HomeLove and CrownVolume 1 - Chapter 9: Loss

Volume 1 – Chapter 9: Loss

The freshly fallen snow reflected a luminous glow as sparks from clashing blades exploded before their eyes once again. The young Emperor suppressed the surging blood in his chest and stepped back. He raised his sword to eye level, his detached heterochromatic eyes scanning the faint notch on the blade. At this moment, he no longer had the inner strength to protect the blade from damage. Both he and the Khan with eagle eyes were exhausted. How much longer would this street brawl-like struggle continue? He didn’t know.

A faint, bitter smile appeared at the corner of the Emperor’s mouth. Now she sat on horseback nearby, watching him and the Khan with casual indifference. Who would she hope to win?

Certainly not him… but since she wanted such a battle, he would give it to her. Give her what he could – perhaps this was the only thing he could do for her now?

Moreover – he absolutely could not lose. While accurately judging the direction of the Khan’s incoming sword strikes, his peripheral vision never left Gui Wuchang on the outskirts.

This man – in just two brief encounters, he had already sensed that his strength was no less than his own. He could leave, but he couldn’t allow such a dangerous person to remain by her side, even if it meant mutual destruction.

The Khan was also running out of strength, his breathing heavy. The fur robe around his wound was completely stained red. Though the Emperor’s sword strike hadn’t been heavy, it had been precise, accurately cutting a wound in his most vital area. The flesh split open by the sharp blade gaped grotesquely to both sides. The Emperor’s grasp of his opponent’s form and retreat paths was absolutely precise – if he had added just a bit more force, the Khan would have been split in two.

This almost eerily skilled swordsmanship was far beyond what even an excellent master could teach – it was built on countless life-and-death battles. Only now did the Khan admit that he had truly underestimated this seemingly scholarly Emperor. Like himself, this man had also tasted blood on the edge of a blade.

This was good – so this was the kind of man he was. The kind of man who could make a woman like her fall deeply in love – this was exactly the kind of man he should be.

Thinking of that still childish-faced young girl, the battle-hardened Khan smiled.

That girl who always tried so hard to act mature and wise – she didn’t know her eyes always betrayed her so easily. She had a habit of blinking when lying, of glancing around when afraid and panicked, yet when enemies truly approached, she would face them without fear, like a small beast baring its not-so-frightening fangs.

Perhaps even she didn’t know that whenever her gaze fell upon that scholarly Emperor, her eyes would become sorrowful. It was the kind of look that could break one’s heart, like a child craving sweets staring at candy that would never belong to them – struggling to resist reaching out while being unable to let go, and thus choosing to pretend not to care at all.

Such a childish act. Looking at her made him begin to envy that Emperor. She wasn’t exactly a legendary beauty – he had seen too many gorgeous women, elegant and bewitching, graceful and passionate. They would nestle at his knee to pour him wine, trembling pleasurably beneath his body, but he had never seen them look at anyone with that kind of gaze.

He also very much wished there would be a woman who would look at him that way. When she looks at you, everything suddenly becomes quiet. You feel that the clamor of the mortal world, success or failure in great endeavors, none of it needs to be worried about anymore.

He suddenly realized that perhaps what he had fallen in love with was nothing more than the melancholy in her eyes, that something that seemed like it would shatter at the slightest touch, that something behind all that stubbornness and affected nonchalance that touched his heart. He wanted that allure, wanted to protect that girl under his wings.

Blade and sword crossed again with grinding hatred, blue sparks exploding in the air.

“Watch out for the hidden weapon…” she suddenly said, her voice tinged with urgency.

Was she warning him? The Khan instinctively looked up – no, it was that man.

A subtle whistling sound cut through the air, and her voice suddenly choked off as her body was struck by the hidden weapon and fell backward.

With a clang, the Emperor threw down his sword and turned away. He displayed nearly his peak lifetime martial arts skills, crossing the distance of several yards in an instant, catching her body before she hit the ground, anxiously calling out: “Cang Cang!”

Looking at the sword on the ground, the Khan was momentarily dazed – amid fierce combat he had just thrown away his weapon like that, leaving his back completely exposed – just because he needed both hands to hold her. Did he understand how many opportunities he had given his enemy to strike him down?

That young girl struggled to push against his shoulder: “Get away from me! I don’t like you anymore, we already… ever since that sword strike I gave you, we’ve already settled our debts!”

“Cang Cang, don’t move anymore, you’ll aggravate the wound… alright, alright, debts settled, just don’t move.” The young Emperor’s voice, which had remained calm and peaceful even when facing life-and-death combat, was trembling. While swiftly pressing the major acupoints around her wound, his shaking hands supported her thin jaw. “Cang Cang, it didn’t hit any vital vessels, there’s still hope – quickly bring the bone scraper and medicine, there’s still hope!”

He hadn’t seen any vital vessels at all. From the moment he held Cang Cang, besides pressing her body tightly to his chest, he didn’t even dare to feel her pulse or check her breathing.

But she wasn’t bleeding much, just a small amount and her body was so light – it seemed as if she would turn into a butterfly and fly away the moment he loosened his grip.

The Khan in the field swept his gaze across the stunned and helpless cavalry and imperial guards, knowing he should seize this opportunity. He leaped forward, placing his steel blade against the Emperor’s neck: “Anyone who dares move will see his head cut off.”

“I told you to bring the bone scraper and medicine!” The Emperor under his blade suddenly raised his head and shouted harshly, “Fool! Can’t you understand?”

The Khan didn’t know if this was the first time this refined, almost scholarly Emperor had ever cursed at someone. He involuntarily stepped back, barely maintaining the blade at the Emperor’s neck, and said to his trusted man Chiku: “Go check if he’s still in the Hedu tent.”

“If the old military doctor isn’t there, bring his tools for cutting flesh and removing arrows, whatever medicine you can find, all the bandages too, and have anyone free start a fire to boil some water.” The Emperor seemed to have regained his composure, issuing a string of commands.

“Do as he says,” the Khan quickly added, then looked down at Cang Cang in the Emperor’s arms. “How is she?”

“The hidden weapon isn’t poisoned and didn’t hit any vital spots, but it seems to be very close to the heart, which is troublesome.” The Emperor had already bent down to carefully examine Cang Cang’s injuries, his fingers pressed against her pulse points as he carefully observed the changes.

“Can you remove it? Should we find Hedu?” the Khan asked.

“That old fellow was saying just yesterday that I wouldn’t live past this morning,” the Emperor smiled, his trembling voice beginning to regain its steadiness. “I am the personal disciple of the world’s greatest physician. Having him do it would be worse than having me do it. Whatever happens, it must be done.” He had to succeed, or the price would be losing her.

If they waited to call Li Mingxiang from within the passes, the delay would be fatal. If the metal weapon fused with the heart’s flesh, even immortals would be powerless to save her.

“You are truly a worthy opponent,” the Khan suddenly said softly. He could see that this was someone who could better regulate his emotions the more desperate the situation became. Such a person would be an admirable enemy to anyone.

The Emperor raised his heterochromatic eyes to meet the Khan’s eagle eyes, and nothing was more reassuring than the understanding between opponents. Both men quirked the corners of their lips.

The water in the iron basin was bubbling and boiling. The Emperor held the small knife over the blue flames, and the bright silver blade slowly turned red-hot. Moving the knife away, the Emperor quickly plunged the blade into the boiling water. Blue smoke rose with a hissing sound, and when the smoke cleared, with a swift movement, the Emperor’s knife had already cut open the flesh beside the arrow.

Blood quickly seeped from the split flesh, but the Emperor’s hand remained as steady as ever. He skillfully avoided tendons and blood vessels, working his way to the three-edged hidden weapon.

The tiny weapon was soon carefully excavated, and the watching Khan breathed a sigh of relief.

The Emperor pressed one hand against the wound while the other had already taken up needle and thread to suture it.

Suturing, applying medicine, bandaging – all completed in one smooth sequence.

Only after the Emperor picked up Cang Cang, who had been temporarily placed on a wool blanket, did he slightly relax, showing some fatigue: “We need to find a place for her to rest quietly. Only after she regains consciousness without symptoms of high fever can we say Cang Cang’s life is truly saved.”

The Khan nodded, unable to resist asking: “How do you even have this skill?”

The Emperor smiled: “What? Is it strange for an Emperor to know medicine?”

“An Emperor knowing medicine isn’t strange,” the Khan waved his hand, “I’m just wondering what you don’t know.” He then looked at the Emperor’s complexion before saying, “I’ll now go order a cease-fire. You should stay in our camp.”

“So I still can’t avoid becoming a prisoner,” the Emperor smiled.

“Cang Cang can’t be moved and needs rest, and as for you,” the Khan said, lightly sweeping his gaze over the Emperor’s pale face, “it’s hard enough for you to stand on your own, yet you still won’t let go of her. Quite something.”

He hadn’t noticed before, but now he saw that the Emperor’s chest also had a dark red bloodstain.

That was from a hidden weapon that had pierced his flesh. In that crucial moment earlier, he had not only exposed his back to the enemy but hadn’t even tried to dodge the incoming weapon.

The Emperor looked back at the imperial guards who had been ordered by the Khan to retreat several yards away. “Khan, this time you’ve won.”

“Of course.” The Khan snorted softly as he turned away. He understood that the real loser was himself. When he saw Cang Cang hit by the arrow, he hesitated for a moment, considering whether to put down his weapon and run to her – just this moment of hesitation meant he had lost, lost completely.

Because that man, when faced with that moment of choice, hadn’t hesitated at all, with a decisiveness that was frightening.

“Kumol,” the Emperor switched to using the Khan’s name, “your chest wound, would you like me to wrap it for you?”

“No need to trouble yourself with that, would a Jurchen warrior fear losing this bit of blood? You’d better look at your wound first.” The handsome Khan said, raising an eyebrow, “What’s this? Xiao Bai, showing such concern for me – after these few days together, have you developed feelings for me?”

“Yes, the kind of feeling from ‘Autumn winds blow endlessly, always yearning at the Jade Gate Pass’ – I’m afraid I won’t be able to let go of my grudge against the barbarians,” the Emperor casually joked.

Though the Khan’s knowledge of Han literature was limited, he knew this poem and also smiled wryly.

Less than an hour into the battle, both sides sounded their gongs to withdraw. This grand decisive battle had ended just like that.

Min Jia, who had been fighting joyfully at the front with her guards, was suddenly called back. She returned to the main tent fuming, had just thrown off her shoulder armor ready to complain, when she saw the Emperor sitting at the bedside.

By now she knew that “Xiao Bai” was the Han Emperor. She stared with startled eyes, ran over to grab the Emperor’s shoulders: “Xiao Bai, you’re better?” Then turning to see Cang Cang lying unconscious and pallid on the bed, she jumped up, “Cang Cang, what happened to Cang Cang? Who hurt her like this?”

The Emperor had already removed the hidden weapon from his chest and carelessly bandaged it. He raised his hand in a gesture for silence, then continued resting against the bedhead with closed eyes.

For some reason, even the forthright Min Jia listened to him. She lowered her voice: “Xiao Bai, so Cang Cang is your wife? Why didn’t you tell me? I like Cang Cang, and I wouldn’t agree if others tried to take her away. But if it’s you, then that’s different.”

The Emperor couldn’t help but smile at her words, opening his eyes: “No wonder you two get along – even the way you talk is similar, full of strange logic.”

“It’s not strange logic. Think about it – if two people you like get together, of course, you’d be happy.” Min Jia smiled mysteriously, “Xiao Bai, let me tell you a secret – Cang Cang told me she used to have someone she liked.”

The Emperor smiled faintly: “Is that so?”

“But then she said the person she liked was already dead.” Min Jia shook her head, “She was so worried about you before, I think she must like you too. Xiao Bai, you must treat Cang Cang well.”

The Emperor smiled: “Thank you, Min Min.”

Just that gentle phrase made Min Jia’s cheeks flush again. She said quietly: “I’ll go now,” and vanished like a gust of wind.

Watching her lovely figure disappear, the Emperor shifted his gaze to Cang Cang’s face.

In the half month at the Jurchen camp, she had grown thinner again. Because of her injury, her complexion was poor. Lying there like this, she looked so frail it hurt one’s heart.

That prophecy from years ago echoed in his ears again: You can’t keep anything, Xiao Huan. No matter how much you want to protect something – who told you to be a member of the Xiao family?

The Emperor’s body suddenly convulsed. He pressed his chest and bent forward, a salty wetness surged up his throat with a bitter chill. Leaning over the bed’s edge, he gasped heavily. He wasn’t even coughing blood anymore – was his end finally approaching?

The charcoal in the brazier crackled in the quiet night. The Khan bent down to gently lay a fur cloak over the Emperor who was dozing against the bed’s edge, then sat down on the cushion by the bed. Taking out a fire poker to stir the charcoal, he spoke: “Take care of yourself too. Going on without rest like this – even a strong man couldn’t handle it.”

The Emperor opened his half-closed eyes, pulled the fur cloak around himself, and joked with a smile: “Kumol, what made you start caring about me? Could it be that spending time together has made you develop feelings too?”

“What feelings! I just noticed that even though you’re not coughing or spitting blood, your complexion gets worse by the day. I’m worried you’ll die here in my camp.” The Khan smiled, lifting the corner of his mouth.

The Emperor gave a small laugh: “Aren’t we mortal enemies? Don’t tell me you care about me.”

Since he put it that way, the Khan laughed: “Fine, if you die here, Qi Chengliang will fight me to the death, and I don’t want to perish together with him.”

The Emperor pondered for a moment: “Prepare paper and brush. I’ll write him a letter. After reading it, he shouldn’t act rashly anymore.”

Surprised by this, the Khan was taken aback: “You mean you’ll help me write to Qi Chengliang, telling him not to fight me after your death?”

The Emperor curved his lips slightly: “Minister Qi is usually steady in his actions, he shouldn’t do such things. But besides our ruler-minister relationship, we have some personal friendship. I’m worried he might act in anger.”

The Khan narrowed his eyes slightly, looking at him: “Xiao Bai, tell me honestly, what else have you arranged?”

“Before coming to Shanhai Pass, I already left a secret edict for succession. If I can’t return, there will still be someone to take the throne.” The Emperor still smiled that calm smile, “So if you’re hoping to take advantage of the chaos to strike at the capital, that won’t be possible. Kumol, I advise you to negotiate peace instead. You’ve been at Shanhai Pass for months – surely you understand that Jurchen forces aren’t yet sufficient to conquer the Central Plains. Rather than continue this war bringing suffering to the people, wouldn’t peace between our nations be better for both Jurchen and Great Wu?”

As he spoke, he could still smile at Kumol: “I’ve already chosen the peace envoy – Vice Minister of War Wei Yi. He’s careful in his work and diplomatic. He’s at Shanhai Pass now, and I’ve left him an edict as well. Whether I can return or not, he will follow the terms written in the edict to negotiate peace with you. What do you think?”

After silently watching him for a long while, Kumol finally smiled: “Xiao Bai, only now do I truly see you in a new light…”

The Emperor laughed, deliberately teasing: “Could it be that all this time before, you still saw me as a male favorite?”

But Kumol shook his head, his expression serious: “I never saw you as a male favorite.”

The Emperor gave a small laugh, then suddenly spoke again: “Kumol, please take good care of Cang Cang.”

This time the Khan didn’t yield, raising an eyebrow at him, “Of course, Cang Cang is my woman now, no need for you to worry about that.”

The Emperor smiled: “Thank you… Cang Cang likes to travel around, let her go if possible. When playing chess, it’s best to let her win sometimes – she’ll flip the table if she loses. She doesn’t like being bound by rules, so don’t force her. If she comes to like someone else, let her go…” As he spoke, he suddenly shook his head with a bitter smile, “Things I couldn’t do myself – how can I ask you to do them?”

“You mean just spoil her as much as possible,” the Khan waved his hand lightly, “That’s all fine, but I’m afraid her heart will still be with you. No matter how I try to coax her, she won’t truly be happy.”

“Me?” The Emperor was startled, then gently shook his head, smiling slightly, “I’ve only ever hurt her – she must hate me to the bone.”

Taking his gaze from him, the Khan gave a light laugh: “Fine, I promise you, I will use all my power to care for her, make her happy – happy until one day she completely forgets you. When that time comes, don’t regret it in the underworld.”

The Emperor laughed along with him, his deep heterochromatic eyes moving back to Cang Cang’s face, murmuring as if to himself: “That would be wonderful.”

He smiled again: “Kumol, I never intended to take her back to the capital this time. If I could save her, as long as she wished it, I would let her go anywhere.” He paused, his gaze falling to his hands, “The forbidden palace is too big and too cold. She should go to better places.”

The Khan raised his head, fixing his eagle-like eyes on the Emperor’s elegant profile. After a long while, he laughed twice: “I’ve sat too long, I’m leaving.” As he stood up, he suddenly said, “Xiao Bai, did you account for everyone except yourself?”

The Emperor smiled, with a smile of ultimate serenity: “This is my destiny. This moment is already more than I could ask for.”

The Khan didn’t speak further, but noticing the untouched food and wine by the bed, he added, “Why haven’t you eaten again? How can you keep going like this?”

“Food sometimes becomes just a burden,” the Emperor answered thus, then leaned back against the bedhead and closed his eyes.

The Khan gave him a deep look, then still lifted the leather curtain and walked out.

The Emperor’s medical skills far surpassed Hedu’s. By the third day, Cang Cang’s fluctuating fever had been brought under control. When she awakened, both the Emperor and Khan happened to be present. When she wrinkled her nose and gave her first yawn, the Emperor, who had been keeping vigil by the bed, smiled and said: “Cang Cang, thank goodness.”

After saying these words, all color drained from his face, and his body collapsed heavily by the bed.

The Khan rushed over in panic to try to support him but found that Cang Cang on the bed hadn’t truly awakened. She was speaking as if in delirium: “Brother Xiao, how frightening – I had such a long dream. I dreamed you killed my master, we got married but you didn’t like me at all, and later you even killed Xian Xue. But thankfully it was all a dream. Now that I’m awake and can see you, I’m so happy.” She turned her head, searching around with unfocused eyes, “Where are you, Brother Xiao?”

The Khan had noticed that since their return, apart from changing bandages and treatment, the Emperor had never actively touched her body, even though his gaze never left her for a moment, even though he had exhausted himself caring for her safety.

This time he gently took the Emperor’s hand and placed it in her palm: “He’s here.”

Cang Cang contentedly held his hand: “I knew you would always be by my side.” She interlaced their fingers, holding his hand tightly, “Brother Xiao, your hand is so cold.”

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1 COMMENT

  1. This story is so twisted and miserable, They are never straight forward or even subtle about expressing their genuine feelings. The emperor loves her cause shes pitiful? The empress loved him but steeled her heart and sought out others affections turning against him. Everyones sick and injured and dying and theres still 48 chapters of pain waiting for me. Why are Ren Jialuns stories always like this with bitter miscommunications and tragedy. Has he ever had a drama that had simple pure loving and a happy ending? Cause I havent watched one. Hopefully the adaptation makes these characters more likable and empathetic.

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