1

As soon as the long-distance bus entered Qinggang city, Zuo Si’an felt lost and confused.

The Qinggang before her eyes bore no trace of the old county town. It had already become a fairly presentable city, filled with buildings of varying heights. The roads were orderly and spacious, vehicles streamed endlessly, and advertising billboards were visible everywhere. As Qinggang’s only listed company, “Qinggang Daqu” advertisements were quite prominent even in the provincial capital, and here they were almost omnipresent, occupying all the conspicuous locations.

After getting off at the long-distance bus station, she had to ask for directions, then took a taxi to find Qinggang Middle School.

When Zuo Si’an first came to this place, she was only 13 years old, having just started the second year of junior high school.

At that time, Qinggang’s administrative status had not yet been upgraded from county to county-level city. Compared to the provincial capital where she was born and raised, the county town appeared small and dilapidated. A four-lane road served as the main artery, with a few numbered bus routes traversing the county town. It had no special products, and historically had produced no famous people. If outsiders had any impression of it at all, it was simply that this small county town had a Qinggang Middle School renowned in the provincial education circles for its solid teaching quality, astonishingly high enrollment rates, and strict management—practically a legend, and of course the pride of local people.

Her father, Zuo Xuejun, originally worked at the Provincial Agriculture Department. Due to his outstanding performance, he was dispatched here to serve as deputy county magistrate for a two-year temporary training assignment, which typically meant a subsequent promotion. Her mother, Yu Jia, worked at the Provincial Hydraulic Science Research Institute conducting geological survey research for large-scale water conservancy projects and frequently traveled for work. Yu Jia advocated sending their daughter to boarding school, but Zuo Xuejun had always doted on his daughter and refused to agree. After discussion, they decided that Zuo Xuejun would transfer their daughter from the provincial capital to continue her studies in the honors class of Qinggang Middle School’s second year of junior high.

The Qinggang Middle School of that time, although long famous, had only two gray six-story teaching buildings, one three-story simple dormitory, and a dirt field that looked quite unremarkable. The school before her eyes had expanded to several times its former size. The teaching buildings were arranged in a品-shaped configuration, grand and imposing. The soccer field in the middle of the grounds had flat, lush green grass without a single weed, surrounded by a synthetic running track. Beyond that were two standard basketball courts. Students who had just finished class emerged from the teaching buildings in twos and threes. Active male students had already impatiently come over to start playing basketball.

“What are you doing here?”

A stern voice sounded behind her. She started, whirled around sharply. Gao Xiang was standing not far behind her, looking at her coldly, waiting for her answer.

“The field used to be much smaller than this, and there was no synthetic track. I remember the boys all loved playing soccer back then,” she didn’t investigate why he would also appear here, answering off-topic in a very relaxed tone. “Now they seem to prefer basketball.”

“What are you doing here?” He ignored this diversion and asked her again.

“Just looking around.” She turned her head to continue looking at the campus. “I don’t know when the school was expanded. The new teaching building is really beautiful. That building over there seems newly built too.”

He had also graduated from this middle school, donated money for the school’s expansion, and had even come back to attend the school’s anniversary celebration. Of course he knew more about the changes here than she did: “That’s the library. Do you want to go in for a tour?”

She didn’t acknowledge the sarcasm in his tone and shook her head: “No need. I’ve finished looking and was just about to leave.”

She turned to leave. Gao Xiang grabbed her arm: “Where are you planning to go?”

“The bus station. I want to go see Liu Wan.”

He obviously didn’t expect her to mention Liu Wan. He paused, released her, and casually took the light travel bag from her hand. “Get in the car. I’ll take you there.”

He didn’t look at her, but walked straight to the car, opened the back door, tossed the travel bag inside, then sat in the driver’s seat. She was somewhat bewildered but still walked over, pulled open the passenger door and got in.

After heading east out of Qinggang’s urban area, the terrain’s transition from plains to hilly areas was very obvious. The roadside no longer featured large expanses of farmland. Mountain ranges of no great height rose and fell continuously. After the car traveled on the smooth road for more than an hour, both maintained silence. Only when they saw a road sign indicating that turning right ahead would lead to Liu Wan did Zuo Si’an murmur: “Even the road to the village has been built so well now. I remember…”

She broke off without continuing. However, both clearly remembered that past dirt road—rolling with dust on sunny days, muddy and full of potholes when it rained—worlds apart from the cement road before them that, though still narrow, was very smooth.

Ten or so minutes later, they entered Liu Wan. Gao Xiang stopped the car by a pond at the village entrance. The two got out. Before them, Liu Wan was a natural village nestled at the foot of mountains, with over two hundred households. Part of it still retained old-style buildings from the Ming and Qing dynasties—gray walls and black tiles that, after weathering and repeated repairs, appeared dilapidated and weathered. Another part consisted of newly built buildings—square flat roofs equipped with satellite antennas and solar water heaters, green glass PVC windows, and exterior walls tiled with garishly colored tiles arranged in patterns. The two types of architecture intertwined, appearing abrupt and discordant, giving one a sense of temporal dislocation.

Gao Xiang clearly saw the stunned expression on Zuo Si’an’s face and still said coldly: “The old residences in this village are just ancient, not cultural relics. For villagers with ample means, rather than laboriously renovating, of course it’s more cost-effective to demolish and rebuild. At least some houses remain as they were, satisfying your sightseeing wishes.”

She paused, then said calmly: “I know my appearance is very abrupt, and the request I made of you is also unreasonable. If you refuse me, I have nothing to say. But you didn’t need to bring me here at all, or you can leave first. It’s very convenient for me to take a bus back by myself.”

She opened the back door, grabbed her travel bag, and walked toward the village. Gao Xiang was thoroughly choked with words. After quite a while, he thought self-mockingly that since he had already rushed from Linjiang Hotel to Qinggang and then brought her here, his sarcasm violated his usual gracious manner and was completely unnecessary. He stood by the pond watching a flock of ducks swim leisurely past, letting his emotions completely calm down before also walking in that direction.

 2

The village in the afternoon was very quiet. A yellow dog lay in a corner basking in the sun. Seeing people walk past, it couldn’t even be bothered to bark. Several hens led a flock of chicks dyed bright red and green to distinguish their owners’ property rights, wandering about and pecking at insects in the grass.

Zuo Si’an walked to an old house at the east end of the village and stood before the courtyard gate, staring blankly.

Gao Xiang came from behind. “Is there no one inside?”

“Where did that osmanthus tree go?”

The courtyard gate stood open. The direction she pointed to was a shallow pit in the yard overgrown with weeds. The bare yard looked somewhat strange. Before Gao Xiang could answer, a slightly hunchbacked old man came walking over, taking a few steps then resting, slowly approaching before stopping: “So you remember there was a big osmanthus tree here too.”

“Yes. Where is the tree?”

“That tree was forcibly dug out and sold by Liu Guanwen, the eldest son of the Liu Family’s senior branch, five years ago. The tree was planted by his great-grandfather’s generation—older than me. It always bloomed earliest and withered latest. When the weather was good, it could bloom in three rounds. Half the village could smell the fragrance.” The old man looked feeble, his speech mixed with wheezing. His tone was critical, but his expression carried a trace of gloating pride. “Ah, you can raise anything except a wastrel son. He was just short of stripping the roof tiles and selling the house to humiliate his ancestors.”

Zuo Si’an stood dazed, still staring at that shallow pit, as if wanting to find where that big osmanthus tree had gone. The old man squinted his dim eyes and examined them curiously: “You’re not here looking for Liu Guanchao, the younger son of the Liu Family’s junior branch, are you? Has he done something bad again?”

Zuo Si’an finally pulled her attention back, asking in astonishment: “Liu Guanchao? How could he possibly do bad things?”

“You don’t know yet.” The old man became even more animated. “What Liu Guanchao did was more disgraceful than his cousin. Speaking of which, in all these years Liu Wan has only produced one person who went to prison…”

At this moment, a middle-aged woman with graying hair emerged from the house, shouting sharply: “Liu Laoqi, what idle gossip are you spreading again?”

The old man showed no embarrassment and chuckled: “These things weren’t made up by me.”

The old woman glared at him and stopped paying him attention. She turned her head, her gaze sweeping over Zuo Si’an’s body but recognizing Gao Xiang first. “Xiao Gao, I was just about to call you. That child you sponsored for surgery last time has recovered very well. Her parents repeatedly asked me to thank you.”

“It’s nothing, Mei Yi. If there are similar cases, remember to notify me.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll definitely come bother you. By the way, you always say you have no time. How come you’re free to come today? Is this your girlfriend?”

Gao Xiang felt somewhat awkward. Before he could speak, Zuo Si’an called out in a low voice, “Mei Yi.”

Mei Yi looked at her questioningly.

“Mei Yi, I’m Xiao An.”

Mei Yi opened her hands in the air in shock, gesturing several times as if trying to grasp something, but her feet remained rooted to the spot, completely at a loss. Zuo Si’an stepped forward and embraced her. Only then did she recover. “You child… you’ve grown so much taller. Gone all these years—first went to America, still wrote letters to Jingjing, then suddenly sent a postcard and there was no more news. Jingjing said that postcard was from…” She frowned, thinking hard. “My memory’s gotten much worse with age. She said it was from a country next to the former Soviet Union, what was it called…”

Gao Xiang interjected: “Finland.”

Zuo Si’an looked at Gao Xiang in surprise. Gao Xiang’s expression was blank.

“Right, sent from Finland. How did you go so far? Have you been in Finland all this time? Is it very cold there?”

“No, I only went to Finland at Christmas time… to travel. Later I continued living in America.”

“How long are you planning to stay this time?”

Before she could answer, the hunchbacked old man who had been standing aside watching the excitement spoke up with sudden understanding: “So you’re that girl student from the city who used to sit in the yard by the osmanthus tree sunbathing. I was wondering how you knew to ask where that osmanthus tree went.”

Mentioning the osmanthus tree, Mei Yi, who had been excited, suddenly fell silent. She glared at the old man with disgust. “Liu Laoqi, go home and eat your meal. If you keep spouting nonsense here, don’t expect me to treat you anymore.”

Mei Yi was the only rural doctor in this area, managing a clinic with fairly complete basic equipment and medicine. Villagers’ minor ailments were all handled by her. She had great prestige locally. No matter how thick-skinned and caustic Liu Laoqi was, he didn’t dare offend her and could only apologize with a smile: “Just chatting casually. What are you so anxious about? By the way, my chest has been feeling very tight these past few days. Can you take my blood pressure again?”

“I already told you, just taking blood pressure medication won’t work. You need to go to a big hospital for a proper examination…”

Before Mei Yi finished speaking, an old woman came running from afar carrying a child, shouting as she ran: “Auntie Mei, please save my grandson quickly.”

The old woman was already stumbling. Gao Xiang immediately rushed forward and reached out to take the child. He saw the boy was only about four or five years old, his mouth wide open, nostrils rapidly flaring, emitting dry wheezing sounds. His lips were pale and his face had swollen.

He carried the child into the house. Mei Yi immediately began examination. From her accent to her clothing to her appearance, she looked no different from an ordinary rural elderly woman. However, when she began handling the patient, her skilled and confident manner immediately made her appear different.

She examined the child while questioning the old woman about the situation. The old woman was extremely frightened and, after running over, spoke incoherently: “What should I do? I really didn’t know. When I left the house, he was eating cookies his mother sent back. I only went to the vegetable garden to pick some cabbage. When I came back, he was like this. If something terrible happens, how will I explain it to my son and daughter-in-law…”

Mei Yi frowned tightly: “The laryngeal edema is very severe. No, we must send him to the township health center immediately. Xiao Gao, go start the car.”

Gao Xiang agreed and was about to go out when Zuo Si’an, who had been standing silently to the side, suddenly spoke: “Mei Yi, how long does it take to get to the township hospital?”

“By car, 20 minutes.”

“This child’s appearance suggests food allergy-induced diffuse laryngeal mucosal edema. His tongue has already swollen. He can’t hold out that long. Immediate cricothyroid membrane puncture is needed, otherwise he’ll suffocate.”

“I know, but I don’t know how…”

“I’ll do it. I’m a doctor. Please prepare disinfectant cotton, 1ml of 1% dicaine solution, and give me a number 7 injection needle. Gao Xiang, please help me hold the child down.”

Both paused, but the authority in Zuo Si’an’s expression and voice was unquestionable. They immediately acted according to her requirements. Gao Xiang stood on the other side and firmly held down the child. Zuo Si’an undid the child’s clothing, had his head tilted back, took the iodine cotton Mei Yi handed her for disinfection, quickly found and fixed the position with her left thumb and index finger, then held the injection needle in her right hand and inserted it vertically. She withdrew slightly, and the child suddenly coughed loudly. She steadied the syringe, injected 1ml of 1% dicaine solution, then withdrew it, pressing the injection site with a dry cotton ball. The series of actions flowed smoothly. The child’s breathing obviously began to recover.

“All right. Now take him to the hospital.”

Gao Xiang picked up the child and strode out. By this time, a large group of villagers had already crowded over to watch. At the pond, Zuo Si’an took the child and got in the car with Mei Yi and the child’s grandmother.

Gao Xiang accelerated. Fifteen minutes later they arrived at the township health center. Mei Yi was very familiar with this place and immediately called out medical staff. They carried the child inside. Zuo Si’an briefed the doctor on the child’s condition and provided follow-up treatment recommendations, very concise and professional. The doctor couldn’t help but look at her with surprise.

Mei Yi comforted the child’s grandmother, who was still trembling: “Don’t be afraid. Your grandson’s life has been saved.”

The old woman thanked them profusely. Mei Yi smiled: “You’re really senile. The one who saved your grandson’s life wasn’t me—it was Xiao An.”

Zuo Si’an quickly said: “You’re welcome. The doctor will give him antibiotics and hormones. Generally, after 12 hours of observation, the doctor will try blocking the tube. If there’s no breathing problem, they’ll remove the puncture needle, and the puncture site will close naturally. Once the allergen is identified, just make sure he never eats that thing again. Take good care of him.”

They came out and got in the car. Mei Yi asked Zuo Si’an: “Xiao An, what kind of doctor are you?”

“Strictly speaking, I’m currently a third-year resident in neurosurgery. To become a neurosurgery specialist, I still need at least three years of professional training.”

“I’ve heard that studying medicine in America takes a particularly long time and is particularly difficult.”

“Yes, it takes a very long time. Even if you enter a hospital immediately after graduating from university and choose a specialty with shorter training time, it’s still almost after age 30 before you can practice medicine independently.”

Mei Yi listened very earnestly and was very happy: “That’s wonderful, Xiao An. Not having formal systematic training has always been a sore point for me. I always wanted Jingjing to study medicine, but she just refused. Seeing you become a doctor makes me happier than anything.”

They returned to Mei Yi’s home. This house remained as it was. Crossing the threshold was a small courtyard, facing a narrow hall that locals called the main room, containing an Eight Immortals table and displaying portraits of ancestors. The side rooms on either side were bedrooms. Mei Yi greeted them to sit down, then said she would make the osmanthus rice wine that Zuo Si’an loved most to drink, and hurried into the kitchen behind the main room. Her husband, Liu Bo, came from the back under her loud summons to receive guests. He was a short man who looked quite aged and was very wooden and introverted, not good with words. His two hands anxiously rubbed on his clothes. His gaze hurriedly swept over the two of them before he said unclearly that he would go to the vegetable garden to pick some fresh greens and hurried out.

“Except for this house, everything has changed.”

“After such a long time, it’s not strange that everything would be completely transformed.”

Now it was Zuo Si’an’s turn to fall silent. At this moment, sunlight slanted down from above the courtyard. The two happened to stand at the boundary between light and shadow, unable to see each other’s expressions clearly. Finally she spoke: “I know I’ve changed a lot, but you’re still you. You haven’t changed.”

Mei Yi brought in two bowls of steaming hot osmanthus rice wine. As before, both bowls contained crystal white poached eggs, sprinkled with candied osmanthus flowers. The sweet fragrance was rich and alluring.

Zuo Si’an exclaimed with joy, took one and immediately scooped up a spoonful to eat. Scalded, she grimaced. Mei Yi laughed heartily. “There’s definitely no such thing abroad, right?”

“Yes. A few years ago at a Chinese student’s home, I ate some rice wine they brewed themselves. It couldn’t compare with what you make, Mei Yi.”

Gao Xiang never liked eating sweets, but the hospitality was hard to refuse, so he could only make an effort to eat. Looking up, he discovered that Zuo Si’an hadn’t continued eating eagerly as she had at first, but had lowered her head abnormally low, her face almost buried in the misty steam rising from the bowl.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

He heard that she was trying hard to keep her voice calm and didn’t press further.

 3

After finishing her work, Mei Yi came to sit down. Zuo Si’an asked her: “Mei Yi, what exactly happened to Xiao Chao?”

She felt somewhat uneasy, hesitated before saying: “He dropped out of school the second year after you left.”

Zuo Si’an’s eyes widened: “But he was in his third year of high school then, and his grades were very good.”

“Yes. Xiao Chao has always had high talent for studying since childhood. I always thought he would definitely be the first student from this village to attend Peking University or Tsinghua. Who knew…” She sighed. “He suddenly started skipping school. His grades plummeted. Three months before the college entrance exam, he simply dropped out without a word and ran south to work. His parents chased after him and found him. They beat him, pleaded with him, but he just refused to turn back.”

“Jingjing never mentioned this in her letters.”

“Xiao Chao wouldn’t let her say.”

Zuo Si’an murmured: “How could this happen?”

Mei Yi shook her head: “Xiao Chao has always been deep in thought. No one knows what he’s thinking. After going south for just two or three years, he suddenly started constantly sending money back to his parents, saying he found a good job. The second son and his wife even bought an apartment in Qinggang, fully expecting to enjoy their son’s good fortune in the future. Who knew that one day eight years ago, Xiao Chao suddenly ran back to Liu Wan and wouldn’t leave the house. I asked him what happened, but he refused to say. Less than a week later, police came and arrested him. Liu Laoqi wasn’t wrong—this was the first time Liu Wan had a police car drive in. Later I learned that Xiao Chao’s crime was something called hacking, attacking the network and stock trading companies, making a lot of money. It was on TV and in the newspapers, causing quite a stir.”

Zuo Si’an looked shocked. Gao Xiang, however, remembered. About seven or eight years ago, he had indeed seen reports of a man named Liu Guanchao who was arrested and sentenced to three years in prison for allegedly invading and controlling the computer information systems of several securities companies and illegally profiting. That case at the time sparked public discussion about network security, with considerable impact. But he had never connected the name Liu Guanchao with Wei Si’an’s skinny middle school classmate, Mei Yi’s stubborn and silent nephew Xiao Chao.

“The second son and his wife have always been proud. After this incident, they were too ashamed to return to the village. Xiao Chao served two and a half years in prison. Because of good behavior, he was released early but never went home. No one can say clearly where he went or what he’s doing. He only came back to Liu Wan once three years ago, stayed two days, and before leaving donated a large sum of money to the village committee to repair that road leading out of the village. Ah,” Mei Yi sighed again, “unexpectedly it attracted quite a bit of gossip, with people saying he definitely wasn’t on the right path, otherwise how could he have so much money so soon after getting out of prison? He doesn’t contact his family, just sends money, but his parents were scared. When they receive money, they don’t dare use it. They worry about him every day.”

Zuo Si’an said nothing for quite a while. Mei Yi changed the subject. “I’ll have Old Liu kill a chicken. I’ll stew chicken soup for you two later.”

“Don’t bother. Mei Yi, where is Jingjing now?”

“After graduating from university, she stayed in Beijing to work. Like her brother, she only comes home at Spring Festival once a year.”

“Oh. Hasn’t Liu Bo gone to work in the city anymore?”

“He’s getting old, and his health isn’t great. He stayed in the city helping Guanwen and his wife look after their child for a few years. Now that the child is attending school in the city, he came back.” Guanwen and Jingjing were Mei Yi’s son and daughter. Mentioning them, Mei Yi’s expression wasn’t relaxed. She changed the subject. “Xiao An, just stay here for a few days.”

“I can’t, Mei Yi. My vacation isn’t long. I can only stay one day. I’ve already bought a plane ticket for tomorrow afternoon to Chengdu, then transfer to Tibet Ali to see my father.”

“Your father is still in Tibet? Doesn’t it say that cadres can return after a few years of aid work in Tibet?”

“He said he likes that place and stayed.”

“A few years ago I saw a TV report about his achievements. He’s really remarkable.”

While speaking, another villager from outside came in to see the doctor. Zuo Si’an said: “Mei Yi, you’re busy. We’ll go out and walk around.”

The two went out. Gao Xiang’s phone rang. It was Zhu Xiaoyan calling, asking where he was. Only then did he remember her birthday was approaching. They had agreed today to take her to pick out a car as a gift. He had to apologize. “Another day, or you can go to the 4S dealership first.”

“Forget it. It’s no fun to go alone. I’ll finish the PPT for the meeting the day after tomorrow at home. Come pick me up tonight to go to the concert.”

“I’m sorry, Xiaoyan. I’m in Qinggang right now. I won’t be back until tomorrow. Find another friend to go to the concert with you.”

He put down his phone. Zuo Si’an, standing a few steps ahead, said: “Liu Wan has pretty good cell phone reception now. Before, if you wanted to make a call, you had to walk almost to the highway.”

Of course he remembered, just as she couldn’t forget the osmanthus tree under which she often sat. He couldn’t forget that nearly month-long time he spent in this village: the days that felt especially long because of their tedious monotony, the dense blackness of nights when you couldn’t see your hand before your face, the occasional dog barks that made the surroundings even quieter, the complex bird songs and rooster crows in the morning, freezing rain hitting the black tiles on the roof then dripping from the eaves into the courtyard with a hypnotic rhythm, the frost on the cabbage leaves in the vegetable garden… Of course, there was also the communication signal that only worked after walking all the way to the highway.

The village seemed smaller than in their memories, and more desolate. Many households had locked doors. Several newly built houses had people living on the first floor, but the second floor exposed bare cement walls. The balconies had no railings installed, windows didn’t even have glass panes. It was unclear why the construction had been interrupted and the owners had lost interest in completing it.

Many osmanthus trees were planted in this area. It was the season when osmanthus flowers bloomed. Many villagers had picked the osmanthus flowers and were drying them in flat large bamboo baskets in front of and behind their houses. The air in the small village was permeated with a sweet fragrance.

Zuo Si’an casually grabbed a small handful of fine osmanthus flowers and held them to her nose to smell: “Jingjing once told me that the fragrance of fresh osmanthus in Liu Wan is incomparable elsewhere. I always wanted to smell this scent, but unfortunately that tree…” She didn’t continue, opening her fingers to let the osmanthus flowers fall rustling back into the bamboo basket.

“So you went on to study medicine.”

“Yes.”

“What exactly do you want to do by coming back this time?”

She looked at him, without the grievance of being sternly questioned, much less resentment. “Just to look around.”

“I remember you said you never wanted to have any connection with the past again.”

“I’ll just look and leave. I won’t affect your lives.”

He became angry again: “Looking at other things is fine, whatever. What right do you have to make that kind of request of me just because on a whim you want to ‘look around’?”

“Yes, I really have no right to make any requests. I’m only begging you. Please consider it. Is he… in good health now?”

He stared at her with indescribable frustration. His reason reminded him that he should turn around and leave, drive back to the provincial capital, go to the concert with his girlfriend as planned, and not bother with her anymore. However, standing in this small village, the past surged into his heart like a tide. The scene when he first met Zuo Si’an suddenly became as clear as if it had happened yesterday. That tender, haggard face overlapped with the calm face before him that made him inexplicably angry. He couldn’t make the decisive decision to leave.

 4

The current golden autumn season was perhaps the most pleasant time for this unremarkable small village of Liu Wan. The fragrance of osmanthus floated in the air, omnipresent, making one feel that life seemed to have few ups and downs, and everything could easily reach a serene and sweet state.

However, Liu Wan’s nights now were far from as quiet as before. Everyone’s sleep time also seemed to be generally delayed. Gao Xiang stood by the pond smoking. He could hear nearby households all had their TV volumes turned up loud—noisy soap operas, variety shows mixed with the sounds of mahjong playing. He leaned against his car standing there, unable to explain why he had to stay overnight. Just to take Zuo Si’an to the airport the next day? Even he found this reason laughable.

Two bright car headlights shone over. A white BMW drove to the pond and stopped next to his car. A lean young man got out, wearing a white shirt and khaki pants. He casually locked the car door and walked toward the village, but suddenly stopped and turned back to scrutinize him.

The moonlight was hazy. Gao Xiang couldn’t remember who he was and could only nod at him in a friendly way. However, he made no response and turned to leave.

Gao Xiang didn’t pay it much mind and used his phone to call home, instructing his mother to have Gao Fei finish his homework and go to bed early, not to play games too long. Chen Zihui asked where he was. Of course he didn’t plan to mention Zuo Si’an. He only said vaguely: “Discussing something with friends. I’ll be home tomorrow.”

He strolled back to Mei Yi’s house. Standing at the courtyard gate, he could already see that the person who had scrutinized him by the pond was sitting with Mei Yi and Zuo Si’an in the courtyard. Mei Yi was asking: “…What kind of work are you doing exactly? Xiao Chao, you absolutely cannot do illegal things again.”

Only then did Gao Xiang realize that the formerly thin and weak male student had grown into a man and had immediately recognized him, still maintaining his unfriendly attitude toward him. He couldn’t help finding it somewhat tragicomic.

Under Mei Yi’s interrogation, Liu Guanchao also had a tragicomic expression. “I mainly do architecture and programming for people, occasionally design games. I take whatever work comes. I don’t formally work at any company, have no title. I can’t really say what specific work I do, but I guarantee I’m not doing anything illegal.”

Mei Yi obviously had no concept of these things and looked at him with skepticism. Zuo Si’an said softly: “It’s fine, Mei Yi. Xiao Chao is doing freelance work. Many people earn a living this way now.”

Mei Yi relaxed a bit but sighed: “If that’s the case, why don’t you explain to your parents? They’re always on edge with worry.”

His face darkened. “It’s not clear to them. Anyway, I didn’t go to university and went to prison. It’s impossible for me to bring glory to the ancestors. Whatever I say, they won’t be satisfied.”

“Xiao Chao.”

Mei Yi glared at him reprovingly. He had to wave his hand: “All right, all right. Xiao An rarely comes back. Let’s not talk about these things.”

Gao Xiang didn’t want to join their chat. He turned and walked out, returned to the pond, got in the car and sat down, turned on the car stereo to listen to music. Only after all of Liu Wan had quieted down and lights were successively extinguished did he return to Mei Yi’s house. However, upon reaching the door, he heard Zuo Si’an’s voice.

“No, Xiao Chao. We haven’t seen each other in over ten years. Just now when you saw me, you couldn’t even recognize me, yet you mention taking care of me for life. That’s too absurd.”

He hadn’t expected the conversation to still be continuing, much less expected it to involve such personal content. He stopped, hesitating, when he heard Liu Guanchao say: “Xiao An, this has always been my wish. Trust me, I can do it. I didn’t go to university, but I’m now a top programmer in the industry with very good income. I’m completely capable of letting you live well.”

“Thank you for your kindness.” Zuo Si’an said softly. “You’ve always had mathematical talent. I believe in your ability. But I don’t need anyone to take care of me. I’ve always lived independently and have been doing quite well. Mei Yi shouldn’t have called you back.”

“Before, you wrote letters with Jingjing, and I could still learn a bit about your news, knowing you first lived in Portland, Maine, then went to New York for university. Later you suddenly had no news. I was very worried. I repeatedly instructed Big Auntie and Jingjing that if there was news of you, they should tell me immediately. Fortunately I was in Qinggang these past few days handling some matters, otherwise I would have missed you again. Xiao An, stay. Don’t wander alone in a foreign land.”

“Xiao Chao, I don’t know why you would imagine my life to be so miserable. I’m a resident doctor at a hospital in Baltimore. It’s hard work, but I have sufficient income to maintain my life. After becoming a specialist doctor, income will be even less of a problem.”

Gao Xiang originally didn’t want to listen to others’ conversation and was about to leave, but the place name Baltimore nailed him firmly in place. He heard Zuo Si’an continue: “I have fixed housing, normal social life, friends, and too much work to finish. Where would I have the opportunity to experience such a poignantly beautiful life as wandering the world?”

“Do you still like Gao Xiang? Otherwise why would you find him as soon as you came back and not contact me at all?”

The conversation took such a bizarre sharp turn. In a strange silence, autumn insects chirped continuously, seeming to try hard to fill the blank space. Zuo Si’an finally spoke, her voice gentle and helpless: “Why I found him as soon as I came back—does that need explanation?”

“I’m sorry, Xiao An.”

“Don’t bring this up again in the future. Gao Xiang has a girlfriend. Don’t disturb his life.”

“What about you?”

“I also have a boyfriend. He’s already proposed to me.”

Liu Guanchao was obviously shocked and pressed her with questions: “What kind of person is he? Is he good to you?”

“A lawyer. Very good to me.” She answered concisely. “Xiao Chao, stop worrying about me.”

“No matter how hard I try, I can never make up for what my sister did to you. Please give me a chance, Xiao An…”

She interrupted him. “No, don’t say that. Let the past be the past. No one needs to dwell on it. Live well. Carrying burdens has no benefit whatsoever.”

Liu Guanchao’s voice was heavy: “You must hate me. Otherwise you wouldn’t have left back then without even saying goodbye.”

“Xiao Chao, what happened had nothing to do with you. I don’t hate you. It’s just that I was too immature then and didn’t know how to say goodbye to people properly. Hearing from Mei Yi about you dropping out, I felt very sorry. You shouldn’t have done that.”

“My parents expected me to act as if nothing had happened, continue studying, take the college entrance exam, make money. I had no way to be as calm and collected as them. Whenever I thought of you, I could no longer stay in that house.”

“You and I are both fine now. There’s no need to mention those unpleasant past events anymore, Xiao Chao. I haven’t adjusted to the time difference these past few days and am really tired. You should go to sleep too. Mei Yi should have already tidied your room.”

Liu Guanchao came out and ran into Gao Xiang head-on. He paused, still showing no intention of greeting him, looking at him coldly: “You’d better stay away from Xiao An. Hasn’t your family forced her to flee abroad all these years been enough?”

Before Gao Xiang could speak, Mei Yi emerged from her house and shouted sharply: “Xiao Chao, how can you speak to a guest like that?”

Liu Guanchao always maintained affection and awe for this aunt. He closed his mouth, walked into his own house without a word, and closed the door heavily.

Mei Yi shook her head helplessly: “Xiao Gao, don’t mind him. This child has that stubborn temperament. You can stay at my house tonight. Guanwen’s room is empty.”

Gao Xiang walked into the courtyard with Mei Yi and saw that Zuo Si’an was still standing by the shallow pit left after the big osmanthus tree was removed, lost in thought. Mei Yi smiled bitterly: “Xiao An, that osmanthus tree was sold by my son Guanwen for 6,000 yuan. He was waiting to use money for his wedding. His father had just been seriously ill, and Jingjing needed money for school. What the family could give him was really limited. The day the tree was dug out, a huge pit was left in the yard. My heart felt like a piece of flesh had been dug out. When Jingjing came back for summer vacation, she cried.”

Zuo Si’an said apologetically: “Mei Yi, there’s no need to mention sad things. Just plant a new osmanthus tree.”

She shook her head and sighed: “Old Liu said the same thing, but it’s not the same anymore. I only hope that tree was moved to a good family where it can continue blooming. It’s late. I’ll go to bed first.”

Only Zuo Si’an and Gao Xiang remained in the courtyard. Gao Xiang’s mood was also somewhat heavy: “Mei Yi is too strong. I know that as a rural doctor, her income is very meager, but she never mentions her own family’s difficulties to me. Every time she calls me, it’s to raise money to treat villagers. She firmly refuses to accept any extra compensation. Every account is recorded clearly and reported to me at set times every year. If only I had been more attentive.”

“Mei Yi isn’t just heartbroken about this tree. She once told me that marrying into the Liu Family meant cutting off hope of returning to the city, and she felt very anxious inside. It just so happened that the osmanthus in the courtyard was blooming then, and the scent made her feel comforted. From then on, she decided to make this place her home. Seeing the home she’s guarded for decades no longer complete, anyone would feel sad.”

Both fell silent. After a while, Gao Xiang suddenly asked: “You’re getting married?”

She paused. After a while she said: “Just engaged. The wedding date hasn’t been determined.”

What kind of person is he? Is he good to you?

Gao Xiang almost asked the same questions as Liu Guanchao, but after all he wasn’t Liu Guanchao. He just looked at her thoughtfully: “So this return is to calm down alone before making a decision?”

She lowered her gaze and repeated what she had said during the day: “I just wanted to come back and look around.”

He said nothing more and turned to enter the house.

 5

The next day after lunch, Gao Xiang and Zuo Si’an said goodbye to Mei Yi. Mei Yi grasped Zuo Si’an’s hand: “When you have vacation, come back and stay a few more days.”

Tears welled in Zuo Si’an’s eyes, but she didn’t nod and casually agree. Her expression held unusual seriousness and hesitation. Finally she only said softly: “I don’t know, Mei Yi.”

Liu Guanchao also said he had matters and needed to leave. Mei Yi turned and scolded: “You’re not allowed to leave. Stay here honestly for two or three days. I still have things to say to you.”

He opened his mouth, but looking at Zuo Si’an, he said nothing more.

Mei Yi stuffed a bottle of homemade candied osmanthus into Zuo Si’an’s hands. “This year’s osmanthus just started drying. I’ve only made this one bottle. Take it first. When making desserts or sweet soup, add some in and it will smell very fragrant.”

“This one bottle will last me a very long time.”

“This isn’t worth anything. Don’t economize. Jingjing is like you—she loves this flavor most. Every year I send her several bottles. Write your address for me and I’ll send you some too.”

“No need. Postage is too expensive, and I don’t have time to cook for myself anyway. But I’ll write down my address for you. Have Jingjing contact me. I really miss her too.”

Liu Wan gradually disappeared in the rearview mirror. The car drove onto the highway. After traveling some distance, Gao Xiang glanced at Zuo Si’an. She was still tightly clutching that bottle of candied osmanthus.

“You haven’t been in touch with Mei Yi all these years. You come back, look around, and leave. Why be so sentimental about a bottle of dried osmanthus?”

Zuo Si’an smiled bitterly and put the bottle in her bag: “With this performance of mine, that matter you’re even less likely to agree to.”

“Good that you understand.”

Her eyes dimmed, but she didn’t continue dwelling on this topic. Next, the two, as when they came, both maintained silence. She gradually dozed off, sleeping restlessly, suddenly waking in slight twitching of her limbs, looking around in confusion as if unable to figure out where she was, then leaning back against the chair again. Her head gradually tilted to one side, her slender neck slowly twisting to an almost dangerously angled position.

Gao Xiang discovered that his peripheral vision kept sweeping over, stirring up memories, unable to settle his mind. He could only sigh quietly, pulled the car to the shoulder, leaned over to retrieve a red neck pillow from the back seat that Zhu Xiaoyan had left in the car. Just as he was about to put it on her, he saw her hair fall to one side, exposing a snow-white section of nape, with a tattoo pattern vaguely visible between the strands of hair. Before he could make it out, she had already awakened and took it, saying thank you. He restarted the car and got back on the road.

Arriving at the provincial capital, she said: “Please drop me at the long-distance bus station. My luggage is stored there. I’ll go to the airport myself. Thank you.”

“I’ll take you to get your luggage, then take you to the airport.”

She paused. “My flight is at 8 pm tonight. It’s still early. I want to walk around the city area casually, then go to the airport.”

“I’ll take you.”

“This is no longer polite and considerate, Gao Xiang. You’re afraid I’ll go harass… him without your permission, so you insist on watching me get on the plane and leave.”

Gao Xiang tacitly admitted it.

She leaned back against the chair, expressionless: “If you’re that worried, then watch me.”

After retrieving her luggage at the bus station, she seemed to have regained her composure and said politely: “Please drive to Zhongshan Road.”

“That area is now a commercial district. The residential compound where your family lived seems to have been demolished.”

“I still want to go see.”

Gao Xiang said nothing more, turned the steering wheel around, and drove toward Zhongshan Road. When they arrived at the place she indicated, he stopped the car by the roadside. She unbuckled her seatbelt, looked at her watch: “I want to walk around nearby alone. I’ll come back here in an hour. Is that okay?”

He couldn’t refuse this almost cautious request and nodded: “I’ll wait for you at the coffee shop ahead.”

Gao Xiang usually liked drinking coffee and had even taken over a coffee shop called Green Door from an old friend to run it low-key. This roadside coffee shop was decorated in a nondescript way. The coffee tasted very ordinary. He only took one sip before giving up and asked the server for a cup of black tea. Next door, one table of customers was playing cards, another table was engaged in boisterous conversation. It really wasn’t suitable for one person to quietly pass time. Even worse, an hour passed and Zuo Si’an hadn’t returned.

He watched the time, his mood gradually growing anxious. After waiting another twenty minutes, he called home: “Mom, is Xiao Fei home?”

“He just got back from seeing a movie with classmates. He seems to be in a bad mood. I called him down to eat fruit but he refused.”

“No guests came to the house today, right?”

Chen Zihui snorted: “Your father came this morning. He probably counts as a guest at my house now.”

He smiled bitterly. “What did Dad come for?”

“I didn’t bother asking. Seeing you weren’t there, he chatted with Xiao Fei for a bit, sat for a while, and left.”

His parents had been living separately for many years. He had no mind to discuss their peculiar relationship at this time. “Mom, if someone comes knocking… ” He hesitated. “Don’t let them in.”

Chen Zihui asked suspiciously: “Who would come? Are there troubles with business? Should we call the police?”

“No.”

“Are you hiding from your girlfriend?”

He found it both amusing and exasperating, but knew his mother had always been strongly curious and not easy to brush off. He was genuinely worried and had no choice but to say: “Stop guessing, Mom. Zuo Si’an is back. I’m afraid she might go to the house and disturb Xiao Fei.”

Chen Zihui was briefly stunned and suddenly shouted: “What? What is she running back here for? Could she again…”

“Mom, keep your voice down. Stay calm.”

Chen Zihui immediately lowered her voice, but her anger didn’t diminish at all: “Why didn’t you stop her?”

He didn’t want to say more. “She’s taking a flight tonight. She might not go to our house. I’m just worried in case… Anyway, don’t let Xiao Fei go out today. If she comes, don’t let her in and don’t say much to her. Call my cell immediately.”

Chen Zihui’s reaction didn’t surprise Gao Xiang. He put down his phone, vexedly checked his watch again—only a few minutes had passed. He realized that checking his watch frequently would only make time feel slower. He beckoned the server over for another cup of black tea. When he was halfway through it, he finally saw Zuo Si’an walking toward the coffee shop. He immediately settled the bill and went out.

“Where did you go?”

“I’m sorry, there was traffic. I…”

“Didn’t you say you’d just walk around nearby? Where exactly did you go for so long?”

She was frightened by his stern expression and also grew angry, raising her voice slightly: “I just went to ride the streetcar for a bit, then came back the same way. How was I supposed to know the traffic would be so bad now?”

She mentioned the streetcar. He suddenly had nothing to say. After a stiff moment, she spoke first: “Without your permission, I won’t go see him. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been gone so long and made you worry. Let’s go to the airport now. After you watch me leave, you can relax.”

 6

Zuo Si’an took the boarding pass and waved it at Gao Xiang. “Sorry for taking up two days of your time. I’m going through security now, then to Tibet, then back to America. Don’t worry, I won’t come back rashly again.”

Gao Xiang looked at her and suddenly asked: “Does your mother still live in Portland?”

“Yes.” She answered somewhat absentmindedly.

“Have you been living in Baltimore all these years?”

At the mention of Baltimore, she came to her senses. An unusual expression flashed across her face, but she immediately steadied herself and said in a low voice: “Not entirely. I transferred to SUNY Buffalo to study, went to Baltimore for medical school after graduation, then stayed in Baltimore as a resident.”

“You don’t mind me asking why Baltimore.”

She hesitated: “Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine in Baltimore is one of the best medical schools in the country. I applied and was fortunate to be accepted.”

“Attending the best school does fit your mother’s requirements for you. So why did you suddenly want to see Gao Fei? Surely not because after becoming a doctor, you suddenly wanted to diagnose his condition to demonstrate your professional ability.”

She smiled bitterly: “No, I don’t have such a severe case of occupational disease. It’s not just him I wanted to see. There’s also the dormitory where I lived, the kindergarten, elementary school, and middle school I attended, the streetcar my father used to ride with me every day, the small village where I lived, and Mei Yi who helped me.”

“In this rushed manner?”

She smiled slightly. “Don’t criticize me anymore. I’m leaving now. Thank you for bringing me to the airport. Goodbye.”

Zuo Si’an walked toward the security checkpoint. Gao Xiang called out: “Please wait.”

She stopped. He took out his wallet, extracted a photo from it and handed it to her: “This is a photo of Gao Fei when he just started second year of junior high. He’s in third year now and has grown much taller.”

She carefully pinched one corner of the photo, staring for a long time at the face of the boy smiling without worry.

“The surgery for his congenital heart disease when he was four was very successful. He has regular checkups and follow-ups. He can’t be a professional athlete or engage in high-intensity confrontational sports, but his overall athletic ability and various functions are basically normal. The doctor who examines him says that according to the American College of Chest Physicians’ statistical data and the congenital heart disease surgery database evaluation standards, this situation can be considered a good prognosis.”

She said nothing, still staring intently at the photo in her hand.

“He’s very smart, a kind, cheerful child. A bit playful, likes playing games and watching basketball, doesn’t like reading, and is careless about his schoolwork. My family and I all love him very much. He has long accepted that he doesn’t have a mother. I can’t explain your existence to him. I hope you’ll give up the idea of seeing him or contacting him, and let him continue growing up without disturbance. Can you understand?”

She nodded.

“If you want it, you can keep this photo.”

“Thank you, but no need.” She handed the photo back to him. “You can rest assured. I haven’t seen my father in twelve years. Although my mother and I are both in America, after graduating from university, I see her only about once a year. Distance is just an excuse. The main reason is my father chose to distance himself from me, and I chose to distance myself from my mother. Even with the closest relatives, when you reach the point of having relatively nothing to say, you feel not seeing each other might be easier. Day by day, year by year, you no longer have the strength to try reconnecting. The more intimate the relationship, the less it can bear retrospective repair. It’s that simple. As for this child—”

She fell briefly silent, then said clearly: “I didn’t voluntarily give him life. I gave up on him long ago. Of course I won’t rashly appear before him. To him, I’m nothing. Coming this time, I only wanted to see him from afar. Seeing the photo and knowing you’ve taken good care of him is enough for me.”

She looked at him, her gaze focused and profound, as if recording every detail her eyes swept across, then said softly: “Goodbye, Gao Xiang.” She turned and left.

Gao Xiang’s phone rang. He mechanically answered. It was Chen Zihui calling, her voice low and anxious: “Has she left?”

He looked ahead. Zuo Si’an was in the long queue at the security checkpoint, moving forward step by step.

“She’s left.”

Chen Zihui pressed anxiously: “Will she come back again?”

At this moment it was Zuo Si’an’s turn at the front. She handed her documents and boarding pass to the inspector, then suddenly turned back to look at Gao Xiang, as if knowing he had remained there all along.

She gazed steadily at him. He also looked at her. Time seemed to freeze. Travelers continuously passing through their line of sight became blurred like ethereal, unreal phantoms. However, this frozen state had already quietly dissolved in just a brief instant. She turned her head away and entered the security checkpoint.

The real world came rushing back overwhelmingly—the hurrying crowds, flight information broadcasts, flashing electronic screens, various noisy sounds mixed together, and Chen Zihui’s continuous calling in the receiver: “Hello, hello, are you listening to me?”

“She won’t come back.”

Watching her disappear from view, Gao Xiang said briefly and put away his phone.

This sentence that came out of his mouth made him realize that since she left without saying goodbye and fled to a foreign country, thirteen years had already passed. The last time she said goodbye to him like this, she completely disappeared. The time was so long that he thought what he was experiencing would be a long farewell—perhaps never to meet again.

The scene when he first saw her was vivid, as if it had happened yesterday.