He said he was waiting for my answer.

How could I answer?

I really wanted to agree. I really wanted to go home with someone I love every day, then say “today was hard work.”

I wanted to be able to make a messy dinner together when we’re resting, then eat it all clean while laughing and frowning.

I wanted to have someone hear me say “I’m so tired” when I’m exhausted, then I could lean on his shoulder and cry silently for a while.

But was that kind of life what I deserved?

This morning when I was preparing breakfast, my buttered bread fell from my hand. I thought it would dirty the carpet, but I quickly bent down and caught it.

The movement was particularly beautiful, as if I were a martial arts master.

But when I raised my head, the house was completely empty.

I really wanted someone to be there watching me, so I could smile and ask him “Am I amazing?”

And he would smile back and tease me, saying he’d never seen a lawyer with such agile reflexes.

Then we would happily start that day, or start every day from then on.

I really wanted to agree.

But being like this, I would be selfish. It wouldn’t be fair to him.

As I said, I’m a person riddled with holes. My tragic childhood created my stubbornness and solitude. My chaotic family of origin leaves me in anxiety and sorrow all day. I can’t bring these things into a romance.

This wouldn’t be fair to my other half.

Little Sun was a native of Chengdu. His parents were both cultural workers, polite and refined. I’d only met them once but was deeply impressed. His family was very similar to mine—they also had “both son and daughter.” Little Sun had a younger sister.

After their parents gave birth to a son as their first child, they were still willing to have a daughter. To me, this already seemed like a fantasy.

Moreover, I’d also met that girl. Showered with love from her parents and brother since childhood, that confident brilliance couldn’t help but spill forth, making her unstoppable.

But what was I?

I was a monster.

“I can’t agree.” I said in a low voice. As these words came out, I felt myself being cut by an invisible knife.

“Why, why?” Little Sun said somewhat anxiously. “Lawyer Zhang, was I, was I too abrupt? If you need time to consider, I can wait…”

“We’re both adults now. We don’t do childish things. This kind of matter doesn’t need time to consider.” I shook my head. “If it won’t work, it won’t work. I’m sorry.”

Seeing Little Sun’s dejected expression, I felt that invisible knife pierce through my body once more.

It hurt.

“Okay… okay…” Little Sun nodded with a disappointed look. “Lawyer Zhang, don’t apologize to me. The one who should apologize is me. I’m truly, truly sorry…”

“Not at all.” I smiled at him. “Daring to express yourself is a good thing. Little Sun, you’re an excellent person. I’m rejecting you because of my own issues. I hope you won’t be sad.”

“Mm…” Although Little Sun nodded, I could see from his eyes that he was extremely upset.

After attending Mengmeng’s wedding, I gave her half a month off.

Although she wanted to come back to work, a honeymoon is a once-in-a-lifetime thing. I’d rather have her take paid leave than have her throw away such precious time on work.

One week passed quickly. Little Sun and I handled a commercial dispute case together, but this time, due to insufficient evidence provided by both parties, no verdict was reached. A second court session would soon take place.

“Little Sun, help me keep an eye on things for the next two days.” I said. “I need to go home.”

“Go home?” He raised his eyebrows. “Lawyer Zhang, you always look very upset every time you get a call from home. Did something happen at home?”

“No, it’s a good thing.” I smiled. “My younger brother is getting married.”

“Younger brother…?” Little Sun was obviously surprised. “Lawyer Zhang, you have a younger brother?”

“Yes.”

“You really can keep a secret. I’ve never heard you mention having a younger brother.”

“Not mentioning it doesn’t mean I don’t have one.” I let out a long breath. “I haven’t been home in many years. This time is the last time. No matter what, I need to show my face.”

“The last time…?” Little Sun clearly didn’t understand. “Is there such a thing as a ‘last time’ to see your own biological brother?”

“Yes.” I was obviously somewhat happy. “In any case, I’ll be back soon. At the fastest one day, at most two days. I’ll entrust the office matters to you during these two days.”

“Don’t worry, Lawyer Zhang. No problem.” Little Sun nodded. “But… don’t you need me to drive you? Are you driving back?”

“Not driving.” I said. “There’s no need to be so ostentatious. I’ll just take a bus back.”

“Alright, then be careful and send me a WeChat message when you arrive.”

“No problem.” I nodded and said to him, “If you have something at home, you can also go take care of it first. Besides that commercial dispute, there shouldn’t be any lawsuits recently.”

“My home is in Chengdu!” Little Sun smiled at me. “Don’t worry, I’ll definitely hold down the fort.”

Seeing Little Sun’s state, I felt very happy.

He didn’t distance himself from me because I rejected him.

As long as I could work with familiar people, I felt confident.

He would definitely find a better partner, but that person absolutely couldn’t be me.

I bought a bus ticket, put on casual clothes, and set off.

I couldn’t let the villagers know how well I was living in Chengdu, otherwise they would become a bottomless pit hovering above my life, sucking all the blood from my body.

The bus, ordinary clothes, then just the right amount of light makeup—enough for this trip.

I was just an ordinary person. I had no extra money to help them, nor did I have the ability to arrange city jobs for any idlers. I was just me, an ordinary person.

The car left Chengdu, winding through mountain roads for about two hours before finally dropping me off ten kilometers from the village.

Next, I needed to take an unlicensed car, then transfer to a three-wheeler.

Setting out in the afternoon, I didn’t enter the village until evening.

The village was indeed preparing for the wedding. The roads were filled with tables, and the utility poles were covered with red paper. The wedding would start tomorrow.

“Laidi?!” An aunt suddenly recognized me.

“Yes.” I nodded and looked at her. “I’m back.”

“Tsk…” She curled her lip slightly with disdain, then squeezed out an ugly smile. “How many years has it been since you came back? Is the city really that good?”

“It’s not.” I shook my head. “But Chengcai is getting married. I’m his older sister. I must come back.”

“Really?” She nodded with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Then hurry home.”

I nodded at her, took a long breath, and walked toward “home.”

From the first day I entered high school, I never lived at home again.

I lived at school during the school year, and during weekends and winter and summer vacations, I worked outside. This place was very foreign to me.

The villagers’ atmosphere also multiplied my stress. They were like the world’s best intelligence agents. Every sentence you said at home would be spread throughout the entire village the next day.

Especially about me.

A stubborn woman who refused to earn tuition for her brother and insisted on going to school herself.

A dissolute woman who fell in love with the “glitz and glamour” of the city and refused to come home to visit.

A tragic woman over thirty who hadn’t married and whom no one was willing to take in.

A stingy woman who didn’t care about her brother’s wedding, neither providing bride price nor down payment for a house.

A failed woman who had struggled for over ten years yet still hadn’t “returned home in glory.”

This was me in the eyes of the villagers. I was the village’s famous joke.

My existence was a classic topic that every household would hotly discuss, enduring through the ages.