Perhaps I naturally took after Dad.

He was a stubborn one. Everyone said not to let girls go to school, but he insisted on it. Everyone said to make girls earn money to buy wedding houses for their younger brothers, but he refused.

I was also stubborn. Dad and Mom didn’t want me to work to earn money for Liang Wa’s treatment, but I insisted. Dad and Mom didn’t want me to leave home without a trace, but I couldn’t stay.

I looked at Liang Wa one last time and reached out to hug him.

Although he was just making me laugh as usual, I knew this time was different.

I was preparing to leave home for a long time. The next time I would see Liang Wa, there would only be two possibilities.

Either I had gathered enough money and was taking Liang Wa joyfully to a big hospital in the city.

Or I was viewing his remains, as his older sister solemnly and seriously wiping his face clean for the deceased.

After settling Dad and Mom, I said I would write to them regularly, then took a woven bag with a few clothes and left home.

The letters would probably never be written. I would only send money back.

As long as I remained around this household, they would never be able to live normal lives.

Now the news that I had gone crazy would spread. They knew that Zhang Lijuan wasn’t even afraid of death, so probably no one would come to the house to cause trouble anymore.

Although Dad and Mom’s lives wouldn’t return to what they were before, they would at least be somewhat better.

Before leaving, Mother insisted on stuffing the over two thousand yuan I had brought back into my hands, but I didn’t take it.

A few days later, I resigned from my job at the factory and left the workshop with only one hundred yuan remaining.

The only thing that gave me some comfort was that when I left, I held my back straight. This time no one forced me to leave—I had resigned of my own accord.

I didn’t cry out in pain, and I didn’t admit defeat.

I had a fundamental difference from these people who liked to spend their spare time gossiping about family matters. I couldn’t stop here for even a step.

Now the entire workshop was already sick. Even if I left, they would find other people to vent their sickness on. Such a workshop could no longer provide me with economic support. It would only slowly devour me in the time to come.

But where exactly should I go…?

Just like before, I took a long-distance bus alone and set out again. This time I wanted to try my luck in the provincial capital.

“Aren’t you that mistress…?”

On the bus, a young man sitting next to me suddenly asked out of nowhere.

I looked at him expressionlessly, my eyes showing no ripples whatsoever.

“It’s me.” He gestured and wanted to introduce himself. “We were both at the clock assembly factory before. Did you forget? Are you going to the provincial capital too?”

It seemed he wanted to get on friendly terms with me, but his opening line was completely destructive.

He had even forgotten my name and only remembered that I was a mistress.

His comment also caused many people on the bus to turn back and look at me, but I remained expressionless. I didn’t say a single word the entire time, just turned my face toward the window.

What could I do? Declare my innocence here?

Then he would just bring up reasons like “everyone knows” again and push me back into the mud.

They were all sick.

Fortunately, my wall had already been built up. I hid in a corner of an enclosed room and shouldn’t receive any more harm.

My life had been completely destroyed, but at least I had to make Liang Wa’s life go smoothly.

In front of Mantuan’s father, I had even wanted to use my own life to exchange for money. If I had that kind of resolve… What work was there that couldn’t be done?

Just as I said, a person’s life is the process of selling oneself.

Whether it was being wrongly accused of being a mistress, being beaten, being cursed at, or being dismissed—all of it could be exchanged for some money.

When I stepped on the soil of the provincial capital, I finally felt like I was somewhat alive. Here, no one would give me a single glance, and no one whispered about me.

I inquired about the largest labor market in the provincial capital and went there to try my luck.

Unfortunately, those legitimate recruitment booths in the building required at least a high school education, and the contractors who drove vans outside the labor market to pick up workers mostly wanted manual laborers, carpenters, and electricians. I couldn’t grasp that straw on either side and just wandered around the labor market day after day.

Even when occasionally some older women came to recruit female workers, the wage was only calculated at ten yuan per day with no meals or accommodation included. I thought about it over and over but still didn’t agree.

Young people from surrounding villages and towns all seemed to converge on the provincial capital, causing labor here to be even cheaper than in some villages and towns.

I stayed in a hostel that cost eight yuan per day, sharing one room with nine people. Adding in three yuan per day for food, the one hundred yuan on me was almost gone.

That night, I stared at the last ten yuan in my hand for a long time, knowing that if I couldn’t find good work, I could only do some simple jobs first to survive.

As long as the green hills remain, there’s no fear of lacking firewood. As long as I survived, then perhaps in the future I could…

Wait…

I suddenly thought of an idea.

Why did I need to survive?

If something happened to me… If I died in the labor market, could such a large official institution just ignore it…?

Wouldn’t they send some consolation money to my family?

If not a hundred thousand… Would there be eighty thousand…?

Would there be thirty thousand…?

Thinking of this, I checked out of my hostel bed, bought a bottle of paraquat at a labor supply store, tucked it into my bag, and came to the labor market once again.

If I couldn’t find suitable work today, then I would just lie down here.

Many people in this world wanted me to die, but death should also be a transaction.

As I thought, this day’s time quickly passed, and I ultimately still didn’t find any work that could support me.

I went all day without a drop of water or grain of rice, had no place to stay, and only had two yuan and fifty cents left on me.

This kind of life made me feel exceptionally exhausted.

Perhaps it was time to end it.

I took out the paraquat from my bag and came to a corner of the labor market courtyard. I couldn’t be too close to the entrance. If I was going to die, I had to die in a corner so no one would discover me and take me to the hospital.

Once I died in a hospital, this transaction wouldn’t be valid.

I stealthily unscrewed the bottle cap, smelled the irritating odor in the bottle, closed my eyes, and was just about to raise my head to drink it when I felt a hand grab my arm.

I opened my eyes in confusion and saw a woman with dyed blonde hair standing in front of me.

She was about thirty or forty years old, with fine lines on her face, but thick powder made the lines less obvious.

She had high cheekbones and small eyes. Her mouth was painted with very bright lipstick. Since it was summer, I saw she was wearing a pair of faded flip-flops, and even her toes were painted with nail polish.

“…What… What are you doing?” I asked in confusion.

“Damn.” The woman took the paraquat from my hand and looked at it. “You’ve had enough of living?”

“I…” My voice trembled. “Don’t worry about me… Give it back to me…”

She didn’t listen to me at all and threw the paraquat directly into a nearby trash can, then asked, “What the hell kind of mentality is this? Can’t find work so you want to die?”