The most dazzling fireworks in Qiao Qingyu’s memory bloomed on a summer night ten years ago, the day Qiao Jinrui received his admission letter from Huanzhou University. She remembered her excitement, the large round table laden with delicious food, adults toasting each other, and Qiao Baiyu that night—amidst the chaos in the courtyard, she shone in her white dress, ethereal and otherworldly.
She also remembered how, when the fireworks exploded in the sky and their petals fell like rain, Qiao Jinrui gently cupped Qiao Baiyu’s ears.
These days, though Qiao Qingyu rarely confined herself to the third-floor guest room, her thoughts were trapped in a cage, constantly cycling through those few memory fragments. Yes, people used to say Baiyu and Jinrui’s relationship was enviably close, even closer than blood siblings. Jinrui would eat Baiyu’s leftovers without a word; when Baiyu’s hands were cold in winter, Jinrui would open his collar to let her warm them around his neck. Once, Qiao Qingyu, like the adults, thought Jinrui was gentle and attentive. Now, it seemed Jinrui had been excessively attentive to Baiyu—crossing a line. If caring for siblings was his nature, he should have treated Qiao Qingyu and Qiao Jinyu equally, but he didn’t.
Qiao Jinrui only protected Qiao Baiyu.
“Perhaps,” Qiao Qingyu thought, “he was sincere then.”
It was hard to imagine why the extremely gentle Qiao Jinrui would do such a thing to twelve-year-old Qiao Baiyu. But Baiyu was gone, and Jinrui firmly denied it, so this would remain an eternal mystery. Only she, Qiao Qingyu, cared about this mystery.
After carefully covering the brown wooden wardrobe with the last section of thick white stickers, Qiao Qingyu stood up and walked around it, satisfied with her handiwork.
Qiao Jinrui appeared at the doorway.
“Qingqing, you’re so skilled,” he praised as he approached to take a closer look. “It’s perfectly even!”
“As you wished,” Qiao Qingyu said, “covered naturally and thoroughly, leaving no trace.”
Qiao Jinrui gave a meaningful bitter smile, quickly replacing it with a cheerful expression. “If you’re tired, go downstairs for a snack, or play on the computer as long as you want!”
“I’ll go help pack the wedding candies instead.”
Though the freedom to use the internet was tempting, Qiao Qingyu refused Qiao Jinrui’s kindness as if it were a bribe. The inner room downstairs was empty. She opened the various-sized cardboard boxes piled by the wall and began filling the folded candy boxes. Soon, Liu Yanfen entered carrying charcoal. Seeing Qiao Qingyu busy at work, she exclaimed happily, “Qingqing, you’re here!”
“Yes, Aunt.”
“Oh, how thoughtful,” Liu Yanfen said cheerfully as she used tongs to put charcoal on the stove. “Is Jinrui’s marital room ready? I’ll add some charcoal, it’ll be warm soon… Be careful, those candies and boxes are barely enough, don’t let any fall into the stove…”
“Don’t worry, Aunt.”
Two of the newly added charcoal pieces were still burning. Liu Yanfen poked them a few times with the tongs, and the dancing flames were quickly smothered by ash. After Liu Yanfen left, Qiao Qingyu looked around at the boxes, candy boxes, and lanterns piled in the room. She felt a strong urge to pile everything onto the stove and set it ablaze.
Let the house catch fire too, yes, including that spotless white marital room upstairs.
The courtyard wouldn’t escape either. The shiny dark red wooden tables and chairs borrowed from town, neatly stacked by the wall, would make the flames even more dazzling, surpassing the fireworks from that summer night ten years ago.
Burn it all to the ground. Let this wedding be full of secrets and lies turn to ashes. Let these so-called family members who aided in destroying Baiyu lose face and everything else.
The most splendid new house in Nanqiao Village, on a peaceful winter night, becomes a blaze illuminating the whole village—this image felt satisfying to Qiao Qingyu.
You all love burning things so much, she thought, why not indulge you? Give you a carnival of fire, burn away this ignorant heart of the village.
The door creaked, and Qiao Jinrui’s voice came through: “Qingqing, you’re here? Feihai, come in and warm up first…”
After folding the gold and silver ribbons into a beautiful butterfly knot, Qiao Qingyu put the finished candy box aside and turned, greeting He Feihai with a smile.
“Feihai, are you here to use the internet? Sending materials to the American side?” Qiao Jinrui sat down by the stove.
“Yes,” Feihai nodded, looking around at the clutter in the room. “Wow, Brother Jinrui, does getting married require buying so many things?”
“You’ll know when it’s your turn,” Qiao Jinrui laughed. “You can’t always dwell on your past crush. You’ll have to get married and have children eventually!”
“Brother, please don’t bring that up again…” He Feihai was visibly embarrassed.
“I miss Xiaobai too,” Qiao Jinrui pulled He Feihai to sit by the stove, suddenly becoming deliberately sentimental. “Before, I always treated her like my own sister! I still remember those boys in your class. Sixth grade, and already so naughty? Always cornering Xiaobai in the hallway! Tell me, you had a crush on Xiaobai, right? Why didn’t you protect her?”
“I…” He Feihai scratched his head. “Brother, we were all young and didn’t know better then… Besides, they wouldn’t dare hurt Qiao Baiyu. Everyone knew Qiao Baiyu had a brother. No boy dared to truly bully her.”
“I still wasn’t good enough as a brother,” Qiao Jinrui patted his thigh, shaking his head in distress. “Sigh, as soon as I left for university, she was led astray.”
“Brother, I think as a brother, you couldn’t have been more responsible for Qiao Baiyu,” Feihai quickly said. “You shouldn’t blame yourself so much. Qiao Baiyu was lucky to have you.”
Qiao Jinrui glanced at Qiao Qingyu. “No, I had many shortcomings…”
“People are like this. When missing a departed loved one, they tend to blame themselves,” He Feihai consoled. “Besides, you’re getting married in a few days. Qiao Baiyu can’t be there, so you must feel even more…”
Qiao Qingyu suddenly stood up, so abruptly that He Feihai was startled.
“I’m sure she wouldn’t blame you at all. She’d probably feel bad seeing you blame yourself like this.”
As she opened the door, Qiao Qingyu heard He Feihai’s words of comfort to Qiao Jinrui.
She controlled her urge to turn back and tell He Feihai to shut up. In the courtyard, the air was dry and bitingly cold, carrying the scent of gunpowder from firecrackers. The high courtyard wall opposite the house door was topped with small green tiles, styled like a traditional horse-head wall. Below the green tiles, on the white wall surface, was a large, bold character for “Li” (礼, meaning “propriety” or “etiquette”).
On the other side of the courtyard wall facing the street, Qiao Qingyu knew, was written the character “De” (德, meaning “virtue”).
The old bronze clock in the hall struck four times. A light gold rural bus passed by the courtyard gate, stopping about ten meters away. Qiao Haisheng led a group of men, women, and children off the bus—all relatives from Liu Yanfen’s family, arriving two days early to help with wedding preparations.
After flashing a few smiles at the newcomers, Qiao Qingyu quickly retreated to the third-floor guest room, hastily packing her books and homework into her school bag. About fifteen minutes later, as she expected, Liu Yanfen came upstairs with bedding: “Qingqing, the house will be lively these few days, so we’ll have to squeeze in.”
Qiao Qingyu nodded silently, helping her spread the bedding on the floor beside the desk.
“Finished your homework?” Liu Yanfen asked while smoothing the corners.
“Finished long ago.”
“Always so thoughtful, never giving your parents cause to worry,” Liu Yanfen smiled. “Xiaorui’s aunt and her daughter, Lingling, about your age, will sleep here tonight.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Go downstairs and play with Lingling! She’s a first-year high school student in town. When she heard you’re from Huan No. 2 Middle School, she was eager to spend time with you.”
“Oh.”
Walking downstairs, Qiao Qingyu saw Qiao Jinrui’s door open, with an unfamiliar young girl at the computer. Seeing her engrossed and unaware of her presence, Qiao Qingyu quickly turned and quietly descended the stairs.
Everyone was busy. Busy with the upcoming feast in three days, busy with current social obligations. Li Fanghao was bustling in the kitchen, while Qiao Jinyu and Qiao Lusheng were nowhere to be seen. Qiao Qingyu zipped her down jacket to the top, turned up the collar to cover her nose and mouth, pulled the hood over her forehead, and walked out of the courtyard gate.
Nanqiao Village wasn’t large. A stroll around its outermost path brought her back home by 5:30. He Feihai was stepping out of the gate, his gaze unconsciously drawn to the last departing rural bus, when he caught sight of Qiao Qingyu passing by.
He nodded with a smile, a simple greeting.
“Brother He,” Qiao Qingyu called out, jogging towards him. “Will you be coming to Brother Jinrui’s wedding?”
He Feihai nodded, “Mm. I received an invitation today. I’ll be there.”
“I can’t feel happy at all,” Qiao Qingyu turned her head, gesturing with her eyes towards the bustling courtyard. “They… they don’t respect my sister.”
“Oh,” He Feihai pondered, his expression cautious. “What do you mean by not respecting?”
Qiao Qingyu took a deep breath: “It hasn’t been three years yet.”
“Well, actually,” He Feihai laughed awkwardly, “it has.”
“What?”
“Your sister, before that Spring Festival…” He Feihai glanced carefully at Qiao Qingyu, “Your parents, to let the elders have a peaceful New Year, handled the aftermath in Huanzhou themselves. They waited until after the Lantern Festival to inform the family.”
“Why do you know more than me, her sister?”
“Brother Jinrui told me. Your family probably didn’t tell you because they thought you were too young…”
“Brother Jinrui is the one who disrespects my sister the most,” Qiao Qingyu said bluntly. “I stopped you because I wanted to persuade you that there’s no need to attend this insincere wedding, truly.”
“Why?” He Feihai frowned.
“For my sister’s sake,” Qiao Qingyu said earnestly and firmly. “She hates this wedding. If you liked her, respect her, okay?”
“I… don’t quite understand your logic.”
“Brother Jinrui doesn’t deserve it.”
“Doesn’t deserve what?”
“Doesn’t deserve blessings,” Qiao Qingyu said. “If you truly liked my sister, why is it so hard to respect her wishes? Besides, the courtyard is already crowded. You’re not related to Brother Jinrui, so there’s no need to join the crowd!”
“I don’t understand your logic,” He Feihai was both puzzled and sincere. “I’ve known Brother Jinrui for many years. Of course, he’s a trustworthy friend to me. As for Qiao Baiyu, I was just a stranger to her…”
“My sister once wrote your name in her diary.”
He Feihai let out a soft “Ah,” and opened his mouth several times before finally speaking again: “Then… what did she write about me?”
“I just want you to know that you weren’t a stranger to her,” Qiao Qingyu said calmly. “You once said that her emotional walls were high, and she wasn’t good at expressing herself.”
As night fell, the light in He Feihai’s eyes faded instantly. When the day’s clamor finally subsided and the house, like a weary beast, slumbered peacefully, Qiao Qingyu lay in bed, eyes wide open. She thought, “I need a room entirely my own.”
She imagined a room with dark green walls, simple yet dignified. Lightweight white curtains would shield the darkness at night and welcome the radiant sunlight at dawn. The soft, warm bed would possess a magical quality, allowing her to shed her burdens and dissolve her sorrows upon lying down. The air would be clear, and her dreams sweet.
Li Fanghao’s incessant snoring filled her ears, while on the floor, the girl called Lingling turned over in her makeshift bed. Qiao Qingyu closed her eyes, attempting to sleep, but her mind grew increasingly restless. Giving up the struggle, she got out of bed, donned her down jacket, and quietly left the room.
She entered the back room on the first floor—the only unoccupied space. It was cold. Using the fire tongs, she dug out a few glowing embers buried deep in the ashes. After a moment, she carefully covered them again, restoring the stove to its original state. “I can’t let them notice anything unusual,” she thought.
Following the recent preparations, the back room was much tidier than before. Wedding candies, cigarettes, and wine were neatly packed in large cardboard boxes, stacked by the window away from the stove. Qiao Qingyu opened a box and took out a packet of wedding candies. Her fingertips gently caressed the gold and silver ribbon bow on top before skillfully opening the box and removing the small card inside.
On the front of the card, Qiao Jinrui and Xiao Yun sat formally in traditional red Chinese wedding attire, their faces beaming with happiness. The back of the card bore only their names, with a bright red heart between them.
After returning the candy box to its original state, Qiao Qingyu approached the stove. She gripped the card with the fire tongs and pushed it deep into the ashes, ensuring it was surrounded by hard, scorching embers. She maintained her grip until the tongs’ handle began to heat up. When she withdrew them, not a trace of the card remained in the flattened jaws.
The next day, the fifth of the lunar month, Qiao Qingyu—who had only fallen asleep at dawn—was roused early by Li Fanghao. “Lingling’s already downstairs helping out. You should be more diligent,” Li Fanghao said while making the bed. “These next couple of days are the busiest. You’re family, so be considerate.”
Downstairs, Lingling, clad in a long red down jacket, was setting dishes on the dining table. She cheerfully greeted Qiao Qingyu with a “Sister Qingqing!” Qiao Qingyu responded with a warm smile, joining Lingling in setting the table and choosing to sit beside her during breakfast. The two quickly became friendly.
While clearing the table, Qiao Qingyu suggested to Lingling, “There’s a lion dance in Qiaotou Town this morning. Shall we go watch it together?” Lingling agreed enthusiastically, linking arms with Qiao Qingyu as they turned to inform her mother. With permission granted, they headed to the kitchen, where Qiao Qingyu’s request was met with disapproval from Li Fanghao.
“With so much to do at home, you want to go out and play?” Li Fanghao frowned. “How inconsiderate!”
“But Lingling’s mother already agreed…” Qiao Qingyu said softly.
Liu Yanfen interjected, “It’s fine for two girls to go out together. Just be careful. Lingling, go have fun—you’re here to enjoy yourself, after all. Xiao Fang, aren’t you comfortable with Qingyu and Lingling together? Lingling studies in Qiaotou Town and comes home every week. She knows the area well!”
“Alright then,” Li Fanghao relented. “Come back early for lunch.”
This meant they had four hours of freedom. At the courtyard gate, they spotted the rural bus approaching the corner. Qiao Qingyu dashed upstairs to grab her bag, then followed Lingling, breathlessly boarding the bus.
The bus meandered along narrow mountain roads, stopping frequently. After about half an hour, it reached Qiaotou Town’s bus station. The Lion Dance Square was just across from the station, and Qiao Qingyu and Lingling merged into the crowd upon disembarking. Amidst the clamor of gongs and drums, Qiao Qingyu stood on tiptoe, carefully scanning the surrounding shops. She then excused herself to use the restroom at the bus station, leaving Lingling behind.
Qiao Qingyu was deeply disappointed to find the copy shop opposite the bus station closed. When Lingling found her, she was at the station’s waiting hall, inquiring about bus schedules. Noticing Lingling’s puzzled expression, Qiao Qingyu laughed awkwardly and said, “Just asking out of curiosity.”
“Where did you go? I even called for you in the restroom!” Lingling asked as she led Qiao Qingyu back to watch the lion dance. Halfway there, Qiao Qingyu stopped.
“Lingling, are there any other print shops in Qiaotou Town?”
“Print shops? There’s one near our school. Why do you ask?”
“Just… I need something,” Qiao Qingyu said vaguely, hope rekindling in her heart.
However, the shop near the school was also closed. It was, after all, only the fifth day of the lunar new year. Seeing Qiao Qingyu’s crestfallen expression, Lingling cautiously asked, “Sister Qingqing, did you have plans to meet someone?”
“Huh?” Qiao Qingyu looked bewildered momentarily before forcing a sad smile and giving a non-committal response.
“Is it a boy? Your boyfriend?” Lingling’s eyes sparkled with excitement as she covered her mouth.
“No, it’s not.”
“You can tell me! I promise to keep it a secret. You didn’t come to Qiaotou just for the lion dance, did you?”
Qiao Qingyu sighed, “Let’s drop it.”
But Lingling persisted. Exasperated by the questions, Qiao Qingyu finally admitted, “Fine, let’s say I was waiting for someone. Don’t tell anyone.”
“Don’t worry,” Lingling grew more excited. “Why didn’t they show up?”
“Maybe they got held up.”
“Oh, what a shame,” Lingling sighed. “If they truly cared, they would have overcome any obstacle to keep their promise! Just like you did, Sister Qingqing!”
Qiao Qingyu could only smile bitterly at this.
As they boarded the rural bus back to Nanqiao Village, a troublemaker lit a cigarette. Threatened by the driver, he grudgingly opened a window and tossed out the cigarette butt. The sudden gust of cold, smoke-laden air caused Qiao Qingyu to sneeze violently. As the window closed, she began coughing uncontrollably, each fit more intense than the last, leaving her pale and shaken.
When the coughing finally subsided, tears inexplicably welled up in her eyes. “Farewell, my dirty and cruel hometown,” she thought resolutely, mentally counting down the days until her departure.