1

Gao Xiang was becoming increasingly busy. Qinggang Liquor Industry was undergoing large-scale expansion, and the sales work he was in charge of was naturally becoming more and more complicated. Meanwhile, Baobao had finally learned to walk, though his body remained weak as ever. After just a few steps, he would squat down gasping for breath. His tracheal inflammation and lung infections kept recurring. After several examinations, the doctors all showed grave expressions, unable to confirm that he possessed the physical condition necessary for curative surgery. Chen Zihui was particularly traumatized by the first surgery, always feeling that sending Baobao back to the operating table would be an extremely dangerous matter.

Taking care of a child who could never escape the threat of death also consumed much of his energy. Gao Xiang had no complaints about this. On one hand, he had developed genuine father-son feelings for Baobao, treating the child as his own son. On the other hand, he somewhat saw in Baobao the shadow of Zuo Si’an—another child who needed care, even though she had already grown into a young woman. Perhaps precisely because the care he could give her was so limited, and he had to stand by helplessly watching her cope with one crisis after another, he invested more of his concern into Baobao. Watching Baobao grow little by little, enjoying the pleasure of caring for him and the child’s attachment to him.

However, the child and work couldn’t completely occupy his heart. He could neither persuade himself to completely let go of Zuo Si’an, nor could he as righteously as before define his concern for her as sympathy. He could only console himself as he had once consoled her: time can resolve these problems.

At the end of 1998, a university classmate of Gao Xiang’s came from out of town on business. He invited several other classmates to dinner together, then went to a bar to drink and listen to music. Everyone was catching up happily, and with the surroundings being too noisy, his phone rang for a long time before he noticed. When he looked, it was actually Yu Jia’s mobile number, so he hurriedly answered.

Yu Jia offered no greeting and immediately asked him: “Has Xiao An contacted you?”

He replied with displeasure: “Teacher Yu, even if you don’t trust me, you should trust your daughter. She’s already the most obedient, most trustworthy child I’ve ever met. These past few months, she’s had absolutely no contact with me at all.”

“She… got into an argument with me and ran out of the house. I can’t find her, so I can only guess that she might have gone to find you.”

He was greatly alarmed. Without bothering to say anything to his friends, he grabbed his coat and went out, asking: “Could she have gone to a classmate’s house?”

“Her closest classmate is Xiao Chao. I’ve already been to his house to find him. He said he hasn’t seen Xiao An. Right now he’s with me searching everywhere. I had no choice, so I called you.”

“Then could she have run to Liu Wan again?”

“Xiao An left three hours ago. The long-distance buses have long since stopped running. I called Mei Yi and asked her to notify me immediately if she sees Xiao An.”

“I’ll search too. We’ll contact each other when there’s news.”

More than half an hour earlier, Gao Xiang’s phone had received another call, but it had only rung once before disconnecting. He had just assumed someone had dialed the wrong number and hadn’t paid attention. Now remembering this, he hurriedly searched for the number and called back. A middle-aged man answered, telling him this was a public phone in a convenience store.

He roughly described Zuo Si’an’s appearance, and the owner confirmed: “The girl you described did indeed come to make a call. She first made a long-distance call, but no one answered. Then she dialed a mobile number but immediately hung up saying never mind. I saw she was wearing a school uniform and looked very thin. It being so late and her not going home, I specifically asked if she had any trouble. She said no, bought a bag of hot milk, and left.”

Having come out to drink, Gao Xiang hadn’t driven. After asking for the address of the convenience store, which was on Shenyang Road in another district of the city, he hailed a taxi and rushed over. He successfully found the convenience store, but didn’t see Zuo Si’an nearby. He could only have the taxi drive as slowly as possible forward, using the convenience store as a center and circling the area for more than half an hour. The driver was naturally impatient, and he also felt that continuing to wander aimlessly like this made the possibility of finding Zuo Si’an truly too small. After returning to Shenyang Road, he settled the fare and got out.

It was the depths of winter, the weather overcast, the cold wind blowing bleakly, the temperature very low—absolutely unsuitable for lingering outside. Gao Xiang stood helplessly on the street, lit a cigarette to smoke, considering where would be more reliable to go. A pair of young people passed by him, the girl saying: “Oh no, we’ve missed this one. The trolley bus shouldn’t have stopped running, right?”

The boy comforted her: “No way. Route 1 trolley bus doesn’t stop until 10:30. There should still be a few more buses.”

At that moment, Route 1 trolley bus was passing in front of them. Gao Xiang’s heart stirred, remembering that Zuo Si’an had once said Route 1 trolley bus was the line her father used to take her to school on. When she was in a bad mood, she would ride it alone from the starting point to the terminal.

He threw away his cigarette and followed the couple, walking to the bus stop not far ahead. Under the dim yellow streetlight, he studied the route sign and found the full route had 14 stops. Shenyang Road was in the middle of the route. He called Yu Jia, asking her to search at the starting point on Zhongshan Road near their home, then he hailed a taxi to go to the terminal at Jiaxing Road.

Jiaxing Road was the terminal and transfer point for several bus routes and trolley buses. Although it was nearly 10 p.m., with vehicles coming and going and passengers getting on and off, it was still very busy.

Gao Xiang spent some time before finding Zuo Si’an. She was sitting on the railing of a courtyard behind the bus station, her eyes vacant as she stared ahead. He hadn’t been certain she would ride the trolley bus all the way to the terminal; he was purely coming to try his luck. His anxious heart settled, and anger arose. He walked over and asked in a low voice: “What are you doing, Zuo Si’an? Is running away from home fun?”

She looked up in astonishment, her pale face full of panic. He had seen her with almost exactly the same expression once before at the guesthouse in Ali’s Shiquanhe Town. His heart immediately softened. He took off his coat and draped it over her, sitting down beside her: “Alright, I’m not blaming you, but running around alone is really dangerous.”

“How did you know I was here?”

He asked her back: “How long did you wander around Shenyang Road? Why did you only let my phone ring once before hanging up?”

“I… felt it would be better not to disturb you every time something happens. I’m sorry.”

“Real backbone. If you’re going to run away from home, you should at least dress warmly and bring some money. The taste of being homeless, hungry and cold on the streets isn’t pleasant at all.”

This teasing made her lower her head: “I know. I got lost once before.”

“When?”

“When I was five. That day at kindergarten, all the other children were picked up, but my father hadn’t come yet. When the teacher and gatekeeper weren’t paying attention, I ran out, wanting to take Route 1 trolley bus home by myself. But I accidentally got on the wrong bus. After a few stops, I realized it was wrong and got off. I walked alone on the street in the rain for a long time before being taken to the police station by a kind auntie.”

“Later your father went to the police station to pick you up?”

“Yes. He searched everywhere for me and was almost frantic with worry. When I saw the expression on his face, I burst into tears. The police even told me not to be afraid, saying your father won’t hit you. Actually, of course I wasn’t afraid of being beaten—he never hit me…” She choked up a bit, pausing before continuing, “I just knew that Dad was also afraid. He and I were both afraid of the same thing—that he would never find me again.”

“Xiao An, you can’t keep dwelling in the past like this.”

“I know, I know. Who can keep dwelling in the past? I ran out, not expecting anyone to find me. I was just… really hurting too much.”

Gao Xiang asked softly: “Tell me why.” She said nothing. “Are you planning to sit here all night?”

“It’s too cold. I was planning to sit a bit longer, then take the last trolley bus home.”

Gao Xiang was both annoyed and amused: “So I’m interfering with your return from the lost path. What do you plan to do after going home? Keep arguing with your mother, or have a cold war?”

“I won’t argue with her anymore. I’ll go back, pack up my things, and apply to live at school tomorrow.”

“What on earth happened?”

Zuo Si’an looked at him. Under the dim streetlight, her eyes were filled with sorrow: “My mother said she wants to divorce my father.”

Gao Xiang’s face darkened: “Adults quarreling and playing games—this isn’t the first time they’ve mentioned divorce, and they haven’t divorced yet. Why take it so seriously?”

“This time is different. My mother… has fallen for someone else.”

Gao Xiang frowned, speaking with a reproachful tone: “Xiao An, you can’t randomly suspect your mother.”

“I’m not guessing randomly. Actually, the first time I saw that person, I felt something was off.”

“Who is he?” Zuo Si’an continued matter-of-factly: “He’s that foreign geological expert who went on the business trip to Guizhou with my mother. They encountered danger together and were rescued together. I went to the airport to pick up my mother. She introduced him, saying his name was Peter, with a very long surname that I’ve forgotten. Peter looked at me with excessive warmth. I found it very strange at the time. On the way back, the two of them didn’t say a word to each other, didn’t even look at each other, but… that feeling was definitely not that of ordinary colleagues working together.”

Gao Xiang was slightly shocked. Before, Sun Ruodi had repeatedly told him that she felt Zuo Si’an seemed to have an ability to understand everything quietly without saying anything. He had thought this was just Sun Ruodi’s overly suspicious exaggeration. Now he couldn’t help but worry somewhat about Zuo Si’an’s excessively keen perception.

“Later I twice saw that foreigner bring my mother home. Sometimes when my mother answers her phone, she goes to the balcony, and she speaks all in English. Today when she called my father, she told him they no longer had feelings for each other and asked him to come back for a divorce. I couldn’t hold back anymore and went to question her.”

“What did she say?”

“She didn’t deny it.” Her voice trembled as she said, “Dad was supposed to come home in the spring of next year. If they divorce…”

She stopped, suddenly curling into a ball. Gao Xiang reached out to hold her. He knew her entire hope was nothing more than her father coming home and the family living together as they had before. Now half her hope had suddenly shattered, and it was confirmed by her mother’s own mouth. He could imagine her despair and anger, and couldn’t help feeling compassion. Some passengers waiting for the bus were intentionally or unintentionally looking curiously in their direction. Not wanting to sit here for people to gawk at, he pulled her up, walked out of the bus station, and hailed a taxi.

“It’s late. Your mother has been searching everywhere for you. I’ll first…”

She suddenly became irritable, raising her voice: “I don’t want to see her!”

He had no choice but to say: “Okay, okay, but I have to let her know I’ve found you.” She remained silent. He called Yu Jia’s mobile phone: “I found Xiao An, but she’s not in a good emotional state right now and doesn’t want to go home. I’ll try to persuade her some more.”

He had the driver take them to Huaqing Street and brought Zuo Si’an into the small coffee shop. He called to the shop’s only waitress to bring coffee and hot cocoa. That bright and charming girl casually first placed a piece of chocolate cake in front of Zuo Si’an: “Eat up, it was just made this afternoon.” Then turned to Gao Xiang familiarly: “Don’t bully such a young girl.”

Gao Xiang smiled bitterly: “Don’t talk nonsense.”

That girl giggled and like a gust of wind went to the back. She quickly brought out the coffee and hot cocoa, then went back to the bar on her own accord, put on headphones, and listened to music.

“This coffee shop is called Green Door. It’s very close to both my company and where I used to live. I often come here for coffee.”

“I remember. Last time, you also bought hot cocoa for me from here.” Like before, she cupped the glass with both hands as if warming them.

“No matter what, it’s almost the end of the year now. Your father will be back soon. Issues between husband and wife need the two of them to communicate and resolve face to face. You don’t need to rush to conclusions.”

“I’m afraid when they meet, they’ll only argue more fiercely. Whenever my mother mentions my father, she’s always very cold. They’ve been married for 17 years and were always good before, until…” She stopped, her face becoming even paler.

Gao Xiang quickly said: “Don’t let your imagination run wild. This isn’t your fault. I think your father being away doing aid work in Tibet for so long might indeed have an impact on their feelings. If he still cares about your mother, he should show sincerity to win her back. You crying, arguing, running away from home, or living at school can’t save their marriage.”

“Besides this, I don’t know what else to do. I’m afraid…” She stopped again, staring at him blankly, tears rolling in her eyes. She pressed her lips tightly together, refusing to speak. He didn’t need to ask—he knew she was afraid her parents’ relationship would ultimately be beyond repair.

He thought for a moment: “If you trust my judgment, I’ll ask your mother to come out and talk, to see what she really thinks.”

She was silent at first, then after quite a while, nodded silently.

Gao Xiang sent Zuo Si’an to his nearby apartment, then went back downstairs to Green Door. He drank coffee and waited a while before Yu Jia rushed over in a taxi. After sitting down, she immediately thanked Gao Xiang: “I’m sorry. I keep breaking my word and can only ask you for help.”

“Teacher Yu, there’s no need to be polite. I originally didn’t want to interfere in your family affairs, but since it concerns Xiao An, I have to have a proper talk with you.”

Yu Jia said bitterly: “She probably told you I betrayed her father. No matter what, she thinks it’s my fault: when her father brought up ‘divorce,’ she blamed me for driving him away; when I bring up ‘divorce,’ of course it’s even more my fault.”

“You know your daughter’s sensitivity and her feelings for her father. You should have thought that bringing up divorce now would be a huge blow to her. What couldn’t wait until after her father finishes his aid work in Tibet and comes back?”

“Comes back? Right now the problem is, he probably won’t come back.”

Gao Xiang froze: “What does that mean?”

Yu Jia was silent for a moment: “Her father replaced a colleague who had already worked for most of the year on Tibet aid. Logically speaking, he only needed to work until April next year to come back. But these past six months, whenever I’ve discussed this issue with him, he’s been evasive. Last month when I pressed him urgently, he actually said they really need him there, and he wants to stay and work for a few more years.”

Gao Xiang was utterly shocked: “Doesn’t he understand that his daughter needs him very much too?”

“He already left when his daughter needed him most. Have you forgotten that? I asked him, then what about me and our daughter? He said that besides Ali being short-staffed, there was another consideration. If he comes back now, in principle he can only return to Hanjiang City. If he continues with Tibet aid and works a few more years, he can try to get transferred to Chengdu in Sichuan or to Qinghai to work. He asked me to consider going there first, taking Xiao An to attend school there, completely leaving this environment. What do you think I felt hearing these words?”

Gao Xiang couldn’t answer, though of course Yu Jia didn’t need his answer either: “I told him directly that not consulting with me and leaving for Tibet aid without saying goodbye to our daughter was already very wrong. To make this kind of request again is already absurd. I have my career here, and Xiao An has gradually recovered her calm and has excellent academic results. I won’t give up my work, my profession, to take my daughter and leave home just to be a bit closer to him and continue living separately. If he can consider me and our daughter and come home on time, I’m willing to give him a chance to repair our relationship. If he insists on continuing Tibet aid, he should come back first and divorce me. I asked him to think it over and get back to me. This evening after dinner, he called back again, opening with the same old set: Ali is very backward, really needs people, his work has just gotten on track, he can’t just leave. I immediately interrupted, saying I didn’t want to hear these grand principles. You simply don’t want to come back. I’m completely disappointed in you. The little bit of feeling I had left has almost worn away. Let’s get divorced. Then I hung up. I was angry and my voice was probably loud. Xiao An heard and immediately rushed out to argue with me.”

“You could have explained clearly to Xiao An. Obviously her father has the problem. She’s not an unreasonable child.”

“What could I explain? She’s always been a reasonable, docile good child, except when it comes to her father—she has blind trust and love for him and refuses to see anything bad about him. Her father has behaved terribly in this matter from start to finish. Have you ever seen Xiao An complain about him? Not at all. Instead, she’s even more devoted to hoping he’ll come back. I just said it was her father who refused to come back that made me bring up divorce, and she immediately accused me of betraying her father, of hurting her father’s feelings, which is why he won’t come home. My heart went completely cold. No matter how much care I give her, I can’t get back even half the tolerance and love she has for her father.”

“You can’t say it like that, Teacher Yu. When you were in danger in Guizhou, she was so worried about you she was close to collapsing. She loves you just as much, but she feels that you…” He stopped, finding it hard to phrase.

“Yes, she insists I had an affair. Her perception is so keen it frightens me. She actually felt something was wrong from the very first time she saw Peter at the airport. She sees everything but hasn’t said anything, only when arguing with me did she very calmly seek confirmation, not at all in a questioning or suspicious tone. To look into her eyes and lie, saying nothing happened—I couldn’t do it, because something did indeed happen. But how can I explain to her that I didn’t betray her father?”

“Teacher Yu, if you let Xiao An misunderstand on this issue, the blow to her will be even greater.”

“Then let me explain, and you can judge. Peter is American, works for UNESCO, is a geological expert. Seven years ago he came to China for a project. We worked together for three months. Four years ago when I went to Switzerland for an academic conference, we met again there. The rest of the time, we’ve only had email contact. Sometimes I’d ask him to help me search for the latest foreign materials. All our exchanges were about professional matters, rarely about personal things. This time he came to China to investigate hydrogeological ecology and went with us to Guizhou. As a result, we experienced the landslide together. Our colleague went missing, and at one point we thought we would certainly die. We both said things we normally would never say. I talked about the changes my family had experienced, my guilt toward my daughter, my disappointment in my husband. But I completely didn’t expect what he would say—that he had feelings for me. I admit, I was very surprised and also very moved. Fortunately surviving and coming back, I’ve already made it clear to him that we’ll continue to maintain a friendship. He divorced three years ago, is single, with no ties. But I couldn’t possibly divorce for him. I’m already 39, have a family, have a career. I’ve never been a delicate woman, and feelings are certainly not the primary factor in my decisions.”

“If he works at the United Nations, he probably won’t be stationed in China long-term.”

“That’s exactly the problem. Over two months ago, Peter actually resigned from his well-paid position and applied to teach at a university in Hanjiang City. I won’t pretentiously deny that his decision had nothing to do with me, but he said he’s an adult with the right to arrange his life according to his own wishes, and I needn’t worry. Sometimes when I work late, he drives me home. Occasionally when I have troubles—like when Xuejun suddenly said he wants to continue staying in Ali—no matter how much I hold on by myself, there are times when I’m exhausted and feel like I’m about to go crazy. In this city, he’s the only outsider who knows about Xiao An’s situation. Chatting with him for a while is a way to relieve stress. That’s all. This shouldn’t be a capital offense.”

Gao Xiang said helplessly: “Teacher Yu, I’m not a moralist and won’t judge your behavior, but at Xiao An’s age, girls probably have very strict and harsh standards regarding feelings, let alone toward their own parents. I suggest you explain this point clearly to her. There can’t be any ambiguity.”

“But how can I explain? In Xiao An’s eyes, not loving her father anymore is already unforgivable. After over ten years of marriage with Xuejun, I can’t prettify his behavior, portraying him as someone who selflessly works and makes sacrifices to support impoverished areas. But I also can’t honestly tell my daughter that her father is ashamed of her experiences. He has to face this as soon as he comes back, so he wants to keep avoiding it and wants me and our daughter to avoid it with him.”

Gao Xiang had to admit that to some extent, he agreed with Yu Jia’s view. But for a wife to analyze her husband’s behavior with such sharp objectivity meant their feelings had indeed approached breaking point. And how could a daughter who deeply loved her father possibly accept this reality?

“When Xiao An was a child, I didn’t take care of her enough. The person she trusted was her father. On other issues she’s very understanding toward me, but when it comes to her father, she becomes exceptionally stubborn. If Xuejun is willing to come back, we won’t divorce, and she won’t blame me. If he obstinately persists in staying in Ali, she’ll definitely blame me. To tell her the unvarnished truth about her father—I can’t bear to do it. And even if I did, she still wouldn’t believe it and would hate me even more.”

Yu Jia was more like she was analyzing possible scenarios for herself, listing them one by one, becoming more and more dejected the more she spoke. Gao Xiang could only console her: “I’ll do my best to persuade Xiao An.”

Yu Jia shook her head firmly: “I’m sorry, Xiao Gao. Even though I broke my word and came to you again, my previous request to you still stands. I hope you’ll continue to honor our agreement.”

He was stunned and said with slight sarcasm: “If you still want me not to see your daughter, you’ll have to be able to keep her at home before your husband comes back.”

Yu Jia was slightly apologetic but her expression was very resolute: “There’s no need for you to criticize me—I also know I’ve failed as a mother. But I’m still her mother, and I must think more thoroughly for her. With your status, it’s not appropriate for her to develop more dependence on you. She’s more fragile now than before. Please, for the sake of her still being a child, try to keep some distance from her. I’ll try to do what I should do and trouble you as little as possible.”

Gao Xiang was momentarily speechless, while at the same time he couldn’t help but admire Yu Jia for maintaining such a clear head under the current circumstances: “If Xiao An needs me, I can’t ignore her. I won’t deliberately strengthen my presence—you can rest assured on that point. As for the problem between you and your husband, it’s best to negotiate a consistent solution before having Xiao An face it. Letting her be in a state of panic and worry now does no good at all.”

“I agree.”

Gao Xiang brought Yu Jia to his apartment. Opening the door, they saw Zuo Si’an sitting on the living room sofa in a daze. Seeing them enter, she suddenly stood up. Not looking at her mother, she only stared at him. He said concisely: “Xiao An, I think you should trust your mother and not guess at her behavior based only on your own feelings.”

Zuo Si’an’s expression was constantly changing, but she didn’t make a sound.

“As for the problems between your parents, they ultimately need to resolve them themselves. The one who’s been taking care of you all along is your mother. You can’t keep taking your father’s side and arguing with her. That’s not fair to her. You told me yourself that arguing only makes feelings worse, right?”

Zuo Si’an lowered her head and said “mm.”

Yu Jia also spoke. Her expression was bitter but her voice was gentle: “Xiao An, in front of Gao Xiang, I promise you that before your father comes back, I won’t mention divorce again. I’ll communicate properly with your father, hoping he’ll come back after his Tibet aid term ends. I’ll try my best to be honest with you. Please trust me.”

Only then did Zuo Si’an look at Yu Jia. Mother and daughter gazed at each other. After a long time, she nodded silently.

2

Although Zuo Si’an was immersed in her own concerns, she still quickly noticed that almost overnight, her classmates’ attitude toward her had undergone a suspicious change.

The girl sitting next to her suddenly stopped talking to her but kept secretly observing her. During recess, several classmates gathered together at the other end of the classroom, whispering with their heads together while looking in her direction. Even worse, students from other classes kept crowding at the classroom door, craning their necks to look, then immediately dispersing in a rush. At noon when she went to the cafeteria slightly late, she found the surroundings had quieted down. Everyone was looking at her. She stopped in surprise, and everyone hurriedly looked away, beginning to chat and laugh again as if nothing had happened.

She realized they were talking about her. She was very familiar with this atmosphere of excited, curious discussion and attention, and felt a chill down her spine. At this moment, Liu Guanchao came over with his head down, grabbed her arm, and walked out of the cafeteria, not stopping until they reached the small athletic field behind the teaching building.

“They’re all talking about you.”

“I know. What are they saying?”

Liu Guanchao’s face turned red. His mouth opened and closed, unable to speak the discussions he had heard. Zuo Si’an’s heart sank. She didn’t need to ask further—she knew they could only be talking about that thing she hoped to forget. But she didn’t understand how this matter had suddenly spread.

“Let me take you out to buy something to eat.”

She nodded. The two of them walked out of the school to a small restaurant nearby and bought two bowls of noodles. Liu Guanchao ate a few bites, then through the steam looked at Zuo Si’an holding her chopsticks, staring at her bowl, completely motionless, with no intention of eating at all. He stopped and looked at her worriedly: “Xiao An.”

She looked up: “I’m fine.”

“But… what should we do?”

“After we finish eating, we’ll go back to class. Final exams are coming up soon. After that, there’ll be vacation. After a whole winter break, they probably won’t be interested in continuing to talk about me anymore.”

Liu Guanchao wasn’t so optimistic. He clearly remembered that after Zuo Si’an was found to be pregnant, she never went back to school. But for an entire semester, Qinggang Middle School was filled with all sorts of rumors about her. And because he was good friends with Zuo Si’an and could visit her home, many classmates asked him about her. No matter how coldly he responded or even got into fights with several classmates who spoke disrespectfully, he couldn’t stop others’ curiosity. What he found most unbelievable was that even teachers privately called him to the office to ask about Zuo Si’an’s situation.

But he felt there was no need to voice his worries and make Zuo Si’an feel even worse. He immediately nodded: “Right, right, right. Hurry up and eat.”

Zuo Si’an had long been accustomed to being a quiet, introverted person, but she discovered she simply couldn’t remain inconspicuous as she hoped. She could only maintain her composure with an expressionless posture, trying to block off all those with strong curiosity who were preparing to probe her indirectly.

However, after a week, the rumors about her spread like wildfire, becoming more and more intense, with no sign of dissipating on their own. Finally, a rash female student asked Zuo Si’an face-to-face whether “giving birth hurts or not.” She stared steadily at the other person, saying nothing. That girl couldn’t withstand her gaze and could only say awkwardly: “What a freak.” Then turned and walked away.

Liu Guanchao encountered even bigger trouble. At noon, he was blocked outside the cafeteria by several male students who asked in a frivolous tone: “I heard you’re from Qinggang and were classmates with that girl called Zuo Si’an before. Is the child she gave birth to yours?”

Without a word, he swung his fist at the male student who had asked, and then several people got into a brawl. Zuo Si’an was called over by classmates who wanted to watch the excitement. She saw that Wang Wanyi, her deskmate from junior year three, and her tall boyfriend Li Yang had already stopped the fight, but Liu Guanchao had a black eye and swollen face, his school uniform torn, looking very disheveled.

Zuo Si’an took out a tissue to wipe the blood on his face. Looking up, she saw Wang Wanyi looking at her thoughtfully. Feeling irritable, she asked: “Do you also want to ask me some question?”

After entering high school year one, Wang Wanyi was placed in another class. She shook her head: “I’m not as bored as them. Zuo Si’an, I just want to tell you that some people know I used to sit at the same desk as you and have asked me many stupid questions about you. I only have one response: mind your own damn business.”

This unexpected kindness made Zuo Si’an’s nose tingle. She forced a smile: “Thank you.”

“However,” Wang Wanyi looked at Liu Guanchao scrutinizingly, “you should explain to Zuo Si’an why your sister would come to spread news about her.”

Liu Guanchao was greatly shocked and instinctively retorted: “You’re making that up.”

Wang Wanyi said unhurriedly: “I’m not making it up. A few days ago, Li Yang personally heard her talking about Zuo Si’an with people from our school basketball team at the game arcade on that street in front. He just told me. If you don’t believe it, you can ask him.”

Li Yang stood at a slight distance with his arms crossed and nodded affirmatively.

“How would he recognize my sister?”

“The day before the spring sports meet last semester, your sister brought you to the store across from school to buy athletic shoes. We also went there to buy things. Zuo Si’an told me and Li Yang that was your sister. She’s very pretty, has a good figure, dresses very fashionably, and has a mole on the left corner of her mouth. We had a deep impression at the time. Li Yang shouldn’t have gotten it wrong.”

Li Yang said irritably: “I have standard 1.5 vision. I couldn’t have seen wrong.”

Liu Guanchao stood there stunned, murmuring: “But my sister wouldn’t run here to badmouth Xiao An.”

“You’d better go home and ask her what’s going on.”

Liu Guanchao looked completely bewildered and at a loss. Zuo Si’an had been silent all along. At this moment, a teacher walked over: “Zuo Si’an, Liu Guanchao, come to the Academic Affairs Office immediately.”

Wang Wanyi quickly said: “Teacher, it was several male students from sophomore year who started the trouble and bullied them. It has nothing to do with these two. We can testify.”

That teacher frowned: “No need to testify. We have other matters to ask these two students about.”

Yu Jia received a call from the school, thinking her daughter’s worry about her parents’ relationship was affecting her studies. She hurried over and found Zuo Si’an and Liu Guanchao standing in the corridor outside the Academic Affairs Office. Her daughter’s homeroom teacher, Teacher Li, was talking to them. Both had expressionless faces. Seeing her arrive, they greeted her and immediately led her into the office. Inside sat Liu Guanchao’s mother Wang Yujiao, Academic Affairs Director Zhang, and another unfamiliar teacher. Wang Yujiao was saying excitedly: “This is nonsense. My son has always been a good student. How could he possibly do such a thing? What happened to Xiao An has nothing to do with him. This isn’t the first time he’s been implicated by her.” Turning to see Yu Jia enter, she quickly stopped talking and said with an apologetic smile: “Teacher Yu, I don’t mean to blame Xiao An.”

“What happened?”

“The school has been spreading news about Xiao An giving birth, and Xiao Chao even got into a fight with classmates in his urgency. Teacher Yu, it wasn’t easy for my Xiao Chao to come here to study. You have to speak fairly and not let him take the blame.”

Yu Jia was dumbfounded. Director Zhang looked at her uncomfortably: “Did your daughter not tell you about this at home?”

She shook her head: “Not at all.”

“The teachers have all noticed that the atmosphere at school has been very strange these past few days. Almost all the students are quietly gossiping, including even the graduating classes. The teaching order has been greatly affected. There’s even been more than one parent calling the school to ask questions. This kind of thing…” Director Zhang carefully chose his words, “I’m sure you can understand, it concerns the school’s reputation. We have no choice but to be cautious, so we’ve asked the parents to come to understand the situation. Liu Guanchao’s mother has already told us what she knows.”

Wang Yujiao quickly said: “Someone actually said the child Xiao An gave birth to was Xiao Chao’s. I could only tell the truth—I don’t want my son to be wrongly accused. Teacher Yu, don’t blame me.”

Yu Jia took a deep breath, calming her disordered emotions, and said calmly: “Since we’re telling the truth, I have nothing to blame you for.” She turned to Director Zhang: “This incident happened in another place. My daughter was only 14 at the time and was completely a victim. She’s now trying to live a normal life. I believe the school won’t have any prejudice against her because of this, right?”

“After hearing about it, we all sympathize with your daughter’s experience. But the trouble with this matter is that the rumors came very suddenly. We have absolutely no idea how it spread throughout the school. We’ve separately questioned several students, and they all say they heard it from others. Moreover, I’m sure you can understand that this kind of thing simply cannot be publicly refuted—that would only cause greater distress for your daughter and the school.”

“Then what does the school mean?”

“I need to report to the principal and discuss it before saying more. We can only ask the parents to take their children home first and comfort their emotions well.”

Wang Yujiao quickly said: “Final exams are coming up soon. My son’s grades have always been excellent. He can’t be suspended from classes. He absolutely hasn’t committed any offense. This point must be made clear to the principal.”

Director Zhang nodded: “Don’t worry, we know. Liu Guanchao can go back and attend classes as usual. Just tell him not to impulsively fight anymore.”

Yu Jia took Zuo Si’an home in a taxi. The two of them were silent the entire way. After entering the door, Yu Jia asked her: “This has been happening for several days. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Telling you wouldn’t have done any good.”

Yu Jia said angrily: “I’m your mother. There are many useless things I need to know. What exactly have they been saying?”

“Basically that I had puppy love and tasted forbidden fruit when I was in junior year two and gave birth to a child. When the Academic Affairs Office called me in to ask, I could only say I didn’t know who made up this story. But Xiao Chao’s mother came later, and I think she probably explained everything clearly to them.”

Yu Jia was deeply pained by the excessively calm tone in which her daughter conveyed this content and stood there stunned for a moment, bewildered: “This is too outrageous. Why would this rumor suddenly appear?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care.”

Zuo Si’an picked up her school bag and was about to return to her room. Yu Jia stopped her: “Let’s discuss what to do next.”

“Make dinner. It’s not early. I’m going to do homework and will continue going to school tomorrow. I haven’t violated any school rules, so the school can’t expel me. As for those discussions, let them talk until they’re satisfied. They’ll naturally have a day when they get tired of talking.”

Yu Jia froze. Zuo Si’an looked very calm, yet she couldn’t view it so lightly: “Your classmates may stop talking, but they can’t possibly forget. If you stay at this school, you’ll be isolated. This matter will follow you until you graduate.”

“Even if no one talks about it and no one knows, this matter will still follow me. I can’t escape it.”

“Xiao An.”

“It’s okay, Mom. I don’t care.”

Yu Jia didn’t know what to say for a moment and only felt a splitting headache. She sat on the sofa and pressed her temples. Zuo Si’an said: “I’ll go make dinner. You rest a bit.”

“After this uproar, your father has even more reason not to come back.”

Zuo Si’an, who was walking toward the kitchen, suddenly stopped. Yu Jia realized she had misspoken in her agitation, but now she was in complete disarray and couldn’t maintain her usual composure: “Xiao An, I’ll call your father right away and ask him to arrange his work and come back as soon as possible. How to handle this matter—I need to discuss it with him before making a decision. But you need to be mentally prepared. The adult world is more complicated than school. If your father doesn’t come back, don’t blame me again.”

“There’s no need to tell him about this.”

Yu Jia said angrily: “Xiao An, you’re his daughter. He should come to protect you. For him, whether good or bad, everything is necessary for him to know. It’s not that he can escape his responsibility as a father by hiding far away.”

Zuo Si’an was silent. She realized with an icy heart that for her to argue that her father wasn’t escaping would be too self-deceiving.

Yu Jia pressed speakerphone and dialed Zuo Xuejun’s number. The call went through smoothly. She explained what had happened at school as calmly as possible. There was no response from the other end for a long time.

“Say something. Xiao An, she…”

“Tell Xiao An not to go to school anymore.”

“Final exams are coming up. How can she not go to school?”

“Do you want her to keep enduring her classmates’ criticism? We’ll deal with the exam issue later. Ask for leave for her and have her self-study at home for a while.”

Yu Jia laughed coldly: “This is the solution you’ve come up with?”

“I already said you should transfer jobs and take Xiao An to a different environment. The facts prove my consideration was right.”

“You make it sound so easy. Is transferring as simple as you say? What about my work, my profession?”

“How can you let Xiao An endure these rumors? She’s our daughter. You can’t value your career more than her. We must make sacrifices for her.”

Yu Jia could no longer suppress her anger: “Zuo Xuejun, you’re addicted to singing these grand tunes. These past two years, the person who has spent all time outside of work caring for our daughter is me. May I ask, after you left without a word, what have you sacrificed for our daughter?”

“That’s not what I meant. I just…”

At this moment, Zuo Si’an walked over and said into the phone: “Dad, are you ashamed and embarrassed that other people know about what happened to me?”

Both Zuo Xuejun on the phone and Yu Jia fell silent. Zuo Si’an continued: “It was like that when we were in Qinggang, and even more so now. So Mom wasn’t wrong—you really don’t want to come back.”

“No, Xiao An,” Zuo Xuejun quickly said, “it’s not like that. I just think maybe changing to a different environment would be better for you.”

Zuo Si’an said calmly: “But that thing has already happened to me. Who can guarantee that if we move somewhere else, no one will talk about me anymore? When that time comes, Dad, what will you do? Not come home again?”

“No, no, Xiao An, listen to me…”

“How about you listen to me, Dad. If I’m just a responsibility you must fulfill, you actually don’t need to hide so far away.” Zuo Si’an reached out and pressed the speakerphone button, hanging up the call. Yu Jia stood frozen. She looked up at Yu Jia: “Mom, I’m going out for something. I won’t be gone more than two hours.”

“Where are you going?”

Zuo Si’an said expressionlessly: “Don’t worry. I’m just going to find Xiao Chao to ask about something. I’m not running away from home. I promise.”

3

Baobao celebrated his second birthday. Chen Liguo and Gao Ming came to the provincial capital together again to celebrate his birthday. Chen Zihui arranged a lavish dinner, and everyone was very happy.

With so many people in the house, and all of them bringing gifts, Baobao was especially delighted. His physical development was behind other children his age. Although he had undergone one surgery, his heart problem was still far from fundamentally resolved. He couldn’t go to crowded places, couldn’t have strenuous exercise, and even walking a few more steps would make him squat down gasping for breath. His diet also had many restrictions. Once he caught a cold or fever or got a minor illness, it could develop dangerously, leading to countless trips to the emergency room. However, this child was articulate and very clever, and his attachment to Gao Xiang exceeded anyone else’s.

When it was time for him to go to bed, he evaded Wang Yujiao, calling out: “No, no, I want Daddy to give me a bath.”

Gao Xiang could only laugh: “Okay, okay, I’ll do it.”

He hoisted Baobao onto his shoulder and went into the bathroom, running the water. He was already familiar with the routine and could strip the child bare and toss him in the bathtub in the shortest time, then wash the restless, splashing little guy clean and quickly lift him out, wrapping him in a thick bath towel to prevent him from catching cold.

He carried Baobao out and called to Wang Yujiao: “Sister Wang, help get Baobao’s clothes.”

The doorbell rang. Chen Zihui said: “I’ll get them. Yujiao, go answer the door.”

Wang Yujiao went to open the door and stood blocking the doorway in shock: “Xiao An, what are you doing here? Everything I said at school was the truth. I really didn’t badmouth you.”

Zuo Si’an didn’t speak but went around her and walked straight in. Chen Liguo and Gao Ming looked at each other. Gao Xiang was stunned: “Xiao An, how did you get here?”

Zuo Si’an didn’t answer him. Her gaze slid from him to Baobao in his arms, and she suddenly froze, as if she had completely not anticipated seeing this child. Her face immediately turned deathly pale.

The room fell into a deathly silence. At this moment, Chen Zihui came out with Baobao’s clothes and also froze, then immediately exploded: “What are you doing running to my house?”

Zuo Si’an seemed to be frozen by magic, neither moving nor answering. But Baobao had already been frightened by the abnormal atmosphere in the house and buried his head in Gao Xiang’s arms. Gao Xiang vaguely felt something was wrong. He gently patted Baobao’s back while softly saying to Zuo Si’an: “Xiao An, if you have something to say, let’s go out and talk.”

“No need.” Zuo Si’an suddenly regained her composure, shifted her gaze to Chen Zihui, and said coldly: “You came to my house twice to make trouble. What’s wrong with me coming here?”

Gao Xiang handed Baobao to Wang Yujiao: “Take him upstairs and get him dressed. Don’t come down unless I call you.”

Wang Yujiao agreed and was about to leave, but Baobao unexpectedly suddenly burst into loud wails, crying hoarsely: “No, I don’t want to go up. I want Daddy.”

Gao Xiang had no choice but to steel his heart and ignore him. After Wang Yujiao carried the wailing Baobao upstairs, he walked close to Zuo Si’an and said softly: “Xiao An, what happened? Let me take you out to talk.”

“I didn’t come to find you.” Zuo Si’an didn’t look at him, her gaze fixed firmly on Chen Zihui. “Have you ever thought about how my father knew where you and your brother agreed to meet, then brought the police to arrest him?”

Everyone was shocked. They heard Zuo Si’an say word by word: “It was your husband Gao Ming who told my father.”

Chen Zihui’s hand, raised halfway in the air, froze. She didn’t know how to continue an indignant gesture. After a while, she seemed to be pricked by a needle and said vehemently: “You’re lying. He couldn’t have done that.”

Gao Xiang was equally shocked and shouted: “Xiao An, stop! Don’t talk nonsense!”

Zuo Si’an still didn’t look at him. She stood straight without the slightest hint of retreat, her eyes unusually bright, speaking clearly in an unhurried tone: “That evening, your husband Gao Ming and County Secretary Hu came to my house together. They talked with my father in the living room. I heard everything clearly in the bedroom. He personally told my father that in the afternoon you first went to the bank and withdrew 200,000 yuan, then went to the company and asked Finance to withdraw another 300,000 yuan in cash, saying it was to pay for your father’s surgery fees in the provincial capital. He became suspicious and overheard your phone call with your brother. You agreed to meet the next day at Xingrong Hotel in Changnan County at the border of two provinces. Half an hour later, he called you again, saying meeting in the hotel might not be safe, better to meet on the road outside the city…”

Chen Zihui’s heart sank bit by bit. Her mouth hung wide open, but she couldn’t say anything. She also stared unblinkingly at Zuo Si’an, waiting for her to continue.

Gao Xiang looked at his grandfather and father sitting on the sofa. Chen Liguo’s face was ashen, while Gao Ming’s face was deathly pale. In his anger and urgency, he raised his hand and slapped Zuo Si’an, simultaneously roaring: “Stop!”

Zuo Si’an’s body swayed from the blow. A red handprint immediately appeared on her pale cheek. Gao Xiang felt instant regret. However, she immediately stood straight again, her demeanor unchanged in the slightest. Still not looking at Gao Xiang, she continued to Chen Zihui in a flat tone: “You promised to scrape together 500,000 yuan for him first, let him flee to Yunnan to find a former comrade-in-arms named He Xiaoping, looking for an opportunity to cross the border into Myanmar. I shouldn’t have remembered wrong, right?”

Chen Zihui couldn’t answer. At the time, she had wailed and screamed at the public security bureau over her brother’s death, refusing to confess anything. With Chen Ziyu dead, these details couldn’t possibly be known by a third person. Yet Zuo Si’an recounted them so clearly—it absolutely couldn’t be fabrication or imagination.

“After my father received the news, he notified the police and they pursued you together, finally finding your brother. He tried to flee by car, crashed down a cliff, the car was destroyed and he died, his body completely mangled.” As Chen Zihui’s face suddenly contorted, Zuo Si’an’s lips curved slightly upward. She swept her gaze around the living room, showing a resolute cold smile. “There, my story is finished. Goodbye.”

Zuo Si’an turned, opened the door, and walked out, slamming it shut forcefully behind her. Only then did Chen Zihui come to her senses. She turned and lunged at Gao Ming. Gao Xiang, quick-eyed and quick-handed, grabbed her in one motion. But he knew that a scene was now unavoidable. Involving Chen Ziyu’s death, he couldn’t possibly stop her. At this moment, Chen Liguo stood up: “Zihui, don’t make a scene.”

“He must explain this matter clearly to me.”

“You’ll frighten the child.”

Baobao’s loud wails came from upstairs. They looked up to see Wang Yujiao holding Baobao, standing there with a terrified expression: “He cried desperately to come downstairs. His face is almost blue from crying and he’s having trouble breathing. What should we do?”

Love and pity for her child made Chen Zihui temporarily regain her rationality. She hurriedly ran upstairs to take Baobao and went into the bedroom.

Gao Xiang quickly chased downstairs. He saw Zuo Si’an and Liu Guanchao walking together toward the outside of the residential complex. He caught up and grabbed her. She said calmly: “I forced Xiao Chao to bring me here. Don’t blame him.”

Gao Xiang was so angry his face was ashen. He asked in a hoarse voice: “Why did you do this?”

Zuo Si’an raised her head. Under the streetlight, the left side of her face was already red and swollen, but there was no expression on her face: “I don’t need to answer that question.”

Gao Xiang’s heart suddenly softened. He almost wanted to reach out and touch her face, but he couldn’t do that. He could only painfully ask: “Do you know what consequences this will have?”

“Your parents will turn against each other, right?” She shrugged. “I don’t care.”

Gao Xiang was so shocked he almost couldn’t believe his ears: “You… how can you be like this?”

Liu Guanchao had been waiting downstairs and didn’t know what Zuo Si’an had done upstairs, but he instinctively defended her: “Just now we went together to ask my sister, and she said it was your mother who forced her to spread news about Xiao An giving birth at Normal University Affiliated High School.”

Gao Xiang couldn’t believe it: “What did you say?”

Zuo Si’an broke free from Gao Xiang’s hand and tugged at Liu Guanchao: “Don’t say anymore. Let’s go.”

Gao Xiang didn’t believe his mother would stir up trouble to this extent, nor had he expected that Zuo Si’an would retaliate like this. He stood rooted to the spot, feeling utterly vexed for a moment. He had been worried about whether Zuo Si’an’s parents’ divorce would hurt her, never imagining the flames of war would suddenly spread to his own home. No matter how reluctant he was to go home, he had no choice but to return.

Going upstairs and opening the door, he saw Chen Liguo and Gao Ming sitting in the living room. Both maintained silence, but the air was as stagnant as before a rainstorm. Gao Ming finally spoke: “Dad.”

Chen Liguo asked expressionlessly: “What that girl said is all true?”

Gao Ming seemed to steel his resolve: “Yes.”

“Why would she suddenly dig up this old matter again?” Chen Liguo asked.

Before Gao Ming could answer, Chen Zihui rushed downstairs like a gust of wind. This time, Gao Xiang didn’t even have time to react before she lunged at Gao Ming. No matter how Chen Liguo shouted to stop her or how Gao Xiang pulled and tugged, Gao Ming was still scratched and torn until he was covered in wounds, a pitiful sight.

At the same time, Chen Zihui cursed incoherently in a low voice: “Gao Ming, how has the Chen family wronged you? You ungrateful wretch. I want to divorce you. I want to kick you out of the company, leave you penniless, turn you back into a pauper. I want you to pay with your life for my brother, you bastard. Two-faced hypocrite. I’m going to fight you to the death…”

Gao Xiang shouted anxiously: “Mom, stop it. Look at Grandfather.”

Chen Zihui looked at her father and saw Chen Liguo clutching his chest, slumped on the sofa. She cried out in panic: “Dad, what’s wrong?”

Gao Xiang helped his grandfather take out the quick-acting heart-saving pills from his pocket, fed them to him, and had him lie flat. Chen Zihui froze for a moment, then grabbed Gao Ming again: “If anything happens to my father, you better not think of living either.”

“That’s enough. Stop arguing.” Gao Xiang said irritably. “I’ll call an ambulance.”

Chen Liguo waved his hand with difficulty: “No need. I know my own body. I’ll be fine after resting.”

Gao Xiang observed carefully and saw Chen Liguo’s complexion gradually returning to normal before feeling slightly relieved. Chen Zihui was about to speak when Chen Liguo said weakly: “Xiao Xiang, take your father out to find a place to rest. I need quiet.”

Gao Xiang took Gao Ming to the apartment where he used to live, found cotton wool to treat his father’s wounds. Looking at his wretched appearance, he felt both pity and annoyance, and couldn’t help asking: “Why?”

Gao Ming looked at him: “Are you also going to blame me?”

“I just don’t understand, Dad. You clearly know how Mom feels about Ziyu. You could have chosen not to help him, but why would you specifically monitor Mom and report the situation in such detail to County Magistrate Zuo?”

Gao Ming was silent for a moment: “What’s your view of what Chen Ziyu did?”

“He committed crimes, but after all, he’s family. I can’t bring myself to report him to the authorities.”

“What Chen Ziyu did was far worse than what he admitted to. Secretary Hu has a good relationship with me. He showed me another investigation record that wasn’t made public. That girl named Liu Yaqin—you should remember her. Your mother called her and her mother to our house and gave them money. Someone made an anonymous report that after being seduced by Ziyu, she introduced at least six classmates from her nursing school to him, all minors aged 14 to 17, with names, surnames, and class numbers. Several of these girls had abortions more than once. But when police questioned Chen Ziyu, he refused to confess. When they went to collect evidence from the people mentioned in the anonymous letter, Liu Yaqin flatly denied it, claimed she didn’t know Chen Ziyu at all. None of those girls admitted anything either. All the parents were uncooperative, even immediately moved their daughters away to avoid police questioning. The investigation couldn’t continue. If it weren’t for Zuo Xuejun bringing his daughter forward to testify, Ziyu might have completely escaped all culpability.”

Gao Xiang listened in shock: “You never told us about these things.”

“What good would telling you do? Even with evidence, your mother could ignore it, let alone without evidence. That’s right, I’ve never liked Chen Ziyu, but that was only directed at his reckless indulgence. Whether he squandered the Chen family’s assets or ruined the Chen family’s reputation, if your grandfather and your mother could bear it, I had nothing I couldn’t bear. But committing crimes is different. Your mother kept indulging him, helping him buy off Liu Yaqin to keep her silent, arranging bail for medical treatment so he could escape. You grew up with him, treating him like a brother. If he came to you for help, you might have softened and helped him. I couldn’t just watch him do those unconscionable things and drag all of you down with him. So when Old Hu advised me to keep an eye on your mother’s whereabouts, I agreed. I did this and don’t regret it.”

Gao Xiang was speechless for a while. After listening for quite some time, he said: “I don’t understand why Mom still won’t let Zuo Si’an go and had to have Liu Yaqin spread her story, making it impossible for her to establish herself at school. Otherwise, with her quiet inner nature, she would never have barged into our house and revealed this old matter.”

Gao Ming sighed deeply: “I actually understand the reason somewhat. You’ve always cared about Zuo Si’an. Your mother has always thought you’d get entangled. She hired that woman named Wang Yujiao as a nanny for Baobao. That woman’s son is classmates with Zuo Si’an. In the summer, you went to Liu Wan to see Zuo Si’an. Half a month ago, when Zuo Si’an had a quarrel with her mother and ran away from home, you were also the one who found her. Wang Yujiao told your mother all these things.”

Gao Xiang was astonished: “This time she actually held back and didn’t come to lecture me.”

“After you lost your temper once, she was somewhat wary. Last week she called me again to nag about this. I got annoyed with her nagging and told her not to worry needlessly. Secretary Hu had talked with Zuo Xuejun on the phone. Zuo Xuejun would very likely apply to work in another place after finishing his Tibet aid, only his wife didn’t seem willing to transfer and change jobs. Your mother didn’t say anything at the time. I thought she’d finally felt reassured. Who knew she’d have another confused impulse, couldn’t wait to find Liu Yaqin to spread the news. Of course she wanted to make it impossible for Zuo Si’an to stay in Hanjiang City, so her mother would have no choice but to make up her mind to take her away.”

Gao Xiang felt a chill in his heart. He really didn’t want to believe his mother was malicious to this degree, but he had to admit that Chen Zihui never cared about right or wrong, valued personal likes and dislikes above everything else, and with her always reckless character, she could indeed do such things.

“Zuo Xuejun only served in Qinggang for about a year. I have no personal relationship with him, but my impression of him is quite good. He’s educated, capable, and conscientious in his work. According to Old Hu, if his daughter hadn’t had this incident, or if after the incident he had listened to others’ advice and not made such a big fuss, his prospects would have been very bright. But in the end, after your mother made that scene, he could only go to Tibet for aid work. I feel quite sympathetic toward him in my heart. At the time when I did that, I didn’t plan to confess voluntarily, but I also prepared myself for the possibility that your mother or your grandfather might discover it someday.”

“You should still apologize properly to Mom, explain things clearly, and tell her to stop making trouble.”

Gao Ming shook his head: “It’s no use. Your mother is the kind of person who never reasons. I’ve had enough too. If she wants a divorce, then let’s divorce.”

Gao Xiang was very displeased: “Dad, you make divorce sound so trivial. Have you been thinking about this for a long time?”

“I don’t want it to come to this. Marriage was my choice. What I could swallow, I swallowed completely. When have you ever seen me complain? But I hold shares in Qinggang Liquor Industry. Your grandfather’s health isn’t good, and most of the work has already been handed over to me. I’m in charge of production, research and development, and sales—these three sectors. The expansion strategy I set has already achieved preliminary success. This year’s sales and profits may both double. Next year our goal is to try to go public. Wanting to sweep me out the door probably isn’t as easy as she thinks. Don’t worry. According to my guess, your grandfather will make her settle down.”

It’s unclear what Chen Liguo said exactly, but he did indeed calm his furious daughter down. The next day, Chen Liguo was picked up by his driver to return to Qinggang. Before leaving, he instructed Gao Xiang to counsel his mother more. Gao Xiang felt sad: “Grandfather, please pay more attention to your health. Also, my father…” He really couldn’t find the words and stopped.

Chen Liguo nodded: “I understand.”

After Chen Liguo left, Chen Zihui looked ashen and didn’t say a word. When Gao Xiang mentioned that he had already called his secretary last night and had her find another nanny for Baobao overnight who would arrive soon, she surprisingly couldn’t muster the energy to object. Gao Xiang felt somewhat sorry for her.

He gave Wang Yujiao an extra six months’ salary and asked her to pack her things and leave immediately. Wang Yujiao was shocked: “I had absolutely no idea beforehand that Zuo Si’an would come and make such a scene. This can’t be blamed on me. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Whether you did wrong doesn’t need much discussion, but you’re no longer suitable to continue caring for Baobao at my house. Take this money. Finding another nanny or hourly worker job in the provincial capital won’t be difficult.”

Wang Yujiao looked at his expression, then at Chen Zihui, and knew that saying anything would be useless.

Gao Xiang went to the bedroom to pick up Baobao and sat down in the rocking chair, gently swaying. After last night’s crying fit, Baobao looked even more listless than usual. He twisted in his arms, making indistinct “yi yi ya ya” sounds. Gao Xiang looked down—Baobao had a bit of shiny drool at the corner of his mouth, and those eyes looked more like Zuo Si’an’s than ever before.

Complex emotions surged in his heart, and he held the small body even tighter.

He thought that with his mother’s personality and her almost obsessive love for Chen Ziyu, forgiving his father would probably be very difficult. And even if his grandfather understood reason and tried hard to smooth things over, Chen Ziyu was after all his only son. Once he knew his son-in-law had informed on him, indirectly causing his son’s violent death, he would certainly harbor resentment in his heart. His parents were unlikely to reconcile as before. Between father-in-law and son-in-law, there was now a rift that was difficult to eliminate. Involving the family business’s operation, perhaps at some point there would be even greater disputes.

But what he felt more was relief that this matter had at least temporarily settled down. Even at his age, he still didn’t want to see his parents divorce—let alone at Zuo Si’an’s sensitive, fragile age.

Thinking of Zuo Si’an, he remembered the slap he had struck on her face. The crisp sound—yet she didn’t even look at him, showing no panic or surprise. He had to take a deep breath before he could persuade himself to push away the image of that face from his mind.

4

After the new nanny took over, Gao Xiang explained the important points and immediately went to the company. He first went to the warehouse downstairs and was surprised to see Liu Guanchao and Liu Yaqin talking at the stairway landing. Seeing him approach, Liu Yaqin quickly said: “General Manager Gao, my brother came to see me about something.”

Gao Xiang was somewhat surprised that Liu Guanchao had come to the company during school hours, but he had no mind to inquire. He nodded: “I have something to ask you. Please come in.”

Liu Yaqin followed him into the office, looking very composed: “General Manager Gao, if you’re asking about Zuo Si’an, I really have nothing to say. I completely didn’t want to do this, but your mother insisted. I was afraid of losing my job, so I had no choice but to…”

“No need to rush to exonerate yourself. I know it was my mother who asked you to go to Normal University Affiliated High School to spread rumors about Zuo Si’an, but she couldn’t force you to do it. You should be clear that I care very much about Zuo Si’an. You could have chosen to refuse my mother. If you were afraid of her, you could also have told me, and I would naturally have stepped in to stop it. But you still went and did it. How do you explain that?”

Liu Yaqin smiled bitterly: “General Manager Gao, you’re absolutely right. But have you thought about this: she’s your mother. If you stop her, she won’t do anything to you. My mother and I both depend on your family for our livelihood. My brother needs to go to school, my father needs medical treatment. Our income has to support the entire family. What would be the consequences if I didn’t listen to her?”

Gao Xiang couldn’t respond to this retort: “This matter is my mother’s fault. I won’t hold you accountable. But I hope you can answer honestly about the next thing I’m going to ask. Two years ago, after you brought Zuo Si’an to the back gate of the nursing school and left her there, why did Chen Ziyu happen to appear?”

Liu Yaqin was caught completely off guard, her face changing dramatically: “How would I know? I wasn’t even there at all.”

“You said Chen Ziyu was in a romantic relationship with you, but how do you explain that six underage girls from the nursing school were introduced to Chen Ziyu through you?”

“The police asked about this too. I explained everything clearly. There was no such thing. There wasn’t a single witness. I… I have no idea who made up these rumors.”

“Zuo Si’an couldn’t restore what happened at the time because of extreme shock, but several facts are very clear: You had your brother bring her to meet with you to go to the Chemical Factory Club to see a movie together, but actually there was no need to take that road by the nursing school’s back gate. You called your brother away temporarily, leaving her alone there, while Chen Ziyu, who had close contact with you, just happened to drive by. Chen Ziyu told the police that there was supposed to be another girl waiting there for him and he mistook the person. After the incident, Chen Ziyu had his mother rush money to you to keep you silent. How do you explain these connections?”

Liu Yaqin couldn’t speak.

“Now please tell me: Did you single-handedly arrange that rape, or was it Chen Ziyu’s idea and you acted as an accomplice?”

Liu Yaqin’s face turned deathly pale. She said in panic: “What do you want? Have the police arrest me? Everything you said doesn’t have a shred of evidence. Don’t think you can frighten me.”

“That’s right. I have no evidence, and the police probably can’t do anything to you either. I just want to figure out how you could be vicious enough at not even 18 years old to send a little girl into a tiger’s den.”

Before Liu Yaqin could answer, the warehouse office door was pushed open. Liu Guanchao burst in. He stared straight at his sister, his voice shrill: “Is what he said true?”

“I told you to wait outside. What are you running in here for?”

“Many things seemed more and more wrong the more I thought about them. There were so many things I wanted to ask you about, but you kept putting me off.” Liu Guanchao grabbed Liu Yaqin’s hand. “Tell me, was it really you who harmed Xiao An?”

Liu Yaqin looked at Gao Xiang. He sat behind his desk, watching this scene expressionlessly. She knew that today there was no way she could continue defending herself. At the same time, she was deeply enraged and fiercely shook off her brother: “Zuo Si’an is a goddess in your mind, lofty and unattainable, who must be worshipped. And me? Am I, your sister, only fit to drop out of school early to earn tuition for you?”

Liu Guanchao’s face also turned deathly pale: “Why would you do this? Even if you hate me, how did Xiao An offend you?”

“She didn’t offend me. But she’s the deputy county magistrate’s daughter, loved by her father like the apple of his eye. My brother worships and protects her like a fairy. My father picks out the best vegetables every day, washes them, and sends them to her house. My mother thinks she naturally deserves all the care. I couldn’t help wanting to see what would happen if the same thing that happened to me happened to her.”

Liu Guanchao could no longer speak. He stood there stunned for a while, then suddenly turned and ran out.

The office fell quiet again. Liu Yaqin smiled miserably: “Even though his tuition was earned by me, his clothes and shoes were bought by me, he won’t forgive me now either.”

“Treating an innocent girl like that just because of a little jealousy in your heart—no one could possibly forgive you.”

“Innocent? At Zuo Si’an’s age, I had already had one abortion for Chen Ziyu. Please tell me, by your standards, was I innocent or not?”

“If Chen Ziyu raped you, you could have chosen to report him…”

“And then let my father beat me, my mother endlessly blame me, and my classmates laugh at me? I wasn’t about to become that kind of sacrifice.”

“So you chose to sacrifice someone else and feel absolutely no remorse for your actions.”

Faced with Gao Xiang’s sharp gaze, Liu Yaqin suddenly snapped out of that moment of abnormal agitation and arrogance. She adjusted her expression almost instantly, becoming pitiful again, her voice low: “I’m sorry, General Manager Gao. It’s not like that. I’ve always felt very remorseful, really. You know, at that time I was only 17, young and ignorant, timid, and Chen Ziyu… kept threatening me. I was very afraid of him. I really had no choice but to be manipulated by him.”

“Pushing all responsibility onto Chen Ziyu, who can never speak again, is certainly very convenient.”

“But I’m a victim just like Zuo Si’an. You can’t put the responsibility on me.”

“I have no intention of exonerating Chen Ziyu. No matter what, his crimes are unforgivable. As for you, only you yourself know clearly what exactly you did. I have no authority to judge you, but I have a basic assessment of you. I think your courage is not small at all, and you have no remorse whatsoever. The only thing you fear is punishment.”

Liu Yaqin saw that showing weakness couldn’t get her through this either and could only force herself to stay calm: “I… you have no evidence. What punishment can you give me? Nothing more than firing me.”

“I can clearly warn you: if you have any more actions targeting Zuo Si’an, I will make sure you clearly understand what regret means.”

“There’s no need for such righteous threats. I’m very sensible. Heh,” she suddenly laughed coldly, “I already understand. So you’re just like Chen Ziyu—you only like little girls. That’s why you’d rather dump your girlfriend than act as Zuo Si’an’s guardian angel. But she’ll slowly grow up too. She can’t possibly forever maintain the appearance that people like you prefer…”

She suddenly stopped, discovering in alarm that Gao Xiang had stood up. His eyes were cold and sharp, his entire being completely different from the usually gentle and calm young man, carrying a strong sense of oppression. She involuntarily took a step back.

“Of course she’ll slowly grow up. The harm you’ve caused her will gradually heal, and she’ll still have a bright life.” His voice remained calm. “As for you, please remember that everyone pays a price for what they’ve done, sooner or later. Chen Ziyu is the best proof. Now go to Human Resources to process your resignation.”

Liu Yaqin’s face was ashen. She turned and walked out without a word.

Gao Xiang drove to the vicinity of Normal University Affiliated High School, parked his car, and waited at the school gate for almost an hour. When school let out, a large crowd of students poured out. He finally saw Zuo Si’an. She wore her backpack, her scarf covering the lower half of her face, coming out alone. Around her, students stopped to stare at her, pointing and gossiping. She acted as if she couldn’t see them, walking straight toward the bus stop.

He didn’t want to attract more attention here and followed behind, planning to call out to her in a quieter place. However, after turning the corner, several students blocked Zuo Si’an’s path: “Hey, Zuo Si’an, where’s that country bumpkin flower-protecting messenger today? Why isn’t he following you?”

Zuo Si’an ignored them and walked around them to continue forward. A male student reached out to grab her: “Why still pretend to be so proper? How boring. We brothers won’t do anything to you. Just want to make friends and go out to have some fun.”

Gao Xiang caught up, pushed the boy away with one hand, and said sternly: “Get lost. Don’t harass her again.”

Those several male students looked only about sixteen or seventeen years old. Seeing an adult intervene, they scattered. Zuo Si’an didn’t look at anyone and continued walking toward the bus stop. Gao Xiang grabbed her: “Xiao An, my car is over there.”

Zuo Si’an’s eyes, exposed above her scarf, finally looked at him. Her gaze was cold: “Did you chase them away so you could harass me yourself?”

He was struck speechless and could only say in a low voice: “I’m sorry, Xiao An. I came to apologize to you.”

“There’s no need to come find me specially for this. You should know that right now the legends about me are quite impressive. If you’re not careful, you might be thought of as the father of the child I gave birth to. Then your ‘clean reputation’ will be completely ruined.”

Her voice wasn’t loud, but it was clear and definite. People had already started stopping to watch, pointing and gossiping. Gao Xiang said nothing more. He grabbed her arm and walked toward where he had parked, she struggled to shake off his hand, but he held on firmly. Walking to the car, he opened the door and pushed her in, then immediately went around the front of the car, got in, and started the engine.

Gao Xiang drove the car to another street and pulled over to stop. He saw Zuo Si’an huddled in a corner of the seat, her head down, almost her entire face buried in her scarf.

“Xiao An, I apologize to you again. No matter what, I shouldn’t have hit you. Please forgive me.” She didn’t answer. He reached over, pulled open her scarf, and lifted her face. The left side of her cheek was still somewhat red and swollen. But what shocked him was her ashen complexion and lackluster eyes.

“Do you know those male students?”

She shook her head.

“From now on, I’ll come to pick you up from school every day.”

“There’s no need. They’re also students at Normal University Affiliated High School. Usually they’re managed quite strictly. The story Liu Yaqin made up for me makes them very curious. They just want to know what kind of girl would have puppy love with a man in junior year two and have a baby. They won’t do anything to me.”

“I’ll take you home and talk with your mother about arranging a transfer for you.”

She raised her hand and pushed his away: “I said I’m not going anywhere.”

“Don’t be stubborn, Xiao An. You obviously can’t hold on like this anymore. If you change schools, at least people won’t come to harass you.”

“How ridiculous. Compared to what truly torments me, what do a few whistles and pointing and gossiping amount to?”

“Xiao An, you can’t keep trapping yourself in this incident.”

“Do you think I want to be like this? I desperately try to forget. Sometimes I think I really have forgotten most of it.” Zuo Si’an stared at him, saying coldly, “But this thing is like rats. You keep driving them away, thinking that even if you can’t kill them, at least you’ve chased them off. But actually they’ve just shrunk into corners where you can’t find them, silently. You can even feel them watching you in the darkness, and you can’t say when they’ll suddenly scurry out and run past right in front of you.”

He was shaken to his core. He reached out to hold her hand. She tried to pull back, but he wouldn’t let go: “Tell me about it. At least when the rats appear again in the future, you can remember that you’re not facing it alone.”

After a long time, Zuo Si’an said softly: “I can’t explain it clearly. The details I remember are different each time. I hadn’t been having many nightmares for a while. Last night I fell asleep very late, then woke up frightened in the middle of the night. I suddenly remembered… that person called my name, told me to get in the car. His voice was too clear, as if it had just happened. This must be a hallucination. I had never seen him before. He couldn’t possibly have known me.”

Gao Xiang started in shock, his heart suddenly pounding violently, realizing that “that person” she mentioned should be Chen Ziyu. His breathing stopped for a moment.

“What I can remember, what I can’t remember, what really happened, what didn’t happen—I can’t tell them apart anymore. I only know I must accept the rats’ existence, get used to them constantly watching me, and that they might suddenly run out at any moment.”

“No, Xiao An. This isn’t something you must accept, and it’s not the life you should live.” He gripped her hand tightly. “What happened has happened. I can’t explain the reason for their evil. I can only tell you with certainty that no matter how all this happened, none of it is your fault. You must let it go and live well.”

She was exhausted, deflated, unable to maintain her surface calm or respond. He looked at her, full of pity and contradiction. He thought that Chen Ziyu was already dead. Whether this matter arose from his evil intent, or was Liu Yaqin’s arrangement, or was planned by both together, Liu Yaqin couldn’t possibly confess the full truth. Even if he dragged one rat out of the darkness and held it up in front of her, he couldn’t completely eliminate the fear and shame in her heart. And the truth that could never be fully restored—what meaning did it have for Zuo Si’an? Perhaps in the end, one still had to hope that time would heal the harm she had suffered.

This sense of powerlessness made him vaguely angry at himself. He raised his hand to caress her cheek and said again: “I’m sorry.”

She misunderstood his meaning and said bitterly: “It’s nothing. She’s your mother after all. It’s natural for you to be angry with me. But I don’t regret what I did. I wanted her to also taste what it’s like to be abandoned by family. So I won’t apologize to you. No matter what consequences there are, I don’t care anymore. Please take me home. Otherwise my mother will worry.”

5

Two days before the Lunar New Year, with rain and snow falling, the weather was overcast and cold. Zuo Si’an was home alone. Hearing the doorbell, she paused the DVD that was playing, went over to open the door. Standing outside was Gao Xiang.

“Can I come in?”

She stepped aside to let him in and closed the door, asking quietly: “How did you get here?”

“I came to see you. Your mother said…”

“Did she call you to come over?”

Her face suddenly darkened: “My mother really is a pragmatist. She clearly said she didn’t want you to see me anymore. Now she probably thinks I need comfort, but she can’t do it herself, so she’s having you come over. Thank you. I’m fine. I’ve accepted reality. If my parents want to divorce, let them divorce. If classmates know, let them know. What’s the big deal…”

“Xiao An.” He interrupted her, frowning: “She didn’t call me. I called her. I wanted to see you, and she agreed to let me come.”

She froze. After a while, she lowered her head and said softly: “After that incident, I thought that even if you weren’t angry with me, you wouldn’t come to see me anymore.”

Gao Xiang couldn’t tell her that these past days he had been caught in various contradictions. The flames of war between his parents were far from extinguished. His grandfather and father in Qinggang had reduced communication, leaving management at a loss, forcing him to coordinate, seriously affecting work. Company matters weren’t going smoothly, and home was in even more chaos. At his insistence, Wang Yujiao had been dismissed. The newly hired nanny had to endure Chen Zihui’s even more demanding requirements in her anger, always displeasing her and constantly coming to him with complaints. Baobao suddenly got pneumonia again, once critically ill. He rushed between the hospital, company, and home, already exhausted. Finally, when the child recovered, he could catch his breath.

“Your father… about when is he coming back?”

She was somewhat surprised: “How do you know he’s coming back? Did my mother tell you?”

He nodded.

“He called four days ago saying it was snowing heavily there and the roads were bad, so he’d probably be delayed a few days. I guess he might not make it back before the Civil Affairs Bureau closes for vacation. Our family can still have what counts as a complete New Year. If you came to talk to me about this, forget it. I already…”

Gao Xiang didn’t wait for her to continue. He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly, pressing her head against his chest. She struggled briefly, then gave in, staying in that position. Tears silently flowed out. She thought that he knew everything about her, had always known. Even if she could treat the rumors at school with indifference, calmly tell her mother “you decide whether to divorce yourselves,” how could she possibly hide her sadness and despair from him? More importantly, she really needed this embrace.

Gao Xiang’s chin rested against her hair. He could feel her body trembling slightly as she struggled to suppress her sobs. He said nothing, only held her until she gradually calmed down. Then he had her sit on the sofa and handed her tissues, watching as she made her nose all red, looking very dejected.

“Don’t think too much about your parents’ situation. I’ll take you out for a walk, get something to eat.”

“It’s too cold. I don’t want to go out. If you have nothing else, keep me company watching this movie.”

He looked at the TV. The frozen frame showed a large ship with countless people on board and on shore waving. He asked: “What movie?”

“It’s ‘Titanic’ again. I bought the disc last year and have played it twice before, but both times I only watched the first half hour. Thinking that at the end this ship will sink and most people will die makes me so sad I can’t watch anymore. Today I probably won’t feel any sadder, so I want to watch the whole thing.”

When this movie was a hit last spring, Gao Xiang and Sun Ruodi had parted on bad terms at the movie theater and never watched it again. He nodded and sat down with Zuo Si’an. She curled up on the sofa, pulling a wool blanket over herself, pressing the remote to start from the beginning.

“Your father has decided to continue staying in Ali?”

“Yes. On the phone he said they really need him there and asked me to understand. I said, I understand everything now. It’s okay, it doesn’t matter. Mom also talked to me. She said she didn’t want me to hold a grudge against her because of this. I said, it’s okay, I won’t. I’m already very grateful for her care of me.”

This was of course not an “it’s okay” tone, but who could ask her to give a different answer? Gao Xiang touched her hair: “Xiao An, one sign that people are growing up is discovering that parents are no longer their entire world.”

“But I don’t want an ever-expanding world.”

“That day will come sooner or later. You can’t be too stubborn.”

She was silent for a while, then suddenly leaned over, resting her chin on his shoulder, looking steadily at him: “One day you’ll also give up on me, won’t you?”

Gao Xiang froze. Her face was so close to his. He could clearly see into the depths of her bright black pupils. His breathing had a brief disorder, as if what was unexpectedly approaching wasn’t just her, but some unfamiliar atmosphere—dangerous, yet carrying an ineffable sweetness and temptation. He steadied himself: “You’ll grow up. In the future you won’t need me the way you do now.”

The corner of her mouth lifted in a smile, but there was no trace of mirth in her eyes: “Growing up sounds really great. I won’t need anyone anymore.”

“No, Xiao An. That’s not what I mean.” Faced with this overly sensitive young woman, he had no way to explain. He could only say seriously: “Why do you think I would come to see you even though I knew your mother opposed it? I care about you very much. But your mother was right about one thing I agree with. I’m an adult and you’re still too young. If I let you develop a habit of depending on me, it’s tantamount to taking advantage of you.”

“What advantage could you possibly take of me? Is it making you constantly worry, or is it all those endless troubles?” There was a bit of self-mockery in her smile. “You’re right. Staying away from me would be better for you.”

She was preparing to pull back when he caught her, letting her lean against his shoulder. At the same time, he pulled the blanket over to cover her, simply saying: “When you’ve grown up enough, we can decide what distance is appropriate. For now, don’t overthink things. Just watch the movie properly.”

In the living room, an electric oil heater was on, diffusing a faint, elusive warmth. The wool blanket draped over her legs had intricate patterns and a warm texture. Shut outside the door was the damp cold of the southern city’s winter. The sky presented an unchanging leaden gray color. The hazy gray light made the passage of time approach stillness. Fine snowflakes fell intermittently, endless and without limit.

On the television screen, a luxury liner carrying over 2,200 passengers and crew was making its maiden voyage, heading toward icebergs unknown to them. Poor people with simple luggage carrying all their belongings to seek a new continent, and steel magnates and nobles traveling with butlers and servants boarded the same ship. Sudden encounters, the famous embrace at the ship’s bow standing against the wind, lavish banquets in fine clothes, unbridled singing and dancing… The sea surface was calm. Death still seemed far away. But Zuo Si’an’s tears flowed from the corners of her eyes, unstoppable.

Gao Xiang thought that being in pain and watching such a grand and famous tragedy probably couldn’t divert pent-up emotions, but would only increase sadness. He reached out to hold her, just about to speak, when she suddenly turned her head and lowered her face. His lips touched her face—warm, damp. His brain had a blank of indeterminable duration, perhaps just a brief instant. Then he realized her hands were around his neck, and he was kissing her. Her body was fragile and soft, her breath had a honey-like sweetness. He smelled the faint gardenia scent in her hair, tasted the slight saltiness of tears and the fragrance belonging to a young girl.

The door was suddenly opened. Zuo Xuejun, covered in dust from travel, stood at the door with his suitcase. His face full of shock, his gaze fixed on the two people on the sofa. He suddenly dropped his suitcase and roared furiously: “Let go of her!” At the same time, he rushed over and grabbed Gao Xiang, swinging a punch at his face.

Gao Xiang took a step back before steadying himself. Zuo Xuejun rushed up and grabbed his collar to continue attacking.

At this moment, Zuo Si’an shrieked: “Stop!”

Zuo Xuejun barked: “Is he… taking advantage of you?”

“According to your thinking, anyone could take advantage of me. What I could attract is only being taken advantage of, right?”

Her eyes were still red-rimmed, but her expression and voice were very calm, as if her father came home every day and she was just watching TV with a classmate, with nothing improper about it. Zuo Xuejun seemed to freeze. His gaze fell on his daughter. She wore an apricot-yellow turtleneck sweater and a red cotton home jacket. Her jet-black hair fell over her shoulders. Her face was slightly raised. She stood gracefully erect like a small tree with upright posture. His eyes seemed stimulated by strong light, reflecting a beam of brightness, then immediately looked away.

The room was utterly silent. At this instant, Gao Xiang suddenly forgot the predicament he was in and deeply sympathized with this man. He himself had once realized in almost the same way that Zuo Si’an had unknowingly grown up. This kind of growth was so impactful to him that it almost made him lose his composure. How much more so for a father who had been fleeing for nearly two years?

Zuo Xuejun released Gao Xiang’s collar, his voice hoarse: “Get out.”

Gao Xiang looked at Zuo Si’an. She nodded almost imperceptibly. He nodded too and left without a word.

After going downstairs, Gao Xiang sat in his car. After quite a while, he pulled down the sun visor and looked in the mirror. His right eye was already bruised purple. With a “snap” he pushed the sun visor back, not because the sight was too wretched to look at, but because deep, unfaceable self-reproach welled up.

He had known long ago that she was no longer a genderless child. He had reminded himself to pay attention to boundaries. Yet he had still unknowingly gotten lost, crossing some invisible but necessary line that had to be maintained.

You really are taking advantage of a girl—he told himself. Chen Zihui’s constant suspicions, Liu Yaqin’s cold mockery as she left, and Chen Ziyu whom he had long avoided thinking about—all suddenly surged into his mind at this moment. He painfully pressed his head down onto the steering wheel.

Gao Xiang spent the most difficult Spring Festival of his life.

Chen Zihui refused to return to Qinggang, so Chen Liguo had no choice but to come to the provincial capital, while Gao Ming tactfully stayed there. Baobao had just recovered from illness and wasn’t as lively as before. Chen Zihui was still in a state of anger. Chen Liguo was preoccupied. Gao Xiang was full of troubles he couldn’t resolve. The atmosphere at home was extremely depressed.

On the evening of the third day of the new year, after Gao Xiang coaxed Baobao to bed, he drove out and went to the area below Zuo’s apartment building. Getting out of the car and looking up, he saw the window of Zuo’s home was still lit, and on the balcony, a dark red cigarette ember flickered. He focused his gaze and saw Zuo Xuejun leaning against the balcony railing smoking. A husband and father who had been away from home for two years, instead of staying in the warm indoors reuniting with his family, stood outside in the howling cold wind in minus six degrees Celsius smoking. This could only mean one thing: for the Zuo family, this Spring Festival was even more unpleasant.

Gao Xiang had countless worries in his heart, but could only leave dejectedly.

After that, Gao Xiang never managed to finish watching “Titanic.”

This famous film was 194 minutes long. In the spring of 1998, it was released in China and was a huge commercial success. In early 1999, when the film had progressed to not even halfway through, he walked out of Zuo Si’an’s home.

In the spring of 2012, the director converted this film to 3D format and screened it globally again. Besides new audiences, many people rewatched it while reminiscing about the person who had sat beside them back then.

Zhu Xiaoyan subtly mentioned wanting to see this film, but Gao Xiang declined, suggesting she go watch it with others. He didn’t care about the movie plot. What he wanted to revisit was neither in the film nor in the movie theater. He didn’t need anything to trigger memories.

It was precisely on that day watching the DVD that he could no longer be certain about his feelings for Zuo Si’an.

Everything remained in his mind, still clear and profound as time passed.

Chen Ziyu’s violation of Zuo Si’an, Baobao’s conception and birth, the feelings he developed for Zuo Si’an… All the events that occurred seemed so random, yet were intricately linked. The fates of people who were originally unconnected suddenly became so tightly interwoven.

He couldn’t help feeling bewildered.