The boat had just reached Luoyang when Old Master Xiao Yu, who had been waiting there, boarded the ship. Upon meeting, he showed no courtesy, directly ordering Yun Ye to open the treasury so he could inspect and estimate the value, preparing to announce it to the world and incidentally inform everyone just how wealthy the imperial family was.
Flaunting wealth was something only the imperial family could do. Everyone else secretly hid their money in pigsties, ordinarily drinking thin porridge and wearing patched clothes, only eating a bit of meat during holidays—beautifully calling it frugality. Only on dark, windy nights would they huddle alone in the pigsty, counting stinking copper coins, privately enjoying the pleasure money brought.
Hiding money in a pigsty was something Yun Ye would never do even if beaten to death. Money was meant to be spent—building houses a bit more beautifully, eating better food, hitching one more horse to the carriage, having the women at home dress more beautifully, giving servants more rewards—everyone would be happy. What was wrong with that? Why must one dress like a beggar while actually possessing vast wealth?
They say a bun’s value lies in its filling, not its folds, but you shouldn’t take one bite and find nothing, or two bites and still not reach it. After Old Master Xiao Yu examined the treasures, he smiled so broadly his mouth wouldn’t close, yet demanded Yun Ye keep a low profile, low profile, and lower profile still. He mustn’t do things like smashing someone’s boat to pieces over courtesans, nor randomly shoot arrows at night, shooting people dead like rabbits. Prince Lu had been standing on the shore that night—his bodyguard was sent flying by the powerful crossbow bolt. The prince was still shaking, saying: “Just missed by that much, just that much.”
Yun Ye believed that the great Emperor dispatching Old Master Xiao Yu was a mistake. What was needed now was for the entire nation to know the national treasury had money, not keeping a low profile. People were anxious, worried whether His Majesty the Emperor would raise taxes due to militaristic policies. Some clever people believed His Majesty canceling the poll tax was actually a strategy.
The saying goes: to take something, you must first give it. The clever yet cruel Emperor first canceled the poll tax, planning to let these fools expose their true situations first, then, heh heh heh…
Clever people refused to rename their eight “Xiaosans” even if beaten to death, vigilantly watching government officials run rampant through the countryside, busily registering hidden populations and measuring land for distribution. While gritting their teeth saying their family only had three children, they enviously watched the neighbor’s four sons receive their allotted land and permanent holdings, strongly hoping in their hearts that His Majesty would quickly reclaim these fools’ fields, then fine them, bankrupting them. That was when they would gain the greatest satisfaction.
People along both banks of the canal all saw the boats full of rare treasures. Gold was piled on the deck—when the sun shone on it, eyes couldn’t stay open from the glare. Good heavens, what kind of tree was that in the middle? Ten feet tall, blood red—a money tree?
“Country bumpkins, don’t know shit! That thing is called coral. An ordinary wealthy family having a one-foot piece could make it a family heirloom. The imperial family needs one ten feet tall to display imperial magnificence.” Those who had traveled and gained knowledge sneered at those clever people with slanted eyes.
“Master Xiao, why empty Luoyang’s treasury of gold and pile it on the boat?” Yun Ye asked Xiao Yu beside the pyramid of gold.
“These are His Majesty’s orders. You and I just follow them. Don’t stuff gold in your bosom—it’s not yours. If even one tael goes missing, your head won’t stay on your neck. Embezzling state funds—no one can save your life.”
Yun Ye sheepishly pulled a gold brick from his bosom, placed it on the pyramid, and said in embarrassed anger: “Isn’t this tempting people to crime? You know full well, young master can’t resist gold. Can only look but not touch—too painful!”
Old Master Xiao Yu magnanimously forgave Yun Ye’s unintentional act, standing at the bow enjoying the cool breeze. Guanzhong’s stifling weather was an elderly person’s greatest enemy. In his view, the cool breeze at the bow was more useful than the gold behind him.
“Boy, my ‘Supplementary History of Jin’ was carved in intaglio, yet your ‘Elementary Arithmetic’ was carved in relief with great fanfare, and three sets of blocks were carved! The Institute of Scholarly Worthies is in an uproar. Many great scholars are preparing to bash their heads to death in the Golden Audience Hall, saying they cannot bear such humiliation. A boy whose hair hasn’t even fully grown—his book gets carved in relief while everyone else’s books are intaglio. The Empress’s book is for women to read, so carving it in intaglio is natural justice. But their books are all for men to read, all classics for governing the nation and securing peace, yet they’re also carved in intaglio. They consider it the ultimate humiliation.”
“The other day, the great scholars probably thought bashing against pillars was pointless since His Majesty wrapped the pillars in the Supreme Ultimate Palace with carpets, so they stopped. Now they’re planning to wait for your return to bash against walls at your home. Hot-tempered great scholars spat half your teacher Li Gang’s face full of saliva. Before a ninety-year-old elder, your half-teacher could only let the spit dry on his face, saying when you return they’ll skin you alive to apologize to the old man.”
Hearing Old Xiao say this, Yun Ye was so frightened he sat down hard on the ground. This matter was too terrifying! Offending nobles was nothing—at worst, hide in Yushan and don’t come out. No one could do anything about it. Common people throughout the realm might even think you were robbing the rich to help the poor, offending landlords and wealthy men to seek welfare for the poor and suffering—there would still be people sticking up their thumbs in praise.
But offend these great scholars, and the entire realm would be filled with nothing but curses. These curses wouldn’t last just a few days—they would continue year after year. Not being cursed as Deng Tuzi the Second would be strange indeed. Now it was settled—Yun Ye and Brother Deng Tuzi, one lustful and one name-stealing, would shine brilliantly side by side in the history books. The Yun Family would stink for ten miles downwind.
Never mind other matters—Yun Family daughters couldn’t find husbands even if they came with dowries. That way, wouldn’t Dongnan Xibei and Xiao Ya be stuck in his hands? Daya didn’t matter—even if the Yun Family were river pirates, Dan Ying would only consider it a suitable match and happily marry his bandit wife home without worry.
What could be done? Previously he only faced a few pseudo-literati active in politics. No matter what you cursed at them, those orthodox scholars would only think you were praising them, because they cursed even more harshly. Once you became an official, how could you still be called a scholar!
These people who buried their heads studying various disciplines for a lifetime—as soon as one stood up, those officials would have to humble themselves considerably. Couldn’t be provoked! As long as they were willing to emerge, His Majesty the Emperor would welcome them with the most solemn ceremony, politely invite them to the study to drink tea and chat. Even the Empress had no opportunity to meet them. If Zhangsun dared to run out for a quick meeting, the person might immediately leave with a flick of his sleeves, considering it an insult.
With no particular pursuits in life, they just wanted to publish a few books, educate the realm, comment on state affairs, evaluate historical figures, determine the nature of certain historical mysteries. Now Yun Ye had stolen their thunder. This wasn’t poking a hornet’s nest—Li’er had literally sent Yun Ye into the Valley of Villains.
“Master Xiao, you must help me! Otherwise I’ll take the first step and bash myself to death on the gold!” Yun Ye tugged at Xiao Yu’s sleeve, pleading.
Xiao Yu’s face was full of contempt: “Boy, when we just met, you called this old man Old Xiao. Seeing this old man didn’t care about your gold-hiding, you called me Master Xiao. Now hearing things have gone badly and needing this old man’s help, you call me Xiao Shi. This naked petty mentality of yours—how can this old man help you? Relief carving! Since the founding, only three have been carved, one being the latest ‘Diamond Sutra.’ Marquis Yun’s great talent—this old man looks forward to seeing carriages and horses clustered before your home, dignitaries gathering like clouds. Ha ha ha…”
Scholars have always looked down on each other, finding everyone disagreeable. Besides Yan Zhitui, who else was a ninety-year-old? Never mind who this fellow was—just mentioning his grandson made Yun Ye break into cold sweat. His grandson was called Yan Shigu, who examined and established the Five Classics, determined standard script characters, and compiled the ‘Definitive Edition of the Five Classics.’ This happened just last year, with the dynasty celebrating for three days. With such a grandson, the old fellow still said his grandson was ignorant and lazy when annotating the ‘Book of Han,’ deserving a beating, actually plagiarizing his uncle Yan Youqin’s textual viewpoints for annotations—truly unfilial.
The old fellow had been a super official during Northern Qi. Now coming to the door over relief carving—what could be done? No wonder Li Gang, an elder of such high virtue and reputation, could only stand and take the scolding. What was most unbearable was that being scolded by him was an honor, not suffering. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of the matter, Yun Ye was destined to be a tragedy.
“Master Xiao, since everyone likes relief carving, then carve everything in relief. At most it uses more manpower. If there’s not enough money, young master will pay. No need to make such a big deal of it, right?”
“Heh heh, boy, you think money alone can solve the problem? Now it’s spread throughout the realm that your Marquis Yun’s ‘Elementary Arithmetic’ is currently the most important academic research achievement of our Great Tang. This old man and others’ achievements count for nothing, only worthy of an intaglio book. The Empress’s book is for women to read, so carving it in intaglio is natural justice. But their books are all for men to read, all classics for governing and securing the nation, yet they’re also carved in intaglio. They consider it a tremendous grievance. You say, which scholar can swallow this bitter pill? Even the old ancestor is disturbed. Boy, wait for your beating. If you have the guts, run when the old ancestor is beating you and let this old man see. If you anger the old man into something serious, heh heh heh.”
Xiao Yu smiled darkly watching Yun Ye sprawl on the boat acting shamelessly, feeling extremely satisfied. All along he had suffered losses to Yun Ye. Now seeing Yun Ye trapped in a dead end, and the entire court working together to send Yun Ye into this dead end—appearing elegant, sparing no effort to publish Yun Ye’s book, but actually already stuffing him into a volcano’s mouth—he wanted to know if Yun Ye still had any miraculous way to escape this time.
Lying on the deck, Yun Ye rolled twice then suddenly jumped up, loudly ordering Dongyu: “Dongyu, Dongyu, turn the boat around! We’re going back to Wild Man Mountain to become bandits! Chang’an is too dangerous!”
Dongyu looked at Yun Ye stupidly, not understanding why the marquis suddenly wanted to become a bandit. Not going to Chang’an anymore? Liu Jinbao had promised that when the reward money was distributed, he’d take him to Yanlai Tower.
Xiao Yu laughed heartily, pointing at Yun Ye: “Go ahead and run if you dare! If this matter isn’t resolved and your reputation is ruined, running to the ends of the earth is useless. Tsk tsk tsk, relief carving! Three sets! A blessing people beg for but can’t obtain! Ha ha ha!”
The old fellow wasn’t wrong—running was useless. This matter indeed needed to be explained face to face with gongs and drums. What the hell does it have to do with me? My book is a textbook for teaching students, so naturally the quantity needed is large. The history books, I Ching books, and Five Classics they wrote—those obscure and difficult books, how many people like to read them? And there are a few monks with nothing better to do who translated some Buddhist sutras, also preparing to print them to cheat incense offerings. Must explain clearly!