Seventh Miss swept another glance across the garden. Seeing that apart from those two young men, the small garden was surprisingly deserted—Feng Ling had gone somewhere unknown—she raised an eyebrow at Feng Jin while smiling and descending the steps.
“Then I’ll trouble Elder Cousin.”
The two walked silently side by side in the garden for several steps.
Seventh Miss had wanted to ask about Xu Fengjia’s whereabouts, but paused and didn’t voice the question. Without Xu Fengjia’s consent, Eunuch Lian probably wouldn’t have brought her to that secret room to stay so long.
Though this small garden wasn’t large, with its lush flowers and trees it was extremely refined. Feng Jin’s gaze roamed all around before he suddenly praised, “It’s been very long since I’ve had such leisurely interest to settle down and properly appreciate spring scenery.”
“Elder Cousin has been rushing about these years…” Seventh Miss followed along with his words. “You should also slow your pace.”
Feng Jin looked at her with a smile, saying softly, “Actually, rather than saying this to me, you’d be better off saying it to the Young Master.”
The small door they’d come through looked almost indistinguishable from the wall surface when viewed from outside. Feng Jin didn’t lead her back the way they came, but instead took a roundabout route, entering the covered corridor and turning several corners toward a small study deep within.
“The Young Master after all already has offspring.” Seventh Miss said tactfully. “Even if Elder Cousin is temporarily unwilling to marry, just thinking of Maternal Aunt and Elder Cousin Sister, you really should carry on the Feng family line, give Maternal Aunt and Elder Cousin Sister some matters to occupy them.”
What exactly the relationship between Feng Jin and the Emperor was—probably apart from the two of them, no one else knew clearly. Even Sixth Miss, such a favored person in the palace, couldn’t figure it out. Seventh Miss naturally wouldn’t go seeking the truth. But Feng Jin was already twenty-four this year. With his status as sole heir, he should long ago have married and fathered children to continue the family line.
Feng Jin paused slightly, then said frankly, “Since I entered Yanyin Guard service, only you, Shangheng, have spoken about this matter.”
He looked at Seventh Miss with a smile, his expression carrying faint intimacy.
Seventh Miss hadn’t expected that even Madam Feng hadn’t broached the subject. She lowered her head thinking for a moment, then reminded Feng Jin, “Elder Cousin is away year-round, Maternal Aunt’s eyes aren’t good, and Elder Cousin Sister is ultimately unmarried. Household affairs always need someone to manage… Besides, I see Maternal Aunt’s spirits aren’t very good. Perhaps another child could comfort the elderly, relieve loneliness—these things are hard to say.”
As they spoke, they’d already entered the room. This small study looked quite elegant and clean. Feng Jin pondered for a moment before rotating a large standing vase at the corner. Immediately mechanical sounds rang out. Moments later a clean passageway appeared. Seventh Miss followed him inside. After walking just a few steps, they pushed open another door to exit—this exit faced the south-facing reverse quarters from afar, on the wall deep within the small garden.
“That garden actually cleverly uses misdirection—an enclosed space partitioned from our family garden. Outside residents have absolutely no knowledge of what happens inside.” Feng Jin smiled as he explained a few words to Seventh Miss. “Uncle Lian sometimes stays a few days, meeting some friends openly.”
Since he didn’t want to discuss it further, Seventh Miss couldn’t say more. She just responded briefly, then asked Feng Jin, “Thanks for Elder Cousin’s guidance—but how should I get from here past Elder Cousin Sister’s chambers?”
But Feng Jin stood still.
Coming specially into the small garden to receive Seventh Miss, he naturally couldn’t merely be sending her back. Just that all along the way he hadn’t indicated anything, so Seventh Miss hadn’t asked in detail. Now seeing this handsome youth’s face float up with concerns, her heart wasn’t surprised either. She leaned against the corridor railing to sit down, looking up questioningly at Feng Jin, saying softly, “Whatever Elder Cousin has to say, speak freely.”
Though the two hadn’t interacted much, getting along was extremely comfortable—a rare sense of sibling harmony. Even Ninth Brother rarely gave Seventh Miss this feeling. She knew that whatever matters she had, Feng Jin would definitely do his utmost to help. Between them, it was more him caring for her, without demanding anything from her.
Being with Feng Jin, not only was there the pleasing sight of jade and pearls at one’s side, the best part was this completely pressure-free sense of relaxation. Seventh Miss didn’t need to straighten her spine—from forehead to toes she was relaxed.
Though men and women should maintain proper distance, and despite their kinship they weren’t suitable for such solitary company, Feng Jin before Seventh Miss also seemed very natural, without needless constraint. He contemplated for a moment before slowly asking Seventh Miss, “Marrying into the Xu family—how are your days?”
Seventh Miss paused slightly, not expecting Feng Jin to open with this question.
“The Young Master treats me well,” she said honestly. “My mother-in-law also treats me well. Though there are some difficult sisters-in-law, it’s nothing major. After another year or so, my foothold will be stable.”
Feng Jin acknowledged this, his brow showing contemplation again.
After a long while, he laughed self-deprecatingly—this smile again made the early spring flowers and plants lose their color.
“Forget it, with your orchid heart and intelligent mind, Shangheng, Elder Cousin will speak plainly… Though privately we’ve already formed a consensus that regarding this Southern Seas voyage no one will yield, looking at the Emperor’s attitude it’s also resolute as iron. I fear the outcome of this power struggle is only fifty-fifty at best.”
This was by no means good news. Someone as close as Feng Jin naturally understood the Emperor’s determination best. Seventh Miss’s brow couldn’t help but darken. To stabilize the court, the Southern Seas campaign and land-poll tax merger probably couldn’t proceed simultaneously. With the Emperor’s attitude so clear, First Master’s Grand Secretary position would likely become unstable. And with the Yang family declining, she and Sixth Miss would be most affected.
“Though Grand Secretary Jiao understands the big picture and for the nation’s sake persistently refuses to second the Southern Seas campaign motion, he couldn’t possibly not understand the crucial points involved. So today’s deliberations—how much effect they can have, I’m not optimistic. Very likely Grand Secretary Jiao also won’t persist long and will ultimately relent… When that time comes, I fear Cousin-in-law will have to travel far again.” Feng Jin lowered his eyes, focusing on Seventh Miss. “I heard from Shanjiu that Shangheng, your marriage into the Xu family wasn’t willing. I fear with your background, your natal family keeping low profile, and Cousin-in-law not by your side, days in your marital family will be very difficult… I wanted to ask Shangheng’s meaning—if you and Cousin-in-law get along harmoniously, we ultimately have some means to keep him in the capital.”
A warm current suddenly surged in Seventh Miss’s heart.
Feng Jin had only told her once that he would protect her peace for life. Though moved when she heard it then, after hearing it she’d considered it done, never expecting she could truly receive anyone’s protection.
But he’d truly taken these words to heart. Meeting opportunities, he so sincerely offered his help again.
“Then first, thanks to Elder Cousin.” She didn’t add much pretense, frankly acknowledging her need for Xu Fengjia. “With the Young Master in the capital, my heart is always more settled.”
“That’s good then.” Feng Jin also seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. On his jade-like countenance, threads of smiles emerged. “When I heard about Shangheng’s marriage, I was somewhat worried that entering as a replacement wife, there might be some estrangement between you and Cousin-in-law. Now that feelings are deep and intentions harmonious, that’s naturally best.”
Just from his comforting tone, one could hear that Feng Jin was genuinely happy for Seventh Miss.
Yet Seventh Miss couldn’t help but sigh.
Halfway through exhaling, she covered her mouth again, as if this breath leaked some privacy. After pausing, she looked toward Feng Jin with trepidation.
Under the early spring warm sun, his face seemed to emit a faint halo, almost dazzling to behold. But in the smile at the corners of his lips was ultimately faint bitterness. As if Seventh Miss’s happiness reminded Feng Jin of his own regrets. After a moment, seeming to become aware of the information revealed in Seventh Miss’s long sigh, his joy dimmed.
“Elder Cousin…” She hastily took the initiative. “Does that person treat you poorly now?”
Feng Jin suddenly froze.
After a long time, he turned away his gaze, gently shaking his head. “He treats me very well.”
Feng Jin spoke this sentence very softly, pronunciation even somewhat unclear. Just that the surging loneliness in those words nearly erupted forth.
Seventh Miss quieted down, gazing at the covered corridor’s refined blue brick floor, awaiting Feng Jin’s continuation. Every relationship always had its regrets. Just that Seventh Miss could confide to many people about problems between herself and Xu Fengjia, while Feng Jin’s deep affection could perhaps only be revealed to her.
Feng Jin was silent for very long—so long that Seventh Miss thought he wouldn’t answer this question anymore—before he bent down, cradling a murruya flower about to bloom.
“Shangheng and the Young Master get along well.” He didn’t continue discussing his own problems, instead asking Seventh Miss. “But in your heart, how much feeling do you have toward the Young Master, and how much is unavoidable?”
Seventh Miss actually couldn’t answer.
Feng Jin glanced at her, knowingly revealing a sympathetic smile, patting Seventh Miss’s shoulder.
Fifth Miss truly hadn’t loved wrongly. She was deeply devoted, and whom she loved was also deeply devoted.
In this lifetime, people who entangled love with marriage—Seventh Miss had actually only seen two or three. All the remaining people when discussing marriage matters always mentioned matching status, mentioned backing, mentioned relatives, mentioned sisters-in-law, mentioned parents-in-law… but never did anyone ask whether one party in the marriage liked the other party. Only until this moment when Feng Jin asked aloud did she seem certain that even in Great Qin, there were always people who cared about love in marriage.
By her ear she heard Feng Jin ask again, “You don’t want the Young Master going to the Southern Seas—is it because you can’t bear to part with him, or because it’s better if he stays?”
Seventh Miss still couldn’t answer.
If there were no Qiqiao… no, she should thank Qiqiao more. Qiqiao confirmed her deepest fears weren’t groundless, also proved her resistance wasn’t meaningless. She hadn’t underestimated Xu Fengjia. She shouldn’t invest feelings in this marriage.
Feng Jin didn’t press Seventh Miss for further answers.
In his expression surged regret so thick it couldn’t dissolve. “In this world, perhaps each of us has times when we must bow our heads. I’m willing to bow on many matters, but if it goes against my true intentions… Shangheng, don’t laugh at me—if the one I favor cannot constantly accompany me, I’d rather have nothing than settle. Thinking thus, sometimes inevitably lonely, yet this loneliness, I also find somewhat sweet.”
In this moment, that aloof youth seemed to faintly reveal some remnants behind this refined young man. Seventh Miss gazed at Feng Jin in stunned silence, for the first time feeling respect rise for her cousin. Even in modern times, many men used bodies to discuss sex, hearts to discuss love. Men like Feng Jin who strived to achieve unity of body and heart—regardless of era—were very worthy of admiration.
Yet countless words flashed through her mind. Feng Jin keeping himself pure couldn’t be said to not be good, but someday, the Feng family would need an heir. Even if he didn’t need one, Madam Feng and Feng Ling would both need…
The next moment, she began loathing her own vulgarity again. Why before such pure and beautiful feelings could she only consider ugly reality?
Because reality ultimately couldn’t be changed.
She shook her head, saying hoarsely, “But many times, we have no choice.”
She thought of Ninth Concubine, thought of Fifth Miss, thought of Sixth Miss, even thought of Min’s eldest young madam, First Young Madam, Feng Ling… They either threw caution to the winds for love, or rationally discarded love’s influence, or actively gave up love’s possibility, or made compromises between love and worldly concerns. Yet they also weren’t very happy.
And herself?
Did she still have courage to make her own choice? Could she like Feng Jin, only be satisfied with ‘there’s someone who treats me very well, and I treat him very well,’ willing to let loneliness constantly accompany, rather have nothing than settle? Or would Feng Jin also someday have to compromise with reality, letting the chastity he guarded for love be sullied, producing an heir for the family?
After all, reality’s power was forever the strongest. Even if she changed Xu Fengjia, forced his devotion, would someday in the future she still unavoidably have to yield to reality?
Seventh Miss suddenly felt some regret. Perhaps the meeting with Eunuch Lian had already disrupted her equilibrium. Feng Jin’s few sentences questioned her heart into tumultuous upheaval.
She took a deep breath, straightened her spine again, slowly rising to follow Feng Jin’s gaze together looking toward that murruya bud about to bloom.
Feng Jin then applied slight force, plucking this pure white flower to insert at Seventh Miss’s temples.
“When flowers bloom one must pluck them,” he looked at Seventh Miss, smiling slightly, his smile filled with warmth. “This time seeing Shangheng, I always feel your heart is very unhappy. I also don’t know what concerns you’re hiding, but I think you’re unwilling to tell me.”
Seventh Miss couldn’t help touching her cheek, then heard Feng Jin continue. “Just that life is short. No matter how much bitterness fills the heart, don’t forget—right beside us on the branches, there are countless buds enduring wind, frost, rain, and beating, only waiting to bloom. For that moment of blooming fragrance, no matter how long the wait and loneliness, it’s ultimately worthwhile.”
This sentence seemed to comfort Seventh Miss, and also seemed like self-consolation.
And even though Seventh Miss herself was already tangled like indistinguishable hemp threads, she had to admit that this moment was truly Feng Jin’s most beautiful moment.
At this time and place, he was joyful, because he was in full bloom. The joy of blooming seemed to already compensate for over twenty years of previous destitution and the inevitable infamy destined to spread afterward.
Feng Jin sighed again, then smiled happily, beckoning Seventh Miss. “Going out from here leads to your cousin sister’s chambers.”
Though this dialogue had ended without any intense emotions—Feng Jin merely spoke a few simple sentences expressing his heart’s traces, traces that in any Great Qin person’s eyes might be extremely unseemly, extremely frivolous, extremely irresponsible—Seventh Miss still felt her entire life had been shaken by these words.
If even Feng Jin dared risk death to eat pufferfish, why was she always so restrained, not daring to love when she loved, not daring to hate when she hated?
Despite trying hard to conceal it, after boarding the return carriage, Seventh Miss still fell into a trance.
Her gaze kept shifting toward Xu Fengjia.
If she could choose, Seventh Miss was certain she definitely wouldn’t choose Xu Fengjia as the object of her devotion. She didn’t even know why she had these indistinguishable threads of favorable feelings toward Xu Fengjia. Before him, she always couldn’t maintain her mask.
Though her conduct was proper and her advance and retreat measured, after all she had no way to control her heart.
Xu Fengjia also seemed to have concerns. All along the way he was frowning in contemplation, his heroic features shrouded in thick disappointment.
Seventh Miss restrained herself again and again, but still didn’t restrain herself completely. She shouldn’t care about him, yet ultimately she did care.
“Did the conversation with Uncle Lian not go smoothly?” She asked Xu Fengjia softly. “The Emperor’s side…”
Xu Fengjia shook his head.
He raised his eyes. Gaze so concentrated it couldn’t dissolve, looking directly at Seventh Miss.
“I saw you talking together with Feng Zixiu.”
Xu Fengjia’s words were filled with dejection.