HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 03: Li Yuan Laughed to Death

Chapter 03: Li Yuan Laughed to Death

What was Yun Ye doing on this cold day? The answer was somewhat strange, because he was playing mahjong. He had been playing for a full day and night. Yun Ye’s upper hand was Li Yuan, his lower hand was Li Tai, and sitting across from him was Old Lady Dugu. Zhangsun had built a Zhaoyang Palace for Li Yuan on Longshou Plateau—magnificent and grand, yet Li Yuan had always been using it as a mahjong parlor.

Four coiling dragon pillars warmed the entire great hall to a cozy temperature. Soft wool carpets, exquisite tapestries, fragrant incense burners drifting smoke—all formed a completely different world from the bitter wind and rain outside.

Li Yuan kept curling his lips in contempt, constantly humiliating Yun Ye. Just now, it was because he had played the wrong tile that allowed Old Lady Dugu to slaughter all three of them. Not sleeping for a day and night was courting death for an elderly person, but Li Yuan didn’t care. He already felt his life was too long, and he had indeed lived more than a year longer than in history.

They say if you want to live long, you must exercise restraint. He didn’t care—wine, women, wealth, and temper, he indulged in them all. He habitually went bare-chested, as if not doing so was insufficient to display his bold spirit. Old Lady Dugu was his sister-in-law, and who knew whether there was some unclear, inexplicable relationship between the two of them. She showed not the slightest discomfort with Li Yuan playing mahjong with her while bare-chested.

“Where did the Grand Emperor’s bold spirit go? This young fellow has only lost one chest of gold coins—it’s nothing at all. Although you’ve lost more, it’s not even two chests yet. Why are you starting to get angry?”

At the mahjong table, there was no need to mind Li Yuan’s status. At this moment, he was just a gambler. Yun Ye very much liked this aspect of Li Yuan’s personality. If you didn’t throw tiles or curse at the mahjong table, what was the point of playing?

Old Lady Dugu actually cast a coquettish glance at Li Yuan and said: “Little Yun, I heard that in Lingnan you established quite a vast fortune. The Grand Emperor doesn’t have your income sources and relies entirely on a bit of filial respect from his juniors to get by. It’s only natural he feels the pain.”

Li Tai was so angry his teeth itched. Two white-haired old folks flirting with each other was truly disgusting. He just wanted to drag Yun Ye away and leave the space for those two to fool around. What was the point of flirting while forcibly dragging along two youngsters of the grandson generation?

Every year, Yun Ye had to have a big gambling session with Li Yuan. The day of gambling was Li Yuan’s festival. He would carefully select the participants for the annual gambling each year. It was said he had already begun preparing a month ago—gambling equipment, environment, serving maids, weather—everything had to be considered. It was thorough to the extreme.

This year, Li Tai was the unlucky winner, dug out by Li Yuan from beneath the Hall of Martial Virtue to play mahjong. His resentment ran deep. Old Lady Dugu, as the female contestant, unexpectedly demonstrated exquisite skill and was currently slaughtering in all directions.

The mahjong table was strange—the more fiercely people cursed, the worse they lost. After another round ended, Yun Ye saw the empty chests fill up again. Li Yuan kicked open the last empty chest and flew into a rage. Because he had lost everything, the gambling session had to end. Yun Ye planned to tidy up the scattered gold coins on the table and go home to sleep.

Unexpectedly, Li Yuan laughed heartily and pulled out another gold coin from the gaps in the carpet, calling for everyone to sit back down and continue gambling. It was uncanny—relying on that single gold coin, he actually slowly won it back. Watching Li Yuan’s wildly joyful appearance, Old Lady Dugu, who was losing money, seemed even happier than he was. Li Yuan held a tile in his hand, his face bearing a strange smile, yet he delayed playing it. Yun Ye was about to urge him when Old Lady Dugu smiled and shook her head, saying: “Let him be happy a while longer. The Grand Emperor has passed away.”

Yun Ye sprang up as if electrocuted, his fingers feeling along Li Yuan’s neck—he couldn’t find a pulse. Just as he was about to perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation on Li Yuan, he heard Old Lady Dugu say sadly: “Don’t bother. Let him stay happy a while longer. After losing for a full fifteen years, it’s time he won once.”

Yun Ye withdrew his hands that were prepared to lay Li Yuan down and sat down heavily on the thick carpet. After sighing, he closed his eyes in contemplation. Li Tai walked out and gave instructions to an inner attendant. Immediately, a shrill voice tore through the autumn rain and spread far into the distance: “The Grand Emperor has passed away!”

Who knows how much time passed before Li Er, soaking wet all over, burst into Zhaoyang Palace. Though his speed was very fast, his expression was extremely calm. Entering the hall, he carefully observed his father’s heroic posture of winning money at mahjong. He took the tile from his father’s hand—a one circle—slapped it on the table and said: “Grand Three Dragons, I win!”

Although Li Yuan’s hand didn’t contain a single red dragon, green dragon, or white dragon tile, if Li Er said it was Grand Three Dragons, then it was definitely Grand Three Dragons. Yun Ye smiled and poured all the gold coins from the chest onto the table, cupping his hands to Li Yuan in congratulation: “Your great fortune reaches the heavens—even Grand Three Dragons can be drawn. Admirable, admirable! This young fellow has lost completely clean. I’ll come back for another round next time.” Having said this, he turned and left Zhaoyang Hall. Old Lady Dugu also imitated Yun Ye’s manner of congratulating Li Yuan, then followed him out.

Yun Ye found an umbrella and held it over the old lady, supporting her as they slowly walked along the long imperial way. This was what Li Yuan had promised—anyone who came to gamble with him could walk the imperial way.

“Young Yun fellow, why don’t you divorce your wife and marry this old woman’s granddaughters instead? I’ll give you both—you won’t lose out.” Old Lady Dugu showed not the slightest trace of sorrow and still had the mood to marry off her granddaughters.

“Better not. This young fellow is rather nostalgic. As the saying goes, clothes are not as good as new, but people are not as good as old. Discussing divorcing one’s wife and remarrying in this bitter wind and rain is truly not fitting for the scene. As for wives, older is better.”

“You stinking brat, daring to tease even this old woman—you’re courting death! But then, it’s precisely this personality of yours that pleases people. Listless and languid, yet everywhere beloved. He was different from you. Back when I was at my uncle’s house, I personally watched him shoot two arrows that struck both eyes of a peacock. At that time, he was only seventeen years old—youthful vigor bursting forth, most attracting the admiration of women. If it hadn’t been Sister Dou who was marrying him, I would have wanted to snatch him away. Stinking brat, don’t laugh—Grandma here was also a remarkable woman who dared to act back in those days.”

“This old woman watched him get married. When they entered the bridal chamber, I lingered in the chamber the longest, until Sister Dou became annoyed and only then did I leave. That night, it wasn’t raining—the moon was bright and glaring, hatefully so. I hid in the flower bushes watching them drink from the wedding cups, then embrace each other. Only then did I return to my own embroidery tower. Carelessly, I caught a chill and burned with fever for three full days. Sister Dou nursed me for three days without removing her clothes. But when I saw him, I still couldn’t call out those words ‘brother-in-law.'”

“Later, he became emperor, Sister Dou passed away, and I married someone else. I heard he had many favorite consorts, so I never went to his palace. Even later, his son became emperor and he became the Grand Emperor. I saw him from afar once—he had aged beyond recognition. I was also unwilling to approach him.”

“This year I heard he was looking for gambling partners, so I joined in. He was very happy, wanting to show off before me with the heroic posture of slaughtering in all directions. Who would have thought he kept losing money the whole time? You know, that gold coin that fell into the carpet cracks—I dropped it. Young fellow, thank you for cooperating with me in losing money, letting him depart so happily. All his life he was unwilling to lose face before women. Now it’s good—he finally won back a bit of face. The realm, the imperial throne are gone. My attachment to him was perhaps his last hope. I only hope Sister Dou’s spirit in heaven won’t blame me.”

They had long since left the palace gates. The carriage was parked nearby, but neither Yun Ye nor Old Lady Dugu had any intention of leaving. Just like this, holding the umbrella, Yun Ye quietly listened to the old lady tell her story. Though it was a rather boring unrequited love story, Yun Ye matched his expressions perfectly—now shocked, now indignant, now a bit sad. Elderly people, after all, always need to have some sense of accomplishment.

“Could it be, could it be that you and the Grand Emperor…” Yun Ye pressed his two index fingers together.

Old Lady Dugu rarely blushed, pushed Yun Ye once, and even spat, laughing and cursing: “So young and yet a teacher too—how can you be full of such filth? This old woman liked him, liked him indeed, but would absolutely never do anything disgraceful. Perhaps, perhaps if he hadn’t been an emperor but a down-and-out fellow, perhaps there might have been a possibility. Since he became emperor, everything was over.”

The rain fell even harder. Old Lady Dugu’s skirt hem had been soaked. There was no way to stand in the rain any longer. Yun Ye helped the old lady onto the carriage and held up the umbrella, preparing to watch her leave. The old lady lifted the carriage curtain and took one last look at Zhaoyang Palace. The carriage wheels crushed through the rainwater, departing along the stone-paved road.

Tossing the umbrella to Liu Jinbao, after playing mahjong for a day and night, even his stubble had grown out. Using the rainwater, he rubbed his cheeks—that counted as washing his face. The Grand Emperor was dead—it was a state funeral. The protocols in between were frighteningly numerous. By the time he went to offer sacrifices to the spirit, it would certainly be three to five days later. Perhaps because his old man had died, Li Er might even be happy for a couple more days. Who could know about such things?

“You played mahjong with the Grand Emperor for a day and night and didn’t notice anything wrong with the old man?” Yun Ye turned his head to see Zhangsun huffing as she rushed before him to question him.

“No. The Grand Emperor’s spirit was extremely vigorous and very happy. At the end, his face even bore a smile. His Majesty even helped the Grand Emperor win a Grand Three Dragons hand. This student lost completely clean and is now going home to reflect.”

Zhangsun sighed and removed all the ornaments from her head, also taking off the bracelet on her wrist and handing it to her personal maid. Turning her head, she said softly to Yun Ye: “This is also good—less suffering to endure.” Having said this, she walked step by step toward Zhaoyang Palace.

Yun Ye suddenly discovered that Zhaoyang Palace was actually extremely desolate. On Longshou Plateau stood only this one solitary palace. All around was wild grass—not a single taller tree could be seen. Rather than calling it a palace, it would be more accurate to call it a magnificent tomb. Only lonely souls lived in isolation. At least, Yun Ye saw a lone wolf that liked to be drenched by rain standing on an earthen mound.

This autumn rain must be affecting his judgment. Yun Ye told himself this over and over. Now he needed to return home, take a hot bath, drink some fermented rice wine, then hide in the blankets and sleep for two days. When viewing Zhaoyang Palace on a sunny day, the feeling would definitely be different.

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