◎Yu Qingwu: “I always feel… the young lady must have known me before.”◎

Lan Shanjun had lived twenty-six years. For the first sixteen years, she had relied on a butcher’s knife to conquer all obstacles, but in Luoyang, among the aristocratic families, her blade no longer worked.

Living here, no one could tear away their social masks. Instead, they had to speak in lofty principles. She had never been skilled at this before, but after studying for so many years, she had at least learned some ability—enough to deal with her mother’s temperament.

She didn’t rush to respond. She thought slowly and deliberately, then ignored Lan San entirely, looking only at Zhu Shi with a grave expression: “Does Mother think I could have known them?”

Zhu Shi was taken aback. “What?”

Lan Shanjun: “When we were at the White Horse Temple, Mother and I happened to encounter them once. At that time, Mother looked down on them quite a bit, didn’t you?”

She shook her head, as if sighing: “But in Huailing, they are scholars—they would have looked down on me.”

She spoke gently: “Mother, you’ve forgotten that I am an abandoned infant, raised by an old monk who found me in a desolate village temple.”

“For my three daily meals, I had to go down the mountain to beg for alms… I grew up eating food from a hundred families. Mother, if you had encountered me back then, given your temperament, you would have covered your face with your sleeve and walked away. Someone like me—how could I possibly have known them?”

For a moment, Zhu Shi felt guilty again.

She murmured: “I… I forgot about that.”

Lan Shanjun said calmly: “Mother didn’t forget. Mother simply thought that because my words and actions are gentle and proper, unlike those of a pig butcher, that I’m fine now—so you didn’t think about how I became the way I am today.”

These past ten years, step by step, bit by bit, she had ground away her former self to become what she was now.

She looked toward the window, her expression unchanged, only her tone becoming more measured: “After Master died, I had no one to rely on. I could only go down the mountain to butcher pigs to support myself. I worked day and night, spending all my time among pig carcasses. The people I knew were either pig farmers, pig butchers, or people coming to buy pork.”

“No matter what, I could never reach the level of scholars.”

Zhu Shi’s eyes reddened, and she hurriedly explained: “Shanjun, I, I was…”

Lan Shanjun shook her head. “But Mother, you weren’t wrong about one thing.”

Zhu Shi was startled. “What?”

Lan Shanjun: “I do indeed know Su Xingzhou.”

Zhu Shi looked both shocked and suspicious.

Lan Shanjun smiled slightly and said: “That year, Master taught me to read, but we were truly too poor—we had no books.”

“Books are such precious things—”

Lan Shanjun: “I snuck down the mountain without telling the old monk, walked three li, and went to the town of Huailing.”

“I sat at the entrance of the bookshop, greeting everyone who came and went. I smiled along with the shopkeeper at them all, just to beg for one book from them.”

“Only Young Master Su gave me one.”

“It was a Three Character Classic. I still have it, wrapped in old clothes. Would Mother like to see it?”

Zhu Shi had come with a questioning heart, but who knew that after hearing all this, she immediately felt heartbroken: “No, that’s not what I meant.”

What she wanted to say was clearly not this.

Lan Shanjun: “Mother, if you want to ask, I still have more to say.”

Zhu Shi looked at her, tears blurring her vision.

But Lan Shanjun remained calm throughout, saying: “When my master died, Young Master Su happened to see it and even gave me a coffin.”

When she mentioned the old monk, her tone naturally carried more sadness. She let out a soft sigh, expelling the sudden choking feeling that rose up. “Mother, back then, I couldn’t even afford a coffin for the person who raised me. I truly couldn’t meet Mother’s standards. Someone like me… my past like this—Mother never asked about it and didn’t want me to mention it. So even after encountering Young Master Su later, I didn’t dare mention it to Mother.”

“But this truly was my life. I lived it for sixteen years. For those sixteen years, I never felt ashamed of myself.”

Lan Shanjun: “I know Mother is concerned about my marriage prospects and those of my brothers and sisters, so I’ve never said anything. I also know that Mother doesn’t lack affection for me… Mother just feels ashamed. But I’m not afraid of shame—I’m only afraid of affecting Huihui’s marriage prospects.”

Zhu Shi covered her face, both ashamed and guilty.

How did things… how did they suddenly come to this?

Lan Shanjun sighed softly: “So whether it was Lady Shou wanting someone to accompany her to the funeral, and I happened to be there so she took me, or whether I begged Lady Shou to take me to pay respects to someone who once showed me kindness—neither is wrong, neither is my fault, right? This matter doesn’t warrant Mother making Nanny Zhao kneel on the ground, does it? If it were Third Brother or Huihui today, would Mother do the same? If someone had shown them kindness and had now passed away, would Mother question why they went to pay respects?”

Zhu Shi’s heart suddenly clenched tight. She wasn’t without a mother’s compassion, and she wasn’t without her own calculations. Hearing these words, tears immediately came, and she turned away, crying aloud.

Watching this scene, Lan Shanjun felt as if she were seeing her former self—the one who had once knelt on the ground with head held high and bones stubborn.

She smiled slightly and said her final words: “I’ve been in Luoyang for so long, yet Mother has never asked about my past, about what people I knew or what things I experienced—today when you ask, I should be happy—but if Mother continues to ask, I wouldn’t be able to explain everything clearly in a short time.”

“After all…”

She looked at Zhu Shi, seemingly melancholy as she drew out her words: “After all… a motherless child… has a long story to tell.”

A child who grew up without a mother always experiences more than others.

Zhu Shi could bear it no longer and cried out: “Shanjun, this matter is truly my fault to you.”

After hearing this, Lan Shanjun was slightly moved.

Not for Zhu Shi’s sake, but because she thought of herself from the previous life.

She thought, ‘she’ must have really wanted to hear Mother say these words.

‘She’ had never heard Mother say these words.

Children only know how to cry and make a fuss, but adults learn to manipulate. Before, it was Mother using emotional obligation to suppress her; now she had learned this trick from Mother.

This trick worked well. She held the moral high ground, the other person felt guilty, and she didn’t have to lie awake all night anymore.

Her expression was dazed. After a long while, she stood up. After today, given Mother’s need to save face, she probably wouldn’t interfere much with her affairs for a long time, and wouldn’t control her people either. This was good. From now on, both sides would understand each other, draw a line, and maintain a neither-too-close-nor-too-distant relationship—that would be best.

She was about to take her leave and return, but just as she turned around, she saw Lan Hui and the Third Young Madam at the doorway—she didn’t know when they had arrived.

The Third Young Madam’s face seemed to carry some shame, while Lan Hui looked furious. She charged straight at Lan San, clearly enraged.

Lan San was knocked to the ground but didn’t make a sound, knowing he was in the wrong. His face was all red, but he was also somewhat defiant, muttering softly: “She still hasn’t said whether she wanted to go herself or Lady Shou took her—”

Hearing this, Lan Hui spat and rushed over to hit him again: “Does that matter! What business is it of yours! You keep stirring up trouble between this person and that person in a perfectly good family. Even with Third Sister-in-law here today, I’m going to smash your broken gong mouth!”

Zhu Shi looked anxious. She didn’t dare look at Lan Shanjun, didn’t dare look at Lan San and Lan Hui on the ground, and was even more unwilling to look at her daughter-in-law standing in the doorway with an inscrutable expression. She just lowered her head and continued wiping her tears.

In the whole room, only Lan Shanjun stood there quietly, still silent, her expression calm.

Zhu Shi then realized that whether it was her mother-in-law making things difficult for her a few days ago, or herself misunderstanding her today, she had never lost her temper, never shouted angrily, never felt wronged or angry. She had always been quiet, speaking gently to her.

She seemed… to have no temper at all.

Had she always been like this?

This Shanjun made Zhu Shi’s heart sour and swollen, feeling as if there was a door between them, creating great distance.

——

And indeed, just as Lan Shanjun had predicted, after drawing a line with her mother, her attitude changed.

When Lan Shanjun went to send Su Xingzhou to his burial again, not only did she face no obstruction, but she was even given many prepared offerings. Even when her grandmother recovered these past few days and wanted to call her over for a lecture, Mother blocked it, brushing it off with a few words.

This made her life at Duke Zhenguo’s mansion much easier. As the old saying goes, the crying child gets the candy—there was some truth to it.

Lan San felt embarrassed when he saw her, but he was good at finding reasons. He said: “We’re Prince Qi’s people, and Yu Qingwu and Su Xingzhou are students of Elder Wu—I remember I told you before that Prince Qi and Elder Wu don’t get along. If you go to the funeral, Prince Qi’s mansion might be displeased.”

Lan Shanjun looked at him steadily and said gently: “Can Third Brother really pass the official examinations like this?”

A gentle tone, but the words were hurtful. Third Young Master Lan’s face immediately turned the color of liver.

Lan Shanjun: “I went with Lady Shou leading me, representing the old lady’s words and actions. Has Prince Qi ever targeted Lady Shou because she’s Elder Wu’s sister-in-law?”

He hadn’t. Lady Shou didn’t meddle in court affairs and treated all the princes the same way. She was very respected.

Lan Shanjun: “If Lady Shou asked me to do this and I refused, what would happen?”

That definitely wouldn’t work either. Third Young Master Lan shook his head: “You’d have to go, otherwise Mother wouldn’t agree either.”

Men had their factions and alliances, but women didn’t have so many concerns. They maintained harmony with each other, saved face for one another, and could meet again in the future—they could also help their men ease tensions.

After all, the court changed in an instant. Today’s enemy might be tomorrow’s friend. One absolutely couldn’t make mortal enemies.

Lan Shanjun smiled: “Since I have to go, what are you blocking me for?”

Zhu Shi listened from the side, worried they would quarrel. Seeing her son at a disadvantage, she quickly pulled him away: “Move aside quickly, or you’ll miss the time.”

Lan Shanjun thanked her respectfully and took a carriage to the Yu residence.

Lady Shou had already arrived. Seeing her come, she pulled her over and asked: “Did your family make things difficult for you?”

Lan Shanjun shook her head: “No.”

But Lady Shou had already heard the news. She said: “They did!”

Lan Shanjun couldn’t help but smile: “Then it doesn’t really count as making things difficult.”

Lady Shou sighed: “Don’t worry, I’ll speak to them personally. After the matter is settled, I’ll send some thank-you gifts over. Understanding people will naturally know this was my request and won’t make things difficult for you.”

Lan Shanjun nodded, feeling grateful in her heart. Whether or not Lady Shou was there, she had to make this trip.

Yu Qingwu had already prepared everything. She only needed to go and hold an umbrella to shield the coffin.

It was still snowing today. Fortunately, the snow wasn’t heavy. Lan Shanjun wore a white cloak and held a black umbrella, following behind Yu Qingwu.

As before, he shielded the upper half of the coffin, she shielded the lower half.

Yu Qingwu handed her a hand warmer.

He said: “The frost and snow are heavy today.”

Lan Shanjun shook her head: “I don’t need it.”

What would it look like for someone holding an umbrella at a funeral procession to be holding a hand warmer? She said: “I’ve practiced with the blade since childhood. I have plenty of strength and don’t fear the cold.”

Yu Qingwu: “Elder Brother wouldn’t mind. He was a very easygoing person.”

But Lan Shanjun still didn’t want it.

Yu Qingwu didn’t insist and gave the hand warmer to Nanny Zhao.

Nanny Zhao was flustered and, when he wasn’t paying attention, placed it in a room.

The masters hadn’t used it—how could she dare?

Lady Shou was an elder and, according to custom, couldn’t follow the procession. So she had Nanny Qian and others accompany the two of them.

With fluttering wind and drifting snow, Yu Qingwu and Lan Shanjun held black umbrellas supporting the coffin as they left, one in front and one behind, looking at each other without words. After walking for about an hour, they finally arrived at the residence in the southern city and steadily carried the coffin into the main hall.

Yu Qingwu had been very calm all day, kneeling there burning paper money with Lan Shanjun. But he was too quiet. Lan Shanjun worried and glanced at him, but unexpectedly he returned a slight smile and said: “Don’t worry.”

Don’t worry, he was fine.

Lan Shanjun nodded.

White banners had been hung inside and out. Neighbors came over one after another to peek. Lan Shanjun didn’t have anyone close the door, only had Nanny Zhao and Nanny Qian distribute white cakes outside.

Those who received white cakes had to say a few good words about the deceased—this was to pray for blessings for the dead. Before the King of Hell, merits were counted, and these words would be included.

Yu Qingwu had never handled funeral matters and didn’t understand these things. Seeing this scene, he thanked Lan Shanjun again.

Lan Shanjun took a white cake and chewed it slowly, sitting under the corridor watching the drifting snow outside: “It’s nothing.”

But after a pause, she said again: “But if you truly want to thank me, I do have one matter I’d like to ask you.”

Yu Qingwu followed over. It wouldn’t be proper to sit with her, so he stood outside the corridor: “Please speak.”

Lan Shanjun held the cake in her hand, lowering her eyes as if asking casually: “Do you know of a type of punishment—”

As soon as she spoke, her hand trembled involuntarily.

She took a deep breath, trying to make herself appear more natural: “This punishment is very special. They lock a person in a small room where they never see daylight.”

These past few days, she had been thinking about the connection between the old monk and her imprisonment. That would involve sixteen years ago.

She thought, even if everything the old monk said was a lie, he had arrived in Huailing sixteen years ago—that couldn’t be wrong.

Sixteen years ago, that is, the thirty-second year of Yuanshao, was a turning point.

But she couldn’t directly ask about events from sixteen years ago. Yu Qingwu already had questions in his heart about the old monk’s affairs. If she asked like this, he would definitely figure it out.

She also couldn’t investigate this matter openly. She couldn’t fathom what people might be watching her from behind.

She was afraid of alerting her enemies.

She thought all night, and finally, when dawn broke and she saw the morning light, she thought of something she could investigate.

—This method of torturing her was actually quite special too.

Her gaze looked toward the vast white snow in the distance, saying softly: “In the pitch-black room, no one speaks to you, and no one will give you clothes, water, or a chamber pot…”

“Living inside, one loses all dignity.”

“But they give you food. Even if it’s cold dishes and spoiled rice. With these, if you want to live, you can live, just living… is exceptionally difficult, like a trapped beast struggling at death’s door.”

Her heart began to hurt as if pierced by needles. She lowered her head even more. She put the white cake in her mouth and took a bite, her choked voice becoming muffled and unclear. She asked softly: “This is something I saw in a book, but I can’t remember the source, can’t remember the name, can’t remember what kind of people would use this punishment to… to confine someone.”

Yu Qingwu looked at her in surprise.

But thinking she might have just casually thrown out a question to give him as a thank-you gift, he didn’t think too much about it. He only felt more grateful to her, saying: “I will definitely investigate this for the young lady.”

He truly felt immense gratitude toward Lady Lan. From their initial meeting as strangers to now being able to sit down and exchange a few words—it had only been a few days. But her kindness would take him a very long time to repay.

He said solemnly: “From now on, if the young lady has any requests, Yu will certainly not refuse.”

He thanked her sincerely, but Lan Shanjun suddenly felt some guilt about using him. In her previous life, she hadn’t paid attention to court affairs, and in this life she didn’t know how to probe into those inner workings either.

But she knew that in the next ten years, Yu Qingwu would dominate for a period.

Sometimes it was strange—clearly he had been so famous in the previous life, but she had hardly heard of him until later, when he and Wu Qingchuan fell out and drew blades against each other. Overnight, his reputation swept before her like a roaring wind.

Greedy for power and profit, betraying his teacher’s kindness—all were tainted names.

So, having the thought of using someone like him to fight against Song Zhiwei, especially in front of Su Xingzhou’s coffin, she felt guilty again. She didn’t immediately respond to his words, but said instead: “Later… if I have something, I’ll ask you for help.”

Yu Qingwu nodded seriously.

Though the wind and snow weren’t heavy today, standing for so long, his body had long been covered with accumulated snow. When he nodded, the snow on his head fell down in flurries. Lan Shanjun said: “You should come inside. At a time like this, don’t let yourself get sick from cold.”

Yu Qingwu hesitated for a moment, then entered the corridor, just keeping a slightly greater distance.

The two were silent for a long while. Lan Shanjun asked: “Young Master Su’s matter… what happened?”

Yu Qingwu’s expression darkened again.

From his appearance, Lan Shanjun didn’t need him to speak to know this matter had no resolution.

This was also within expectations. How could an arm twist a thigh? The current Yu Qingwu had just begun entering Luoyang and was far from having his later power and influence. Whatever Elder Wu said, he had to listen.

She could only console him: “Take it slowly.”

This should be the last immature period of his life going forward.

Yu Qingwu discovered that he really liked Lan Shanjun’s consolation. Her speech was always unhurried and unrushed, not floating or agitated, making his heart, which was full of murderous intent, become somewhat calmer.

He also took a white cake and bit into it, mumbling an acknowledgment.

The two silently finished eating one cake. The wind and snow showed no sign of stopping. Lan Shanjun was silent for a long time before tentatively saying: “You are Elder Wu’s disciple. You could ask Elder Wu to help you investigate…”

She said: “I’ve heard people say that Elder Wu treats you like his own son—”

Yu Qingwu’s expression became even more complicated, his face showing a pained expression.

To a teacher who was like a father to him, even questioning the teacher once was wrong. But the teacher suppressing Elder Brother’s matter made him notice that the teacher was different from before.

After returning to Luoyang for a year, the teacher seemed to have changed.

The aspirations, the world, the common people that he used to speak of—none of these appeared in his words anymore. The things the teacher had him do also began to differ from before.

He fell into his own thoughts, his expression gradually becoming confused.

Seeing that he didn’t speak, Lan Shanjun didn’t press him, just stood there quietly.

This was bound to be a painful and difficult period.

She understood.

Outside the corridor, heavy snow fell.

She stood for a while, then suddenly said to Yu Qingwu: “When my master passed away, there was also such a heavy snow. Before I came to Luoyang, I stayed at a postal station, and coincidentally, it snowed there too.”

She said: “At that time, I thought, perhaps my master had come to see me.”

Yu Qingwu’s heart, which had just been full of murderous intent, heard these words and, because of the longing in her words, suddenly found some of that hostility dissipating. Following her gaze into the boundless wind and snow, he suddenly asked: “Lady Lan.”

Lan Shanjun: “Mm?”

Yu Qingwu: “I always feel… the young lady must have known me before.”

He asked: “Have we met before?”

Lan Shanjun was stunned, then shook her head: “We haven’t met.”

It didn’t count as meeting.

When his head was severed, he hadn’t seen her.

When she read the notes, she also hadn’t truly seen him.

She said: “At the postal station—that was our first meeting.”

Yu Qingwu smiled slightly: “I see… I thought the young lady and I were old acquaintances.”