeared, and his parents divorced and moved away. Jiang Zheng also no longer held a leadership position here.
Lin Qile didn’t care what others thought of her; she had been the “don’t date early” cautionary tale for nearly ten years. But her mother cared about her daughter’s reputation, especially now that Yingtao was so grown up.
“Yingtao,” her mother said, as if unsure how to broach the subject with her daughter, “if Qiaoxi, this child, is still like before, we could… we could let it go… even just being friends would be fine…”
Lin Qile pressed her cheek against her mother’s ear and whispered, “He’s very good to me…”
“Really?” her mother asked.
Lin Qile lowered her eyes. Her mother didn’t use particularly fragrant shampoo, but Lin Qile still loved her scent.
“If he’s not good to me, I’ll come home,” Lin Qile said in a muffled voice. “I’m not stupid.”
As night fell, the cold weather kept most people indoors. Lin Qile, wrapped in a down jacket, took the thermos food container from her mother’s hands. She hurried downstairs, running across the street in front of the compound to Uncle Yu’s house opposite.
Yu Qiao’s younger cousin, Yu Jin, was in his second year of junior high. With his aunt and uncle away, the two brothers had no dinner. Yu Qiao was reluctantly helping Yu Jin with homework at the dining table when Lin Qile arrived. Seeing her, he pushed his cousin aside and put down his pen. “Let your Teacher Lin explain the Chinese reading to you.”
Yu Qiao went to the living room to watch a football match. Lin Qile frowned as Yu Jin kept calling her “Sister Yingtao.” She had no choice but to take off her gloves and sit down to explain the remaining half of the Chinese test paper to Yu Jin.
“Sister Yingtao,” Yu Jin looked at her.
“Do you understand everything now?” Lin Qile asked, finishing her explanation. She put her gloves back on, preparing to leave.
“My brother likes you, you know?” Yu Jin suddenly said as he watched her stand up.
When Lin Qile left Yu Qiao’s house, the football match was still blaring in the living room. Yu Qiao had always been engrossed in watching football since he was young. Lin Qile went downstairs and walked forward under the streetlights of the winter night.
“Qile?” someone called from behind.
Lin Qile turned around.
It was Xin Tingting, a former classmate from the South Campus.
During the 2008 college entrance exam, Xin Tingting performed poorly due to extreme nervousness and only scored enough for a third-tier university. Lin Qile heard from her parents that Xin Tingting’s parents blamed her for “puppy love” during the crucial third year of high school and wanted her to retake the exam. At first, Xin Tingting adamantly refused to study again, but later she relented. She retook the exam and was admitted to a local second-tier financial university, majoring in accounting.
Lin Qile walked over and spoke softly with her in the white mist.
“I don’t like this major,” Xin Tingting said. She had cut her hair short, curving it behind her ears. “My mom chose it anyway.”
Lin Qile smiled wryly. “I chose my major myself, but…” She briefly recounted her internship experience to Xin Tingting.
“Is it that bad?” Xin Tingting asked.
“Yeah,” Lin Qile nodded.
“So what are you going to do?” Xin Tingting inquired.
“I chose it myself,” Lin Qile lowered her head. “I’ll have to persevere.”
“Oh, by the way, I’m with him now.”
“Who?” Lin Qile asked.
“Our class’s Youth League secretary,” Xin Tingting said in a hushed voice, as if afraid of being overheard. “He waited for me for a year. When I was retaking the exam, I didn’t have the energy to pay attention to him. After I finished the exam, he confessed again, and I accepted.”
Lin Qile nodded vigorously, genuinely happy for her.
“I didn’t contact you before,” Xin Tingting looked at her apologetically. “In our third year of high school, when Jiang Qiaoxi suddenly left, everyone in the compound was saying you were crying alone on the streets. I knew you were heartbroken, but my parents wouldn’t let me go find you. I’ve always felt guilty about that.”
Lin Qile shook her head. That was all ancient history now.
“Oh, right,” Xin Tingting said, “I heard Jiang Qiaoxi is studying at the University of Hong Kong now, and he’s even working as a tutor. Did you know?”
Lin Qile neither shook nor nodded her head.
Xin Tingting continued, “A few girls from South Campus are planning to go to Hong Kong this winter break, partly to try and find him.”
Lin Qile asked, “Why… why are they looking for him?”
Xin Tingting explained, “Wasn’t he the most famous heartthrob in our 2008 high school class? So many girls had crushes on him back then… They probably want to have dinner with him or something. They even asked me, but I told them Jiang Qiaoxi’s parents moved away long ago and don’t live in our compound anymore.”
“Qile, are you dating anyone now?”
Lin Qile thought for a moment, then nodded.
Xin Tingting let out a sigh of relief, as if happy for Lin Qile.
Lin Qile pulled her suitcase through the gate. In the crowd at the arrival hall, she spotted him immediately.
As the New Year approached, Hong Kong International Airport was filled with reuniting families, lovers, and friends… Of course, there were also many facing separation, about to embark on long journeys alone.
Jiang Qiaoxi wore a light gray coat. He opened his arms and immediately embraced Lin Qile tightly.
Our Generation – Chapter Note:
“Let the Bullets Fly”: A drama film directed by Jiang Wen, starring Jiang Wen, Chow Yun-fat, Ge You, Carina Lau, Chen Kun, Zhou Yun, Liao Fan, Jiang Wu, and others. It was released in mainland China on December 16, 2010.