◎”Hey, Shanjun, If You Want to Cry, Then Cry. Don’t Hold It In.”◎

The Imperial Grandson returned to the Eastern Palace and couldn’t eat again. The Grand Consort ate his meal instead. Their son and daughter ate together with them, sharing the dishes in front of the Grand Grandson.

After eating, A’Li held his younger sister A’Man’s hand and took their leave, “Your son is going to study.”

The Imperial Grandson waved his hand: “Go ahead.”

After they left, he said, “They’re definitely going to catch fish and play!”

The Grand Consort: “It’s already May weather. Even if they go in the water, it’s fine. So many eunuchs and palace maids are following them—let them be.”

She glanced at him, “What’s wrong with you again? Didn’t you go see Yu Qingwu? What, did he make you angry?”

The Imperial Grandson gave a muffled sound of acknowledgment: “The things he said—I once heard Great-Uncle say similar things to Imperial Grandfather.”

He truly couldn’t understand how there could be so many people like this.

One after another, one replacing another… yet not one had a good ending.

“Grand Tutor Zhe, Great-Uncle, Father… weren’t they formidable enough? Grand Tutor Zhe came from the Zhe family of Yunzhou with a hundred years of family foundation. Great-Uncle came from the Duan family, commanded the southwest, and his sister was the Empress—and then Father, he was the Crown Prince. Wasn’t he noble enough?”

One after another, rushing forward like moths to a flame in a frenzy, not leaving even a trace of ash behind.

He shook his head: “Compared to them, what does Yu Qingwu amount to? He’s just a broken gong from Shuzhou—how loud a sound can he make?”

He was quite willing to tell his wife about his plans for him, “Today he asked me if I was willing to use him as a blade. I’m naturally willing. He charges ahead, alone, helping me cut down Uncle Prince Qi, helping me do in court what I cannot do. If he gains benefits, because he’s my man, it’s my merit. When he’s no longer useful and despised by Imperial Grandfather, I’ll be the first to cut off his head and give it to Imperial Grandfather to kick like a ball—”

This was originally his plan.

This was also how he had made it to today. This was the kind of person he was.

But when Yu Qingwu said these things, as the Imperial Grandson looked at him, he felt he was like the winding root system underground—withered yet flourishing, densely intertwined, extending for hundreds of miles without end.

He felt somewhat uncomfortable in his heart.

He wasn’t willing to uproot a phoenix tree by its roots.

This made him very uncomfortable.

So uncomfortable he couldn’t even eat.

He sighed, “Yuanniang, tell me, will I eventually become like Imperial Grandfather?”

The Grand Consort was an honest person and spoke truthfully, “Then you need to eat much more. With your physique, how can you be like him?”

The Imperial Grandson couldn’t help but laugh. The Grand Consort asked, “Are you going to eat or not?”

The Imperial Grandson shook his head, “Can’t eat.”

The Grand Consort then had people come in to clear the dishes, saying, “Do you want to sleep?”

The Imperial Grandson looked at the sky, “It’s still early.”

The Grand Consort: “Are you going to sleep or not?”

The Imperial Grandson: “…Sleep for a bit then?”

The Grand Consort lay down to sleep with him.

She had already woken from her nap, but he still had his eyes open. She then covered his eyes with her hand, “A’Hu, sleep. There are so many worries—they can never all be resolved. No matter how many worries there are, the sky won’t fall. Even if the sky does fall, at most we lose our heads—what’s there to fear?”

The Imperial Grandson: “I’m not afraid of death, but what about you and the children?”

The Grand Consort: “Living a lifetime, who can definitely live to die of old age?”

She said quietly, “A’Hu, you’re just scared by that old thing. He’s killed so many people without suffering retribution—what are you afraid of? If heaven wants to collapse, it’ll crush him first!”

The Imperial Grandson laughed and leaned his head against Yuanniang, “Fortunately I have you.”

Yuanniang: “Sleep now.”

But the Imperial Grandson couldn’t fall asleep.

The Grand Consort could barely restrain her temper and asked, “What else is there?”

But the Imperial Grandson didn’t dare say. He sat up cross-legged and only asked, “Yuanniang, do you think people in the world truly have some kind of fate?”

Though he wasn’t optimistic about Lan Shanjun and Yu Qingwu’s marriage and privately felt they wouldn’t make it to the end, now thinking carefully, there was also a wondrous feeling. He paused and sighed, “Yu Qingwu’s luck isn’t bad.”

Shanjun was raised by Great-Uncle—presumably their temperaments would get along.

The Grand Consort knew he was hiding something from her! But if he wouldn’t say, she wouldn’t ask. She just gave him a look, “From now on, don’t mention things I don’t know about in front of me!”

The Imperial Grandson made a sound of acknowledgment, “I won’t mention it again.”

For him, Lan Shanjun’s matter wasn’t something that required constant attention. Though she was Great-Uncle’s child, as long as she was healthy, safe, and free from illness or pain, that was good enough. He wasn’t willing to appear before her and acknowledge her.

But the Grand Consort was different. Yuanniang was raised by Great-Uncle. When Great-Uncle passed away that year, she cried so much. Though she hadn’t mentioned it in all these years, he knew that if she learned about Shanjun, she definitely wouldn’t be able to resist going to see her and look after her. He was afraid this would instead cause trouble, bringing problems to the young lady and bringing problems to Yuanniang.

Just leave it like this.

This was also good. After all, she had agreed to it herself.

He sighed, feeling this marriage was still quite regrettable, and also feeling the Song family’s handling of matters was far too perfunctory. If they hadn’t been so perfunctory, perhaps Shanjun wouldn’t have married Yu Qingwu.

He frowned and muttered to the Grand Consort: “…Song Zhiwei doesn’t seem as reliable as he appears either.”

……

Lan Shanjun was kept by Nanny Qian to eat dinner, “If it’s too late, you can sleep here. It’s not like there’s no room for you. Last time you stayed for half a week, and all your clothes are here. I fumigate them with crabapple fragrance for you every day.”

Lan Shanjun was truly grateful for her kindness and smiled, “Alright.”

She also didn’t want to go back and get involved in Mother’s and Third Brother Lan’s matters. Today the two of them would likely quarrel.

She stood up: “I’ll have a maid go back with word.”

Mother at home was probably waiting anxiously.

She took Nanny Qian’s hand: “I’ll help you. I can cook too.”

With the matter settled, her heart felt more at ease, and she kept smiling, “My cooking skills aren’t bad.”

Of course Nanny Qian saw the joy on her face! She also wanted to ask about her thoughts, but seeing Yu Qingwu still standing awkwardly to the side not knowing what to say, she quickly refused, “Where would we need you? Nanny Zhao and I will go!”

She pulled the obstructive Nanny Zhao away while winking and making faces at Yu Qingwu: Ask about the Song residence matter.

Yu Qingwu nodded seriously. But Nanny Qian still wasn’t at ease. After thinking, she walked back and pulled him aside, saying quietly, “Shanjun is such a good young lady—when one family has a daughter, a hundred families seek her, as it should be. But you mustn’t be complacent. Young ladies’ hearts are unpredictable—who knows when they might change.”

But Yu Qingwu didn’t think Song Zhiwei could compare to himself.

In terms of “having no desires or demands,” who could compare to him?

He could stifle himself to death—could Song Zhiwei do that?

Moreover, this matter was extremely strange. Shanjun was so intelligent—she definitely wouldn’t agree.

He walked to Lan Shanjun’s side and said softly, “Miss Shanjun, being by the Imperial Grandson’s side, I do know about the Song family’s recent matters. I imagine it’s related to Song Zhiwei’s marriage proposal.”

Lan Shanjun had been massaging Old Madam Shou’s shoulders. Hearing this, she pointed to a chair beside her, “Please sit down and speak slowly, sir.”

This time Yu Qingwu could sit down—his rear injury had healed.

But just as he sat down, he saw Nanny Qian rush over urgently, “Oh my, you’re both people about to be betrothed—why be so formal? What’s this ‘sir’ and ‘miss’ business? In my view, it’s better to call each other by name.”

Yu Qingwu’s face slowly reddened. Lan Shanjun only smiled without speaking.

Old Madam Shou stood up and pulled Nanny Qian away, “You and I shouldn’t stand here.”

Nanny Qian had wanted to hear them call each other by name, but now she couldn’t hear it. Like a warrior with tied wrists, she said, “Ah! Then let’s go! But without me, what will that green melon Qingwu do!”

After she left with three backward glances, Yu Qingwu was at a loss for a moment. He secretly pinched his thigh hard, trying to make the redness on his face recede. Then, seeing that Lan Shanjun seemed not to have noticed the redness on his face, he dared continue speaking, saying quietly, “Since last year when the Imperial Grandson truly began entering court and his power grew more and more, Prince Qi and Prince Wei became wary of him. They also realized it was time for the heir apparents to come out and move before His Majesty.”

“So the Heir Apparent of Prince Qi and the Heir Apparent of Prince Wei both made their moves simultaneously, yet both set their sights on Duke Songguo’s estate—there may also be some deliberate rivalry involved. Duke Songguo is an old fox who didn’t let his son clearly refuse them—not because he feared Prince Qi and Prince Wei would be angry, but because he feared the Emperor would think he was bold enough to dare refuse the imperial family’s overtures.”

This reason sounded incongruous, but for the moody Emperor, it was extremely reasonable.

His Majesty was someone who greatly disliked others showing contempt for the imperial family.

“For someone else, this might cause distress, but Duke Songguo had a method. He entered the palace to complain, not avoiding mention of the two residences’ attempts to win people over, only saying: With one pulling on each side, he feared his sons wouldn’t get along. Thus this matter changed from a court matter to a family matter.”

Yu Qingwu sighed, “From this one matter alone, you can see Duke Songguo understands His Majesty well.”

Lan Shanjun had thought he would only give a brief overview of Song Zhiwei’s marriage proposal matter, but unexpectedly when he opened his mouth, he faintly seemed to want to discuss court affairs with her.

Lan Shanjun was slightly distracted. She saw Yu Qingwu understand the meaning on her face and became slightly flustered, “I saw you reading court bulletins before and thought you liked these things… so I said a bit more.”

Lan Shanjun was indeed worried about how to know these things. She was someone who refused to remain ignorant. She had also thought about tactfully asking Yu Qingwu later, but had never imagined he would bring up these matters so naturally, speaking in such detail, afraid she wouldn’t understand.

She couldn’t help being moved and lowered her eyes, saying, “I do like these things and want to know about matters outside.”

She smiled: “—So if something happens, at least I won’t be ignorant of the reason.”

Yu Qingwu secretly breathed a sigh of relief—it showed he and Shanjun were kindred spirits. With one glance he knew what she wanted to hear.

He continued, “His Majesty—I’ve thought carefully about him these past days and discovered he views the matters of the Imperial Grandson, Prince Qi, and Prince Wei as family matters.”

Thus rulers weren’t rulers, subjects weren’t subjects, fathers weren’t fathers, sons weren’t sons.

Whichever was weaker, he helped.

“When the Imperial Grandson first entered court, he was definitely the weaker one, so when I came to his side, His Majesty was pleased to see it. But I truly couldn’t enter His Majesty’s notice, so he took a liking to Duke Songguo.”

“But I see that Duke Songguo is truly someone who can exercise restraint. At this time he also hasn’t allied with the Grand Grandson, but actively gave up powerful marriage connections and set his sights on Duke Zhenguo’s estate. He’s telling His Majesty—he has no desire for the merit of supporting the dragon.”

Speaking thus, Lan Shanjun slowly pieced together the events of that year.

Her expression was dazed, then she looked at Yu Qingwu, “This reason—for you, for all of you, is it easy to deduce?”

Yu Qingwu nodded hesitantly, but naturally spoke in a comforting tone, “We drill into these matters every day, so of course we can think of it.”

Lan Shanjun suddenly smiled, “You’re right.”

She said, “Thank you.”

Yu Qingwu waited, but didn’t hear her say the two words “Qingwu.” He felt somewhat regretful in his heart. He had thought she would say, “Thank you, Qingwu,” or perhaps, “Qingwu, thank you.”

But there was nothing.

Missing those two words, it was as if his heart had a gap, making his anxious feelings involuntarily twist a hundred times, wishing they could become twisted like dough. In just these few days, he had already become familiar with this emotion. Knowing he was hoping without reason again, he rallied his spirits and said, “The court bulletins you find yourself definitely aren’t as complete as mine. Whatever you want, just tell me—I have everything.”

Even if I don’t have it, I can find it for you.

He was so sincere that Lan Shanjun was very grateful and naturally wanted to reciprocate, asking, “When you went to work today… was it alright?”

Actually it wasn’t alright. Heaven, earth, ruler, teacher—he had betrayed his teacher. Regardless of the circumstances, people would point at his spine. He didn’t dare let Shanjun worry but also didn’t dare reveal nothing and let her guess, so he smiled and said, “My spine is wrapped inside my flesh and blood. For them to hurt me, they’d have to cut through my flesh and blood—but they don’t dare raise the knife.”

He said, “Those who would truly raise a knife against me wouldn’t say these things to me. They also hate Elder Statesman Wu. Thus, those who hate me won’t come curse me to my face, and those who curse me don’t really matter to me. So this whole day has actually been quite comfortable.”

Lan Shanjun’s eyes softened.

To what degree must a person be open-minded to use humor for self-consolation?

She couldn’t help saying, “The short person watching the play—when have they ever seen it themselves? They only follow others in speaking of faults. You don’t need to mind what they say.”

Though Yu Qingwu had felt aggrieved today, he was comforted by these words. His earlier anxious feelings that had twisted around and around now untwisted, his insides straightening out as he spoke directly, “Shanjun, you don’t need to worry about me. If they curse harshly, I’ll curse back.”

But Lan Shanjun saw he was willing to talk and wanted to ask more questions.

She actually had many doubts in her heart.

She first asked, “You and the Imperial Grandson… what are things like between you now?”

Yu Qingwu still didn’t hide anything from her.

He said, “I was originally going to follow Elder Statesman Wu, so even in Huailing, I only had trusted people and didn’t think to cultivate my own power. Elder Statesman Wu’s matter happened too quickly. In such a short time, I had no other choices.”

“The Grand Grandson and I have some connection through the previous generation. I could just attach myself to him and request his protection. He also had a mind to use me, so we hit it off.”

He thought she was worried about him, so he quickly smiled, “Shanjun, don’t worry about me. I know what I’m doing.”

Before, dying didn’t matter, but now he wanted to live. Otherwise if he died, she would have to become a widow.

There were many troubles at a widow’s door. With her temperament, she feared trouble—what would she do in the future?

He shouldn’t have agreed to her, but in this life, the less one has, the more one wants to obtain.

His luck—he didn’t know if it was good or bad. He lost his father and mother in childhood, lost his sister and brother in youth, and then could be said to have lost his teacher.

Because he had lost so much, greed ran rampant in his heart. He had developed greed for her. Even knowing he might die, he still couldn’t bear to give up.

Couldn’t bear to give up, received heaven’s protection, and obtained it. Then naturally he must protect it well.

He said gently, “You also don’t need to worry about the Song family. Song Zhiwei—I’ve seen him twice. He’s someone who extremely values propriety. Since he’s been refused, he’ll definitely think about seeking others.”

He said, “He’s just a pretext, nothing more.”

Lan Shanjun sat quietly, not reacting when she heard the three words “Song Zhiwei.” When she came to her senses, she heard herself saying to Yu Qingwu, “Song Zhiwei is someone who can truly exercise restraint. Look, he was even willing to marry me back to occupy the position of future principal wife—you can see his schemes run deep.”

“Yu Qingwu, you must be careful. When you encounter him in the future, don’t be deceived by his surface.”

Hearing this, Yu Qingwu was just about to say “You’re so good, anyone would want to marry you, and I won’t be deceived.” But just as he raised his eyes, he saw between her brows and eyes there was some hostility. It seemed that mentioning this person brought countless unspeakable hatreds.

Yu Qingwu swallowed back the words he was about to say.

But her next sentence had a flat tone as she said, “Since the Song family was pointed out to the Imperial Grandson by His Majesty, perhaps Song Zhiwei’s first assignment will be to go to the Imperial Grandson’s side. Naturally you’ll meet.”

Yu Qingwu hesitantly made a sound of acknowledgment and asked hesitatingly, “Shanjun, did Song Zhiwei offend you?”

Lan Shanjun nodded, “Yes.”

She said seriously, “Look, he’s preparing to use me as a chess piece.”

Yu Qingwu seemed thoughtful but didn’t ask more.

Since encountering Shanjun, he always felt her emotions were sometimes very strange. But this matter was truly incomprehensible, so he didn’t investigate further.

He only carefully followed her intentions and said, “Calm your anger. His doing such things can be called arrogant. Such arrogant people, when dealt with carefully, also have methods.”

Who knew that as soon as he finished speaking, she asked with interest, “How would you deal with him?”

Yu Qingwu thought, could this be testing me? But he also didn’t dare exaggerate, saying, “Right now for me to deal with him would be difficult. Duke Songguo is favored by His Majesty—not like Marquis Boyuan’s estate, which has already become an eyesore to His Majesty.”

He explained softly, “Back then, the Empress’s natal Duan family was killed to the last person. Marquis Boyuan was proud at that time, but now the butcher’s knife has turned to him. He’s naturally frightened and doesn’t dare act rashly, especially doesn’t dare move against me. This is why I’ve survived until now. But the Song family won’t work that way—they’re currently in His Majesty’s favor.”

“But to deal with Song Zhiwei alone, there are also some methods. Song Zhiwei has an arrogant temperament—put him in an office to be ground down. When he’s worn down to restlessness and agitation, have him trip over his own feet, and it becomes much easier.”

After finishing, he looked at her, afraid what he said didn’t accord with her wishes. But he saw a trace of unclear emotion float up in her eyes. After quite a while she asked, “Recently I’ve often heard you all mention the Duan family, Duan Boyan, the Empress, the former Crown Prince…”

“I’m quite curious about the Duan family.”

She smiled, “Can this be spoken of?”

Why not? This wasn’t any secret.

If she wanted to know, he would certainly tell her. He said, “Back then, Grand Tutor Zhe of the Zhe family from Yunzhou entered the capital and was appreciated by the former Emperor, becoming the Crown Prince’s Grand Tutor. Duan Boyan was the current Emperor’s study companion, so he also studied together with them. He and His Majesty grew up together, as close as brothers. Later, His Majesty also married his younger sister as Empress. The entire Duan clan was honored. But at this time, he thought about abandoning the brush for the sword.”

Lan Shanjun then recalled the old monk saying he didn’t want to study and only loved the martial world, so he left with a blade.

The old monk said, “Who knew that outside, even a penny can stump a hero—ah, Shanjun, I had no money and could only slink back in defeat. It was very difficult.”

Yu Qingwu: “He campaigned in the south through a hundred battles, pacified several conflicts, then attacked the rebels in Shuzhou. But just when he was full of vigor—”

Speaking to this point, he looked around and said quietly, “The military silver from the court had problems.”

“So many soldiers—they died out there. Even Duan Boyan’s own son couldn’t return.”

Lan Shanjun’s heart ached. She quickly lowered her head, “Is that so?”

Yu Qingwu: “Yes.”

He said, “In his essay he said the mountains and rivers of the realm don’t need a general who fights wars. Because generals fight enemy invaders, not internal traitors.”

Lan Shanjun recalled the old monk saying, “So I went back to be a schoolteacher. That way I could also earn some silver to eat.”

Yu Qingwu: “But enemy invaders are easy to fight; internal traitors are hard to kill. Even with Duan Boyan and the Crown Prince together, they still couldn’t eliminate the internal traitors.”

Lan Shanjun’s eyes reddened.

The old monk said, “Ah, but teaching isn’t easy either.”

Yu Qingwu: “Duan Boyan and the former Crown Prince… passed away.”

Lan Shanjun sat across from him. With every sentence he spoke, it was as if the old monk was also speaking in her ear.

“Little Shanjun, I’ve wasted half my life accomplishing nothing, failing my parents and siblings. In the end I could only become a monk.”

Lan Shanjun took a deep breath, “Then what can be done? How can internal traitors be eliminated?”

Yu Qingwu then smiled, “I’m not so arrogant as to say I can do it. But in my heart I hold a scale, and from now on it won’t tip, never changing for life.”

“What our predecessors failed to accomplish, I’m in no hurry. Our predecessors passed away—I’m still alive.”

He said to Lan Shanjun, “Duan Boyan once said the safety of the realm’s mountains and rivers doesn’t lie in how treacherous the mountains and rivers are, but in the ruler’s virtue.”

But how fortunate must one be to encounter a virtuous ruler? Grand Tutor Zhe didn’t encounter one. Neither did Duan Boyan and the Crown Prince.

He smiled, “We can only take it slowly.”

After speaking, his heart felt somewhat relieved. But while he felt better, he saw her suddenly show a face full of sorrow, trembling all over. For a moment, he was at a loss again.

He always didn’t understand this inexplicable emotion of hers.

But her eyes were so red, her lips trembling so much—presumably she wanted to cry.

She was holding back tears.

She seemed to have never cried. This person was truly tenacious—she was unwilling to cry even when crying.

He had never seen such a young lady. This left him completely at a loss, not knowing what words to use for comfort at this moment.

Was it because she sympathized with Duan Boyan? Because she was from Shuzhou? Did her family have people who died in that war?

But at this moment, there was no need to know so much.

Yu Qingwu’s tender feelings twisted up again in his heart. Though he didn’t understand the reason, he said, “Hey, Shanjun, if you want to cry, then cry. Don’t hold it in.”

“—If you’re embarrassed, I’ll cry with you.”

“I’m pretty miserable right now too.”