◎But the boat I want to build is not one for weathering storms together, but the boat that takes a hundred years of cultivation to share◎

Though Lan Shanjun didn’t understand romance, she wasn’t dull when it came to such matters. The moment she saw Yu Qingwu’s emotion-filled eyes, she understood what had been behind his hesitation to speak these past days.

Though she didn’t understand why loving her would make him cry once, twice, thrice—but after spending time with this person, one could discover that he was indeed quite prone to tears.

Even when not crying, his eyes easily reddened.

Lan Shanjun had never liked to cry, nor was she willing to cry, but perhaps being with him, she found herself crying more often as well.

She sighed, thinking of his swollen eyes, feeling quite at a loss.

—Why would he cry like that?

Was it deep affection, knowing she wouldn’t reciprocate? Was it because he had violated his lifelong vow to remain wifeless, and thus suffered torment?

But regardless, he had indeed developed feelings.

Even though Lan Shanjun had long since seen clearly the Yu Qingwu of Yuanshao Year 49, knowing he was a living, breathing person with flesh and blood, with feelings and righteousness, knowing he wasn’t the treacherous minister she had heard described in a single phrase at banquets—she still had never imagined he would harbor romantic feelings for her.

She regarded him as a holy monk who relieved suffering and saved from disaster.

He ferried all living beings across, but she didn’t need him to ferry her.

She could ferry herself.

Because she could ferry herself, what she envisioned between them was weathering storms together—she had never thought to receive any love from him, let alone romantic love between man and woman.

Lan Shanjun sighed again, not knowing how to face him. At this moment, she finally understood his earlier reluctance to open the door.

Now she too didn’t know how to open that door and call him inside.

Outside, Nanny Qian looked at Yu Qingwu, who had paced back and forth at the courtyard gate countless times, with disappointment. She scolded in a low voice: “Did you do something wrong that made Shanjun drive you out, or did you do something wrong that makes you guilty as a thief, not daring to enter?”

Yu Qingwu answered honestly: “Both—I’m guilty as a thief, and Shanjun is unwilling to let me in.”

Oh heavens! Nanny Qian poked a finger at his head. “Young Master Yu! Then you’ve done two wrong things!”

Yu Qingwu’s head drooped lower and lower under the poking. “Mm.”

He said in a muffled voice: “Nanny Qian, why don’t you poke out these eyes of mine—once these eyes are blind, they won’t cause trouble anymore.”

Nanny Qian: “…”

She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She simply decided to play along with him, calling out loudly: “Young Master Yu, if that’s the case, then I’ll poke out both your eyes—”

Yu Qingwu hadn’t expected her to actually shout. Frightened, he quickly turned to look at the room, both alarmed and hopeful, but that door remained stubbornly closed, no shadow of person or lamp visible in the windows.

He hung his head dejectedly, bitter in his heart: Had he known, he shouldn’t have opened the door.

But just as he thought this, he saw the door suddenly open, and Shanjun was standing in the doorway looking at them.

Yu Qingwu immediately thought: Perhaps opening the door was ultimately a good thing. Maybe there’s still hope for a turnaround?

There must be a chance for him to renounce his vows. There must be a way to let her know he was also a man.

He had the seven emotions and six desires, he had greed and selfish feelings—falling in love with her was entirely reasonable and proper.

Only, looking at her unfeeling eyes, he didn’t dare be presumptuous. He could only say: “Shanjun—Nanny Qian wants to poke out both my eyes.”

Nanny Qian was shocked: “…”

Yu Qingwu: “Didn’t you just say so?”

Nanny Qian: “…I did.”

Yu Qingwu: “Will you still poke?”

Nanny Qian hesitated. “Will I still poke?”

Both looked at Lan Shanjun together.

Lan Shanjun turned and went back inside.

Yu Qingwu hesitated uncertainly. Nanny Qian gave him a kick. “Go quickly! Otherwise I’ll kick and break both your legs!”

Yu Qingwu was “kicked” inside.

Shanjun wasn’t in the outer room.

He closed the door and walked to the arched doorway, saying softly: “Shanjun… I, I’ve come to refill your morning lamp.”

Lan Shanjun made a sound of acknowledgment, without much to say.

But for Yu Qingwu, it was already enough. He hadn’t been swept out the door. That he could still sleep on the couch proved that Shanjun, this fresh watery radish, was still filling some of the mud she’d brought into his insatiable pit.

He hugged his blanket, making a satisfied sighing sound.

But Lan Shanjun couldn’t sleep.

He was playing dumb. She could play dumb too.

Who knew how long this pretense could last, but she truly didn’t know how to handle this relationship.

A sleepless night—she didn’t know when she finally fell asleep. When dawn came, she turned her head to see Yu Qingwu changing her lamp for her.

They had married in the third month; now it was the twelfth month. However long they’d been married, that’s how many times he had risen early to change her candle lamp.

He had also bought her many different Zhong Kui demon-expelling lamps.

She had refused before, but he said: “I always feel palpitations in the morning. I don’t know why, but changing the lamp for you makes my heart feel much steadier. I feel that once the lamp is lit, today will be another fine day.”

So she let him be.

Now thinking carefully about it, his feelings had long been showing—she had simply been blind.

She sighed and called softly: “Yu Qingwu.”

But Yu Qingwu didn’t dare listen, afraid of hearing something he didn’t want to hear. Since his eyes had already caused trouble, his ears shouldn’t cause more trouble. He’d rather have Nanny Qian deafen both his ears.

He said hastily: “Nanny Qian is calling me—I’ll go out first.”

Lan Shanjun could only let it be. She hadn’t figured out what to say anyway.

Today she still needed to enter the Eastern Palace to visit the Grand Imperial Grandson’s Consort. Yu Qingwu didn’t need to go to the Eastern Palace—after all, he was a subject. Without proper business, going too often wouldn’t be good.

He went to the Court of Imperial Stud. He also invited Gong Lin for drinks, asking: “What do you think of Song Zhiwei as a person?”

Gong Lin was a refined dandy. Hearing this, he asked meaningfully: “Which aspect are you asking about?”

Yu Qingwu: “Naturally all aspects.”

Gong Lin: “That aspect of his isn’t very good.”

“Everything else is quite good.”

Yu Qingwu took a while to understand. “Wasn’t it said he had cut-sleeve inclinations?”

Gong Lin said matter-of-factly: “Haven’t you heard? He’s the…”

He flipped his palm. “Bottom one.”

The bottom one—how could that work?

Yu Qingwu had been busy recently with the Wang Deyi and Lin Qi matters and hadn’t paid attention to Song Zhiwei. Both surprised and pleased, he asked: “How did this get out?”

Gong Lin showed a lewd smile. “Someone asked Marquis Wenyuan about this. Marquis Wenyuan got excited and said he’d always maintained his masculine vigor.”

Since he maintained his masculine vigor, Song Zhiwei obviously couldn’t perform.

Yu Qingwu poured wine for Gong Lin. “Besides this, what else can be said about him?”

There really wasn’t anything else. Gong Lin said: “This person, in his youth he studied diligently, his essays were excellent, his character was good too. Though he didn’t mince words, he had a gentleman’s bearing and was very upright—quite sought after in Luoyang.”

“But no matter how capable, with Duke Songguo as the pearl before him, his family’s power was already overwhelming. To advance further—could he really compare with the imperial family?”

Gong Lin looked around. “His Majesty wouldn’t be willing!”

Duke Songguo was also a worm in His Majesty’s belly. After much consideration, he didn’t let Song Zhiwei enter court as an official, only sending him to the Imperial Academy as a minor clerk. So people all said he was indifferent to fame and fortune.

But even so, when Yu Qingwu had placed third in the palace examinations years ago and gained great fame with his practical essays, Song Zhiwei’s reputation was still ahead of his—busybodies had called them together “Northern Song, Southern Yu.”

Gong Lin said teasingly: “Who knew that years later, you two would still have a connection… When your wife chose you over Song Zhiwei back then, people still talk about it with relish today.”

Yu Qingwu: “How could such a false gentleman as Song Zhiwei win a young lady’s heart?”

That was true. Because the previous four families had all ended without result, Song Zhiwei’s private virtue had indeed gotten worse and worse. Even now, no good family’s daughter had been mentioned for him.

But this still didn’t prevent him from being quite prominent in court recently.

Song Zhiwei had filled a position in the Ministry of War, receiving a secretary’s post. Because the previous Minister of War Lin Qi had been executed and the new Minister of War Yang Kui had no one to use, he simply employed Song Zhiwei. His abilities were indeed outstanding—he moved through the Ministry of War like a fish in water, receiving great favor.

Gong Lin patted Yu Qingwu’s shoulder. “What, you still hold a grudge against him?”

Yu Qingwu smiled. “Why would I hold a grudge against him?”

Gong Lin: “True. Though he’s capable, Young Minister, you’re even more capable.”

Yu Qingwu alone had helped the Grand Imperial Grandson kill three of Prince Qi’s great generals, already becoming the greatest power in the Shu faction after Minister Xu.

His mother had said: “Yu Qingwu is extremely accurate at gauging His Majesty’s thoughts. Not only is he willing to take risks, he can also endure slights. In the future he’ll surely accomplish great things. Following him isn’t wrong.”

So Gong Lin enthusiastically poured wine for Yu Qingwu. “Young Minister, why are you really asking about him?”

Yu Qingwu: “Do you know what he said to Minister Yang?”

Gong Lin: “What?”

Yu Qingwu said mockingly: “He still wants to sell the Court of Imperial Stud’s horses to give the Ministry of War military funds.”

This matter truly didn’t wrong Song Zhiwei.

The Court of Imperial Stud had returned the horses, the accounts were clear. The Emperor temporarily had no money to use and treated the ten million taels owed to the Court of Imperial Stud as if he’d forgotten about it. Thus the Ministry of War also had no money to use, and even less money to pay soldiers their stipends.

Yang Kui, newly arrived at the Ministry of War, was so worried his head ached. Song Zhiwei then proposed the method of “continuing old practices.”

Gong Lin’s face darkened. “Is he sick?!”

He had never imagined in his life that he could love horses so deeply.

Whoever dared sell the horses, he would curse them!

“What has the state’s finances become? If we keep selling the Court of Imperial Stud’s horses, how can the common people survive? Because of Minister Su’s death and your death grip on Lin Qi’s war horse breeding matter, His Majesty turned a blind eye to our return of the horses—what, we’ve been doing this for several months now, and he wants to stir things up again?”

Yu Qingwu: “From what you said earlier, this person loves power and profit greatly. He probably wants to use our shoulders to seize fame and compete for advantage.”

Gong Lin grabbed the wine jar in fury. “Screw him! I’ll go smash his head in right now!”

Yu Qingwu took the wine jar and poured him a cup. “Right now, who can I truly trust to have pure intentions without mixing in any selfish motives for the Court of Imperial Stud? I can only trust you.”

“I’m angry in my heart too, but I can’t speak of it to outsiders. After all, he’s also doing this for the good of the frontier soldiers.”

Gong Lin was both agitated and furious: “For the frontier, he goes to pressure His Majesty for money—what skill is it to pressure us? His Majesty owes us money! Why should we still have to pay?”

Yu Qingwu looked at him in surprise. Gong Lin asked embarrassedly: “Young Minister, why are you looking at me like that?”

Yu Qingwu laughed. “So many people all know this principle, but only you spoke it out loud.”

Gong Lin asked nervously: “Then sir, what should we do?”

Yu Qingwu: “Wait.”

This year’s military stipends were still owed everywhere. The Ministry of War had already submitted several memorials, but His Majesty remained unmoved.

Now that New Year was approaching, the various ministries couldn’t very well press the matter. After the New Year passed would be the opening of a grand drama.

He also patted Gong Lin’s shoulder. “After spring begins next year, my transfer order to Court of Imperial Stud Minister will come down. At that time I’ll certainly clamp down hard on Song Zhiwei and won’t stop until I’ve bitten off a chunk of his flesh.”

“As I move forward, naturally I can’t always watch my back. With your status, few would dare move against you easily. I’ll entrust the rear matters to you.”

Gong Lin suddenly felt as if he had grown much taller in an instant, able to hold up heaven and earth. He nodded fiercely. “Young Minister, rest assured—whoever dares sell my horses, I’ll slaughter them! While I live, the horses live. If the horses perish, I perish!”

Yu Qingwu: “The New Year is coming—don’t talk about death.”

Gong Lin: “Ptui, ptui, ptui!”

Yu Qingwu glanced at the sky and picked up the wine jar. “I need to go home.”

Gong Lin: “Then why are you taking the wine jar?”

Yu Qingwu’s eyes flashed with cold light. “I can’t swallow this anger.”

Gong Lin was full of admiration. “Prince Wei was right—you truly are ‘once pushed to the limit, you’ll erupt in mad rage.'”

Yu Qingwu: “…”

That wasn’t exactly flattering.

But Gong Lin couldn’t help leading the way. “Come, come, come! When it comes to smashing wine jars, I’ve done it since childhood. Before the New Year, let’s give Song Zhiwei an opening red for the year!”

On the tenth day of the twelfth month of Yuanshao Year 49, Song Zhiwei’s head received medicine for the first time.

His face was livid. His usual composure could no longer be maintained. He said in pain: “These dandies!”

Duke Songguo frowned. “What happened?”

But Song Zhiwei felt he had lost face. Taking a deep breath, he said: “Walking on the road, Gong Lin and others were fighting, and I was caught in it.”

Duke Songguo: “Were you caught in it, or were you targeted?”

Song Zhiwei: “Targeted.”

He said lightly: “Probably still over the Ministry of War funds matter.”

Duke Songguo sighed. “This also can’t be helped.”

Song Zhiwei made a sound of acknowledgment. “Your son won’t stoop to argue with fools.”

But Duke Songguo knew that arguing would be useless. His Majesty protected this group of imperial relatives quite well.

Especially after the case of the Grand Imperial Grandson’s Consort’s poisoning came out, His Majesty’s attitude was even more obvious.

While receiving treatment, Song Zhiwei asked: “Father, what’s being said about the Grand Imperial Grandson’s Consort’s case now?”

Duke Songguo: “It hasn’t spread outside, but I heard the Grand Imperial Grandson has caught the culprit and is currently conducting interrogations.”

A sense of alarm rose in his heart. “I fear this will stir up more storms.”

—

In the Eastern Palace, the Grand Imperial Grandson’s Consort lay in bed while the Grand Imperial Grandson fed her medicine. Lan Shanjun sat to one side, saying softly: “At White Horse Temple, I lit an eternal lamp for him.”

The Grand Imperial Grandson’s Consort was still very weak and couldn’t speak at all. She just kept gripping Lan Shanjun’s hand tightly.

The Grand Imperial Grandson didn’t dare let her exert herself. He coaxed: “When you’re better, you can listen to these things.”

The Grand Imperial Grandson’s Consort turned her face away and cried.

The Grand Imperial Grandson could only take Lan Shanjun out, saying: “I had intended to tell her in a few more days.”

But the Grand Imperial Grandson’s Consort understood him completely. Just from the fact that he was willing to leave her alone in the room while guarding the door, she had guessed something.

The Grand Imperial Grandson didn’t dare hide it and told her everything.

He said: “Yuanniang slapped me twice.”

He said with a smile: “Did you hit Yu Qingwu?”

Lan Shanjun couldn’t maintain the smile at the corners of her mouth. She hesitated and shook her head. “No.”

The Grand Imperial Grandson had been in good spirits these past days. As someone with experience, he teased: “Then you two aren’t as loving as Yuanniang and I.”

Lan Shanjun forced a smile.

When she returned home, she was thinking of another matter.

Given the Grand Imperial Grandson’s temperament, in the previous life he shouldn’t have told Song Zhiwei her identity. So how had Song Zhiwei found out?

She frowned in thought. Yu Qingwu entered the room. He brought sake he’d bought outside along with Nanny Qian’s side dishes.

He first drank several mouthfuls to build his courage, then said: “Shanjun, could you drink a cup with me?”

Lan Shanjun was about to refuse, but then heard him say: “Today, Song Zhiwei’s head was smashed open.”

Lan Shanjun’s head shot up.

Yu Qingwu: “He’s been clamoring recently about continuing old practices. I was so angry I asked Gong Lin and his brothers to smash a wine jar on him.”

Lan Shanjun came out from the inner room, feeling this reason was somewhat strange.

He had indeed been very strange recently.

Her gaze darkened slightly. “Is that so?”

Yu Qingwu: “Don’t you dislike him? So I bought some wine back, thinking we could celebrate together.”

Lan Shanjun sat down. Yu Qingwu quickly poured wine for her. “Want some peanuts?”

Lan Shanjun found it amusing.

She sighed, deciding it was better to speak plainly. She said: “Yu Qingwu, I thought we were in the same boat, weathering storms together.”

Yu Qingwu knew his ears had caused trouble—he had ultimately heard words he didn’t want to hear.

Why hadn’t he had Nanny Qian deafen him before coming in?

He lowered his head. His heart suddenly ached again. While pouring himself a cup of wine, he pleaded: “But I… but the boat I want to build is not one for weathering storms together, but the boat that takes a hundred years of cultivation to share.”

For this, I would climb mountains and ford waters, cross mountains and seas, and willingly carry this thread of obsession to your side.