◎”After all, a child without a mother… speaks whatever comes to mind.”◎

Outside, wind and snow continued.

Yu Qingwu carried the spicy tofu with Lan Shanjun back to the mourning hall.

Walking along the covered walkway from the kitchen required a full quarter-hour.

This residence was much larger than the one he had lived in at Huailing. His teacher had specifically purchased it for him. A courtyard with four progressions, planted throughout according to his preferences with ancient willows and pines, peach blossoms and plum trees. In a letter, his teacher had joked: “Flowers are expensive in Luoyang. Since you love flowers, why not plant some yourself and save considerable ‘flower’ expenses?”

Yu Qingwu liked this residence very much. But after he moved in, Elder Brother was unwilling to live with him.

He had said: “Qingwu, I still have a knot in my heart. I’m unwilling to accept Minister Wu’s kindness.”

Yu Qingwu knew what knot he was talking about.

Back when Yingying died, Elder Brother had written to Teacher asking for help, but Teacher hadn’t replied.

Even though Teacher later explained he had never received that letter, this matter had already become a knot Elder Brother couldn’t untie regarding Teacher.

So after Yingying’s death, he was unwilling to move into Old Madam Shou’s home, as she was Teacher’s sister-in-law. After he himself came to Luoyang, Elder Brother also wouldn’t move into his home, as he was Teacher’s direct disciple.

But yesterday, in his daze, he had carried Elder Brother into this residence. Walking along, he said to Lan Shanjun: “After filling Elder Brother’s mouth with rice, I’ll escort his coffin back to his own home.”

Having lived two lifetimes, Lan Shanjun immediately heard other implications in this statement.

She was silent for a moment, then said: “But Young Master Su doesn’t have a residence in Luoyang, does he?”

Holding funeral rites in a rented residence always felt like something was missing.

Yu Qingwu was startled and nodded. “That’s correct.”

Lan Shanjun: “How much silver do you have?”

Yu Qingwu immediately understood her meaning. He said: “Less than fifty taels—I’m afraid it will be difficult to purchase a residence.”

This was silver he had saved himself, not from his teacher.

Lan Shanjun said softly: “That’s about right. I have twenty taels in hand—I’ll give them all to you. If we pool our resources together, perhaps we can manage it—I’ve heard people say that residences in Vinegar Fish Lane in the southern district are about this price. Send someone to inquire.”

Just as Yu Qingwu was about to refuse, she looked at him and said: “Don’t worry, it’s not from the Duke Zhenguo’s estate—it’s my own.”

This was money she had earned butchering pigs. She had originally intended to save it to buy a residence in Huailing.

Sometimes when she thought about it, even if she hadn’t come with them to the Duke Zhenguo’s estate, she probably wouldn’t have lived too badly.

Hearing this, Yu Qingwu somehow felt his heart grow sour. He opened his mouth, then closed it. After a long while, he said: “I will definitely repay you later.”

Lan Shanjun shook her head. “I owe him a book and a coffin.”

She said in a muffled voice: “After my master passed away, most of the confidence I had in Huailing came from being able to recite the Three Character Classic.”

A person who could read and write was always more capable than others. She too had once been quite proud.

She smiled. “So this bit of silver isn’t worth much. Just take it and use it to arrange his final affairs properly.”

Yu Qingwu’s eyes grew hot. He said quietly: “All right.”

Lan Shanjun’s heart also felt heavy. She turned slightly away, just in time to see Wu Qingchuan entering the courtyard through the arched gate, holding a black umbrella. He was in a hurry, head lowered the whole time, and didn’t notice them to the side.

Lan Shanjun’s gaze narrowed slightly. She looked at the silent Yu Qingwu beside her and said: “Why is he… holding that black umbrella?”

Yu Qingwu’s eyes lowered. “Teacher doesn’t know Shuzhou customs.”

Wu Qingchuan wasn’t from Shuzhou—he was just someone who had been demoted to Shuzhou and trapped there.

Lan Shanjun: “I see. But black umbrellas are used to shelter the deceased… it would be better not to use it.”

Yu Qingwu: “Yesterday was too rushed. I didn’t have time to explain to Teacher.”

Lan Shanjun said nothing more. She wanted to remind him that Wu Qingchuan might have private dealings with the Marquis Boyuan’s estate, but she wasn’t certain when the relationship between the two families had begun. Had it existed at this time, or had they only become close later?

She could only remain silent.

By now, the two had reached the mourning hall.

But inside was not quiet—voices kept emerging.

Old Madam Shou’s voice was agitated: “To suppress this matter is tantamount to submerging Xingzhou’s corpse into the Luo River again! Whether this is done out of necessity or unwillingness, you know in your heart—there’s no need to evade me with words!”

Wu Qingchuan: “But next year after spring begins is the spring imperial examination. I’m the chief examiner. This matter cannot be made into a big commotion, nor can I investigate recklessly.”

He said helplessly: “I watched Xingzhou grow up. Though he can’t compare to Qingwu, he’s still half a disciple. Would I not want to avenge him? But right now there’s simply no evidence to be found. They’re saying he lost his footing and fell into the water—what can I do? The Marquis Boyuan’s estate also has Imperial Concubine Lin and Prince Qi.”

Prince Qi was Imperial Concubine Lin’s son.

Old Madam Shou: “Is there truly no evidence at all?”

Wu Qingchuan: “None.”

Old Madam Shou stared at him intently. “Is there truly none, or are you afraid of making this big and have hidden it away?”

Outside, Yu Qingwu shivered. The tofu in the bowl rippled.

Inside, Wu Qingchuan said urgently: “Sister-in-law, how can you view me this way? If I would do such things, would I have been demoted to Shuzhou in the first place?”

He seemed to grow angry and began speaking without choosing his words carefully: “Back then, when the Crown Prince passed away in that manner, Duan Boyan also went with him. They at least died cleanly. What about me? After they left, I still didn’t change my principles, fighting back and forth with Prince Qi, ultimately going alone to Shuzhou for ten years!”

“In my youth I followed them in reforming the law. To avoid implicating my family, I’ve been childless my entire life. Qingwu and Xingzhou are like my own sons—why would I do such a thing for the sake of the Marquis Boyuan’s estate?”

He said with disappointment: “Sister-in-law, you think too little of me.”

Old Madam Shou sighed. “I just said one thing in a moment of urgency. Why are you making such a fuss?”

The room fell silent again.

But Lan Shanjun’s heart began to drum.

Though she didn’t understand court affairs, she knew the basic political situation—at least she knew about the conflict between Prince Qi and the late Crown Prince.

The current Emperor was already sixty-three years old—ten years later, he would still be alive and well. Lan Shanjun had never heard of him falling ill. Given His Majesty’s age, Prince Qi, as his third son, naturally couldn’t be considered young either—he was already forty years old.

Back then, when the late Crown Prince was alive, Prince Qi had competed with him for merit. When the Crown Prince died, Prince Qi took advantage of his victory to pursue—the Crown Prince’s faction was killed or scattered, demoted to various places.

For example, Wu Qingchuan had been demoted to Shuzhou.

But though the Crown Prince died, Prince Qi hadn’t ascended to the throne either. His Majesty established the Crown Prince’s legitimate eldest son as Imperial Grand Prince. The Imperial Grand Prince had been only nine years old then and hadn’t entered the court. Prince Qi instead competed with His Majesty’s most beloved youngest son, Prince Wei.

Competing until today, he still hadn’t secured the position of Crown Prince.

Prince Wei naturally hadn’t either.

Meanwhile, the Imperial Grand Prince had grown up. This year he was already twenty-five years old and had gradually joined their power struggle.

The court was now a three-way standoff.

Ten years later, it would still be a three-way standoff.

By then, Prince Qi would be fifty years old.

Before Lan Shanjun was sent away, Prince Qi’s faction hadn’t yet fallen and seemed to have a slight lead. But Prince Wei and the Imperial Grand Prince hadn’t appeared defeated on the surface either—at the time, Lan Shanjun had thought that if His Majesty lived another ten years—which wasn’t impossible—Prince Qi might be outlived by attrition.

Whether Prince Qi died or not, she didn’t know—she herself had died first.

This was truly a human tragedy.

She laughed at herself, then asked Yu Qingwu quietly: “Who is Duan Boyan?”

Yu Qingwu replied softly: “He was the late Crown Prince’s maternal uncle, the Great General Who Pacifies the South. Later he abandoned military for civil service and returned to court to support reform with the late Crown Prince. After the Crown Prince passed away, he also died of illness.”

He carried on his teacher’s aspirations, and his teacher carried on their aspirations, so he knew a great deal about these two men.

Lan Shanjun had never heard of this person. But now wasn’t the time to think about this. She glanced at Yu Qingwu, saw his expression had calmed, and entered the room first. Old Madam Shou, seeing her arrive, quickly looked toward the doorway. Yu Qingwu followed carrying the bowl.

He said: “Old Madam, Teacher, I want to fill Elder Brother’s mouth with rice.”

Wu Qingchuan waved his hand and went to sit to the side, suddenly saying mournfully: “Go ahead. I’m now a white-haired person seeing off a black-haired one. You absolutely must not have anything happen to you.”

Yu Qingwu acknowledged this, then said: “Today I’m going out to first secure a small residence for Elder Brother in the southern district. Once the mourning hall is properly arranged, I’ll escort Elder Brother there and have him buried from there.”

Old Madam Shou was surprised. Wu Qingchuan stood up abruptly with a whoosh, slapping the table: “What do you mean by this? Are you resentful toward me?”

Yu Qingwu shook his head. “It’s not that I resent Teacher—Elder Brother resents Teacher.”

Wu Qingchuan couldn’t catch his breath and collapsed back into his chair, wiping tears and saying dejectedly: “So I’ve become the villain.”

Old Madam Shou: “Xingzhou wouldn’t even go live at my place. You should have known long ago he resented you.”

Wu Qingchuan fell silent, then said: “If that’s the case, then escort the coffin there.”

Yu Qingwu acknowledged this.

Wu Qingchuan didn’t want to remain at odds with Yu Qingwu and had the intention to reconcile. He walked to the coffin’s side.

Seeing this, Old Madam Shou patted Lan Shanjun’s hand. “Come sit with me outside.”

Lan Shanjun nodded. She supported Old Madam Shou to a side room to rest. Nanny Zhao was inside helping to brew tea. Seeing them arrive, she quickly brought tea over: “Would you like to eat something?”

Old Madam Shou wearily waved her hand. Nanny Zhao withdrew.

Lan Shanjun gently massaged her back.

Old Madam Shou: “Today has truly been hard on you. In a while, I’ll have Nanny Qian escort you back.”

Lan Shanjun: “Mm…”

Then she said: “Sir Yu wants to buy a residence to hold Young Master Su’s funeral. I have some silver and have already told him I’ll give it.”

She had originally only come to pay respects once, but to move the coffin, according to Shu region customs, family should shelter it with black umbrellas. She said: “I’ve already held a black umbrella for him once. I’d like to see it through to the end, so that day I’d like to come once more…”

Old Madam Shou was moved. “You’re a good child. Both Qingwu and I are grateful for your kindness.”

She said: “Don’t worry. I’ll personally write to your mother to explain this matter.”

If she wanted to attend the funeral, she couldn’t just make up casual excuses. Along the way, people might see her, leading to gossip—that wouldn’t be good. Some matters, as a mother, Zhu Shi couldn’t be kept in the dark about, or it would create distance between them later.

Old Madam Shou thought of Lan Shanjun and wrote a letter to Zhu Shi on the spot. “I’ll have Nanny Qian go with you.”

When Lan Shanjun was about to leave, Yu Qingwu learned she would come again for the funeral and chased after her to express his thanks.

Covered in dust with frost and snow on his person, because she was willing to hold the umbrella for his elder brother, he performed another deep bow to her in the wind and snow.

Lan Shanjun pressed her lips together, suddenly feeling a sense of compassion.

No matter how grieved and indignant Wu Qingchuan had sounded just now when speaking of being driven to Shuzhou for ten years by Prince Qi, no matter how helpless he had seemed when mentioning being childless for his principles—ten years later, he had indeed aligned himself with the Marquis Boyuan’s estate and naturally should have become one of Prince Qi’s people.

If Su Xingzhou was truly killed by Lin Ji, the eldest young master of the Marquis Boyuan’s estate, then for him and Yu Qingwu to reach that final state was within reason.

It was just… too tragic.

Meeting his teacher at six, inheriting his teacher’s aspirations, forging ahead, wanting to become a blade for the common people of the realm, waiting for the ruler to unsheath him and swing the blade toward the world’s turbidity.

Then studying bitterly for ten years, passing the imperial examination at seventeen with third place honors, only to be fooled by the powerful and privileged, losing his younger sister, returning in disgrace to Huailing.

At twenty, returning to Luoyang, his elder brother dying unjustly, at his wit’s end, only to discover his teacher was beginning to change.

Did he ultimately die without changing his principles, or did he die having betrayed the aspirations he’d held for over twenty years?

Lan Shanjun couldn’t help but say: “Yu Qingwu.”

Yu Qingwu looked at her intently. “Miss Lan?”

Lan Shanjun: “Try to be more open-minded.”

After this matter, they didn’t know if they would meet again or have another chance to say these things. She could only use her own understanding now to help him in advance: “In this world, there is fundamentally no one to depend on, no one to rely on. In this world, there is fundamentally no one who needs to depend on you or rely on you. Be more open-minded. Live independently and freely. Even if you can’t overcome some obstacles, your heart will feel somewhat better.”

Yu Qingwu was stunned, not understanding the meaning of her words. Just as he was about to ask, he saw she had already left.

He took large strides to follow, but heard her say: “Just consider it shallow friendship, deep words.”

Then he couldn’t ask properly.

But he said seriously: “I’ll remember.”

—

Lan Shanjun returned to the Duke Zhenguo’s estate. Zhu Shi received the letter and showed nothing on her face, but after seeing off Nanny Qian, she quickly pulled Lan Shanjun aside to ask: “What’s going on? How did you suddenly end up going to attend a funeral?”

She complained: “The New Year is almost here—how inauspicious! I don’t know what the old madam was thinking.”

Lan Shanjun explained: “The young master who passed away was a junior in Old Madam Shou’s family. The old madam is a white-haired person seeing off a black-haired one and wanted to go see him off. Since I happened to be there, she had me go along.”

Though Zhu Shi was dissatisfied, ultimately she still considered Old Madam Shou’s dignity and said: “Ai, what kind of matter is this!”

The matter should have ended there, but Third Young Master Lan happened to return from outside. Hearing about this, he curled his lip and muttered: “Don’t tell me she wanted to go herself and is using the old madam as an excuse to deceive us.”

Zhu Shi glared at him. “What nonsense are you spouting?”

Third Young Master Lan had spoken casually. Having been confronted by Lan Shanjun several times, naturally he couldn’t say anything good. But having spoken ill, he liked to justify himself, lest others think he was talking nonsense and lose face.

So he said seriously: “Mother, think about it. Old Madam Shou is such a person—how could she be so unclear about things as to bring Sixth Sister to attend a funeral for a complete stranger just before New Year?”

Zhu Shi’s expression grew hesitant.

Third Young Master Lan, the more he spoke, the more he felt he was right, growing increasingly confident: “Mother, think again—who could be Old Madam Shou’s junior? How have we never heard of this?”

Old Madam Shou’s natal family was extinct. Her husband’s family only had Minister Wu left, and Minister Wu had no children… they had never heard of any deceased junior.

Once this suspicion arose, they immediately summoned Nanny Zhao for questioning. Nanny Zhao’s face alternated between pale and flushed. At first she refused to speak. Zhu Shi scolded: “Old thing, I sent you to watch over her. She’s new to Luoyang and doesn’t know better—she’s bound to commit some taboos. But you’re experienced—how could you not understand even this?”

Nanny Zhao still hesitated. Zhu Shi grew anxious: “I’m her mother! Would I harm her? If I weren’t worried about hurting her dignity, I would be questioning her directly now. Why would I need to interrogate you?”

Nanny Zhao’s heart was uncertain. After thinking, she finally said: “Today we first went to the Shou residence. Old Madam Shou was pleased with our young miss and pulled her to talk for quite a while. Later, when going out, she also took our young miss along.”

Third Young Master Lan interjected from the side: “Whose home did you go to?”

Nanny Zhao: “Minister Wu’s disciple, the Yu residence.”

Third Young Master Lan began playing the sage after the fact again, immediately saying: “Mother, look—didn’t I tell you so!”

Then he asked: “Who was the deceased?”

Nanny Zhao: “Surname Su, Su Xingzhou.”

Third Young Master Lan: “So it was him—no wonder Sixth Sister scolded me for him that day.”

He called out: “Yu Qingwu and Su Xingzhou are both from Huailing. Maybe Sixth Sister knew them before and begged Old Madam Shou to cover for her so she could go pay respects.”

Zhu Shi’s expression grew increasingly poor. She told her personal attendant: “Quickly have Shanjun come see me.”

Lan Shanjun had just returned to sit down for a moment when she was summoned again. Walking to the courtyard entrance, the first person she saw was Nanny Zhao kneeling at the door. She quickly went over, bending to help Nanny Zhao up.

But Nanny Zhao didn’t dare rise. She only shook her head, saying quietly: “Miss, don’t mind this old servant… Madam is asking you about going to the Yu residence to pay respects to Young Master Su.”

Lan Shanjun comforted her: “It’s nothing. Stand up—I’ll speak with Mother.”

Seeing Nanny Zhao still hesitating, she said: “You’re my person. Mother will consider me and give me face.”

It had been snowing these past two days. In this freezing weather, kneeling like this would likely ruin her legs.

She still remembered how years ago, when Mother had blamed her for catching fish to eat during New Year with Xuan Xia, she had also injured Xuan Xia’s palms. For the next ten years, whenever cold weather came, Xuan Xia’s hands would ache.

In this life, Xuan Xia’s hands were preserved, but Nanny Zhao mustn’t kneel herself into trouble.

Lan Shanjun was strong. She firmly supported Nanny Zhao’s body to rise: “You went out with me. Now that I’m here, Mother won’t blame you.”

She instructed: “My affairs have nothing that can’t be seen by others. Next time Mother asks, just tell her.”

Nanny Zhao couldn’t help but cry.

Lan Shanjun took out a handkerchief to wipe her tears, then walked slowly into the room. Nanny Zhao thought about it. Not daring to leave on her own, she had Yin Qiu, who had come along, go fetch Lan Hui: “Please ask Seventh Miss to come quickly!”

Yin Qiu’s face went deathly pale as she ran off.

Inside, Zhu Shi asked urgently: “Shanjun, tell me honestly—do you know Su Xingzhou?”

Third Young Master Lan deliberately spoke in detail: “You’re from Huailing, Yu Qingwu is also from Huailing, Su Xingzhou must also be—did you know each other before? Did you have Old Madam Shou take you to pay respects?”

Lan Shanjun sat in a chair, holding a small hand warmer in her arms, her expression serene. She wasn’t angry or anxious because of their attitude but was contemplating something—going forward, as she went out more and did more things, the traces she left behind would likely increase.

And now, among the troublesome people at the Duke Zhenguo’s estate, she had already fallen out with Grandmother and they barely saw each other. Though Third Brother found her disagreeable, he couldn’t interfere with her servants—what would it mean for a brother to manage his sister’s maids and attendants?

That left only Mother.

This was also the most difficult.

For both their sakes, she needed to establish boundaries with Mother in advance, so Mother would no longer constrain her actions so much in the future.

Otherwise, if today she made Nanny Zhao kneel and tomorrow she beat Fu Chun and Xuan Xia, she would be caught up dealing with these matters and have no time for anything else.

And how to draw that line so they could each be well—many things actually couldn’t be stated explicitly, especially between mother and daughter.

But if it had to be said, in the end it was simply whether the east wind prevailed over the west wind or the west wind prevailed over the east wind.

Before, Mother had suppressed her. But now, if she wanted to live more comfortably at the Duke Zhenguo’s estate, she would have to suppress Mother somewhat.

**[Author’s Note]**

This is a story that’s a tiny bit bitter at first but will be sweet later with sweeping victories everywhere! I’m certain!

—