1

Gao Xiang went to his room to get documents and came downstairs, about to head out again, when he heard Wang Yujiao’s angry voice coming from the kitchen: “How can you not go to school? Final exams are coming up soon. What if you can’t keep up with your coursework? And there’s the afternoon Olympiad math competition training—how can you miss that? Xiao An has her mother’s colleagues with her. What are you doing there causing trouble? When your father finds out, he’ll definitely beat you. Give the phone to Xiao An and let me talk to her…”

He was slightly startled and walked into the kitchen. Wang Yujiao hastily hung up the phone: “It’s only four o’clock. You’re home very early today. Your mother took Baobao downstairs to get some sun.”

“I came back for a document. What happened with Xiao An?”

Wang Yujiao hesitated, but under his gaze had no choice but to say: “Teacher Yu is away on a business trip. I heard there was a landslide in that area and contact was lost. The day before yesterday afternoon, people from her work unit went to Xiao An’s school and told her the news. Xiao An hasn’t been to school these past two days. Xiao Chao insists on going to her house to keep her company. I’m just afraid he can’t help and will only add to the confusion…”

Gao Xiang didn’t wait for her to finish. He turned and went out the door, drove straight to Zuo Si’an’s house. Since the last time he’d taken her home on Baobao’s birthday, he hadn’t seen her for nearly half a year. He’d gone to her school once but hadn’t spotted her in the crowd leaving school, and she hadn’t contacted him either—not even when her mother went missing, such a major crisis.

After going upstairs, Gao Xiang knocked on the door. Liu Guanchao came to open it. Seeing him, he froze for a moment, then blocked the doorway and asked in a lowered voice: “What are you doing here?”

He didn’t answer and unceremoniously pushed the door open. Zuo Si’an sat on a single-person sofa on one side of the living room. A man and woman sat on the long sofa in the middle, all looking toward him. He asked directly: “Xiao An, is there any news about your mother?”

Zuo Si’an shook her head with a gloomy expression. The middle-aged man stood up: “May I ask who you are—”

“Hello, my name is Gao Xiang. I’m a friend of their family.”

“Hello, we’re both colleagues of Yugong. Yugong went with another colleague and a UNESCO hydrological geology expert to a mountainous area in Guizhou to do preliminary surveys for a water conservancy project. The morning before yesterday, that area suddenly experienced a large-scale landslide. Currently the roads haven’t been repaired and communication is cut off, so there’s no way to understand the situation on site. Company leadership has already rushed over and contacted the local government. They’ve already started search and rescue operations and have requested military support.”

Gao Xiang looked at Zuo Si’an. Her lips were pressed tightly together as she stared straight ahead.

“Xiao An, have you told your father?”

After a moment she shook her head again, saying quietly, “The phone won’t go through.”

Gao Xiang took out his cell phone and first called the Cuoqin government office. As expected, it couldn’t connect. He thought for a moment, then found the number for Old Zhou whom he’d befriended in Shiquanhe Town. After a series of calls to find people and waiting, Old Zhou was finally called to answer the phone. He briefly told Old Zhou about the situation here. Old Zhou immediately agreed: “The communication lines on the Cuoqin side are very fragile and often have problems. I’ll immediately try to contact Old Zuo, then call you back.”

Everyone in the room was listening intently to his phone call. After he relayed Old Zhou’s response, Yu Jia’s two colleagues looked relieved: “We were just worrying about not being able to contact Yugong’s spouse. Fortunately you came.”

The slightly younger woman asked the middle-aged man who seemed to be the leader tentatively: “Director Li, can I go back for a bit first? There’s no one at home today to pick up my child.”

Director Li frowned: “Then who will stay here to keep her company?”

“How about I call Xiao Xu to come over…”

Zuo Si’an suddenly interjected: “Uncle Li, Aunt Zhang, there’s no need. I’m fine.” She pointed at Gao Xiang. “My parents both know him. He can stay here to keep me company.”

Gao Xiang glanced at Zuo Si’an. Her face and posture were tense, with a nervous feeling of being at a critical state. He nodded: “I’ll stay here and continue contacting her father.”

The woman hesitated somewhat: “What about tonight? These past two days I’ve been staying with Xiao An. We can’t leave her alone at home.”

“Don’t worry. Tonight I’ll have my girlfriend come over after work to keep her company. You two go about your business. Just notify Xiao An immediately if there’s any news.”

The two people readily agreed to this arrangement, left their phone numbers, and said goodbye.

Zuo Si’an said to Liu Guanchao, who had been standing to the side: “Xiao Chao, you should go back to class too.”

Liu Guanchao glared at Gao Xiang: “With him staying here, I’m not leaving.”

“He’ll leave soon too.” Zuo Si’an said hoarsely. “Xiao Chao, thank you for keeping me company. But if you don’t go to class, your father will definitely lose his temper, and your mother will call again, blaming me for holding you back and not letting you go. Why bother? I’m fine, I just really need some quiet. Consider it doing me a favor. Go on.”

As Liu Guanchao left, closing the door behind him, the house became quiet. Zuo Si’an organized the books, newspapers and magazines on the coffee table, arranged the slightly messy sofa cushions one by one, then took the teacups the guests had used into the kitchen.

When she didn’t come out for quite a while, Gao Xiang walked into the kitchen. He saw her standing at the sink with the faucet running full blast washing the teacups, but her eyes were looking straight ahead, in a state of being lost and distracted. He went over and turned off the faucet, took the cup from her hand, grasped her hand and led her out.

She suddenly came to her senses: “Oh, right, I haven’t poured you any water yet. Would you like black tea, green tea, or coffee?”

“Come sit down.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’ve already said ‘I’m fine’ several times repeatedly. When something like this happens, why didn’t you call me immediately instead of forcing yourself to tough it out alone?”

She was stunned for a moment, murmuring: “I can’t disturb you every time something happens. Besides, I’m not alone. My mother’s colleagues are all very nice and concerned about me. They’ve been with me the whole time.”

Just then his phone rang. He picked it up and saw it was from home. Guessing that Wang Yujiao had told his mother about this matter, he could only say: “I’ll go out to take this call.”

He went to the balcony and pressed answer. Chen Zihui indeed immediately demanded: “Why are you still mixed up with the Zuo family?”

He lowered his voice impatiently: “Mom, don’t interfere in my affairs.”

“If her mother really has an accident and her father is in Tibet, you’ll definitely be entangled by her and won’t be able to break free. When that time comes…”

“Enough.” He angrily stopped her. “You can actually say such things.”

Chen Zihui felt somewhat in the wrong, but she’d never had the habit of apologizing or regretting. She still said in a forceful tone: “Know when to stop. Don’t let Ruodi argue with you over this matter again. She’s been coming over less lately. Is everything all right between you two?”

“You don’t need to worry about that either. Take Baobao and rest early. You don’t need to wait up for me.”

Gao Xiang returned to the room. Zuo Si’an was about to speak when his phone rang again. Fortunately this time it was Old Zhou calling, informing them that they’d contacted the Cuoqin County government, but Zuo Xuejun had gone to Bianxiong Township in the county to inspect work and still couldn’t be reached.

He was somewhat anxious: “Don’t the townships there have phones at all?”

“The township does have a phone, but inspection work doesn’t just mean walking around the township government—you have to run through all the large and small pastures within the territory and visit the herdsmen. You’ve been to Cuoqin, you should understand the extent to which that place is vast and sparsely populated. The places Old Zuo has gone, sometimes you can drive for half a day without necessarily seeing any sign of human habitation. I’ve already had them arrange for township staff to set out as soon as possible to find him and have him call home quickly.”

He thanked Old Zhou and relayed this to Zuo Si’an. He saw Zuo Si’an standing there in a daze with dim eyes, so he comforted her: “Old Zhou is very enthusiastic. He’ll contact your father. Don’t worry.”

“So what if they find him? Even if he rushes back, it will be many days later.”

This almost hopeless tone made him very uneasy: “Xiao An, I’ll stay with you.”

She forced a smile: “I really am fine. You don’t need to stay with me, and you don’t need to trouble Sister Ruodi to come over either. I only said that because I didn’t want my mother’s colleagues to spend any more time with me. With strangers in the house, I haven’t been able to sleep at all. I want to go sleep for a while. You go do what you need to do. If you contact my father, just call me.”

He looked at her and saw her lips were dry, her complexion an unhealthy pale color, her eyes sunken with very obvious dark circles, clearly in a state of serious sleep deprivation. “All right, get some good rest. Call me immediately if anything happens.”

Gao Xiang drove back to the office to handle unfinished work.

Over the past six months, Qinggang Liquor Company’s sales had experienced some problems, with inventory greatly increasing. His father and grandfather had considerable disagreements on everything from industrial structure to business policy. After intense discussions at management meetings, they finally reached a compromise, but the channel adjustments weren’t proceeding smoothly. Since the beginning of the year, he’d frequently worked overtime and traveled constantly on business trips. His efforts had finally achieved some results, but work pressure had also increased considerably.

After meeting with management personnel and having them leave work, he stayed alone at the company continuing to concentrate on studying the sales from recent months. The open office door was suddenly knocked on lightly. He looked up and saw Liu Yaqin walking in carrying a cup of coffee, placing it in front of him. It was exactly the latte he usually drank. He was somewhat surprised.

Liu Yaqin smiled with pursed lips: “General Manager Gao, I see you always buy this type of coffee from that café called Green Door on Huaqing Street and bring it to the company. I shouldn’t have gotten it wrong, right?”

Liu Yaqin had been arranged by him as a warehouse logistics management staff member. According to the logistics manager, she was quick-minded, learned fast, and her work was fairly conscientious. But she’d already come to his office several times on pretexts, bypassing the chain of command, and the number of times she coincidentally encountered him in the company far exceeded normal circumstances. Now she’d obviously carefully applied makeup, sprayed perfume, was wearing a curve-hugging purple V-neck dress with high heels, her curled long hair draped over her shoulders, appearing with the coffee he was accustomed to drinking—it couldn’t help but attract his attention.

“Why haven’t you left work yet?”

“I’m new and have a lot to learn. I always stay a bit after work hours to review the work clearly.”

“That’s a very commendable work attitude. Thank you for buying the coffee. Tomorrow I’ll have my secretary give you the money. There’s no need to trouble yourself in the future.”

But she wouldn’t leave: “General Manager Gao, I heard from the manager that your office is hiring two assistants to help you handle sales assessments. I wonder if I could have a chance to try?”

“You can register with the human resources department. They’ll arrange interviews uniformly.”

She smiled somewhat bitterly: “I asked the HR manager. He said this position requires a college degree, preferably in marketing or statistics, and nearly twenty people have already registered. My educational background is clearly insufficient. Actually I used to have very good grades, but my family was poor and valued sons over daughters, so they wouldn’t let me attend high school and forced me to go to nursing school. Otherwise I definitely could have gotten into college and wouldn’t be blocked at the threshold now.”

“You’re still very young. You can try to continue your education. I’ll also suggest the company introduce policies in this area to give employees some support.”

“Thank you for General Manager Gao’s encouragement.” She placed her hand on the edge of the desk and leaned her body forward. Her long hair cascaded down like a waterfall, giving off the fresh scent of jasmine. A pair of large watery eyes looked at him earnestly. “I really very much hope to get an opportunity to work under General Manager Gao. I’m willing to do anything…”

“Yaqin.” His voice didn’t rise, but carried a warning tone. She met his gaze and stood up straight as if by conditioned reflex, first showing a look of panic. Only then did he continue unhurriedly: “Having ambition is also a good thing, but a person can only have as much space as they can demonstrate work capability. Don’t spend time and energy on unnecessary things.”

“I didn’t mean anything else, General Manager Gao. I…”

Liu Yaqin’s face flushed red all at once. She was so flustered she couldn’t continue speaking. Seeing the girl in such embarrassment, he felt somewhat unable to bear it after all: “It’s nothing. It’s getting late. You should go home first.”

“General Manager Gao, I’ve been really confused lately and need to have a good talk with someone…”

Just then the open office door was knocked on again. Gao Xiang looked up and saw Sun Ruodi standing in the doorway. She’d obviously taken in the entire scene just now and had a half-smiling expression on her face as she stepped aside to make way. The meaning couldn’t be clearer. Liu Yaqin had no choice but to lower her head and hurry past her out the door.

Sun Ruodi pushed aside the documents in front of Gao Xiang a bit and sat on the corner of the desk: “It’s already nine o’clock. Are you still going to keep working?”

Gao Xiang was somewhat surprised. Over the past six months, their relationship had been consistently good and bad. Sun Ruodi’s emotions fluctuated greatly. She would often get angry for unclear reasons. At the end of last month, she’d even parted unhappily with him at the movie theater, turned and left. When he called, she hung up on him too. He was at a loss, vaguely feeling their relationship had reached a stage where they both knew they didn’t want to let go but also didn’t know how to salvage it. But now Sun Ruodi looked to be in a very good mood.

“Ruodi, how do you have time to come over?”

Sun Ruodi raised her eyebrows and smiled: “If I didn’t come, how would I see such a wonderful show?”

“Forget it. She’s still young. Don’t mention this matter in the future.”

“That girl is very pretty, with a good figure too.” Sun Ruodi gazed at him. “So you had the willpower to resist, right?”

He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry: “Pretty girls are everywhere. To me, she doesn’t even count as a temptation. Where’s the need for willpower?”

“Gao Xiang, do you still love me?”

This question came out of the blue, leaving Gao Xiang stunned for a moment, not knowing how to answer. But Sun Ruodi didn’t get angry as she usually would. She just sighed: “I love you, Gao Xiang. I just feel that you… don’t love me as much. Maybe I’m overthinking it.”

He wouldn’t ignore this proactive tone of reconciliation. He grasped her hand: “I’ve been very busy lately. If I’ve neglected you, please don’t mind.”

“Let’s go get something to eat, then see a movie and relax properly, okay?”

He hesitated and said frankly: “I don’t feel like it today, Ruodi. I have to go to Xiao An’s house later. She…”

Sun Ruodi’s face immediately became overcast: “It’s her again. How is it her again? Your work, your family, your Baobao all come before me, and then there’s her, present at all times.”

“It’s not fair for you to say that. At least in the past six months I haven’t seen her at all. The problems between us have nothing to do with her at all.”

“Do you know why I walked out at the movie theater that time?”

“I was late. I’ve also explained—there really was work I hadn’t finished.”

“But when you were explaining to me, I saw Zuo Si’an.”

“She was alone?”

Gao Xiang was shocked. Last month, the American film “Titanic” was introduced to China and became wildly popular. But because of business trips and work that couldn’t be arranged, he’d postponed until the movie was about to end its run before finding time to take Sun Ruodi to see it, and he was late and missed one showing, making Sun Ruodi angry. He’d never imagined that Zuo Si’an had joined the movie-watching craze and had overcome her psychological barriers to go see a movie alone. He asked: “How would she go to a movie theater?”

“You want to know more about why she would go to a movie theater than why I would mention this matter, right?” Sun Ruodi laughed coldly. “I’m very sorry, but I can’t answer your question. I saw her, and she saw us too. Just like before, she looked once, seemed to immediately understand we were arguing, turned and left.”

Gao Xiang tried to recall the situation at the time but couldn’t make sense of it: “All right, even if she also went to see a movie and we happened to run into each other without greeting each other, what’s the need to get so angry?”

“You completely don’t understand my feelings, Gao Xiang. Is her appearance as simple as being coincidental? She always appears at the right time, reminding me again and again that I don’t count for anything in your life.” She jumped down from the desk. “I actually still hoped to salvage things. How ridiculous.”

“Ruodi, we’re both adults…”

“I shouldn’t be jealous of a child, right?” Sun Ruodi placed both hands on his shoulders, looking at him fixedly. “Tell me honestly, Gao Xiang, just how much do you care about her?”

He looked at her, speechless for a moment. She no longer needed an answer either. She withdrew her hands and said dispiritedly: “There’s no point dragging this on. Gao Xiang, let’s break up.”

Sun Ruodi’s footsteps disappeared at the end of the corridor—their nearly four-year relationship had also reached its end. Chasing after her to try to salvage things had lost its meaning. Gao Xiang’s heart was full of fatigue and helplessness. The office seemed empty and spacious, and he too was caught in a void.

He left the company and drove aimlessly for over an hour, then turned and came to the building where Zuo Si’an’s house was. Looking up, all the rooms in her third-floor home had their lights on. What shocked him even more was that at a glance he saw Zuo Si’an standing on the windowsill, wiping the living room windows over and over. She still wore that white T-shirt, and against the bright lights behind her, her figure appeared thin and solitary.

2

Waiting can sometimes fill people with hope, and sometimes it’s a long torment close to despair. Zuo Si’an was in this kind of despairing wait.

She had no sleepiness at all. From the day before yesterday when the homeroom teacher called her out of class to tell her the news, her mother’s colleagues had stayed with her constantly, consoling her nonstop. However, the concern from strangers not only couldn’t alleviate her fear at all, she also had to summon energy to make appropriate responses, maintaining a posture of accepting care and waiting quietly. After Gao Xiang left, she began cleaning.

She put the sheets in the washing machine, then began scrubbing the kitchen, from the range hood and gas stove to every tile, then cleaned the bathroom, bedroom, and living room. The sky darkened. She turned on all the lights in the rooms, knelt on the floor wiping it inch by inch, even moving aside the sofa and furniture to clean the usually neglected corners. Yu Jia wasn’t very concerned about housework—most of the cleaning at home relied on her—but this was the first time she’d done such detailed thorough cleaning.

She cleaned almost mechanically, completely absorbed in the work, as if trying to make time pass faster by exhausting all her physical strength. After the sheets were washed and hung on the balcony, she removed the duvet cover and put it in the washing machine, then made both the master bedroom bed and her own. All the furniture in the house was approaching spotless, the floor wiped so clean it reflected images. She moved a chair, stood on the windowsill, and began wiping the windows.

The dust was gradually wiped away. Through the glass window she looked down at the street below. The streetlights were dim, pedestrians walked leisurely. It was late spring—before the local sweltering summer arrived, the weather maintained a quiet mildness. The sheets hung on the balcony gently swayed in the wind. The whole world looked like it was operating in an orderly manner. She and her home had originally been part of this normal world. From which moment had her fate reversed, and her family walked to the edge of breaking apart—her father far away, her mother’s life or death unknown? She didn’t want to think further and forced herself to concentrate on what was before her, wiping the glass even more transparently clean.

Rhythmic knocking on the door sounded, pulling Zuo Si’an back to reality. She was somewhat confused for a moment, hesitated, then jumped down from the windowsill and ran over to open the door. Gao Xiang stood outside, looking down at her. Under his gaze she realized she was still clutching a cleaning cloth, barefoot, hair disheveled, clothes soaked with sweat, wet marks at both knees of her jeans—looking disheveled and strange.

Gao Xiang reached out and snatched the cloth from her hand, throwing it aside, asking sternly: “Do you want to keep tormenting yourself until you collapse?”

She uneasily lowered her eyes: “No.”

He surveyed the spotlessly clean house behind her and became even angrier. He forcefully closed the door with his backhand, grasped her arm, pulled her to sit on the sofa, and was about to speak when she immediately jumped up again, saying: “Ah, it’s already ten o’clock. Director Li said tonight’s news broadcast might show news about that area.”

She rushed over and turned on the TV. After the main news items, they indeed broadcast news about the landslide in Guizhou’s mountainous area. A reporter wearing a raincoat held a microphone reporting: Road repairs were continuing urgently through the night. Because large excavators couldn’t enter and the amount of earth was too great, rescue work faced extreme difficulties. Casualty and property loss figures awaited further statistics. The screen showed large areas of sliding mountainside cutting the mountain road in half. A stretch of gray-black earth ravines extended outward, muddy water flowing down. On one side of the road, buried houses could be vaguely seen.

The news moved to the next story. She still maintained her earlier posture, body leaning forward, staring blankly at the screen. Gao Xiang turned off the TV, took the remote control she was clutching, and grasped her hand: “Don’t be afraid, and don’t force yourself. I’ll stay here with you.”

She looked at him with dull eyes: “My mother… she’ll come back, right?”

“Don’t worry. The report said they’ve invested more manpower in rescue and search operations.”

“But it’s been almost three days, and there’s still not a bit of news.”

“Sometimes no news is good news. Understand?”

She nodded but didn’t relax. Her eyes were still full of fear: “She went for seven days and said she’d return the day after tomorrow. Before leaving, she asked for my opinion, saying this business trip would take longer. I said you go ahead, it’s fine.” She began trembling. “I never imagined the place she was going would be so dangerous, that she’d encounter a landslide.”

“This is a natural disaster. No one could have anticipated it.”

“She arranged everything for me, left enough living expenses, ordered dinners, called at night to remind me to set my alarm so I wouldn’t be late for school. But I didn’t care about her at all. I only thought it was a normal business trip. I didn’t even ask what the weather was like there.”

“Shh—now is not the time for self-blame. You need to rest properly.”

“I can’t sleep.”

“Then let’s chat. Time will pass faster.”

She nodded silently.

“There’s just over a month until the high school entrance exam. Are your studies going all right?”

“Last practice exam I didn’t perform well. My grades ranked 11th in the class.”

“That’s already very impressive. Are you still corresponding with Jingjing?”

“Yes. She said her father relented. As long as she can get into Qinggang Middle School this year, he’ll let her go.”

“That’s good.”

He found it difficult to find more suitable topics. Just as he was hesitating, she suddenly spoke: “My mother’s colleagues all tell me not to worry, but I’ve looked up information. Landslides are a very severe geological disaster, very difficult to warn about. Once they occur, people only have a very short time to escape.”

“Don’t frighten yourself.”

“My father also told me that over ten years ago, when he and my mother were interning, they participated in a geological disaster survey and personally saw a small town in Sichuan pushed into the Yangtze River by a landslide. Over a thousand houses were destroyed, all ships sailing in that section of the river sank, and the Yangtze River was even closed to navigation for a week because of it…”

“Xiao An.” Gao Xiang thought helplessly that with parents educated in geology, she’d received more popular science knowledge, which would probably only make her more afraid than ordinary children. “Don’t think about those extreme examples.”

“I can’t help it. I desperately tell myself that my mother will be fine, definitely will be fine. But I’m really terrified. I also know that the more you’re afraid of something, the more likely the result will be… I just can’t stop. I’m really afraid that what I’m most afraid of will happen…”

This statement was somewhat incoherent, but Gao Xiang could understand: “Being afraid is normal, Xiao An. We’re powerless over many things, so we need even more to stay optimistic and hopeful.”

“You don’t know—this is all my fault.”

“Nonsense.” He gently scolded. “Thinking that way is too outrageous.”

“Actually I didn’t want my mother to go on business trips. If my mother were at home, even if we didn’t talk, just knowing she was working in her room, I’d feel… not so lonely. But this isn’t the life my mother wants. She’s always loved her work. Her leaders and colleagues all praise her professional abilities. In order to spend more time at home with me, she gave up many important projects.”

“Xiao An, she’s your mother. Everything she’s done for you can’t be counted as sacrifice.”

“How can it not count? She wasn’t like this before. The changes she’s made for me only remind me that I’ve become her burden. I don’t want to see her unhappy while forcing herself to act like nothing’s wrong in front of me. So I deliberately acted like I didn’t care whether she was home or not, and told her to just go on business trips.”

“This is your consideration for your mother. Her encountering danger on a business trip is just an accident. You have absolutely no need to blame yourself for it.”

“I try not to be a burden to her, but… whatever I do is wrong. I’ve clearly become everyone’s burden. My father doesn’t want to see me. My mother gave up more than half her career pursuits for me. You come over every time trying to comfort me…”

Her tears finally trickled down from the corners of her eyes, but she didn’t cry out loud as in the past. Instead she pressed her lips tightly together, not making any sound. Gao Xiang pulled her over, put his arm around her shoulders, and let her lean against him. After a moment, she rested her head on his shoulder, but her body remained stiff and tense, unable to relax.

“Trust me, Xiao An. None of this is your fault. Your parents must love you—it’s just that the way they show it might be different from before. As for me, don’t deliberately avoid me anymore. I’ve never felt you were a burden. I’ll stay here with you today.”

Under Gao Xiang’s stern supervision, Zuo Si’an reluctantly ate a little something, then went to the bathroom to shower. After a very long time, she still hadn’t come out. Considering her physical condition, Gao Xiang couldn’t help getting anxious. He knocked on the bathroom door and heard no response. Casually pushing the door, it opened at once. He was shocked to see Zuo Si’an lying in the bathtub, her head resting on the edge, her slender neck twisted at an awkward angle—she’d actually fallen asleep. The bathroom was small and compact. The bathtub was less than two meters from him. She was presented almost completely exposed in his line of sight.

Gao Xiang froze. He’d always thought of Zuo Si’an as that thin 14-year-old girl who hadn’t yet developed but was already pregnant when he first saw her. What now appeared before him was a naked young girl whose body was still slender but with smooth skin and already possessing graceful curves. He was completely unprepared to see this scene—he almost immediately remembered that this was actually the second time he’d seen her body.

Just then Zuo Si’an’s head slumped to the side. She suddenly opened her eyes, sat up abruptly, stirring the water in the bathtub with loud splashing sounds. Their eyes met. Gao Xiang finally recovered his ability to move and forcefully shut the door.

“Hurry and get up. Don’t sleep in the bathtub. You’ll catch cold.”

Zuo Si’an answered faintly from inside.

Gao Xiang walked onto the balcony. There were two rattan chairs and a small tea table. He took out a cigarette and lit it agitatedly, inhaled deeply, watching the smoke slowly disperse before him and merge into the night.

After a while, Zuo Si’an also walked over. She came out wearing two-piece pajamas printed with cartoon bears, silently reached her hand into the inner side of the small flower stand against the wall and took out an ashtray, placing it on the tea table: “My mother used to always nag my father to quit smoking and wouldn’t let him smoke in the rooms. When his craving hit occasionally, he’d sit here and smoke.”

“Just now…”

“It’s fine. That bathroom lock has been broken for a long time. It opens at a touch. It’s just me and my mother at home, so we forgot to fix it. I didn’t think I’d fall asleep.” In the moonlight, she looked at him, her eyes clear as water, expression calm. “Don’t worry, I won’t misunderstand you.”

His embarrassment dissipated: “That’s good. Go to sleep.”

She shook her head: “I want to sit here for a while, okay?”

He patted the chair beside him: “Sit for a bit, then go back to your room to sleep. If you keep not sleeping like this, you won’t be able to take it.”

She sat down, took off her slippers, put her feet on the rattan chair, curved her body to hug her knees tightly, resting her chin on her knees as she looked into the distance: “My father said he picked up his smoking habit in college bragging with his roommates. What about you?”

He thought back: “When I smoked my first cigarette, I was a bit younger than you are now, in my second year of middle school—”

The person who gave it to him was Chen Ziyu. Thinking of this now made him extremely uneasy. He shook his head, not wanting to continue this topic.

“When I went to Ngari last year, I found my father wasn’t smoking anymore. When I asked him, he said smoking on the plateau was asking for death. Since going to Ngari, he had no choice but to quit.”

“That’s true. Even Old Zhang, that chain smoker, only dared smoke half a cigarette in Shiquanhe Town. Time passes so quickly. Going to Ngari was already a year ago.”

She said almost to herself: “But sometimes time feels so slow it seems endless. I hope the day will break quickly and rescue and search can also progress faster.”

“I’ll stay with you. Don’t be afraid.”

She turned her head to look at him: “You can’t always stay with me.”

These words came so calmly that he was momentarily at a loss for words. But she didn’t have any tone of complaint or acting coquettish. Her hand reached over and rested on his wrist: “It’s fine. Having you here now is already very good.”

He looked down at her slender fingers: “You’re so sensible, I don’t even know how to comfort you.”

“You don’t need to comfort me. I’ve already grown up.”

He had a bit of a similar feeling and smiled slightly, pressing the cigarette butt into the ashtray: “To me, you’re still a child. By the way, did you end up seeing ‘Titanic’ that day?”

She was somewhat surprised and also somewhat uneasy. She withdrew her hand and said quietly: “All the classmates were talking about that movie, so I wanted to go see it. I saw Sister Ruodi… seemed not too happy. I didn’t want to disturb you both, so I changed to another movie theater. It turned out only the very late showing still had seats. I later bought a DVD to watch at home.”

“Don’t deliberately hide from me in the future, Xiao An.”

She answered “mm” in a low voice.

Neighboring households gradually turned off their lights. The sounds of noisy televisions also successively stopped. Zuo Si’an finally couldn’t hold on anymore and began dozing with her head on her knees. Gao Xiang didn’t want to interrupt the bit of sleep she’d finally obtained. He went over and picked her up, walked into her bedroom, placed her on the bed, and pulled the thin blanket over her.

He saw that little bear wearing a plaid shirt and overalls still lay by her pillow. He straightened the bear and looked down at her. Her brow was slightly furrowed, lips pressed tightly together, without any of the relaxed feeling ordinary people have after sinking into dreams. This unconscious expression made him feel even more heartache than the calm she struggled to maintain when awake.

He turned off the light and came out, lay on the living room sofa, and continued reading company documents for a while. He soon fell asleep, but slept very restlessly, having vague dreams. He suddenly woke in the middle of the night, feeling the room was abnormally bright, yet different from the feeling of full daylight. Steadying himself, he discovered moonlight streaming in through the glass windows wiped nearly transparent, flowing like mercury across the gleaming floor.

He looked at his watch. It wasn’t even five o’clock yet. This period before dawn was when night was deepest, and also when worries most easily churned up. From emotions to work, a thousand threads all came to mind. Combined with that chaotic, indescribable dream he’d just had, he lost all sleepiness at once. He sat up and went back out to the balcony to smoke.

He’d never had a major smoking addiction. Apart from social occasions, he only smoked when his mood was unsettled.

The first time he smoked was one day in his second year of middle school. Chen Ziyu called him up to the family’s rooftop terrace, handed him a cigarette, put one in his own mouth, took out a lighter, and skillfully lit both. He hesitantly tried a puff and immediately wrinkled his brow, choking. Chen Ziyu couldn’t help laughing heartily.

After Gao Ming caught them smoking, he didn’t say anything to Chen Ziyu, but called him down for a stern scolding. Looking back, the countable violations in his good-boy career all seemed connected to the name Chen Ziyu. If Gao Ming hadn’t strictly required him and been able to keep him isolated from Chen Ziyu, if he hadn’t later left Qinggang to attend university in the provincial capital, would he have grown closer to Chen Ziyu and done more forbidden or even illegal things…

Thinking of Chen Ziyu again, he felt even more at a loss.

Just then the living room phone suddenly rang, especially loud and jarring in the silence. Gao Xiang turned, about to walk over to answer it, but Zuo Si’an had already run barefoot out of the bedroom. Her hand touched the phone but suddenly stopped. She looked up at him with an expression of extreme fear on her face.

The phone kept ringing. He said: “I’ll answer it.”

She shook her head, trembling as she picked up the phone. A few minutes later, she looked up at Gao Xiang, an expression like crying and laughing on her face: “They found my mother. She’s fine. She can come home tomorrow.”

Zuo Si’an put down the phone and threw herself into Gao Xiang’s embrace, hugging him tightly, making whimpering sounds like a small animal, unclear whether from grief or joy.

3

On the fourth day after the landslide, at dawn, the road to the disaster area was opened. Rescue personnel found Yu Jia, the foreign geology expert, and nearly forty villagers on a mountain top. They were safe and sound, but their other young colleague remained missing. That afternoon, when Yu Jia got off the plane, news came that his body had been found, confirmed as deceased.

The bit of relief from surviving the disaster was diluted by sorrow over the colleague’s unfortunate death. When Yu Jia returned home, her mood was still heavy. Just then Old Zhou finally managed to relay the message to Zuo Xuejun. Zuo Xuejun was shocked and drove back to the township government to call home. Yu Jia answered and said flatly: “I’m fine. You don’t need to worry. There’s no need to come back.”

She hung up the phone. Turning around, she saw Zuo Si’an’s eyes. Feeling somewhat uneasy, she forced a smile: “I’m not angry with him, but it would take him several days to get back. There really isn’t any point.”

Zuo Si’an lowered her eyes and said nothing.

Yu Jia was already too exhausted to want to say anything more: “Xiao An, order some dishes from the restaurant downstairs later and have Xiao Chao stay for dinner. I’m going to lie down for a bit first.”

Zuo Si’an thought: even she herself had been exhausted by fear and excitement. Hearing her father only called back at this time, she felt no comfort. How could she blame her mother for showing indifference? Liu Guanchao called to her: “Xiao An, it’s still early. I’ll continue explaining the physics key points to you.”

She nodded: “All right.”

They continued reviewing their studies in the living room. After a while, the doorbell rang. Zuo Si’an went to open the door. Standing outside was an expensively dressed middle-aged woman she didn’t recognize, looking her up and down with an indescribable scrutinizing gaze.

She asked doubtfully: “May I ask who you’re looking for?”

“Is your mother home?”

Zuo Si’an immediately trembled all over. She didn’t recognize this face, but she had an impression of this voice. She’d first heard it at the Qinggang County government compound, the second time at Qinggang Hospital. She struggled to force herself to calm down: “What are you doing here?”

Chen Zihui said impatiently: “I’m looking for your mother. I know she’s already home. Call her out.”

Just then Liu Guanchao also recognized Chen Zihui and immediately went to call Yu Jia out. As soon as Yu Jia saw Chen Zihui, she was angry: “Please leave immediately.”

Chen Zihui said unhurriedly: “There are some things I must say today. If you won’t let me in, I’ll just have to stand at the door and say them.”

Yu Jia was furious, but no matter how capable she was, she was still an intellectual and had no way to deal with Chen Zihui’s kind of reckless arrogance. After thinking, she took out 100 yuan and handed it to Zuo Si’an: “Xiao An, take Xiao Chao downstairs to eat.”

However, Zuo Si’an wouldn’t accept it: “I’ll stay home. I’m not going anywhere.”

Faced with her daughter’s sudden stubbornness, Yu Jia was equally helpless. She could only wave her hand: “You and Xiao Chao go back to your room. Don’t come out.”

Yu Jia closed the front door and said coldly: “Whatever you have to say, please finish quickly and leave immediately.”

Chen Zihui looked around the room: “Teacher Yu, congratulations on your safe escape and return. Believe it or not, I’m genuinely happy for you and also relieved. But there’s one thing I have to come remind you to pay attention to: please control your daughter and don’t let her pester my son every time something happens.”

Yu Jia was both stunned and furious: “What do you mean by that?”

“Your daughter hasn’t told you yet, has she? When you went missing, my son Gao Xiang stayed with her starting yesterday, spending the night at your house. Your daughter might have given up and not care about her reputation anymore, but she’s still a minor. Whichever man gets involved with her will be unlucky. My only younger brother already died young because of her. I can’t watch my son encounter the same thing.”

Yu Jia struggled to stay calm: “You can say such shameless things. My daughter would absolutely never pester anyone.”

Chen Zihui sneered: “My son and his girlfriend originally had a very good relationship, dating for nearly four years. They’d already reached the stage of discussing marriage. Your daughter caused them to break up yesterday. You still have the nerve to say this to me.”

“Your son is an adult. He should completely know what he’s doing. Why don’t you go back and ask him if he can tolerate your behavior? If you come to my house again spouting nonsense, don’t blame me for being impolite. Now get out.”

“Tsk tsk. You think I wanted to come to your house? I’m giving you face by coming to remind you. If you still won’t control your daughter and let her endlessly pester my son, ruining his innocent reputation, I won’t be polite either.”

“Get out!”

Chen Zihui left. Yu Jia forcefully slammed the door and sat on the sofa, raising her hand to press hard on her throbbing temples. After a while, she calmed down somewhat and lifted her head. She saw Zuo Si’an standing before her, with Liu Guanchao standing farther back. Both children had expressions of panic on their faces. She lowered her hand and tried to make her voice calm: “Xiao Chao, I’m sorry. We won’t have you for dinner today. You go back to school. I have something to say to Xiao An.”

Liu Guanchao nodded, packed his schoolbag, and just as he was about to leave, he stopped: “Aunt Yu, it really wasn’t Xiao An’s fault. That Gao Xiang came on his own. He even went to the school before to pick up Xiao An. Later Xiao An specifically used the side door and transferred buses to get home to avoid him.”

“I know, Xiao Chao. Thank you. Hurry back to eat dinner.”

After Liu Guanchao left, Yu Jia said softly: “Xiao An, come sit down.”

Zuo Si’an sat beside her, face deathly pale, hands clenched into fists on her legs.

“Xiao An, I know I can’t blame you for this. I had no news. You felt afraid—that’s very natural.” She didn’t make a sound. “I told you not to have any contact with Gao Xiang anymore precisely because I was afraid of today’s scene. Of course, Gao Xiang is a decent person, trustworthy, and does genuinely care about you. But after all, he’s a relative of that person, and he has a shrew-like mother who’s too unreasonable with too strong a destructive capability. You finally returned to a normal living environment. I can’t let her destroy all this. You understand what I mean, don’t you?”

She looked straight ahead and nodded silently.

“I’ll call Gao Xiang immediately and ask him to disappear from your life.”

Zuo Si’an turned her head. A pair of eyes full of sorrow and pain. Yu Jia was startled and almost blurted out “Do you really like him?” But she forcefully held back. She instinctively felt that once some things were made clear, they probably could never be salvaged. Better to stop them while still vague. She grasped her daughter’s hand. Zuo Si’an had already lowered her eyes, unwilling to meet her gaze. She could only try to use a relaxed tone: “Don’t worry. I won’t stoop to the level of his mother. I’ll be as polite as possible when talking with him. I’ve always told you that what you need to do is forget what happened in the past. Only this way can you truly begin your own life. Your task now is to study hard and strive to get into the high school division of Normal University Affiliated High School. Don’t think about anything else. I’ll try to turn down business trip work in the future and take good care of you.”

“Mom, from the airport to home, you haven’t told me about your experiences these past few days.”

Yu Jia was stunned, not knowing how the topic suddenly shifted here. She frowned and thought: “There’s nothing much to tell. Landslides have always been very difficult to predict in advance. It happened suddenly. We had no way to distinguish which direction was safe. We could only follow the local villagers and desperately run to another mountain top, then endure the rain and hunger waiting for rescue.”

Zuo Si’an thought: Mother described such a harrowing experience so lightly. Of course she also wouldn’t feel it necessary to clarify what kind of torment she’d endured at home these past few days, what Gao Xiang’s companionship meant to her.

“After encountering such danger, do you still like your work?”

“Encountering danger was just an accident. Landslides are low-probability events. They won’t affect my view of my profession.”

“I’ll do as you say about everything else. Just please don’t give up your work for my sake. I’ll study hard. I don’t need special care.”

Zuo Si’an withdrew her hand and stood up. Yu Jia looked up blankly at the daughter before her. In nearly a year’s time, she’d grown considerably taller and already looked like a young girl. The childishness of the past seemed completely gone. In her quiet demeanor there was always something that made Yu Jia uneasy, but she couldn’t say what it was.

She could accurately analyze complex terrain features, assess the environmental impact of large-investment infrastructure projects, yet deciphering her daughter’s inner thoughts had become an impossible task for her, making her feel defeated.

4

When Gao Xiang received the phone call from Yu Jia, before he could congratulate her on escaping danger, he heard her mention his mother’s sudden visit to the Zuo family. This shock was extraordinary. Without needing to ask for details, he immediately apologized, but Yu Jia had no intention of accepting his apology.

“Xiao Gao, whether my daughter or myself, we don’t want to experience such stimulation and humiliation again.”

“I’ll go back and communicate with my mother to guarantee this kind of thing won’t happen again.”

“Forgive my bluntness, Xiao Gao. Your mother’s domineering way of doing things is probably something you find very difficult to restrain.” Yu Jia said very clearly: “I’m also a mother. When necessary, I’ll do anything to protect my daughter. Before calling you, I just spoke with Secretary Hu of the Qinggang County Committee. He and my husband worked together for over a year with an excellent relationship. After Xuejun went to Tibet, they still keep in touch. At the end of last year when he came to the provincial capital for meetings, he specifically came to visit me. He very much sympathizes with what my daughter and I have experienced and agreed to immediately have a talk with your grandfather and father, asking them to guarantee your mother won’t come disturb our lives again.”

The clear thinking and action capability Yu Jia displayed surprised Gao Xiang somewhat. He could only say: “Teacher Yu, I really have nothing to say. Please do what you think you should do. I’ll also make my best effort.”

“You’re very reasonable, Xiao Gao. Xiao An has already promised me she won’t contact you anymore, but after all, she’s still a child. So I hope even more to get a guarantee from you that you won’t appear in Xiao An’s life anymore.”

Gao Xiang froze. He heard Yu Jia continue: “I know you care about Xiao An. You should also clearly understand her situation. She’s at a sensitive age and very much needs a calm, undisturbed environment to grow and live again as a normal girl. I trust you can understand and accept this requirement of mine. Goodbye.”

Putting down the phone, Gao Xiang was beside himself with anger. He endured until finishing work, then went home, packed his belongings into a travel bag, and carried it downstairs. Wang Yujiao hurriedly asked: “Another business trip? Eat dinner before you go.”

Chen Zihui came out holding Baobao. Baobao had learned to say a few simple sentences and, seeing him, joyfully called out: “Daddy.”

No matter how angry he was, he couldn’t resist this child’s call. He reached out to take Baobao: “What’s this smeared on your mouth like a mustache?”

“Mustache, mustache.” Baobao repeated with a grin. Gao Xiang wiped his mouth for him. He twisted left and right, only satisfied when it was all wiped on his shirt.

He laughed and scolded: “You little brat. You feel like something’s missing if you don’t dirty my clothes every day, don’t you?”

Baobao still grinned with his mouth showing only a few teeth, his fuzzy little head resting on his shoulder. Gao Xiang looked down at his slightly curved eyes full of smiles. His heart felt like it was grabbed by an invisible hand. He suddenly realized this child had eyes almost identical to Zuo Si’an’s. When Chen Zihui commented on Baobao’s appearance, she only repeatedly said his nose and mouth resembled the Chen family. Gao Xiang had also always subconsciously avoided making these associations. Now he couldn’t help feeling a jumble of emotions. He handed Baobao to Wang Yujiao, signaling her to take him back to the room.

Chen Zihui asked him: “Where are you going this time? How many days?”

He said coldly: “I’m moving back to my apartment. If there’s anything with Baobao, just call me.”

Chen Zihui was stunned: “What are you doing?”

“Mom, I’ve told you clearly not to interfere in my life. If you consistently can’t do this, then it’s better if we keep some distance.”

“You broke up with Ruodi over that girl. Now you’re even going to sever ties with me. What’s possessed you?”

“You actually did it a second time—going to someone else’s house to cause trouble without caring about anything. You’ve never known how to consider others, have you?”

“Oh my, she complained to you so quickly. You think I wanted to go to her house? I wish I could stay as far from her house as possible. That girl is absolutely a disaster, causing Ziyu to die young, and now causing you…”

“Enough. I don’t want to hear these things. You’re my mother. I shouldn’t casually judge your behavior, but sometimes I feel you’re unreasonable to an inexplicable degree.”

“You still remember I’m your mother, yet you dare say such things to me.” Chen Zihui was so angry her hands trembled. “Are you trying to simply anger me to death?”

Just then the doorbell rang. Gao Xiang went to open it. His grandfather Chen Liguo and father Gao Ming walked in together. Gao Ming looked at the travel bag in his hand: “Where are you going?”

He said vaguely: “I’m going out for a bit.”

“Sit down. Your grandfather has something to say.”

Chen Zihui was still unaware: “Dad, Gao Ming, how come you suddenly came over without saying something in advance? I’ll have the maid make dinner again.”

“You sit down too.” Chen Liguo’s expression was very ugly. “Zihui, going to other people’s houses to cause trouble—how can you do such things righteously again and again? Is this how I taught you to conduct yourself?”

Chen Zihui was stunned, glancing at Gao Xiang: “Well done. Just how much do you hate me? Fighting with me isn’t enough—you actually want to complain to your grandfather.”

Gao Ming said irritably: “Xiao Xiang didn’t say anything to us. Your father and I were called in by County Committee Secretary Hu and got a thorough scolding. We were too ashamed to face anyone.”

Chen Zihui was somewhat dumbfounded: “How big a deal is it for Secretary Hu to get involved? Besides, you’ve always had a good relationship with Secretary Hu. Zuo Xuejun has already gone to Tibet. How can he still get the secretary to stand up for him?”

“You’re almost fifty years old, Zihui. Use your brain, will you?” Chen Liguo was simply heartbroken. “Secretary Hu has a very good relationship with Gao Ming and has always treated me with courtesy too. But don’t forget—he was Zuo Xuejun’s colleague. Their relationship was also quite close. At the time he consistently protected County Magistrate Zuo, did our work, told you not to go around making accusations against him. You didn’t listen to us and forcibly threatened to have County Magistrate Zuo’s daughter give birth to the child. County Magistrate Zuo was forced into an untenable position before applying to aid Tibet. Now you’re still not settled in the provincial capital and went to threaten his wife and child. Who could stand to see this? You should know that Zuo Xuejun volunteered to aid Tibet to contribute to the country—he wasn’t banished or exiled. Even if Secretary Hu didn’t care, the province would look after his old friend. If you keep doing things like threatening people at their doors, if they don’t mind making a big scene and immediately call the police, do you think the police won’t arrest you?”

“I… I didn’t threaten them. I just told her to control her daughter and stop pestering my son. That’s good for everyone.”

Gao Xiang was filled with anger he couldn’t vent. Just as he was about to speak, Gao Ming gestured to stop him. He looked coldly at his wife: “You constantly have ‘our Chen family’ on your lips. You should at least know that your father struggled in Qinggang for nearly twenty years before achieving Qinggang Liquor Industry’s current scale. The incident with Ziyu caused great damage to the company’s reputation and economy. Combined with your making scenes, you know what others think of us? Ordinary people thinking we’re nouveau riche acting recklessly is one thing, but people in officialdom mostly keep us at a respectful distance. The company is adjusting strategy this year, carrying out large-scale expansion, and happens to be at a critical period. We need even more to get policy support and assistance from various departments. You really need to change this way of doing things without caring about consequences, only pursuing your own satisfaction.”

Chen Zihui had never taken Gao Ming’s words seriously. In the past, she’d have jumped up to have a big fight with him. But now her husband was showing unprecedented sternness. Her father Chen Liguo sat to the side with a gloomy expression. Her son Gao Xiang stood to the side with an iron-gray face, arms crossed, not even looking at her. No matter how obtuse she was, she knew she’d caused trouble. But she’d never been willing to admit fault: “How would I know so many things were involved? Besides, our Chen family has long been Qinggang’s major taxpayer. What can Secretary Hu really do to us?”

Chen Liguo let out a long sigh: “Zihui, you’ve never been willing to admit mistakes. Are you trying to force me to admit my family education was a complete failure? Let me tell you—Secretary Hu was very polite. His words were veiled but watertight. I could only stake my old face to guarantee him that this kind of thing won’t happen again. Listen to me. Take good care of Baobao, learn to cultivate yourself, and don’t cause any more trouble.”

Chen Zihui still wouldn’t relent: “Dad, you and Gao Ming always used to say I didn’t care enough about Gao Xiang. Now I care, and I still get blamed by you all. Don’t you think—if Gao Xiang keeps getting entangled with that girl, what if something happens?”

Gao Ming said bluntly: “Gao Xiang is not Chen Ziyu…”

This statement infuriated Chen Zihui. She immediately raised her voice again: “What do you mean by that? No matter how much you disliked Ziyu, you can’t use that tone to speak of him after he’s dead. Let me tell you, he’ll forever be my younger brother. If it weren’t for that Zuo Si’an and her father, he wouldn’t have had to die so young.”

Gao Ming had never been able to out-argue his wife’s one-sided logic. He didn’t want to quarrel with her in front of his father-in-law and son either, so he could only compromise: “Fine, I didn’t mean anything else. I’m just saying Gao Xiang is twenty-four years old. He has good judgment.”

“He has good judgment about other things, but he’s shown he’s quite capable regarding this matter. I’m really afraid he’ll also fall into this family’s hands.”

“Zuo Si’an is just a little girl. Don’t be paranoid.”

“If she were an adult I wouldn’t need to worry. It’s precisely because she’s still young and clinging to Gao Xiang like this—what if something happens?”

Gao Xiang had been silent the whole time. Now his anger couldn’t be suppressed but had nowhere to vent. He raised his hand and swept the teacup Wang Yujiao had brought crashing to the floor, tea water flowing everywhere, shards scattering. Everyone in the living room froze at once. Wang Yujiao hurriedly went to get a broom to sweep up.

Chen Zihui was the first to react, saying in exasperation: “Look, look! He’s losing his temper with me over that girl now. Does he still have me, his mother, in his eyes?”

“Xiao Xiang, calm down.” Chen Liguo’s old eyes seemed already dim yet also seemed to understand everything. His heart trembled. He shook his head: “I have nothing more to say. I want to move out and live alone, get some peace and quiet.”

Before the others could speak, Gao Ming objected first: “No. You acknowledged Baobao as your son. You have to take on the responsibilities of being a father. You can’t dump such a sickly child on your mother alone to care for.”

Gao Xiang was blocked from speaking. Full of frustration, he could only grab his travel bag angrily and go straight upstairs to his room.

After a while, Gao Ming knocked and came in, sitting across from him: “Apart from middle school when you took the blame for Chen Ziyu and I punished you, I really haven’t seen you lose your temper this badly.”

Gao Xiang was speechless. Of course he knew his outburst today was completely inconsistent with his usually calm approach to the world.

“You know what your mother’s like. I absolutely don’t dare hope she can do as your grandfather requires and cultivate herself. Besides your grandfather, only you can somewhat restrain her. If you move out, you’ll be clean and free, but when she causes more trouble, how will we handle it?”

“Dad, after graduating from university, I went into the company without a second word. Nobody asked me if I had other ideas. Do you really think my life is just working for Qinggang Liquor forever and controlling Mom for you?”

Gao Ming froze. After a long moment he said: “I truly never imagined you had other plans.”

“This job gives me great challenges. I have nothing to complain about. I’ll also do my best to do it well. No matter how bad Mom’s temper is, she’s still my mother. But I really need a bit of my own space.”

“Gao Xiang, you feel trapped. I can understand that. However, shackles aren’t only given by others. Sometimes we put them on ourselves. I hope you can understand what I mean.”

Gao Xiang had been closer to his father since childhood and naturally could understand his father’s meaning. Gao Ming was born into a large poor family. He struggled until graduating from university, entered Qinggang Liquor Industry to work, gained Chen Liguo’s appreciation, married his daughter, and became the company’s number two figure. He seemed to rise smoothly from then on, but his marriage to Chen Zihui could hardly be called loving and harmonious, and he bore much gossip. Regarding gains and losses, sacrifice and responsibility, he had deeper understanding than ordinary people.

“Initially I opposed you acknowledging Baobao as your son precisely because I didn’t want you to take on burdens without deep consideration.”

“I’ve never regretted being Baobao’s father.”

“That’s good. You’d better be mentally prepared—being a father isn’t as simple as cooperating to change diapers and signing for surgeries. Regarding County Magistrate Zuo’s daughter—” Gao Ming stopped. Gao Xiang looked at his father warily. He heard him say calmly: “On this point I agree with your mother. You shouldn’t have contact with her anymore.”

“She’s never pestered me.”

“I know. But she was the victim of Chen Ziyu’s evil deeds and was forced by your mother to give birth to Baobao. From any angle, you two shouldn’t have any more connection. You sending her to see her father already counts as doing your utmost to compensate her. From now on, everyone living their own lives is good for everyone.”

5

Zuo Si’an performed well on the high school entrance exam, exceeding Normal University Affiliated High School’s admission line by 12 points, securely obtaining her admission notice. Jingjing also got into Qinggang Middle School as she’d wished.

After obtaining Yu Jia’s and Mei Yi’s agreement, Zuo Si’an invited Jingjing to stay at her house for a week. She and Liu Guanchao took Jingjing by bus and ferry to tour various scenic spots throughout Jianghan City. After wandering through pedestrian streets, night markets, and major department stores, Jingjing’s novelty wore off. When Yu Jia asked her impressions, she spoke frankly, saying she liked the zoo, botanical garden, Yangtze River, the big beautiful library and those universities, but didn’t like this city. It was unbearably hot for one thing, and there were too many people, too noisy, traffic was chaotic, and everyone’s expressions looked somewhat fierce.

Yu Jia really liked Jingjing’s lively personality and was amused by her childish complaints: “You miss your mother, don’t you?”

She nodded vigorously: “Yes! Auntie, let Sister Xiao An come back with me. She said you’re going on a business trip. If I leave, she’ll be so lonely by herself.”

Yu Jia was indeed responsible for an important water conservancy project survey and had been coordinating the business trip timing with her leadership. She looked at her daughter hesitantly: “Would you like to go live in Liu Wan for a while?”

“Yes, I like the quiet there, and I can keep Jingjing company.”

Yu Jia looked at her daughter thoughtfully. Zuo Si’an was as calm as usual, showing no emotion. She didn’t much discuss household matters or exchange parenting experiences with colleagues, but she’d more or less heard colleagues complain that what they faced most was children suddenly no longer being as lovable as in childhood, with various kinds of rebellion coming in waves, overwhelming them. She’d almost completely not encountered this problem. Zuo Si’an’s period of losing emotional control was very brief. After returning from Tibet, she was as obedient and compliant as before, even to a degree that vaguely unsettled Yu Jia. Yu Jia had always believed in science and rationality, wasn’t sensitive, and of course scorned this unfounded suspicion in her heart. She only felt that for a girl her daughter’s age to love quiet rural pastoral life was somewhat strange. However, considering that Liu Wan only had the old, weak, women and children, with Zuo Si’an living there cared for by the attentive Mei Yi and with Jingjing as company, it was indeed much more reassuring than leaving her alone in Jianghan.

Yu Jia called to consult Mei Yi’s opinion. Mei Yi of course readily agreed.

Compared to the scorching Jianghan City, the summer in Liu Wan two hundred kilometers away was relatively milder. The air in early morning and evening was fresh and cool. Even at midday under the blazing sun, standing under tree shade, it wasn’t like in the city where you felt so hot you wanted to stick out your tongue and pant.

After a few days, Liu Guanchao also returned to Liu Wan. The three of them watered and weeded the vegetable garden every day, fed the chickens and pigs, fished in a small river not far from the village, went to the small mountain behind to pick mushrooms and identify various wild fruits. Liu Guanchao tutored them separately, or Zuo Si’an corrected his English pronunciation. In the evening they enjoyed the cool under the osmanthus tree in the yard, listening to Mei Yi talk about interesting things she encountered making house calls to other villages, or listening to Jingjing tell her fanciful little stories.

Zuo Si’an didn’t find these calm repetitive days monotonous. Mei Yi treated her as kindly as before. Her colleagues respected her sense of distance. Jingjing was right at the age she subconsciously most nostalgic for—clever, lively, and friendly, with a sunny personality that made everyone who spent time with her feel happy. She even thought that if she could choose, she’d be willing to live here forever. This thought flashed by and already made her uneasy. She didn’t want to closely examine the secret sadness deep in her heart, much less expose it to others.

That evening the weather was overcast. Zuo Si’an was in the back courtyard operating the pressure pump, drawing well water to fill a bucket. Just as she lifted it with both hands and turned around, she was shocked to discover Gao Xiang standing behind her. She was startled and blurted out: “How did you come here?”

“Mei Yi asked me to buy some medicines. I was back in Qinggang for a meeting and happened to bring them over for her.”

“Oh.”

She was about to walk past him when he took the bucket, effortlessly carrying it straight to the kitchen to give to Mei Yi, then came back out and looked at Zuo Si’an: “You seem to have grown a bit taller.”

She lowered her head, avoiding his gaze, and said softly: “Yes, I’m one meter sixty-four now.”

The rural dusk was full of the flavor of human life. Light greenish cooking smoke rose curling from each household’s rooftop. The clouds in the sky rapidly gathered and dispersed. Dusk came heavier than usual. Zuo Si’an stood by the well, her hair bound in a ponytail, the ends brushing her nape. She still wore the very student-like white T-shirt and jeans, but not only had her figure grown taller—from her face to her standing posture, she’d shed the last vestiges of childishness. Her whole person radiated the aura of a young girl, looking somewhat unfamiliar.

“I heard your entrance exam results were very good. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

Both fell silent at the same time. They could only hear weary birds returning to the forest overhead, flapping their wings with a whooshing sound as they swept past. Something unsettling flowed through the air. Fortunately just then Jingjing ran out: “Uncle Gao Xiang, thank you for bringing me so many books again. This time when I went to the provincial capital, Aunt Yu also bought me lots of books.” She tugged Zuo Si’an: “Sister Xiao An, Mom wants us to go pick some pumpkin vines.”

The tender pumpkin vines and leaves of this season, cut finely, slightly salted with a bit of pickling, then stir-fried with red chili peppers made a very delicious dish, very hard to eat in the city. The other dishes were also from Mei Yi’s own vegetable garden, very fresh. Yet Gao Xiang ate with little interest. Of course, Mei Yi really had asked him to buy medicine, but he’d personally come to deliver it after hearing that Zuo Si’an was also living in Liu Wan. Actually seeing Zuo Si’an, apart from realizing she’d truly grown up, he sadly discovered that not only had he started making excuses for his actions, he also seemed unable to face her frankly anymore. Zuo Si’an kept her head down eating. Liu Guanchao didn’t even look at Gao Xiang. Only Jingjing remained unaware, chatting and laughing as usual.

Just then a flash of lightning streaked across outside. Everyone instinctively turned to listen. After a while, a thunderclap sounded. Raindrops fell urgently in the courtyard, quickly falling harder and denser. Gao Xiang put down his rice bowl and said goodbye to Mei Yi. Mei Yi tried to keep him: “Wait until the rain lightens a bit before leaving, or just stay the night here.”

“No need. The company still has a sales meeting tomorrow morning.”

Mei Yi could only give him an umbrella. He walked toward the pond where he’d parked. Though it was just after six, the sky was pitch black, strong winds blowing, torrential rain pouring down. Holding an umbrella barely helped at all. Reaching the car, he took out his keys. Turning around, a flash of lightning happened to illuminate the surroundings. He saw Zuo Si’an holding an umbrella, standing not far behind him. He was greatly shocked: “With such heavy rain, what are you running out here for?”

The surroundings returned to darkness. He couldn’t hear an answer, only heard thunder rumbling dully overhead, heavy rain splashing down with a whooshing sound. He suspected she hadn’t heard what he said at all. He felt his way over in the dark, by instinct grasped her hand, opened the car door and tucked her inside, then folded the umbrella and sat in the driver’s seat. He turned on the interior dome light. He saw Zuo Si’an, like him, already had most of her clothes soaked.

He draped the suit jacket from the back of his seat over her: “Do you have something to tell me?”

Zuo Si’an wiped the rainwater all over her face and nodded: “I’m sorry. I didn’t know I caused Sister Ruodi to break up with you.”

Gao Xiang froze.

“I originally wanted to find Sister Ruodi to explain, but my mother said when a third person gets involved in matters between two people, it only makes things more chaotic. You’re adults and can handle it yourselves. I thought what she said made sense too.” She reached out and pushed his arm, saying timidly: “Don’t be angry with me.”

Gao Xiang didn’t know whether to laugh or cry: “My mother went to your house to make a scene. Actually I should be the one saying sorry. You’re the one apologizing to me instead.”

Her face fell at once. After a pause, looking straight ahead, she said clearly: “You don’t need to say sorry to me. It’s useless whatever you say. I hate her.”

Gao Xiang had to admit he really had nothing he could say to defend his mother: “Did you chase after me just to tell me this?”

“I promised my mother I wouldn’t see you anymore. Today counts as accidentally running into you, so it doesn’t mean I went back on my word. You seem like you don’t really want to pay attention to me. If I don’t speak now, there won’t be another chance later.”

“Xiao An, there are two things I must make clear to you. First, no matter what my mother said, Ruodi and I are adults. There were many reasons for breaking up, but we definitely can’t blame you. You don’t need to blame yourself over this even more. Second, my coming to Liu Wan today to deliver medicine to Mei Yi—I actually wanted to see you.”

Her eyes brightened, then dimmed again: “You don’t need to worry about me anymore. I’ll be fine. You have to be fine too.”

Not knowing why, this childish admonishment made him want to laugh yet also feel a slight tug of pain. He couldn’t help teasing her: “What counts as ‘being fine’?”

She was indeed confused, hugging his suit jacket and seriously thinking, unable to figure it out: “I don’t know. Everyone thinks differently. Like my mother—she’s happiest when doing work she likes. ‘Being fine’ should mean being able to live the life you want to live.”

“What if the life I want to live includes wanting to see you often?”

Her mouth fell half open as she stared at him blankly. He realized again that she was already a beautiful young girl, her eyes clear as water, face moist, radiating an indescribable radiance from within. Even a random dazed expression carried unconscious charm. He immediately regretted that his earlier statement had a somewhat teasing tone. He hastily said: “Besides having your father come home, what kind of life do you want to live?”

“If he comes home, that’s enough. Wanting too many things is greedy. In the end you might not get anything.”

“It’s not like you’re writing an essay to please the teacher for high marks.”

Her face flushed slightly: “I’m telling the truth. I just want life to return to how it was before. I don’t know if this requirement is already excessive. But I have to try, right?”

“So you’ve decided to give up other wishes.”

“I haven’t given up anything else, except… promising my mother I wouldn’t see you anymore.”

He pressed his hand to his chest, half-seriously saying: “That really hurts me.”

“I do want to see you.” She blurted this out. Seeing his expression suddenly become serious, she uneasily lowered her eyes and said quietly: “But I’ve thought about it. I’ve caused you a lot of trouble, and maybe even interfered with your life. Not seeing me is probably better for you.”

He reached over and pressed his hand on her shoulder: “I’m sorry, Xiao An. I don’t want to make you conflicted. Whether to see me or not—you decide yourself. But I must tell you one more time: to me, you’ve never been a problem that needs solving. That you trust me—this point is very important to me. I cherish it. You’re still young. Not all problems need you to overcome yourself to solve. When you need to see me, just call me.”

She didn’t answer but suddenly turned her head and pressed her cheek against the back of his hand. He was somewhat surprised, but his heart was touched, and a small sadness swept past. He thought this rare intimate gesture was more like a silent farewell: this girl had decided to give him up. Just then, outside the car window, a flashlight beam shone inside. She lifted her head and calmly handed back his suit jacket: “It must be Xiao Chao coming to find me because he’s worried. You should go back. Be careful driving.”

She opened the car door and got out, opening her umbrella. Liu Guanchao was indeed wearing a straw raincoat, holding a flashlight, standing in the heavy rain. Gao Xiang turned on the car’s headlights to illuminate the road ahead a few meters. In the torrential rain and rumbling thunder, she and Liu Guanchao walked back, their figures small yet with a kind of resolute determination not to look back.

Gao Xiang watched her back disappear from the range covered by the headlights. The back of his hand still retained the warmth and gentle touch of her cheek. He suddenly realized that what he’d said in a half-serious, half-joking tone wasn’t actually a joke at all.

If he couldn’t see her again, he would feel hurt. Some emotion he couldn’t define, couldn’t determine when it arose, had quietly occupied the bottom of his heart and even begun to influence his behavior.