HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 05: The Pig About to Fly

Chapter 05: The Pig About to Fly

The Yun household’s celebration days were more numerous than all other Great Tang people. When pomegranates ripened, it needed celebrating. When pears ripened, it also needed celebrating. Now that persimmons had ripened, naturally they had to celebrate grandly.

“Ye’zi, last time I attended the ceremony for your daughter’s first time cooking, it gave me gastrointestinal discomfort. Today you can’t just make do with persimmons, right? Eating too many of these things is unfavorable for using the toilet!”

Li Tai had been tormented to death by the Grand Emperor’s funeral. He had set up a grass shed beside Xianling Mausoleum and lived in it with Li Chengqian and Li You. Originally, it should have been Li Er living in the grass shed with his brothers. The emperor’s affairs were complicated—after living there three days, he had the Crown Prince and the others substitute while he returned to Chang’an.

“There’s food for you. Autumn is the time for fattening up. There are meatballs and strips of meat, and we’ve also steamed some of your favorite sweet rice. While guarding the tomb, you’re not permitted to eat meat. You’re a person who can’t live without meat. Eat more in a bit. When you leave, wipe your mouth clean before going. You can bring more sweet rice and meatballs for Chengqian and the others.”

Yun Ye spoke with Li Tai while Han Zhe brought Yun Mu, holding long bamboo poles to twist down persimmons. Han Zhe had never done this work before and was now picking persimmons very happily.

In the eleventh month, Guanzhong’s cold air was pressing. Except for pines, cypresses, and bamboo, all other trees were already bare. The Yun household’s persimmons bore relatively few this year, but the individual fruits were very large. From afar, it looked like the trees were hung full of red lanterns. When walking under the persimmon trees, one had to be careful—who knew when an overripe persimmon might fall and strike one’s head.

“My research has run into difficulties. Ye’zi, working behind closed doors isn’t working out. I only know that to fly requires a continuous, stable force applied to an object, but there are too many conditions needed in between. After solving one problem, I immediately discover there are more problems requiring explanation. Hypatia is also helping me, but unfortunately, progress isn’t great.”

“When researching gunpowder, I discovered a characteristic of gunpowder—that is, when not exploding, as it sprays flames, it produces a forward force. I believe this force can be used in flight.”

Having said this, he beckoned. Immediately, two servants wearing soft caps carried over a chest. Li Tai gestured for Yun Ye to go to the pond’s edge. The servants placed a small wooden boat into the pond. The boat’s stern was tied with some thin bamboo tubes. At Li Tai’s signal, the servants adjusted the rudder and lit the fuse on the bamboo tubes. The middle tube began spraying flames, and the small boat slowly moved forward, its speed very stable. As the fuse continued burning, two tubes at diagonal corners also began spraying flames. The boat’s speed immediately increased considerably. As more and more bamboo tubes were ignited, the boat’s speed grew faster and faster. When all the bamboo tubes were completely lit, the boat’s speed was already very fast—one needed to run quickly to catch up with it. After running just a few steps, the gunpowder in the bamboo tubes burned out, and the boat stopped motionless in the pond.

“Just like this—the bow has already tilted up. If there were enough space to place more gunpowder, this boat would definitely fly. Individual bamboo tubes, as long as they have tail fins attached, can fly. I’ve already handed this matter to my subordinates to research new firearms. In the future, we might be able to eliminate the eight-ox crossbow. On warships, there’ll be no need to install cumbersome crossbow arrows anymore, because gunpowder itself can carry weapons flying to enemy ships. I have no interest in researching how to kill people. What I prefer is how to fly into the sky. Ye’zi, soaring among white clouds—how delightful that would be!”

Yun Ye wouldn’t tell Li Tai that during the Ming Dynasty, there was a fellow called Wan Hu who had tried this, and the result? He was blown to smithereens. Using gunpowder as propulsion could only work for rockets. Primitive aircraft didn’t fly this way.

“Not bad! You’ve only just started researching and already have a great discovery. Researching this way, I’m worried you’ll fly to the moon one day. What do you plan to do?”

Yun Ye couldn’t dampen this hard-won enthusiasm for flight and could only continuously encourage him.

Li Tai said happily: “I plan to build a special boat. I’ll sit on it with rockets tied to the back and try it on Qujiang to see whether it can actually fly.”

“If you install two wings on the boat, I dare guarantee you’ll definitely fly. The problem is I don’t guarantee whether you’ll have your life to land after flying. Gunpowder will explode—it’s too dangerous.”

Li Tai chuckled and said: “Being able to fly is enough. Whether I can land—I’ll talk about that after flying. At worst, I’ll continue putting a pig on it. Hehe, the first to ride a parachute was a pig. Who’d have thought the first about to fly would also be a pig? I, Li Tai, am unexpectedly not fated for such a great moment.”

When the servant had just lit the gunpowder on the wooden boat earlier, Han Zhe had brought Yun Mu over to watch. Now hearing Li Tai planned to fly and that there really seemed to be this possibility, he couldn’t help but interject: “Can you really fly?”

Yun Ye nodded and said: “Should be possible. The principle makes sense—it just depends on the actual situation. Ah, Qing Que, I haven’t properly reintroduced Han Zhe to you yet. He eliminated his father. Now in White Stone Palace, he’s the one in charge. This time coming to Chang’an is to sell cinnabar. The Fang Xuanling household can’t consume all that cinnabar. I heard the imperial palace’s usage is large. See if you can consume the rest. It’s all the finest grade cinnabar. I’m unwilling to sell it to those Daoists—they’ll only use it to refine elixirs, wasting good materials.”

Li Tai happily congratulated Han Zhe on eliminating his father. He was clear about Han Zhe’s situation. If he were placed in Han Zhe’s position, he would have long gone mad and couldn’t possibly have lived this long. Han Zhe had instantly shed his shackles, and the imperial family’s pressure had also vanished in an instant. This truly was a great matter worthy of congratulation.

“Little Zhe, right now the money houses are tightening credit. It’s difficult for me to produce large amounts of gold and silver for purchase. But top-grade cinnabar has never lacked buyers, so I also want it. How about exchanging for other things? As you know, I still have some spices.”

Han Zhe thought for a moment and said: “No need for spices. I need grain. White Stone Palace has no grain. I don’t want to kill people and rob, so I thought of exchanging for some.”

Yun Ye interjected with a smile: “Little Zhe, you’re just not a businessman. Do you know how much grain this cinnabar can exchange for? As long as White Stone Palace’s population doesn’t exceed ten thousand people, it’s enough for you to eat for twenty years. Grain isn’t valuable in the Great Tang. How will you transport so much grain back? Don’t tell me the road to your White Stone Palace is very easy to travel. In the deep mountain forests, transportation is a big problem.”

Han Zhe absolutely believed these two people wouldn’t deceive him. Since this was the situation, it would definitely be such a situation. Ten thousand people eating for twenty years—wouldn’t sixteen hundred people be able to eat for at least one hundred years? Such numbers were indeed extremely terrifying.

“Also, in the Great Tang, such large-scale grain transactions must be reported to the authorities for approval. Private individuals have no way to obtain this much grain. Moreover, you can’t eat it all. Why not take a portion of grain—just enough for you to eat for two years—and for the remainder, exchange part for money, and the rest for spices, porcelain, glass, and such things. Open a trading company yourself. This way, your White Stone Palace will have a stable income. In the future, you won’t need to worry about small matters like grain.”

Han Zhe was very happy. He hadn’t expected what he brought to be so valuable. Originally, he thought that bringing twenty carts of mung bean-sized cinnabar that could exchange for a hundred-some carts of grain would be good. He hadn’t expected it could exchange for so much. He himself had not even a single manager on hand and could only hand it to Yun Ye to help him handle it.

Li Er very quickly learned of Han Zhe’s matter. Regarding Han Zhe killing his own father, he was happy to see it happen. Judging from Han Zhe’s performance during those two years in Lingnan, he was more like a clever young person rather than an extremely vicious person. As long as White Stone Palace was willing to integrate into Great Tang society, Li Er was happy to see it happen. With White Stone Palace’s example, those annoying unworldly experts would eventually slowly integrate into society.

No one was clearer than Li Er about the terrible consequences of close-kin marriage. The imperial family also emphasized bloodline purity. White Stone Palace having reached this stage—extinction was almost the only foreseeable consequence. As long as a trading company was established, they would have no way to sever their ties with the secular world. Li Er had already crossed White Stone Palace off his enemy list in his heart. Leaving them alone was the best way to deal with them.

For this matter, Han Zhe specially wrote an earnestly worded letter and handed it to Li Tai, hoping it could be delivered to the emperor’s desk. White Stone Palace’s pride remained—submission was impossible—but Han Zhe had already guaranteed that within the Great Tang, they would absolutely abide by existing systems and respect the emperor’s authority. From this letter, Li Er gleaned a great deal of information. For instance, White Stone Palace wasn’t on Great Tang territory. Although Han Zhe hadn’t told anyone where White Stone Palace was located, at least Li Er, Yun Ye, and Li Tai already knew their approximate location, because it could be calculated from the time of their entry into the Great Tang and their supplies.

Cinnabar was very tight in Chang’an. After Yun Ye announced he had large stocks of cinnabar on hand, buyers came in droves. Even noble households needed to keep some cinnabar on hand for treating illnesses, writing divine talismans. In offerings to ancestors, cinnabar also couldn’t be lacking, because it had another name: “Immortal’s Blood.”

Han Zhe’s guest room at the Yun household was piled full of gold coins, but he wasn’t interested in these. Rather, he was happily helping Li Tai prepare for the upcoming experiment. On New Year’s Day, they would test humanity’s first flight on Qujiang.

Han Zhe, who wholeheartedly wanted to compete with a pig for the first riding rights, was severely scolded by Yun Ye. Before confirming absolute safety, he didn’t plan to let people become experimental sacrifices.

Everyone in all of Chang’an was anticipating this flight. As long as they could fly, it would be a major event worthy of recording in the annals of history. For this, Li Er exempted Li Tai from tomb-guarding duties and let him prepare with full concentration. After his old man died, he had revoked the noble ranks of sixteen families in one breath. Chang’an’s atmosphere was too oppressive and needed some cheerful events to ease things.

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