Jiang Mu had returned to her routine from when she first arrived in Tonggang – whenever she got out of school early on Fridays or had weekends free, she would huddle in the auto shop working on problems and memorizing her textbooks. After the New Year, the shop had gotten even busier. Jin Chao had converted the back shed into a temporary warehouse, a very closed-off space packed with boxes. People would frequently come to collect goods, all unfamiliar faces to Jiang Mu, and they almost always came at night.
The mysterious activities had once led Jiang Mu to suspect Jin Chao had started a side business in drug trafficking, but she had actually seen the items – they were just auto parts. She wasn’t sure if he had found a new way to make money, though she did notice Jin Chao had started buying strawberries by the case, and one day she even saw him hand a bank card to the notorious penny-pincher Iron Rooster.
The warehouse’s inventory moved quickly – after just two days of Jiang Mu’s absence, the shed would be empty of boxes. Jin Chao was very cautious about the warehouse goods. During business hours, fearing customers might wander in by mistake, he kept the shed locked. Only when the front shutters were down would the back door be opened. Jiang Mu had become an insider though – Jin Chao didn’t particularly guard against her. When she asked about the items, he told her honestly they were distributor parts.
Though Jin Chao was very busy in March, she could still see him regularly. Only after finishing his busy workday would he return to the break room and, at Jiang Mu’s request, teach her some advanced physics concepts. Before this, Jiang Mu had always considered physics a boring and dry subject, full of abstract theories and irritating formulas.
But Jin Chao had helped her open this gateway to the future. Sometimes while studying, Jiang Mu felt she wasn’t learning physics at all, but mathematics. Other times it didn’t feel like mathematics either, but philosophy, becoming increasingly abstract.
The Biot-Savart law nearly brought Jiang Mu to tears. She dreamed of triple integrals and surface integrals at night, and this was just the electromagnetics portion. Quantum mechanics was even more challenging – Jin Chao had only taught her content slightly more advanced than what was in her high school textbooks, yet Jiang Mu was already wailing, insisting his brain must be structured differently from hers.
As she delved deeper into the field, she began having more and more questions she couldn’t understand. Sometimes she would fire off so many “whys” that Jin Chao would laugh. He told her this was a good thing – to judge the beauty of heaven and earth, to analyze the principles of all things. Having questions meant she was interested, which was a great start.
The benefit was that after some time when she returned to high school physics problems, she could handle them with ease. Jiang Mu could tell Jin Chao was constantly exhausted during this period. At night, after making her a glass of orange juice, he would brew himself an extra-strong coffee – something he never used to drink. She wondered if it was because he was too tired lately.
The break room was always filled with the rich aroma of coffee, accompanied by Jin Chao’s low, magnetic voice, making Jiang Mu gradually fall in love with the scent. Several times she wanted to try it, but Jin Chao would always say, “You’re too young to drink strong coffee.”
Jiang Mu certainly wouldn’t admit to being young. Once, when Jin Chao went out, she secretly took a sip of his coffee, only to find it so bitter that she quickly gulped down a large mouthful of orange juice. When Jin Chao returned and was about to take a sip of his coffee, he paused, glanced up at Jiang Mu, and asked casually, “Was it good?”
Jiang Mu replied sheepishly, “I think I might be too young after all…”
By April, Jin Chao had become so busy that he was rarely seen. He was often away from the shop, and according to Iron Rooster, he was out “running a business.” Having never entered society properly, Jiang Mu’s concept of “running a business” was like being a salesperson, having to wear out one’s mouth promoting door-to-door. But clearly, her understanding of business and what Jin Chao was doing had some discrepancies.
Several times when she called Jin Chao after evening self-study, he would first hang up and then text her back, or sometimes wait ten minutes before returning her call. When she asked where he was, he would only tell her he was busy outside, asking her to go home early and text him when she got there.
Throughout April, Jiang Mu rarely saw him. She had classes during the day, and this semester’s evening self-study sometimes extended until almost ten o’clock. Even on rare free Sundays, Jin Chao wasn’t necessarily at the shop. One night, after getting to bed at 1 AM, she was exhausted but couldn’t sleep. She sent Jin Chao a pitiful emoji, thinking he wouldn’t reply quickly, but surprisingly, just as she put down her phone, his message came through, asking: Why aren’t you asleep?
Jiang Mu stared at her phone screen for a while, unsure how to respond. During evening self-study these past few days, the scent of coffee had been lingering in her mind, making her restless. After careful consideration, she replied: Nothing really, just missing the smell of coffee.
Jin Chao responded: Go to sleep early.
Jiang Mu didn’t know if he was still busy outside. He had entered society too early, his social circle complex and chaotic, and what she saw was just the tip of the iceberg. Besides the auto shop business, Jiang Mu knew almost nothing about Jin Chao. He could draw technical diagrams and communicate with others about parts using English parameters. She didn’t know who those frequent buyers were, nor whom he interacted with every day when he went out.
Various people would often come to the shop looking for him. Once, Jiang Mu saw several luxury cars stop at the shop entrance and whisk him away – there was even a foreigner in one of the cars. Jin Chao disappeared for an entire night, whereabouts unknown.
His life appeared divided in Jiang Mu’s eyes – what he showed her was a monotonous, repetitive livelihood, while what he never revealed to her was a world beyond her imagination. She still lived between just two points – home and school – so simple that she knew nothing of the outside world’s ups and downs.
Looking at the pale ceiling, she felt the countdown in her heart accelerating. The college entrance exam was just two months away, and her future was uncertain. Whether she went to another city or abroad, she would inevitably have to separate from Jin Chao. Four years of university – how many springs, summers, autumns, and winters would that be? Would she still be herself? Would he still be himself?
Everything seemed to be unknown, and this uncertainty made Jiang Mu increasingly anxious as the exam date approached. The next day, as Jiang Mu went to catch the bus as usual with her backpack, she saw Jin Chao leaning against a black SUV just outside the residential complex. The sun had just peeked out from the horizon, and he was wearing a work jacket and jeans, his tall figure neat and straight. The weak early morning light wrapped around him like a thin fog, and that image suddenly struck Jiang Mu’s eyes. In that instant, she suddenly understood the source of her anxiety from the previous night.
She might, perhaps, possibly have developed inappropriate feelings for this man whom she had always called “brother” – uncontrollable feelings that had flooded her heart.
Her expression remained neutral, seemingly calm, but inside, her heart had been struck by huge waves the moment she saw Jin Chao. She didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how he would react if she told him, and didn’t know where their relationship would go if she spoke those words.
Perhaps because she hadn’t seen Jin Chao for many days, Jiang Mu thought he had lost some weight, his facial features appearing more pronounced and defined. She stood there staring at him until Jin Chao bent down to retrieve a cup from the car and handed it to her: “No coffee, but there’s soy milk.”
Jiang Mu’s emotions were complex as she walked over and took the warm soy milk from his hand. Jin Chao drove her to school, asking how her review was going recently. Jiang Mu responded absent-mindedly, “Fine,” while her gaze remained fixed outside the window. She understood that Jin Chao had always been good to her. When she came to study in Tonggang, it was partly out of spite – whether it was the initial difficulty adapting to life at her father’s house or the unpleasantness with her mother during the New Year, if Jin Chao hadn’t been by her side, she probably would have found each day unbearable.
But in this kindness, how much was from their past friendship? How much was from their current sibling relationship? And how much was from other emotions she couldn’t fathom? Jiang Mu wasn’t sure, but one thing she could be certain of was that once she spoke those words, Jin Chao might not completely cut ties with her, but he definitely wouldn’t accept her feelings.
Since after the New Year, Jiang Mu had noticed that no matter how late she stayed at the auto shop, Jin Chao would always send her back to Jin Qiang’s house, never letting her stay overnight at his place.
He would still care about her studies and look after her daily life, but there was a clear boundary between them. Whenever Jiang Mu approached that boundary, Jin Chao would quietly put her back in her place. She couldn’t cross it, and she feared that if she recklessly spoke her feelings, after the college entrance exam in two months, they would completely lose contact.
Jin Chao parked the car across from the school. Jiang Mu turned to look at him, several times wanting to speak but not knowing what to say. Finally, she just asked, “Are you still very busy lately?”
Jin Chao nodded, and Jiang Mu muttered, “Why work so hard? In a hurry to make money to get married?”
Jin Chao laughed, turning his gaze to look at her sideways: “Are you going to introduce someone to me?”
Jiang Mu’s expression darkened, her tone sharp: “Sure, there are plenty of beautiful girls at our school.”
Jin Chao’s lips curved slightly: “Too young, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
Jiang Mu didn’t say another word, getting out of the car and closing the door. Jin Chao lowered the window, resting his chin on his arm as he watched Jiang Mu’s figure walk around the front of the car to the sidewalk. He called out casually, “When you texted me last night, I was still in Wu City.”
Jiang Mu stopped a step away from the car door and turned back. Under Jin Chao’s thick eyelashes were eyes as deep as pools. Though he was smiling at her, there was still a trace of fatigue between his brows. His tone was light: “I rushed back this morning to take you to school, and this is how you act all pouty?”
Jiang Mu blinked softly, mumbling, “I’m not angry.”
Jin Chao’s finger moved slightly, adjusting the rearview mirror toward her. He raised an eyebrow and said, “See for yourself.”
Jiang Mu pressed her lips together, refusing to admit it. Jin Chao reached out and tapped her head: “Go on, you’ll be late.”
Jiang Mu’s eyes fixed intently on him, afraid that once she turned away, she wouldn’t see him again for many days. Jin Chao withdrew his hand, leaning back against the seat, and said, “I won’t leave until I see you go in.”
The school bell rang, and Jiang Mu had no choice but to tear her gaze away and rush inside. When she climbed to the third floor and looked out through the corridor toward the school gate, the SUV was still there. Jiang Mu wasn’t sure if Jin Chao could see her, but she raised her hand and waved in the direction of the car.
Her phone buzzed. She took it out to see a message from Jin Chao: Focus on your classes, don’t overthink things.
…
In late April, one evening after self-study, Yan Xiaoyi insisted on taking Jiang Mu to eat fried skewers, saying that the new stand at East Bridge North Street had become very popular lately. They only opened at night, and this would be the perfect time to go.
Jiang Mu hadn’t eaten much at school that evening, and thinking it wasn’t too far to walk a couple extra stops, she went with Yan Xiaoyi to East Bridge North Street.
When they arrived, Jiang Mu discovered the street was quite lively, filled with night market snacks, bathhouses, and mahjong parlors. Especially at night, it was bright with lights and crowded with people.
By the time they found the legendary skewer stand, there was already a long line. The aroma filled the entire street. They finally got their turn, ordered a bunch of skewers, and started walking back while eating.
They were almost at the bus stop and had nearly finished eating when Yan Xiaoyi was still talking to Jiang Mu about a new period detective drama, complaining she had no time to watch it and would binge it right after the college entrance exam. Jiang Mu casually asked which celebrities were in it.
Across the street was a nightclub with an elaborate entrance, gaudy lights blazing in the night, illuminating even the opposite side of the street. Jiang Mu glanced over just as a group of people walked out of the club’s main entrance. Her gaze swept past casually as she heard Yan Xiaoyi mention a familiar male celebrity’s name, and she was about to ask how he ended up in a period drama.
Suddenly her gaze froze, and she quickly looked back, spotting Jin Chao among the crowd. If not for his crane-like height among the chickens, she might not have recognized him. He wore a black shirt with the collar buttons slightly undone, his arm around a scantily clad woman of the night, speaking confidently among the group of men, masterfully playing the role of a playboy.
Jiang Mu stood still, watching him and listening to the laughter from across the street. Her blood seemed to freeze. Though it was just across the street, Jiang Mu felt like the other side was a different world – a world of bright lights and debauchery, a world of adult games, a world Jin Chao had never let her see.
Yan Xiaoyi beside her also stopped and followed her gaze, asking, “What are you looking at?”
Perhaps because her gaze was too intense, Jin Chao noticed and turned to look. There stood Jiang Mu in her school uniform, carrying her backpack by the street.
That one moment of eye contact reminded Jiang Mu of his words “Too young, I couldn’t bring myself to do it,” and her vision began to blur.
A flash of surprise appeared in Jin Chao’s eyes, but only for an instant before he looked away. The man in front of him said, “Yin Da has a room at the Phoenix Court, want to go have some fun?”
Jin Chao, still holding the woman, laughed carelessly: “If you’d told me earlier, I wouldn’t have drunk so much. It affects performance.”
The woman in his arms laughed: “You don’t need to do anything.”
The men around them all laughed, with someone cursing: “Damn, being good-looking has its advantages. Even gets served in bed.”
Jin Chao maintained his frivolous smile.
Jiang Mu turned around, struggling to control her trembling voice as she said to Yan Xiaoyi: “I won’t take the bus with you.”
Then she hurried away toward the other end of the street, walking faster and faster. She didn’t know what she was running from, only feeling the night closing in around her. The bright signs along the street all disappeared, and her body kept sinking, unable to see any light.