◎In the third month of the forty-ninth year of Yuanshao, I married Yu Qingwu.◎

The white lanterns under the corridor spun in the wind and snow, making muffled sounds like skin filled with wind—bulging and hollow—a sound most unpleasant to the ear.

Nanny Qian closed the door, and the inner room immediately became much quieter.

Where the coffin had been placed that morning was now empty. Nanny Qian had people clean that area thoroughly, brought over a small table, heated up the leftover dishes from the back kitchen that hadn’t made it to the banquet tables, and called the still-grieving young couple to eat.

Nanny Qian had seen off many people in her lifetime. At first she would cry for this one and that one, but later she learned to take it more lightly.

After drinking several cups of wine with some intoxication, she couldn’t help but say, “Everyone has to go through that eventually. Dying early or dying late—there’s really no difference.”

“Like you educated people—living a few more years just means reading a few more books than others. And like us servants—living these extra years just means serving the masters a few more years. But you’ve read books, so you should understand life, yet you say there’s a difference in deaths—some heavier than a mountain, some lighter than a feather—”

Yu Qingwu was already quite familiar with this and continued while refilling her wine cup, “All men must die, some deaths are heavier than Mount Tai, some lighter than a feather.”

Nanny Qian drank another cup, “That’s the phrase. Because of these words, throughout my life I’ve seen countless people rush forward one after another trying to climb Mount Tai. Even someone as clear-minded as our old lady had moments when she couldn’t let go and wanted to be heavier than Mount Tai.”

She sighed deeply, “But I think death is just death. No matter why you die, there’s no difference. In this world, whether it’s a mountain or a feather, once dead everything rots—what’s the damn use!”

Yu Qingwu had just been about to say “listening to your words is better than reading ten years of books,” but then suddenly coughed violently, desperately trying to cover over those crude words.

Lan Shanjun glanced at him and steadily refilled Nanny Qian’s wine, saying, “You’re drunk. Shall I help you back to rest?”

Nanny Qian drank the last cup and nodded, “That works.”

She was tired enough today. She held Lan Shanjun’s hand and said, “Ah, you two young people are also educated folks. This old woman worries about you in her heart.”

These matters of life and death were, in her view, shackles that educated people placed on themselves.

This young couple of hers was living half-enlightened, half-confused, so their shackles were especially heavy.

Yu Qingwu came over to support her other side, “Don’t worry. We know what we’re doing.”

After helping her back to sleep, he and Lan Shanjun discussed their plans going forward.

He said, “Tomorrow, shall I escort you back to Duke Zhenguo’s residence?”

With Old Lady Shou gone, continuing to live together would be improper. But if she didn’t want to go back, he would go stay at the residence on Vinegar Fish Alley.

Lan Shanjun replied, “I’ll return to Duke Zhenguo’s residence.”

The New Year was approaching, and she would be leaving from there to marry next March anyway—it was good to go back.

Moreover, in that household, she still worried about Huihui. Calculating it, in this lifetime her thoughts were heavy and her affairs many—she had rarely shown concern for Huihui. Yet Huihui cared deeply for her, had quarreled several times with her mother and Lan San for her sake, and this time had even helped manage the funeral. She owed her a debt of gratitude.

Then after thinking more she added, “The Grand Imperial Grandson today was probably deeply moved seeing the old lady’s death, his heart touched, so he asked me to teach the young princess knife techniques.”

When she had taught A’Man knife techniques before, the Grand Imperial Grandson had worn a complex expression. He probably had the thought even then, but at that time he still didn’t want her frequently entering the palace.

Yu Qingwu said, “Teaching the young princess means you’re passing down the legacy.”

He continued, “The Grand Imperial Grandson is a very contradictory person. Before, he didn’t want you too involved, but with the old lady’s passing and no one to look after you, he probably feels the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort can look out for you.”

People change. The Grand Imperial Grandson too. From this matter, Yu Qingwu felt he had a nature of going with the flow—not someone who, once decided, would never change.

He said, “This is just right, and saves us the trouble of getting into the Eastern Palace—it’s a good thing brought to us by the old lady’s passing.”

They had both benefited greatly from Old Lady Shou.

Walking back from the rear courtyard, halfway there, just as they were about to part, Lan Shanjun suddenly stopped and called out, “Yu Qingwu.”

Yu Qingwu responded, “Mm?”

Lan Shanjun looked at him seriously, “I was born in the marketplace. Whatever Nanny Qian can say, I can say. What Nanny Qian can’t say, I can say too.”

Yu Qingwu didn’t know how to position his hands and feet properly.

Lan Shanjun couldn’t help but laugh, “Next time, no need to make such a fuss. I can curse—quite a lot actually.”

——

With Old Lady Shou’s passing, Lan Shanjun did indeed gain benefits.

As a junior helping manage the funeral, though she was only assisting the Office of Imperial Clan Affairs, at such a young age she handled everything well, settling the ladies properly—from seating to fruits and refreshments without a single error. It was truly rare, and many praised her intelligence and deportment as a clan matron.

Also, because the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort was affectionate toward her at the Shou residence, and the young princess held her hand calling her “Aunt Lan Liu,” this made many look at her with new eyes.

Now that Prince Qi appeared weak while the Grand Imperial Grandson rose steadily, naturally many came to curry favor. Unable to reach the Grand Imperial Grandson Consort, they set their sights on Lan Shanjun.

During the New Year period, she received quite a few invitations.

Zhu Shi was overjoyed beyond measure, having people prepare clothing and jewelry, ready to go everywhere in glory and raise her head high.

But Lan Shanjun poured cold water on this, “These people all want to curry favor with the Grand Imperial Grandson. I now seem bound to the Grand Imperial Grandson’s boat—it looks glorious, but who knows what the future holds. Mother had better ignore these and just be as before, someone who doesn’t rely on anyone.”

“If I do well in the future, naturally you and the family will have prospects. If I fail… no one will pursue relatives by marriage—after all, everyone has marriage connections everywhere, so no one will want to exterminate completely.”

These words cooled Zhu Shi’s heated heart. She said awkwardly, “Is it really that serious?”

Lan Shanjun replied, “My relationship with Mother isn’t good—more or less everyone in Luoyang knows. Third Brother and Yu Qingwu don’t get along—people know this too. If Yu Qingwu and I have trouble in the future, if Mother does nothing now, she’ll have an excuse to distance herself from us. But if she attends banquets now, then in the future it will be we all prosper together or fall together. Is Mother willing?”

Zhu Shi’s expression grew increasingly poor, “We are family after all…”

Lan Shanjun stared at her, “Then in the future, if Prince Qi gains power and imprisons me, will Mother save me or not?”

Zhu Shi’s face alternated between pale and flushed, finally saying, “Why are you scaring me with this! If you end up in prison and I can save you, of course I would save you.”

Lan Shanjun just smiled but didn’t speak further.

Zhu Shi felt guilty that she hadn’t said the word “save” with certainty at the time, so she felt too embarrassed to stay longer. She went back and told Lan San, “I think what Shanjun said makes some sense. These days look like a garden in full bloom, but who knows whether the flowers will bloom or wither in the future?”

She cried, “Ai! Today I said the wrong thing again and lost face before her.”

But Third Young Master Lan couldn’t bear to give up this glory—even he had received many invitations.

This had never happened before.

He said, “What does Sixth Sister, a sheltered young lady, know? I think she just doesn’t want me to share in this benefit. Or maybe Yu Qingwu doesn’t like me and isn’t willing to help me.”

Hearing this, Zhu Shi again felt her son also made some sense. For a moment she didn’t know what to do.

The next day when Lan Shanjun saw her expression, she knew she was being indecisive again.

Every step she took from now on would be more difficult. Not wanting to be dragged down by this family, she went directly to Third Young Madam and said, “Third Brother’s problem could harm the whole family. Even I don’t dare attend banquets and have refused them all, yet he dares to go out using the Grand Imperial Grandson’s name—I fear something serious will happen.”

Third Young Madam’s expression turned ugly. She had actually advised him, but her husband wouldn’t listen to anything. Her heart was suffering—who wouldn’t suffer being married to a fool?

Lan Shanjun continued, “I know Sister-in-law is intelligent, so speaking with you, I won’t beat around the bush. Yu Qingwu appears to be the Grand Imperial Grandson’s person, but the Grand Imperial Grandson is cool toward him—not especially close. Yu Qingwu himself doesn’t dare claim he has face before the Grand Imperial Grandson. How dare Third Brother?”

“Though he hasn’t promised anything, today drinking with this person, tomorrow accepting that person’s gifts—if the Grand Imperial Grandson blames him in the future, it could implicate the whole family. At that time, who could help us?”

Prince Qi? Prince Wei?

Third Young Madam said with difficulty, “Originally, our family was close to Prince Qi’s residence. Later, when Prince Wei’s heir courted your Third Brother, we broke with Prince Qi’s residence. Then when Prince Wei’s heir killed someone and was imprisoned, your Third Brother was like a fly with no crack to get into. These days he’s always complaining about his bad luck.”

Lan Shanjun was made to laugh by her words. Third Young Madam sighed, “Now you’re marrying Yu Qingwu, and your Third Brother goes out using the Grand Imperial Grandson’s name like this. If the Grand Imperial Grandson gets angry and blames him, we’ll have offended all three families completely—truly beyond medical help.”

The more she thought about it, the more she felt her husband was truly stupid. She bit her lip and asked, “What does Sixth Sister mean?”

Lan Shanjun replied, “Why not have him posted away?”

She continued, “Go work under Eldest Brother.”

Third Young Madam was dissatisfied, “Eldest Brother is only a county magistrate.”

Lan Shanjun argued reasonably, “A county magistrate already has the power of life and death. Isn’t Third Sister-in-law afraid?”

Third Young Madam fell silent.

She was indeed afraid. She feared this fool would be incited to kill and set fires—then she might as well not live.

Seeing her moved, Lan Shanjun continued persuading, “Going to Eldest Brother’s place, with Eldest Brother watching over him and letting him gain experience for two years, perhaps he could improve.”

Third Young Madam increasingly felt this was feasible.

But she had no children.

Without children, she didn’t dare let her husband go away. She spoke frankly, “I couldn’t possibly follow him there.”

That poor, remote place—first, she was unwilling to go, and second, she feared going there and having to be inferior to the eldest sister-in-law, suffering everywhere.

Lan Shanjun said with a smile, “The matter of offspring cannot be rushed. I’m just telling you this plan. If Sister-in-law is willing, I can help. But regardless, Sister-in-law should help Third Brother keep watch.”

Third Young Madam had already spoken so frankly with her, so she had some things, appropriate or not, that she wanted to say, “Your Third Brother… his heart may not be quite right.”

Looking like that himself, yet looking down on Fourth Uncle.

When she first married in, she also thought Fourth Uncle as a man was quite pathetic and indeed not good. But now looking at it, he was the best one in the whole family.

Third Young Madam was quite melancholy, “Sixth Sister, after you and Seventh Sister marry, I fear my days in this family will be difficult.”

After returning, Lan Shanjun felt quite emotional. In her previous life, she had never talked with Third Sister-in-law like this—she hadn’t known she viewed Lan San this way.

But Third Sister-in-law had been distant toward her before too… could it be that at that time, she also thought her quite foolish?

Quite possible indeed.

Lan Shanjun couldn’t help but think of Yu Qingwu again. If her previous life’s self had encountered Yu Qingwu, she probably wouldn’t have had the courage to be with him.

She wrote in her journal: “Perhaps our reunion by chance came at just the right time. Too early would not wait, too late would not meet. Only on the winter snow road, when no others are present, can one see that each is a person returning home at night.”

Then in another journal specifically about Yu Qingwu, she wrote: “In the winter of the forty-eighth year of Yuanshao, an elder passed away…”

She and he had already accompanied each other through two funerals.

Though they had known each other for less than a year, they had experienced quite a lot of rights and wrongs.

“Though covered by wind and snow, the parasol tree dropped another round of dead branches, and still no flowers or grass could be seen anywhere, but…”

But somehow she felt that this time, it was no longer as lost as before.

Yet when she tried to write it precisely, she couldn’t write it out. She always felt that whatever she wrote lacked something.

So she put down her brush.

For several days after, it was the New Year period.

She invited Zhu Yun, Qin Pingting, and many Shu Province young ladies to visit, introducing Huihui to them.

Unexpectedly, Yun Niang got along best with Huihui too. Before, Qin Pingting had chased after Yun Niang, but she only deflected. But seeing Huihui, she was delighted, telling Lan Shanjun, “Your sister’s name with the character for ‘wisdom’ truly fits her. She knows many things. No matter what I say, she can answer. She’s even read quite a few books on water management.”

Lan Shanjun never knew Huihui had this side. She asked curiously, “Did you discuss water management?”

Zhu Yun replied, “We did. She’s quite knowledgeable.”

She continued, “I just invited her to come see my bamboo mechanisms at my house.”

Then pulling Lan Shanjun aside, “I know your mother quite looks down on my family’s status. When you visit my house, she’s always dissatisfied. Now I’ve invited Huihui too…”

She regretted it after inviting her. But Huihui was so sincere and even said she’d help search ancient texts on water management—she didn’t want to go back on her word.

Both sisters were so wonderful—she really couldn’t bear to refuse either one.

Lan Shanjun put her arm around her, “If Huihui is willing, I’ll handle telling them about going to your house.”

Zhu Yun smiled, “Shanjun, you’re always the most reliable one.”

Then looking around, “My mother told me to thank you… did you do something else I don’t know about?”

Lan Shanjun replied, “It’s nothing really.”

It was just that when Marquis Boyuan was arrested, she had Yu Qingwu inquire about the Zhu father and son’s intentions. She knew they would certainly compete for the position of Luoyang Prefect, but she also knew this position was difficult—over ten years, several had lost their heads.

Though she couldn’t recall exactly why, once at a banquet she had encountered the new Luoyang Prefect’s wife, who had quietly cursed, “Every time something happens, they execute people. How many heads have fallen? When I heard about my husband’s appointment, I almost fainted.”

So Lan Shanjun told Zhu Yun, “At that time there was a vacancy in the Ministry of Justice. Your father could have filled it. He was hesitating between the two. I just heard people say the position in the Ministry of Justice was better and mentioned it casually… your mother is giving me too much credit.”

Zhu Yun understood only half of this. She didn’t understand such matters, but her mother said Shanjun was good, so she also thought Shanjun was good—praising her couldn’t be wrong. She said, “I don’t like going out, and you’re busy, so this year we can still only correspond by letter.”

Lan Shanjun said with a smile, “Good, we’ll write letters. Now we even have a dedicated little maid to deliver our letters.”

When Qin Pingting came over and saw this, she laughed, “I actually don’t know where I lost—you two sisters have completely captured Yun Niang.”

Lan Shanjun said, “It’s probably because you don’t understand water management. Why don’t you also read those books?”

Qin Pingting waved her hand, “That won’t work. I couldn’t read them.”

She sighed, “I’m suffering from lack of learning.”

Then she said softly, “Ah, Shanjun, do you know about Song Zhiwei’s recent affairs?”

Lan Shanjun paused, only then realizing that during this period she hadn’t been constantly hating him. Even this person had gradually lost weight in her heart.

The hatred had never dissipated, but because there were other joys in her days, with this ebb and flow, even her hatred for him no longer tormented her so much.

She pressed her lips together, “What happened with Song Zhiwei?”

Because they had both been the subjects of Song family marriage proposals, whenever Qin Pingting heard about Song family matters, she wanted to tell Lan Shanjun. She said, “Lady Song Guogong has been making moves recently, wanting to arrange a match for him again.”

After all, he had reached the age—Lady Song Guogong was anxious to hold a grandchild.

“The second and third Song sons both have people chosen—one is the Jade Lady of the Yu family, one is a Miss Zhe from Yunzhou.”

These two marriages were the same as in her previous life. Lan Shanjun nodded, “Both good families.”

Qin Pingting replied, “Yes, both good families, but would those families be willing to wait?”

Since both were prestigious families, they all began to observe propriety. As the eldest, Song Zhiwei hadn’t married yet, so properly speaking the younger siblings should wait a bit, but which of the Yu or Zhe families was willing to wait?

Qin Pingting said, “Perhaps those families are willing to wait, but Lady Song Guogong isn’t willing. She most loves her precious eldest son.”

Lan Shanjun asked, “Whose young lady are they proposing this time?”

Qin Pingting laughed and said mischievously, “This time, they’re proposing to the household of Minister Su, the old director of the Court of Imperial Stud.”

Because of Yu Qingwu’s connection to the Court of Imperial Stud, Lan Shanjun knew about Minister Su’s family situation. She frowned, “Minister Su lost his wife early and only had one son. Later his son and daughter-in-law died, leaving only one granddaughter.”

Qin Pingting replied, “Exactly—this time Miss Su has no father or brothers. Lady Song Guogong still cares about appearances and wants to use this to break the rumors.”

Lan Shanjun laughed despite herself, “So it’s for that reason.”

But she supposed they also had their eye on Old Minister Su’s position.

When she next saw Yu Qingwu, she said, “Minister Su didn’t agree, did he?”

Yu Qingwu replied, “How would he dare agree? His granddaughter has ambitions—she’s about to travel far.”

Lan Shanjun asked, “Ah?”

Yu Qingwu explained, “Miss Su studies medicine. Her family always cultivates medicinal herbs. Old Minister Su only has this one child, so he indulges her. This time she wants to go south to search for a medicinal ingredient.”

Lan Shanjun immediately felt admiration, “I had gouged out my own eyes before. I never imagined that right here at the foot of the imperial city, there would be someone like Yun Niang who wants to manage water, and Miss Su who practices medicine.”

Yu Qingwu was startled and quickly said, “You mustn’t speak of yourself that way.”

Then looking around, he moved a bit closer and said seriously in a low voice, “You still need to kill Prince Qi!”

Lan Shanjun’s eyes curved with laughter, “Yes, I’m not bad either.”

By this time it was nearly the end of February. According to propriety, they shouldn’t meet again. That they were meeting now was because he had found Fourth Master as an excuse to come.

Fourth Master had received his good wine and acted as gatekeeper for him. The others in Duke Zhenguo’s residence turned a blind eye, simply pretending not to see.

Yu Qingwu laid out the Shu Province dishes Nanny Qian had made, “She said you can’t eat her cooking outside.”

Lan Shanjun replied, “Nanny Qian’s cooking is indeed delicious.”

However, she picked up her bowl and chopsticks with a smile and said, “Please tell the old lady not to worry. I’ve already learned to use silver to have the small kitchen make spicy dishes for me.”

This statement made Yu Qingwu’s heart feel both sour and soft.

He said in a low voice, “Next month when we have our home, you can eat whatever you want.”

Because of this statement, Lan Shanjun felt an unusual emotion rising toward this false marriage.

—Home.

A new home.

She had never thought about this word before. Hearing Yu Qingwu say it now felt both strange and bewildering.

Yu Qingwu could see this clearly, and his heart filled with resentment.

Resentment that he hadn’t told her this word earlier.

Of course it wasn’t just a residence.

Though the marriage was false, there was no reason eunuchs should have homes while he didn’t, right?

He resolved to say this word often.

After finishing her meal, Lan Shanjun had to leave. She said, “There are only a few days left. Don’t keep coming.”

Yu Qingwu couldn’t help but say, “How many times have I come? I’ve been very busy during this period. Grand Secretary Wu is quite impolite to me now.”

With Old Lady Shou’s passing, unlike the benefits Lan Shanjun received, Yu Qingwu began to be targeted by Wu Qingchuan.

Wu Qingchuan also had his difficulties.

Though he had gained people from the Luoyang faction, many weren’t truly convinced by him. That’s why he had started recruiting Imperial Academy students in the first place.

Just as he had cultivated Yu Qingwu, he wanted to cultivate a new batch of people for his own use.

He just hadn’t expected that all these people together couldn’t compare to Yu Qingwu.

Lan Shanjun sneered, “He should think clearly himself—a parasol tree naturally attracts phoenixes. You are lush and verdant, never having anything to do with him.”

Yu Qingwu was delighted by this statement. Even when it was time to leave and Third Young Master Lan looked at him with disgust, he didn’t mock him but seriously bid farewell to Fourth Master.

Fourth Master felt his nephew was too discourteous. He explained, “A’Zhang is going to Suzhou. He’s feeling bad about it.”

Actually, he had been quite pleased a while ago—Third Young Madam kept pestering him at night.

Compared to his wife previously scolding him for being dull, being pestered like this made him feel he’d turned things around. Even his walk had swagger.

But a few days ago, when Third Young Madam was found to be pregnant, her attitude changed. She said bluntly, “You should go be an advisor to Eldest Brother.”

Not even an official position!

Third Young Master Lan was unhappy in his heart and naturally unwilling to go, but somehow Third Young Madam had talked to Zhu Shi, and Zhu Shi actually agreed too.

Fourth Master also agreed in his heart. If A’Zhang continued making trouble, something would really happen.

He told Yu Qingwu, “So let him throw his tantrum. We actually feel better about it.”

At least they no longer felt guilty.

Yu Qingwu said with a smile, “Getting experience is a good thing. I also spent three years in Shu Province gaining experience. Otherwise, staying directly in Luoyang, I might not have today’s abilities.”

Fourth Master felt even more strongly that Third Young Master Lan going to Suzhou was a good thing.

He even wanted to send his own two sons to Lan Zhi. Yu Qingwu said, “Better to study first. After finishing their studies, then discuss other matters.”

Fourth Master readily agreed. He now felt whatever Yu Qingwu said was right.

When Yu Qingwu returned home, Nanny Qian saw his happy expression and knew this boy had gained some advantage. She asked, “What happened?”

Yu Qingwu helped her add firewood, “Nanny Qian, Shanjun said I naturally attract phoenixes.”

Nanny Qian paused, then slapped him on the back, “Young Master Yu! Well now, you’ve gotten bold—you dare to flirt with butterflies and bees now!”

Yu Qingwu bore the slap and said with amusement, “That’s not what it means. It means I’m good.”

Nanny Qian was puzzled, “Really?”

But she still said, “Men still shouldn’t flirt with butterflies and bees outside.”

Yu Qingwu nodded, then said, “These next few days I really can’t go see her?”

Nanny Qian replied, “Follow the rules. Don’t let Duke Zhenguo’s residence think you don’t understand propriety.”

Yu Qingwu said, “Then I’ll send some gifts.”

He went back and selected for a long time. Among many gifts, he still chose a knife.

——

After receiving the knife, Lan Shanjun hung it on the display shelf.

That day, she sat in a chair reading. Outside the spring light was lovely. She had been about to raise her head to look out the window when her gaze in an instant caught sight of that knife again.

Beside it hung the precept knife the old monk had given her.

She had hung the two knives together, quietly arranged there. Whenever she wanted to see them, she could see them.

She couldn’t help but smile. Just as she was about to turn her head, she felt something and quickly stood up, took out her journal from a small trunk, opened it, and saw that the passage she hadn’t finished writing last time was still blank.

Today she could fill it in.

She ground ink, lifted her brush, and continued writing: “Though covered by wind and snow, the parasol tree dropped another round of dead branches, and still no flowers or grass could be seen anywhere.”

“—But as I looked up at the sky beneath the parasol tree, by chance, I raised my head and saw joy.”

All those meanings were contained in these four characters.

Thinking that after the wedding in a few days she might not have time to write in her journal, and this small trunk would need to be locked up, she simply wrote in advance: “In the third month of the forty-ninth year of Yuanshao, I landed on the parasol tree, building my home with branches and leaves.”

In the third month of the forty-ninth year of Yuanshao, I married Yu Qingwu.