Zhao Wan lowered her eyelids: “This is the Zhao residence’s separate courtyard. My name is Zhao Wan.” She paused, then after a long moment said again: “I know Lord Shen won’t remember A Wan, but you will need to stay at the Zhao residence for a while. A Wan will take care of you until your injuries heal.”

Hearing these words, Shen Xi furrowed his brow. He turned his face away and said coldly: “The Zhao residence of Zhao Yan from the Imperial Censorate?” Then: “Who told you I would recuperate here?”

Without waiting for Zhao Wan and Shen Liubo to react, Shen Xi suddenly used the strength of both arms to prop himself up, placed the wooden crutch that had been resting by the bed under his armpit, and dragging his powerless legs, with no one supporting or helping him, actually got off the bed: “Sixth Uncle, we’re leaving.”

The trace of color that had been painstakingly restored to his face quickly faded. His lips turned pale and bluish, and beads of sweat as large as beans poured down his forehead like rain.

Watching Shen Xi, Shen Liubo’s eyes reddened. He called out: “Young master.” Then his throat choked up so he couldn’t speak further.

The pretenses of the past, the thick-skinned shamelessness of the past—today he could no longer muster them.

Back then, he had an incomparably noble status, an extremely prestigious family background, an unyielding proud character and the full talent and strategic ability to match that character, as well as family members who trusted, cared for, and indulged him—so that no matter how playfully he smiled or acted wildly unrestrained, it would never diminish his dignity.

Now, with all his brocade finery stripped away, he discovered that aside from a pitiful bit of pride, he actually had nothing left.

Shen Xi didn’t want to depend on a woman’s charity and live under another’s roof. He was unwilling to let even his remaining pride fall into the dust.

Zhao Wan stared blankly as Shen Xi dragged his powerless legs forward with his crutch. His lips kept trembling, and with each step he took, his complexion grew paler.

Zhao Wan was both frightened and anxious. In her panic, she recalled Su Jin’s reminder that “remember the knot in his heart is the Crown Princess,” so she blurted out: “It was Elder Sister A Jing who asked Lord Shen to recuperate here.”

The wooden crutch under his arm suddenly slipped on the ground. Shen Xi’s shoulder and arm lost strength, and his entire body pitched forward. Fortunately, Shen Liubo supported him from the side, preventing him from falling.

Using Sixth Uncle’s hand for support, Shen Xi half-knelt on the ground and raised his eyes to look at Zhao Wan. In his eyes was actually the meaning of frost and snow.

Zhao Wan was intimidated by this gaze. After being stunned for a moment, she timidly said: “Lord Shen doesn’t remember—when A Wan was small, I stayed at the Shen residence. At that time, Elder Sister A Yu always pestered you to help her come up with a new name. You couldn’t stand it and argued with her daily. Later, Elder Sister A Jing had you come stay at the Zhao residence for a while, but you didn’t come.”

The A Yu in Zhao Wan’s words was precisely Shen Xi’s third elder sister, the Fourth Prince Consort Shen Jun.

Shen Jun’s original name was Shen Yu. She was barely a year older than Shen Xi. As a child, she disliked that the character “Yu” was too demure and pestered Shen Tuo to change her name. Shen Tuo ignored her. Later, when little Shen Xi grew older and had read extensively, Third Sister Shen came to pester little Shen Xi instead. Yet it turned out that Shen Xi couldn’t withstand her pestering. After half a year of arguing, he admitted defeat and selected for her the character “Jun” from the “Book of Rites,” meaning “in a person, it is like the bamboo arrow having its outer skin.” (Note)

Shen Xi suddenly recalled that at the New Year banquet, after Shen Jing was scratched by a cat, he had lifted a woman’s sleeve to look at her wound.

At that time, Shen Jing had also said: “Why are you like this? That’s A Wan from the Zhao residence. When she was small, she stayed at the Shen residence for half a month. At that time, Third Sister argued with you daily. After arguing, when you couldn’t stand it anymore, you went to tease her for amusement. Don’t you remember?”

Thinking of Shen Jing, Shen Xi’s expression dimmed.

He no longer looked at Zhao Wan. Lowering his eyes, he still wanted to leave using his crutch, but the commotion just now had exhausted all his strength. He remained half-kneeling, half-prone on the ground, unable to rise again.

At the third quarter of the hour of Mao, the sky was misty and pale. Shortly after, knocking sounds came from the outer courtyard, followed faintly by a few low murmurs. It was Su Jin leading Medical Officer Fang Xu to change Shen Xi’s dressing.

Upon entering the side chamber, Su Jin understood at a glance what had happened. She said calmly: “Lord Fang, I must trouble you and Sixth Uncle to help Lord Shen back to the bed.”

After the two helped Shen Xi back to the bed and withdrew, Su Jin said to Zhao Wan: “Miss the Second, please trouble you to have the servants prepare Lord Shen’s medicinal decoction again.”

Only upon hearing Su Jin’s words did Zhao Wan seem to awaken from a dream. She picked up the medicine bowl from the table and softly replied: “A Wan will bring the medicinal decoction along with breakfast in a while.”

The west wing fell quiet again. Su Jin looked at Shen Xi lying prone on the bed, silent, and called: “Lord Shen.”

After a long moment, Shen Xi responded lowly: “I’m no longer any kind of lord.”

Su Jin then nodded: “Very well, Shen Qingyue.” Then she said: “I know you’re currently deeply trapped in difficulty with knots in your heart difficult to resolve, and moreover, because you’re living under another’s roof, you feel doubly humiliated. But in such difficulty, humiliation and heart-knots are both secondary. Only staying alive is most urgent—even if it means enduring humiliation while staying alive. Even if I don’t mention it, you should understand these principles.”

She paused, then turned her words sharply: “But principles are easiest to speak of. When a person is in difficulty, surrounded on all sides by sheer cliffs with no way forward or back, wanting to achieve complete enlightenment is extremely difficult. That you’re currently overwhelmed with sorrow and troubled by your true heart is all within reason. I’ll only say one thing to you—don’t let down those who, even when you fell into misfortune, were still willing to treat you with genuine sincerity.”

Having said this, Su Jin spoke no more: “I’ll have Lord Fang come in to change your dressing.”

The outer courtyard was quiet. Su Jin withdrew from the west wing, and Shen Liubo was already waiting for her outside.

He seemed to have something to ask. He first bowed to Su Jin: “I trouble Lord Su to rush about and work hard for the young master again.” Then hesitantly: “May I ask Lord Su, is the Fourth Prince still in the capital?”

Su Jin had already guessed what he wanted to say, so she asked: “Does Sixth Uncle want Qingyue to return to Beiping with the Fourth Prince?”

Shen Liubo sighed: “It was just now when Miss Zhao the Second mentioned matters from when the young master and Third Young Miss—that is, the Fourth Prince Consort—were young that this old servant remembered something.

“The young master has had a temperament that gets stuck in dead ends since childhood. When he was six years old, Eldest Miss fell into the Huai River while picking mulberries for him. He blamed himself for a long time—such a small person sitting in front of Eldest Miss’s room, not saying a word all day long. Later, Third Miss couldn’t bear it anymore and gave the young master a good scolding. Only then did the young master improve. Lord Su, you don’t know—although the young master doesn’t mention Third Miss much, Third Miss has been able to control him since childhood. Therefore, this old servant thought that perhaps if the young master went to Beiping Prefecture to see Third Miss, the young master might improve.”

But hearing these words, Su Jin felt hesitant.

Setting aside the current chaotic court situation and her inability to trust Zhu Yushen lightly, from Shen Xi’s fragmentary words in the past, one could know that he himself wasn’t necessarily very confident in this third brother-in-law of his.

But this was Shen Xi’s family matter. Su Jin shouldn’t interfere, so she could only offer a different reason: “Right now the Crown Prince has died, the Emperor is gravely ill, the court situation is unstable, and people’s hearts are unsettled everywhere. When this news reaches the frontiers—the northern border, the Eastern Sea, the northwest, Lingnan—foreign enemies at every location will be ready to make trouble. The Fourth Prince has guarded the northern frontier these years. If he decides to campaign, he must leave by the beginning of the second month at the latest. But at the beginning of the second month, Qingyue still won’t be able to get out of bed. Traveling with the army, even if pulled along in a carriage, I’m afraid his body couldn’t endure it.”

Shen Liubo said in a daze: “This—what should we do then?”

Su Jin said: “If Sixth Uncle trusts Su, then give me some more time. Su has already thought of a method. By late spring, or at the latest when summer begins in the fifth month, if Qingyue still wants to go to Beiping, Su will definitely send him away safely.”

Shen Liubo said: “How could this old servant not trust Lord Su? I’m just afraid that staying long in the capital will implicate you and Miss Zhao the Second. Although this old servant doesn’t understand court situations, I also know that with the Shen family having suffered disaster and the Thirteenth Prince confined to the Eastern Palace, how good can Lord Su’s current situation be? Moreover, staying here in the Zhao residence’s separate courtyard now—Miss Zhao the Second doesn’t trust the servants, so the young master’s daily meals and medicinal decoctions are all personally prepared and brought by her. After all, she’s a noble young lady, yet she must do these things that servants and maids do. This old servant truly feels bad about it.”

Su Jin said: “Even if you feel bad, you can only keep it in your heart for now. Miss Zhao the Second is simple and pure-hearted. This kindness—even if Qingyue cannot repay it in the future, Su will repay it for him.”

As the two were speaking, Fang Xu withdrew from the west wing. Su Jin stepped forward to inquire and learned that after three days of recuperation, Shen Xi’s injuries had slightly improved. Setting her mind at ease, she had Fang Xu return to the Imperial Medical Bureau, then said to Shen Liubo: “I must trouble Sixth Uncle to wait outside. Su has something she wants to say to Qingyue alone.”

Shen Liubo immediately responded: “Very well. Then this old servant will keep watch in the courtyard. If Lord Su needs anything, just call out.”

The sky had brightened. After the lamp oil inside the room burned out, it was rather dim. Shen Xi remained in his previous position, lying prone on the bed. Hearing Su Jin push open the door and enter, he showed no reaction.

Su Jin sat at the desk, poured herself a cup of tea on her own, then slowly said: “I know you don’t want to think much right now, but there are some things—if I don’t say them to you, I don’t know to whom I should say them.” She turned the teacup in her hand, then said: “I… am not planning to stay at the Imperial Censorate as a censor anymore. I’m going to the Ministry of Justice.”

Hearing these words, Shen Xi’s lowered eyelashes moved slightly. After a long moment, he spoke: “Not good. Too dangerous.”

Su Jin understood Shen Xi’s meaning.

Right now, Liu Chaoming was the only person in the court situation who could balance against Zhu Zhaowei. The Imperial Censorate under his jurisdiction was like an umbrella, allowing the censors within it to avoid being affected by the palace upheaval. This was also why Zhu Zhaowei hadn’t yet found grounds to discipline Su Jin.

But if Su Jin left the Imperial Censorate, everything would become uncertain.

Su Jin said: “I know. But right now at the Imperial Censorate, Liu Yun and Qian Yueqian are in charge above me. I cannot act without going through those two. The Ministry of Justice and the Ministry of Works have both become empty shells. Zhu Zhaowei controls the Ministry of Personnel and has the authority to appoint people. When the candidates for promotion come out in the third month, he will certainly install his own people in these two ministries. I can only seize the initiative and first enter the Ministry of Justice to become Left Vice Minister of Justice, taking the power of criminal punishment into my hands. Only then might our current situation have a chance to turn around.”