Perhaps it was because time accelerates one’s memories, but looking back now, it was indeed as the neighbors in Shun Yun and the villagers from their hometown said – Qiao Bai Yu’s passing was “sudden.” However, Qiao Qing Yu didn’t agree with this word at the time. Qiao Bai Yu was hospitalized on the winter solstice before Christmas, and when their parents brought back her urn, it was already after the Lantern Festival, spanning nearly two months.
During the first month, Qiao Qing Yu not only had to deal with final exams but also had to take care of Qiao Jin Yu in place of their parents, cooking and doing laundry every day. The second month was spent enduring an unusually torturous winter break at their grandparents’ village house. As the family most praised in the village for their strict discipline and harmonious propriety, every family member had to wear their grief on their faces at all times – otherwise, outsiders would consider them heartless. Like all the glum-faced adults, Qiao Qing Yu didn’t dare show a single smile throughout the entire winter break, feeling guilty at the slightest hint of relief. Therefore, for the fourteen-year-old second-year middle school student Qiao Qing Yu, those days without her parents felt exceptionally long.
Even now, Qiao Qing Yu still doesn’t know the exact day her sister drew her last breath. Her parents never mentioned it, and it couldn’t be asked. After Qiao Bai Yu’s death, her name became an unspoken taboo in the family. But for outsiders, it was different – Qiao Bai Yu became the Qiao family’s label.
“Yes, that torn-down photo at the photo studio was their eldest daughter. She was very beautiful, but soon after going to Huan Zhou…” Qiao Qing Yu would hear people say.
“Poor thing, if it weren’t for wanting a son, Old Qiao would still have his iron rice bowl job, and his wife could’ve found any work. The family of three would’ve lived much more comfortably than now!” Others would say.
“What man doesn’t like beauty? Even if the eldest daughter wasn’t well-behaved, with her looks, she could’ve easily married a rich man and helped her younger siblings…” Such judgments were not uncommon.
Sometimes adults would stop Qiao Qing Yu on her way to or from school, inquiring whether Qiao Lu Sheng had gone to Huan Zhou again to file lawsuits. Besides brief nods or shakes of her head, Qiao Qing Yu didn’t know how to respond to their prying eyes. Occasionally, as she turned away, she would hear whispers like, “That’s the second daughter, pretty too, but when standing next to her sister… don’t worry about the second daughter, she’s well-behaved…”
In others’ mouths, she seemed like a dim moon, only existing by borrowing her sister’s radiant sunlight. Qiao Qing Yu couldn’t pinpoint when she started minding this, but she had always been clear about her motivation for studying hard: to accomplish what her sister couldn’t.
So she was self-disciplined, sensible, and undemanding. In other words, she was boringly well-behaved at school, utterly lacking personality.
Thinking about Qiao Bai Yu’s sudden departure, Qiao Qing Yu felt an inappropriate sense of envy. In her memory, Bai Yu had never given their parents peace of mind, and even her death was dramatic and impactful. Though she didn’t approve of Bai Yu’s outlandish behavior and conduct, she secretly envied her sister’s courage to live freely and casually.
Qiao Qing Yu was tired of being well-behaved.
She yearned to be a person with a distinct personality. Of course, this had to be premised on not angering her parents or affecting her studies.
Tomorrow would be the first day of school at an enviable super middle school. It was time to embrace a new life-
School finally started.
Class 5 of Senior Year 2 was formerly Class 6 of Senior Year 1, except the humanities students had left, replaced by science students from Classes 3, 7, and 9 – these three classes from Ming Sheng High’s first year had been disbanded and transformed into humanities classes.
Compared to completely unfamiliar faces, Ming Sheng’s arrival excited Class 5 more. Qiao Qing Yu felt this was heaven’s special treatment – she didn’t want to repeat the pattern from Shun Yun No. 1 Middle School, becoming a topic of gossip among classmates.
When the all-knowing landlady called her “eldest daughter,” it meant people here knew nothing about Qiao Bai Yu. Though Qiao Qing Yu felt guilty inside, her desire for a clean slate overshadowed everything. “It was Mom and Dad who actively erased sister from our lives,” she consoled herself. “Everyone wants to live simply and easily, doesn’t dwelling on the past serve no purpose?”
So when she made her first friend at school, Jiang Nian, she contentedly followed her parents’ example and erased Qiao Bai Yu’s existence in front of Jiang Nian.
“Do your parents favor boys over girls?” Jiang Nian was straightforward, asking while chewing her food. “Otherwise, why would they have your brother?”
Qiao Qing Yu instinctively defended her parents: “My parents had no choice, but they’re very good to both me and my brother.”
“Wasn’t there the one-child policy? How could they have two children?” Jiang Nian wondered.
Qiao Qing Yu felt somewhat guilty under the questioning – there was no doubt her parents fundamentally favored sons over daughters; otherwise, her father wouldn’t have traded his iron rice bowl state enterprise job for a son.
“I don’t know, but my parents value me more, my brother’s grades are very poor,” she quickly replied.
Fortunately, Jiang Nian didn’t pursue the topic. She lightly kicked Qiao Qing Yu, hunched her shoulders, and lowered her excited voice: “Hey, A-Sheng just looked back at you!”
Qiao Qing Yu knew Ming Sheng sat not far behind her to the right, and earlier while chatting with Jiang Nian, the group of boys’ animated conversation from that direction had been fluctuating background noise. She tried to catch Ming Sheng’s voice but failed; that guy seemed to have remained silent. Just after Jiang Nian said Ming Sheng had looked at her, the background noise suddenly went mute, and Qiao Qing Yu’s heart leaped.
“Here he comes,” Jiang Nian quickly announced.
A tall figure suddenly dropped into the empty chair beside her with a “thump,” making Qiao Qing Yu’s shoulders jump in surprise.
It was Ming Sheng’s close friend in class, the boy who had been appearing and disappearing together with Ming Sheng like conjoined twins these past two days – Ye Zi Lin, the spoiled rich second-generation.
“New classmate, Qiao-Qing-Yu,” Ye Zi Lin grinned, the flesh on both sides of his round face bunching together, “please stand up for a moment.”
Qiao Qing Yu looked at him, her eyes full of confusion and wariness.
“It’s like this,” Ye Zi Lin cleared his throat formally, “you see, over there, we have seven boys total, and we’re voting for the class beauty. Right now it’s three to three, you’re tied with Deng Mei Xi! Guess who hasn’t voted yet?”
Qiao Qing Yu remained silent, feeling inexplicably ashamed.
“Hey, let me tell you a secret,” Ye Zi Lin leaned in closer, speaking frivolously in a low voice, “I voted for you.”
Qiao Qing Yu unconsciously leaned away.
“Only A-Sheng hasn’t spoken up,” Ye Zi Lin said, throwing a knowing look at Jiang Nian, then turned his head back to Qiao Qing Yu, suddenly raising his voice, “A-Sheng doesn’t know you well yet, stand up and turn around, let him see you, smile at him, he likes girls who look pretty when they smile…”
The group of boys behind them laughed unevenly. Qiao Qing Yu’s ears flushed red, and she stiffly turned her head to the other side, showing her displeasure at being insulted.
Ye Zi Lin jumped up, circled to the other side, and plopped down again. Qiao Qing Yu quickly turned her head back, resolutely presenting the back of her head to him.
“Hey~ new classmate, don’t be like that, I’m here on a mission, give me some face-“
The boys laughed again, and someone whistled. The commotion grew, and other people in the cafeteria started looking their way.
“You’re crazy!” Jiang Nian cursed angrily, “You’re all so childish!”
Ye Zi Lin ignored her, continuing to plead with Qiao Qing Yu. A boy speaking nicely beside her while she stubbornly turned her head away – the scene looked awkward from any angle. Her ears were buzzing, and the enormous sense of humiliation left Qiao Qing Yu frozen.
“…think about it, if A-Sheng votes for you, then you’ll be his appointed class beauty, this honor…”
“I don’t want it.”
Ye Zi Lin froze, then changed his expression: “Acting so high and mighty…”
“I don’t like flowers,” Qiao Qing Yu tried to sound calm, “it has nothing to do with Ming Sheng, and I don’t need your judgment.”
“Damn! I’ve seen it all!” Ye Zi Lin shouted sarcastically, “Who do you think you are!”
At that moment, Qiao Qing Yu felt she had taken a wrong turn. Although maintaining one’s individuality meant having a personality, she had been too aggressive. What was her tiny sense of self-worth in front of Ming Sheng’s formidable group? Pursuing individuality shouldn’t mean antagonizing these people.
Ye Zi Lin went back cursing and muttering. Qiao Qing Yu continued eating her rice while listening to Jiang Nian’s quiet consolation.
“Ye Zi Lin is just like that, relying on his family’s money, he especially disrespects people…”
Qiao Qing Yu looked up with a weak smile.
“You don’t like flowers?” Jiang Nian asked.
Qiao Qing Yu let out a deep “mm” from her throat.
“Why?”
“Just,” Qiao Qing Yu paused, “find it superficial, so I can’t bring myself to like it.”
Since she had hidden Qiao Bai Yu’s existence, she couldn’t possibly tell Jiang Nian about that unjust incident involving flowers. She was just starting seventh grade then, when one day she found an elegantly wrapped bouquet of pink roses on her bed after returning home. It must have been from some boy for Qiao Bai Yu, who was bedridden with a severe cold. Seeing Bai Yu sleeping soundly, Qing Yu quietly held the roses in her arms, lowering her head to smell them intently. This scene was caught by Li Fang Hao, who suddenly burst through the door.
“They’re not my flowers,” Qing Yu threw the bouquet away as if electrocuted, “They’re not mine.”
“They’re not mine either.” Bai Yu’s weak voice came from the upper bunk, startling Qing Yu.
“I’ve been in bed all day and haven’t gone out,” Bai Yu turned over with difficulty, “I don’t dare accept anything from anyone right now.”
“Whose are they then?” Li Fang Hao was about to explode, her sharp gaze wavering between the sisters.
Qing Yu wanted to explain, but Bai Yu beat her to it: “They’re not mine. Qing Qing, you’re in middle school now, entering puberty. If any boy shows interest in you, you absolutely cannot give in, understand?”
Qing Yu still clearly remembers her shock at that moment. “I didn’t,” she repeated, biting her lip as tears welled up in her eyes.
She could see Li Fang Hao’s dilemma: believing the younger daughter would hurt the elder daughter’s face, but believing the elder daughter might wrongly accuse the younger one. Bai Yu lay back down after speaking, while Qing Yu, full of grievance and anger, pitifully held onto Li Fang Hao’s hand, tears falling rapidly.
After a while, Li Fang Hao stroked Qing Yu’s head: “Qing Qing is sensible, don’t accept flowers from others in the future, you must be careful about this. For a girl, the most important thing is to maintain your dignity…”
Though the words were sincerely directed at Qing Yu, Li Fang Hao’s eyes kept glancing at the upper bunk of the bunk bed. Qing Yu understood that the mom was using her education of Qing Yu to educate Bai Yu, just not wanting to hurt her sister’s self-esteem. Through tear-blurred eyes, Li Fang Hao’s opening and closing mouth seemed to exhale cold air, making Qing Yu feel increasingly cold, from outside to inside, chilling to the bone.
“You’re so unique,” Jiang Nian’s words brought Qing Yu back to reality, “but the way you just spoke, others might think you’re like the fox who couldn’t reach the grapes and called them sour, doing it on purpose… because Ye Zi Lin was talking about being the class beauty, not actual flowers.”
Being called “unique” for the first time, Qing Yu felt somewhat flattered and continued speaking frankly: “I don’t like terms like class beauty or school beauty either, they sound like they’re all about appearance, with no substance.”
Jiang Nian frowned, retorting unhappily: “That’s not true, our school’s beauty Wang Mu Mu is not superficial at all, her grades are excellent, you probably can’t match her.”
Qing Yu realized she had been extreme. She shook her head, trying to shake away the lingering image of Bai Yu’s pretty figure in her mind. “Don’t affect my life,” she warned her sister in her head.
Walking toward the tray return area, Qing Yu and Jiang Nian happened to be right behind Ye Zi Lin and his group. The boys walked extremely slowly, loudly discussing a pretty freshman girl called “Tian Tian,” then suddenly rushed to throw their dirty plates into the plastic bin, making loud clattering sounds as if trying to drown out everything else. Qing Yu frowned in disgust, her gaze wandering to the cafeteria’s glass doors, where she found Ming Sheng already standing there, his thin frame in a loose athletic shirt casually leaning against the doorframe, head slightly lowered, looking at his phone, oblivious to everything.
After staring intently for two seconds, Qing Yu withdrew her gaze. The sun was overhead, and though he was bathed in brightness, he gave off a cool impression, perhaps because students entering and leaving the cafeteria had chosen the other glass door. “A sense of distance,” Qing Yu thought, affirming her assessment.
This was the second term, the first being “a sense of superiority.”
After observing Ming Sheng for two days, he indeed behaved as his father had said, “lawless.”
He showed up late in the afternoon on the first day of school, and immediately refused the “class monitor” position assigned by homeroom teacher Sun Ying Long, his attitude was lazy and unrestrained, making Qing Yu marvel at Sun Ying Long’s good temper. He left early too. Slept during English class, disappeared during PE and computer classes, reportedly playing basketball with the sports team students in the gymnasium. Didn’t do homework.
However, after learning about Ming Sheng’s grades, Qing Yu felt these words somewhat misunderstood him. Maintaining a position in the top fifty at Huan No. 2 Middle School while not being a bookworm, excelling in painting, basketball, and piano, having impeccable looks that made him universally popular, commanding respect among male students, and coming from a privileged family – what reason was there not to be “arrogant”? Someone outstanding in every aspect had every right to be rebellious.
He not only had everything but could also do as he pleased. Qing Yu envied him from the bottom of her heart.
However, her conclusions of “superiority” and “distance” couldn’t help Qing Yu grasp the soul of Ming Sheng’s characters.
These past two nights, she had specifically set aside time to carefully imitate Ming Sheng’s handwriting. The stroke beginnings needed to be elevated, the endings wild, the writing process flowing in one breath. But no matter how hard she tried, switching between soft and hard brushes, she could never express that fierce feeling. “Strange,” Qing Yu thought of Ming Sheng’s fresh and bright image, “he doesn’t look like a villain.”
In her final attempt, the first few characters were passable, but the characters for “horror” were all bluster, making the whole paper reveal traces of clumsy imitation.
Qing Yu hoped Ming Sheng was a man of his word, otherwise her secret observation and imitation would seem like wishful thinking. On the other hand, she hoped Ming Sheng wouldn’t be too particular, after all, no one, including himself, could write characters that were “the same.”
Before PE class on Friday, Qing Yu took advantage of everyone at the gymnasium to secretly slip her rolled-up final product into Ming Sheng’s desk. This was the last day of the “one-week” deadline, considered fulfilling her obligation. The class bell had already rung when she ran toward the gymnasium, but Qing Yu was in high spirits. However, as soon as she entered the basketball court in the gymnasium, her soaring mood was suddenly yanked down.
Everyone who had already gathered was staring at her, including Ming Sheng standing to the side and back. When he looked at Qing Yu, there was a strange smile in the corner of his eye, his thoughtful expression identical to when his father saw Qing Yu days ago. The warning alarm in her mind automatically went off, and Qing Yu jogged to join the ranks, her posture tense as if afraid of slipping at any moment.
She stood on the right side of the front row, separated from Ming Sheng in the right rear by two people. After the PE teacher explained the key points of dribbling and passing, everyone was told to practice separately in freely formed teams. Qing Yu was holding the basketball, and had just met Jiang Nian’s gaze in the distance when a voice came from beside her: “Team up with me, Qiao Qing Yu.”
Over there, Jiang Nian sheepishly ducked her head, making a “please go ahead” gesture. Before Qing Yu could speak as she stiffly turned around, Ming Sheng had already snatched the basketball from her hands: “Follow me.”
He dribbled the ball out of the crowd, incidentally clearing a path for Qing Yu amid sideways glances. Qing Yu stood frozen, an ominous feeling preventing her from taking a step.
Ming Sheng stopped at the other side of the gymnasium.
“Go on, Qiao Qing Yu,” Guan Lan, who was closest to Qing Yu, pushed her playfully, “A-Sheng’s going to teach you basketball!”
Compared to the ominous feeling, the curious gazes from all around were harder to endure. So Qing Yu steeled herself and ran toward Ming Sheng to meet everyone’s expectations, leaving all the excited onlookers behind.
Her premonition soon proved correct.
“Your handwriting is quite good,” Ming Sheng said, throwing the ball to Qing Yu, “has some of my style.”
Before Qing Yu could speak, he languidly added a second sentence: “So, you can do something for me.”
“What?”
“Do my homework.”
Qing Yu stared incredulously at his handsome face showing no shame, and after a while managed to squeeze out: “Why?”
“Because I don’t like doing homework,” Ming Sheng answered straightforwardly.
“No.”
“Many people are eager to do my homework,” Ming Sheng looked down at her, “but I look down on their terrible handwriting. I’m very picky.”
“I have no obligation to do your homework, you can’t because…”
“It’s not an obligation, it’s compensation,” Ming Sheng coldly interrupted, “that boyfriend of yours from your hometown, He Kai tore up the sign I wrote, and can’t compensate me with an exact copy, you doing my homework will count as compensation on his behalf.”
“I wrote it for him, I just put the compensation characters in your drawer.”
“The same?”
Qing Yu was stumped, her lips trembling slightly from sudden anger.
Ming Sheng ignored her anger-filled eyes and continued airily: “Doing my homework will be a secret between us, congratulations on being able to keep my secret.”
“Even you can’t write two identical characters! This is an impossible task!” Qing Yu stared straight at Ming Sheng, “You’re doing this on purpose, you’re going too far!”
“Think what you want,” Ming Sheng shrugged indifferently, “I advise you to obediently do my homework, otherwise your fate will be worse than He Kai’s.”
“Senior He Kai, he,” Qing Yu paused slightly nervously, “what did you do to Senior He Kai?”
Ming Sheng glanced at her sideways, looking impatient: “You can’t help him, but you can help yourself.”
“I said no.”
“If you’re willing to do my homework, I won’t tell everyone about your sister Qiao Bai Yu,” Ming Sheng turned his head away from Qing Yu, “after all, you consider yourself above others, surely you don’t want classmates to know you have a,” he deliberately dragged out his voice, pausing meaningfully, “sister who degraded herself and died young from AIDS, do you?”