Chapter 01: Even the Scapegoats Have Returned

“Azure sky, yellow leaves on the ground, the autumn wind fierce, northern geese flying south—how rare to see autumn colors rippling across the waves. Splendid, splendid!” Yun Ye folded his fan and tucked it behind his collar. Cheng Chumo, Zhangsun Chong, and Li Huairen imitated him. They had long grown accustomed to Yun Ye’s occasional inexplicable flights of fancy.

“Ye’zi, the grass is still green, where are these yellow leaves you speak of? When I was at North Sea, the geese were still hatching eggs—they couldn’t have flown to Chang’an that quickly. Your brother here marched a thousand li, pursuing the Prince of Gaochang day and night without rest—such meritorious and arduous service! Meanwhile, you’ve been enjoying yourself at home. Haven’t you figured out any new delicious foods? That banquet just now was utterly disappointing.”

Li Huairen picked his teeth as he questioned Yun Ye. He had come prepared to feast at the Yun residence, only to discover that the Yun family served ceremonial dishes identical to what he ate at home.

“Your studies have gone to waste, straight into a dog’s belly! The banquet Ye’zi gave us has been prescribed since the founding of the nation: vinegar celery from Jade Lake, peony swallow’s nest, snow-night peach blossoms, righteous duck, open-flame water-refined calf, plus locust leaf cold noodles, with yellow millet rice as the staple—these seven dishes cannot be changed. Even when His Majesty hosts us brothers, it’s just these items. After a hundred battles, when noble families host their comrades-in-arms, there are proprieties to observe. If huge chunks of pork were served, how could Ye’zi show his face?”

Zhangsun Chong looked at Li Huairen with disdain, feeling this fellow hardly seemed like a young master born into a noble family.

“You all talk too much! Can’t you wait until I finish my last line before making a racket? I’ve cultivated refined tastes for two years and finally squeezed out a few good verses—at least let me finish properly! Listen, the last line is: ‘On the waves, cold mist turns emerald.’ Good poetry, excellent lines! Now you may speak.”

Cheng Chumo sniffed the air and said, “This mountain forest is filled with unusual fragrance—there must be something extraordinary here. Good thing I barely ate earlier. I knew Ye’zi wouldn’t disappoint us.”

Li Huairen quickly sniffed a few times and nodded with satisfaction, saying to Zhangsun Chong, “Now that’s more like it. His Majesty hosted the old generals in the newly completed Hall of Ten Thousand People for eating and drinking, but with freshly painted pillars, the smell could knock a man off his feet. Who knows if the old marshals were eating paint or food—we brothers have it much better.”

Zhangsun Chong applauded in agreement, also thinking this arrangement couldn’t be better.

Turning past the pine forest, a small grassy clearing appeared before everyone. Di Renjie, Xiao Wu, and Shishi were arranging plates on a low table. Liu Jinbao, his head covered in sweat, pulled a golden, sizzling, oil-dripping roast suckling pig from a clay-sealed oven. The rich aroma emanated from that very pig.

The three children came forward to pay their respects. Upon learning these were Yun Ye’s three disciples, Cheng Chumo and the other two naturally showed them extra warmth. Zhangsun Chong pulled two jade hairpins from his robe and gave them to the two girls, while giving Di Renjie a thumb ring. Cheng Chumo was more straightforward—he pulled a dagger from behind his collar for Shishi, the one from his waist for Xiao Wu, and the one from behind his elbow for Di Renjie. Li Huairen insisted the other two were insincere, pawning off junk on the children. He directly pulled out three gold ingots, giving each child one to buy candy. Shishi was fine—this child cared little for money—but Xiao Wu was different, grinning from ear to ear, and while admiring her gifts, kept eyeing Di Renjie’s presents.

Yun Ye took a shovel and dug a few times beneath a pine tree, pulling out a jar of wine. This was something he’d buried three years ago when he had nothing better to do, wanting to try the legendary pine wind wine. He’d completely forgotten about it until he saw the entry in his household ledger recording the burial—the details and quantity. Only then did he recall it. Drinking it now should have acquired some fine character.

Cheng Chumo loved his wine most. Seeing Yun Ye dig it from the ground and observing the adhering soil, he knew without thinking it must be something good. He snatched it away, wiped off the dirt with his sleeve, removed the mud seal, then the wax seal, and finally removed the covering bowl. Shaking it, he discovered the full jar had been reduced to just over half. The wine’s aroma quickly escaped, leaving Cheng Chumo entranced.

“Bring four large bowls. Liu Jinbao gets none.” Liu Jinbao, salivating but knowing his status was insufficient, could only drool from a distance.

The originally colorless liquor had become viscous and slightly yellow. The delighted Li Huairen patted his chest and was about to pour when they heard someone shouting from outside the forest: “Three shameless scoundrels, sneaking away from the banquet—why didn’t you call me?”

Cheng Chumo said regretfully to Di Renjie, “Little Jie, fetch another bowl. An unwelcome guest has arrived. What a waste of good wine.”

The wine had just been poured when Li Chengqian came down the path. He hadn’t even changed out of his court robes—clearly, like the other three, he’d escaped from the imperial banquet.

“You’re supposed to accompany the old gentlemen. Who among us dared summon you? At the banquet, we three are small fry—our presence or absence makes no difference. But you’re the Crown Prince; at major occasions, you must act as half-host.”

“Nonsense! Uncle Cheng is bragging with Uncle Yuchi, Marshal Li is discussing military affairs from the front with Father Emperor, Li Ji is asking Mother Empress to arrange marriages for his ugly daughters, my Ninth Uncle is drinking competitively with Thirteenth Uncle, and Liu Hongji and the others are drooling over the song and dance performances—what need is there for me? Oh, and Father Emperor married my little aunt to Xue Wanren, who’s an absolute fool. Little Aunt is in for it.”

He was in full flow describing palace affairs when he suddenly noticed three children holding gifts watching him. Only then did he realize he’d come in such haste that he had nothing on him. With a flash of inspiration, he pulled out the Crown Prince’s seal from his robe and stamped each child’s blue garment once, then said, “I’m giving each of you one chance to ask me for help.” Having said this, he sat on the mat, too embarrassed to look at the children’s disappointed expressions.

Yun Ye said with an ambiguous smile to the three children, “Hurry and change your clothes. This is an enormous opportunity. The Crown Prince doesn’t make promises lightly. Keep these garments safe, and when you face difficulties, go find the Crown Prince.”

With both substance and face preserved, Li Chengqian’s embarrassment finally eased. He raised his wine bowl, said “Victory toast,” and drained it in one gulp. Just that small bowl of wine made him dizzy, nearly causing him to topple over. Those three bastards were the same.

Yun Ye munched on broad beans, watching the four idiots. “A jar of strong liquor concentrated to just over half a jar—you think you can drink it without diluting it with fresh wine?”

Cheng Chumo finally steadied himself and said, shaking his head, “Excellent wine! It enters the mouth so gently—why does it rebel once it reaches the stomach?”

Yun Ye diluted his own bowl with fresh wine and sipped slowly. The taste was indeed fine. Fortunately, none of the four were fools—they quickly learned how to drink this kind of wine, and the scene became much more refined.

“Ye’zi, why didn’t we see you when we entered the city? Missing your brother’s heroic mounted figure is your loss.” Zhangsun Chong tore at the pork as he asked Yun Ye.

“Sixty-seven men from my estate went to war, and only fifty-three returned. Fourteen died on the battlefield, and two more were crippled. How could I be in the mood to celebrate? When they left, I personally saw them off. I counted three times—no mistake, sixty-seven men. When they returned, I also counted three times. Including one who lost an eye and one who lost an arm, only fifty-three remained. My heart is terribly heavy.”

“Bullshit sentiment! When you go to war, how can people not die? Across the vast Gobi and desert, just making the journey is deadly, let alone fighting! The Great Tang wants trade routes, wants the cotton you spoke of, wants the treasures in their national treasury, wants land—all this requires soldiers to risk their lives. No one gives these things away easily. You can’t obtain them without deaths.”

Cheng Chumo took a drink and said to Yun Ye expressionlessly, then unfastened his collar and bared his chest, revealing it covered entirely in dense scars.

“This is what the Gaochang people gave me as a souvenir when I stormed their city. If not for the armor you made me, you’d probably be mourning at my house right now. Chengqian had it slightly better; these two weren’t much better off than me. Chong’zi’s personal guards were wiped out, which is why he ordered the city’s slaughter. Huairen’s ass nearly became four-petaled catching the Prince of Gaochang. Ye’zi, you’re also from a military family now. It’s fine to feel uncomfortable about deaths, but don’t wear it on your face. This is our profession. When you campaigned in Lingnan, didn’t people die?”

“What if I told you that everyone I took came back? Aside from one or two who were crippled, not a single person died. Would you believe it? Even those who were wounded got hurt fighting the Arabs. In the end, I hanged all the captured Arabs on an island. You didn’t look after my estate people properly, yet you dare talk back? No fighting back allowed—let me punch each of you once to vent.”

“Impossible! War means death—this has been true since ancient times. No one escapes. Unless you didn’t actually fight, which would mean no spoils either—a waste of sending troops.” Li Chengqian also chimed in. Zhangsun Chong and Li Huairen were equally skeptical.

“I brought back over a million dan of rice, relieving the famine in Hebei. I contributed no less than three million guan to the national treasury, filling the empty coffers. I gained several more ships. How do you compare with that?”

“After all that nonsense, what are you trying to say?” Li Chengqian finally asked the right question.

“Nothing special. I just wanted to pick a fight and beat you all up. You bastards all ran off, leaving me alone in Chang’an! That son of a bitch Dou Yanshan kidnapped me, that son of a bitch Feng Ang aimed arrows at me—but that’s not all. Everyone in the world schemed against me. Zhang Liang even dared to plot against my wife! Chumo, your mother dragged me in, demanding I go to the desert to save you. Chong’zi, your father pressured me for money. Huairen, your father forcibly made me Navy Commander. But most hateful of all is you, Chengqian! Your father and mother kept scheming to have me beaten with the rod—a thousand strokes! After that, my iron-butt divine skill would probably achieve mastery.”

“I can kill Dou Yanshan, I can intimidate Feng Ang, but what about the rest? I don’t dare touch the old folks, so am I not allowed to beat up the young ones to vent? After shouting, he charged forward in a flurry of blows. After pummeling them for quite a while, his heart finally felt better. It turned out that when misfortune struck and there were four or five people to share it equally, what fell on his own head wasn’t so tragic. But now, whenever something happened in the capital, he was alone! Those adults showed no reserve either—using him like their own son while giving him no credit. Now it was good—with these four back, those people probably wouldn’t have the energy to trouble him anymore, right?