◎”I’ve lived this long, I—am guilty.”◎

The Grand Imperial Grandson Consort quickly returned.

As soon as she entered, she saw A’Man sitting on Lan Shanjun’s lap, listening to her explain the differences between knives from various regions.

“Shu Province likes to attach an iron ring to the knife handle. Shuo Province prefers to simply bore a hole here instead. The people of Yun Province don’t like holes or rings—they only love to decorate their knives with colored lacquer.”

Lan Shanjun said gently, “This is also related to the customs of each region. Shu knives have rings because Shu Province had many battles in the past. The iron ring can make the knife’s force greater. When you thrust straight forward, the knife ring falls down, making the blade straighter. Naturally the knife’s power is greater, and the chance of survival increases.”

Hearing this, the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort nodded with a smile, entered, and sat down, saying, “That’s exactly right. The people of Yun Province love colorful paintings because there’s constant wind and sand year-round, with sand dunes everywhere. If a knife is lost it’s very hard to find, so they make them with colored lacquer—that way they’re easy to see. The people of Yun Province love to make everything in lacquer colors—it’s all gray and drab there, so everyone really likes bright, vibrant colors.”

A’Man nodded repeatedly, “So there’s actually such scholarship in this.”

The Grand Imperial Grandson Consort said, “Whatever you want to learn, you must of course know why it is the way it is. Learning the knife is the same principle.”

Lan Shanjun smiled, “Yes, that’s exactly right.”

The old monk had told her the same thing.

She stood up again to bow to the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort, then said, “The knives here are excellent. This subject’s daughter was dazzled by the choices and selected a curved blade.”

The Grand Imperial Grandson Consort replied, “I only studied the knife for one year as a child. Now after more than ten years without touching one, I’ve become rusty—I don’t even know how to wield a curved blade anymore.”

Lan Shanjun then went to the courtyard with a smile and performed a routine. Her knife work was very efficient, with no extraneous moves. Each advance and retreat of the blade used only one technique. The Grand Imperial Grandson Consort and the two children applauded repeatedly.

Lan Shanjun sheathed the knife without a drop of sweat on her brow.

The Grand Imperial Grandson Consort asked curiously, “Who did you learn from?”

Lan Shanjun replied, “A monk, who was also this subject’s daughter’s master.”

She wasn’t afraid the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort would recognize the knife techniques. Back then the old monk hadn’t taught her calligraphy because he feared she might get into trouble if she learned his writing style, but he was willing to teach her knife techniques—presumably these techniques had no flaws that would expose them.

Indeed, the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort didn’t notice anything and instead said, “I roughly recognize this as the knife-wielding style of the Wuzhou region. They prefer this kind of clean efficiency.”

Lan Shanjun confirmed, “Yes, my master was from Wuzhou.”

The Grand Imperial Grandson Consort praised her, “You could even take the martial examination and become a martial champion.”

Lan Shanjun shook her head, “That would be showing off before experts.”

She paused, then ventured tentatively, “But if you like it, this subject’s daughter could frequently come to the Eastern Palace to perform for you.”

The Grand Imperial Grandson Consort politely declined—she didn’t like socializing with people. Lan Shanjun didn’t press the matter and said with a smile, “Yes. Then next time I have the opportunity, I’ll come pay my respects again.”

When she was leaving, A’Man was reluctant to part, holding her hand with lingering attachment and asking in a childish voice, “Miss Lan Liu, when will you enter the palace again?”

Lan Shanjun bent down to look at her and said softly, “In reply to the Princess, next time?”

After saying this she looked at the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort. Seeing she had no intention to refuse, she said, “After the Double Ninth Festival in the ninth month? Then this subject’s daughter will come see the Princess again.”

After leaving the palace, Yu Qingwu was waiting for her. He went over to help her into the carriage, then climbed into the carriage himself and asked, “How was it?”

Lan Shanjun said in a low voice, “She has a good temperament, but I don’t know what lies beneath the surface.”

Yu Qingwu replied, “Don’t be anxious. After spending more time together and understanding her nature, then make your plans.”

He paused, then added, “Actually, you don’t need to think about borrowing the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort’s influence. The Grand Imperial Grandson is a person who doesn’t want the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort involved in these matters. It’s as if he wants to keep the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort sheltered in the Eastern Palace, without any troubling concerns.”

But Lan Shanjun shook her head, “I still need to become familiar with her and frequently enter the Eastern Palace.”

Regardless of what the Grand Imperial Grandson thought, the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort had indeed passed away.

What she told Yu Qingwu was that she wanted to use the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort to accomplish things—this was indeed her intention. She had no one at her disposal, and if she could attach herself to the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort, many things would be much easier to accomplish.

But in her heart, she wanted even more to see if she could save her.

Lan Shanjun remembered that the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort passed away in the summer of the fifty-first year of Yuanshao.

That is, three years from now.

At that time she had been busy battling wits with Lady Song Guogong and wasn’t concerned with the Grand Imperial Grandson and his wife, so regarding this past event, she had only heard some gossip.

According to rumors, the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort died of a sudden illness, and from falling ill to death was only three days.

Three days later, the Grand Imperial Grandson coughed up blood and remained unconscious for seven days. By the time of the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort’s burial, the Grand Imperial Grandson still couldn’t stand and was carried to the funeral.

During the funeral procession, he wept openly several times regardless of propriety, clinging tightly to the coffin and refusing to let go, as if he wished to follow her in death. The historians recorded it as “vows as steadfast as mountains and seas.”

Lan Shanjun knew of this matter from hearing young ladies sigh over this couple’s devotion, hoping their future husbands would be as devoted as the Grand Imperial Grandson.

But thinking carefully now, it seemed that after the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort’s death, Prince Qi’s previously suppressed momentum gradually rose again—her visits to Marquis Boyuan’s residence for banquets with various members of the Song family became even more frequent.

Lan Shanjun still remembered that when she returned to Duke Zhenguo’s residence, Lan San had said, “The Grand Imperial Grandson grieves excessively. His Majesty dislikes his appearance and even issued a reprimand.”

But if it were merely excessive grief, even being reprimanded wouldn’t allow Prince Qi’s momentum to resurface. There must have been some other reason.

This matter was still many years away. Lan Shanjun hadn’t been in a hurry to come, as urgency would be counterproductive and could easily expose her hand.

But recently, as Old Lady Shou’s health grew increasingly poor, some things had become completely different from her previous life, and she didn’t dare not find an excuse to come.

Old Lady Shou was supposed to pass away two years from now.

Even as her health deteriorated, Lan Shanjun had thought that such a natural death wouldn’t change because of her return—she should be able to hold on until two years from now.

But clearly, the old lady couldn’t endure that long anymore.

What about the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort then?

After thinking it over repeatedly, she said, “After spending time together, I’ll observe her character and see how much affection she still has for the old monk. If I want to truly know her, I’ll still need her to know my identity.”

Only people in the same boat could gain trust. Only then could she know more things and possibly save her.

Yu Qingwu discovered that she calculated every step she took. Her previous marriage arrangement with him must have been just as carefully thought out and calculated, right?

He couldn’t help but feel sorry for her, thinking that her excessive wisdom would inevitably lead to injury.

He was truly grateful she trusted him and had someone to help sort things through.

Yu Qingwu said, “Don’t rush. It’s better to wait a bit longer while I go investigate.”

Lan Shanjun nodded, “With my current status, it’s actually not easy to find reasons to enter the palace for an audience. Next time I go, it will still be because the young princess is thinking of me. But once we’re married, entering the palace as Madam Yu will be much easier.”

Yu Qingwu’s ears slowly reddened again.

—Madam Yu.

These three words were like a spell circling in his mind, yet he didn’t dare show the slightest hint of impropriety. He could only desperately suppress it.

Lan Shanjun didn’t notice and continued, “Do you think—could Prince Qi or Prince Wei kill the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort?”

The impropriety Yu Qingwu had been suppressing turned to water flowing down his back in a cold sweat, “Do you know something?”

Lan Shanjun slowly shook her head, “I don’t know. I just suddenly thought of it.”

Yu Qingwu also felt that even if such a thing happened, Shanjun couldn’t possibly know about it.

He breathed a sigh of relief, “It shouldn’t come to that.”

After thinking, he explained it this way, “His Majesty likes watching people fight and seeing descendants compete, but he doesn’t like descendants killing each other.”

He had corralled his children to fight like this, yet still hoped they would be harmonious and united.

The more Lan Shanjun learned about these matters, the less she understood, “Why is he like this?”

Yu Qingwu replied, “I don’t know. Perhaps all emperors are like this.”

But Lan Shanjun frowned and said, “I once saw some elderly people who believed their lifespan was connected to their descendants.”

“They believed that long-lived descendants would shorten their own lifespan. So in order to survive, they had to shorten their descendants’ lifespans.”

This was the first time Yu Qingwu had heard of such a thing, “That is… different from ordinary people.”

Lan Shanjun nodded, “Besides shortening lifespans, they also didn’t like the younger generation in the family having too many children, because they also believed that with each child born, the elder’s lifespan would shorten somewhat.”

Yu Qingwu had thought the Emperor was different from these elders when he heard the beginning, but this last statement made him pause, “The imperial family does indeed have rather few descendants.”

The former Crown Prince only had the Grand Imperial Grandson. Prince Qi had two sons but not a single daughter. Prince Wei also only had Prince Wei’s heir as his one son.

Over these years, the Emperor hadn’t urged them to produce more descendants to expand the family tree.

Lan Shanjun said, “His Majesty is actually no different from these elders.”

Yu Qingwu fell silent at this. He had always had a sense of awe toward the Emperor. After the Marquis Boyuan incident, his fear of the Emperor had deepened another layer.

He had always felt His Majesty was unfathomably deep.

But Shanjun, who didn’t understand court politics, compared him to a village elder, and it actually made some sense.

He smiled, “Now that you’ve said this, I’m not as afraid of him anymore.”

Lan Shanjun pressed her lips together, her hands loosening and tightening, tightening and loosening, “Me too.”

How could she not be panicked?

The two looked at each other and smiled again.

After she finished smiling she continued contemplating. Yu Qingwu couldn’t help but secretly watch her still tightly clenched hands and sigh: if one day he could hold her hand to comfort her, how wonderful that would be.

He would probably have this thought for his entire life.

Having this thought, he always had to do something to console himself. So when getting out of the carriage, he jumped down first, then extended his hand to help her down.

—In this way, it could be considered holding hands.

But having thought this, he felt even more empty.

Especially a few days later when Lan Shanjun moved to the Shou residence and said to him with a smile, “Yu Qingwu, from now on we’ll be living together.”

Yu Qingwu didn’t sleep well that night.

He kept his eyes open until the hour of Yin. Unable to sleep at all, he got up and wrote in his journal: “It’s all Nanny Qian’s fault for being a disrespectful elder.”

Why did she have to give him that kind of book?

He wrote in distress again, “It’s also my fault for not knowing restraint, looking and thinking too much, creating this disaster.”

Why would someone who was going to be a eunuch read that kind of book?

Once enlightened, one had to have such troubles. He took a deep breath and simply went to fetch water and chop firewood. Only after finishing all this did he hurry out to report for duty at the Court of Imperial Stud.

When Nanny Qian woke up and saw this, she clicked her tongue in wonder, “Oh my, it must have been done by the snail maiden.”

The next day she specifically got up early to watch, then said to Lan Shanjun, “The snail’s surname is Yu.”

Lan Shanjun laughed for quite a while.

For the next two months, she stayed at the Shou residence accompanying Old Lady Shou.

Every day she would air out books and select one to read aloud to the old lady. On other days, she also visited the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort at the Eastern Palace three times.

The Grand Imperial Grandson Consort even said to her, “A’Man is quite fond of you.”

Lan Shanjun would then teach A’Man a few techniques with a smile. Once, just after she finished teaching, she saw the Grand Imperial Grandson standing under the corridor watching her and A’Man, as if seeing other people through them.

Lan Shanjun thought that perhaps in the past the old monk had taught him and the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort hand-in-hand like this.

But he said nothing and left.

Without him saying anything, Lan Shanjun felt his emotions toward her must be quite complex. He didn’t want her to see the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort, yet seeing her with A’Man like this, he couldn’t help but let things take their natural course and allow them to meet a few more times.

Though she hadn’t interacted with the Grand Imperial Grandson many times, she felt he was a very contradictory person.

She told Yu Qingwu, “As a child, the Grand Imperial Grandson received teachings from the old monk and the former Crown Prince. Later he received the Emperor’s teachings. These two types of teachings are mixed in his mind—it just depends which one wins.”

Yu Qingwu then discovered that Shanjun’s thoughts were especially clear. Just by thinking in her mind, she could think through a matter with exceptional clarity. If she couldn’t figure something out, she would keep her eyes open and keep thinking—so living together for a while had this benefit: he understood her little habits even better.

He asked carefully, “How did you develop this habit?”

Lan Shanjun paused, then lowered her eyes and said, “Naturally it’s habit—practiced, I suppose.”

Yu Qingwu knew he had said the wrong thing and turned himself into a joke for her to hear, “Shanjun, you don’t know—Nanny Qian secretly calls me Yu the Snail.”

Hearing this, Lan Shanjun couldn’t help but laugh and stood up, saying, “She didn’t say it secretly.”

Yu Qingwu fell silent.

He knew Nanny Qian couldn’t keep anything to herself.

Then he watched Shanjun’s retreating figure and sighed.

—Such a habit would require a person to be alone for a long time before practicing it, wouldn’t it?

If there were someone to talk to, one would go talk to them. Just like now when she had a problem, she came to talk to him. When two people talked, of course there was no need to keep one’s eyes open all the time.

What exactly had Shanjun experienced to make her the person she was now?

The more he glimpsed, the more he understood, the more he discovered that her experiences over the past seventeen years didn’t match her current habits and wisdom.

This didn’t make sense.

He returned to his room, took out a new sheet of paper, wrote down these habits that didn’t match her experience and wisdom, and let out a soft sigh.

One day he would be able to see through this secret. He just didn’t know if he would be able to heal her wounds then. If he couldn’t, how should he deal with himself?

When one thought too much, troubles arose. Fortunately, at night his troubles were only about Shanjun, but during the day his troubles were frighteningly numerous.

Because the Court of Imperial Stud was reopening the tea-horse trade route, many people came calling. Yu Qingwu ran around constantly every day, being diplomatic everywhere, offending neither this person nor that one—quite different from when he had stubbornly pursued Marquis Boyuan.

The Emperor quite liked him this way.

He said to the Grand Imperial Grandson, “Yu Qingwu is different from those lofty literati. He knows how to assess situations.”

The Grand Imperial Grandson said with a smile, “I originally thought he was like Wu Qingchuan, someone who liked to sing high-minded tunes. I didn’t expect him to be a capable official.”

The Emperor replied, “That’s why he broke with Wu Qingchuan. I see he doesn’t shout slogans—he just steadily does his work.”

The Emperor greatly disliked those who shouted slogans. Like Duan Boyan.

This person always liked to talk about the world and the common people, always saying the people were destitute, always saying how many people had died here or there—then go save them! Why come tell me?

He had said to Duan Boyan, “The world is vast. There will always be common people who starve to death. I am the Son of Heaven—as long as I keep most people alive, isn’t that enough? That is merit.”

But Duan Boyan insisted on arguing with him: “But Your Majesty, half the common people are already starving to death, and they didn’t have to die.”

He knelt in the great hall, saying painfully, “This subject led troops in battle. What I saw and heard along the way was truly horrifying. The people of Luoyang sing and dance, yet the common people are already resorting to eating their own children.”

“With such a state of affairs in Great Xia, once natural disasters and human calamities occur, what will we use to defend these cities?”

The Emperor was furious, “But I revere Heaven, govern diligently, and love the people. During my reign, Heaven has never sent down punishment. As for human calamities—if the Crown Prince hadn’t foolishly wasted resources with you, where would human calamities come from?”

He was deeply disappointed, “Boyan, you weren’t like this before.”

Duan Boyan wept, “Your Majesty, at this critical moment of life and death, open your eyes and look. Although we won the battle in Shu Province, hundreds of thousands of soldiers died.”

“Military provisions didn’t arrive. The Ministry of Revenue officials embezzled silver. This corruption filtered down from above. Even when discovered, they only said those who embezzled silver just had unclean cooking vessels. When the Court of Judicial Review investigated this case, it was clearly the Minister of Revenue who was caught having violated and killed a young girl, yet they only called it improper conduct with women. The Ministry of War people were armchair strategists. Support wasn’t timely, appointments were confused and incompetent, yet in the end they only gave them an evaluation of ‘not quite competent.'”

“The court has reached such a state. This subject doesn’t understand why you won’t open your eyes to look and manage things!”

The Emperor was so angry he struck his back hard with a sword, “You shouldn’t be the one saying this, you shouldn’t be the one asking! You are my person—you just need to listen to my words!”

Duan Boyan hugged his leg and cried, “But Your Majesty, if even this subject cannot come before you to speak, this subject doesn’t know who else would dare speak to you.”

The Emperor’s chest hurt with anger. He said, “Boyan, don’t always cry and force me like this.”

The Emperor had greatly liked Duan Boyan. This person was utterly loyal to him—the person he could most entrust his back to.

But even such a person would change.

The Emperor still replaced the Minister of Revenue, the Minister of the Court of Judicial Review, the Minister of War, and the Minister of Justice. But his hatred for Duan Boyan had grown deeper and deeper.

He often thought how wonderful it would be if Boyan had always been obedient. Then they could still have mutual understanding between ruler and minister, and later generations would speak of them as a fine tale.

The Emperor felt that Duan Boyan had gone out to fight several battles and his heart had gone wild. Having learned this lesson, he kept the Grand Imperial Grandson confined to the Eastern Palace to study.

The Grand Imperial Grandson was indeed very obedient. Even the chosen Yu Qingwu was very obedient.

The Emperor was very satisfied, saying, “Isn’t he getting married next spring? When the time comes, I’ll also bestow some gifts.”

The Grand Imperial Grandson laughed, “Then that evening he’ll probably be so overjoyed he won’t dare consummate the marriage, fearing he’s dreaming.”

The Emperor laughed heartily, then looked up at the sky, “This year’s snow came early.”

It was only early November and it was already snowing.

The Grand Imperial Grandson extended his hand to catch a flake and nodded, “It’s indeed snowing.”

He stood with his hands behind his back looking at the sky, “This time last year, wasn’t there also a heavy snowfall?”

——

Outside, heavy snow was falling. Yu Qingwu was able to rest for a while. He complained, “Day after day like this, my face is about to freeze from smiling.”

Minister Su, the old director of the Court of Imperial Stud, looked at him steadily for a while, then said with a smile, “When you first came, I was especially worried you were like Duan Boyan.”

Yu Qingwu paused, “How do you think General Duan… was?”

Old Minister Su had stayed at the Court of Imperial Stud his entire life. Yu Qingwu wasn’t the first person to come here wanting to do something.

But they all wanted to make sweeping changes, while only Yu Qingwu was willing to make insignificant improvements.

Old Minister Su said, “Duan Boyan… he was a naive person.”

He thought he and the Emperor had known each other since childhood, as close as brothers. He thought he could change the court’s abuses.

He thought he could already oppose the full court of corrupt officials.

Old Minister Su patted Yu Qingwu, “You being like this is very good.”

But Yu Qingwu said gently, “But if it weren’t for his naivety that finally made His Majesty replace most officials in Revenue, Judicial Review, Justice, War and other ministries with people who had their heads on straight, the battle in Shu Province over ten years ago would not have turned out as it did.”

“In such a situation of military defeat, to still hold out until Shu Province surrendered—wasn’t that the result of his naivety?”

He said with a smile, “I know I can never be like him. But don’t worry, old director—I’ll never become that kind of person either.”

“I have my own path to walk. Otherwise, people at home would worry.”

Old Minister Su sighed deeply, then looked at him for a long time without speaking. Finally he patted his shoulder, “I’ve helped so many people. In the end I don’t know if I can help you.”

In this lifetime, he had watched people like Duan Boyan go to their deaths one after another. Having seen so much, he too had been deeply affected.

He stood by the window watching the snow and suddenly said, “In this life of mine… I cannot claim to be pure and blameless.”

Yu Qingwu’s heart jumped, “Old director, has something happened to you?”

Old Minister Su shook his head, “Just sighing, that’s all.”

He said, “This year’s snow is like last year’s—it came too early. This is not good news for the horse farms.”

Yu Qingwu also frowned, “I fear another batch will die.”

Old Minister Su replied, “Yes… another batch will die.”

He looked at Yu Qingwu, his eyes gentle as he said, “Minister Yu, we’re probably going to be quite busy.”

Yu Qingwu nodded.

They would indeed be busy.

He was so busy his feet barely touched the ground, but when he returned to the Shou residence, Nanny Qian always had a steaming hot pot of vegetables cooked and waiting for him.

Today when he returned, it was the same. Only this time as he ate, Nanny Qian cried, saying, “Young Master Yu, I fear the old lady won’t make it.”

The bowl in Yu Qingwu’s hand fell to the ground and shattered.

He stood up immediately and said, “Have you called for a physician?”

Nanny Qian shook her head, “This time the old lady won’t allow it.”

Yu Qingwu walked into the room and heard Lan Shanjun and Old Lady Shou talking softly.

Old Lady Shou instructed, “I had originally planned to make it through this winter. I wanted to hold on until next March to see you two married.”

Lan Shanjun cried, “You can make it through.”

Old Lady Shou smiled gently, “I definitely can’t make it. Last night I dreamed of an old friend again. He said he came to take me to be reborn.”

She said, “You know—how impatient your master was, don’t you?”

Lan Shanjun raised her head, tears streaming down her face, “You, you knew?”

Old Lady Shou laughed softly, “There were too many coincidences… When I had nothing to do, I would think. Thinking and thinking, watching you and Qingwu grow closer, hearing about Boyan more and more often, I figured it out.”

She said, “But that you didn’t tell me—I can understand… I am a sinner—I couldn’t save him—”

Lan Shanjun quickly shook her head, “No, it’s not like that—Master also once said he had a widowed elder sister at home whom he was always worried about.”

Hearing this, Old Lady Shou finally felt somewhat happier, saying, “I knew he didn’t blame me. He finally… entered my dreams. So I say, this is also thanks to you.”

Lan Shanjun wept painfully, “Don’t say that. If you do, I’ll never get over this hurdle in my entire life. Old Lady, I was wrong. I should have told you earlier.”

Old Lady Shou gently stroked her hair, “No, you didn’t need to tell me. Your self-protection was not wrong. I’m just worried… Shanjun, you child…”

She shook her head, “You child, at such a young age, yet so burdened with worries. The saying goes, extreme wisdom leads to injury. During this time I’ve often feared you would die young. I wanted to advise you, but as a person—I am guilty.”

“I’ve lived this long, I—am guilty.”

The character for longevity—wasn’t it also a knife hanging over her head?