“Ye Zi, you have to at least give your brother a morsel to eat. Is there any room for negotiation on this matter?”
“No. You finally succeeded in losing weight, and now you’ve gotten fat as a pig again. Still eating? Don’t disturb me while I’m listening to music.”
“How about it? These beauties I brought from the Yue region singing the ‘Song of the Yue Boatman’—it’s good, right? But listening to this song is only interesting when brothers hold hands while listening. Come, give me your hand to hold.”
Yun Ye struggled to shake off He Shao’s greasy pig trotter, took a sip of grape wine, and closed his eyes to appreciate this moving song. Truth be told, this song was truly beautiful.
“What evening is this evening, punting in mid-stream. What day is this day, sharing the boat with the prince. Covered with shame yet receiving favor, not caring about insults and disgrace. My heart is almost stubborn unto death, blessed to know the prince. Mountains have trees and trees have branches, my heart delights in you yet you know it not.” The Yue woman singing this song was truly a perfect match. Her voice was melodious and moving, full of emotional twists and turns, expressing a woman’s adoration for a man most thoroughly. Yun Ye lay on his brocade couch seriously listening to this song, beating time with his hand, his mouth constantly singing along with the Yue woman.
“Ye Zi, if you like hearing this song so much, I’ll give you these four Yue women. I heard your barbarian women also dance very well. When can I see that?” He Shao’s big face was always hovering in front of Yun Ye’s head. Heaven only knows how he got tangled up with the Celestial Master sect of Longhu Mountain.
Ever since Zhang Daoling refined pills and preached at Longhu Mountain, that place could be called abundant with talent. Zhang Jue in the east, Zhang Xiu in Hanzhong—they stirred up the weak Han dynasty until bandits rose everywhere and the great edifice finally toppled. How dare He Shao get mixed up with fellows with such a dark history? Didn’t he know that Li Er was extremely sensitive about matters of rebellion?
Since He Shao went to Yuezhou, he truly became like a dragon entering the sea, an eagle soaring into the sky. As a minor idle earl in Chang’an, he had lived worse than a dog, but in Yuezhou, relying on Yun Ye’s prestige, he rapidly spread his business throughout the southeast region. Longhu Mountain was famous, and He Shao, who always liked to associate with important people, somehow established connections with them. He went everywhere looking for cinnabar for Longhu Mountain, and after learning from the Yun family’s shops that Yun Ye had an enormous amount of cinnabar, he came by boat.
“You’re dreaming. I like hearing this song, but I have no interest in beauties. My barbarian dancing girls are proper dancers—they’re only responsible for dancing and don’t do anything else. If you have the guts, go ask Xinyue for them. Let’s see if she won’t break your fat legs.”
“Sister-in-law’s temperament is indeed rather fierce. I’d better not go courting bad luck. But you have to spare me some cinnabar no matter what. I heard no one in Chang’an can swallow all your cinnabar. Why not give it to me, your brother? I’ll swallow it all in one gulp. Name your price.”
Yun Ye really had no way to deal with this fellow who forgot the beating as soon as the pain passed. Rolling his eyes, he pulled that fat face over and said loudly: “If you want to take the cinnabar to make money, I’ll definitely give it to you—I’ll give you all of it without any problem. But if you want to take it to the Celestial Master sect, I won’t give you a single grain. How can you forget the suffering you endured just a while ago?”
“The Five Pecks of Rice sect has never been anything good. Their doctrine sounds very tempting, but for the disaster at the end of the Han dynasty, Zhang Jue and his fellows bear most of the responsibility. Now imperial authority is at its peak, His Majesty’s power is unmatched. No matter what you do, you must first consider His Majesty’s likes and dislikes. Do you know that something happened in Nanzhao? What His Majesty wants now is not to pacify Nanzhao, but to specifically demand the head of Meng Shezhao. He’s domineering to such an extent, yet you still dare to actively seek out Longhu Mountain. If His Majesty takes a dislike to them one day, he’ll immediately uproot them completely. Do you understand? We’re all living by watching His Majesty’s expression now.”
He Shao’s face immediately turned pale. He mumbled: “Doesn’t His Majesty believe in Daoism? If I flatter Longhu Mountain, isn’t that flattering His Majesty?”
Yun Ye slapped He Shao on the head and roared: “His Majesty doesn’t believe in Daoism! His Majesty believes in Laozi because he’s his family’s ancestor. When he burns incense for his old ancestor, that doesn’t mean he believes in Daoism. The incense is for the old ancestor, not for Daoism. You must distinguish clearly!”
“If you’re going to flatter someone in a roundabout way, flattering Longhu Mountain, you might as well flatter me. I’m half His Majesty’s son-in-law and also the Empress’s student. As long as I’m willing, I can live with them every day. Wouldn’t flattering me be a thousand times better than flattering them?”
He Shao’s complexion immediately recovered. He laughed heartily and said: “That really makes sense. There’s no burden in flattering one’s own brother. Why should I look at those death-like faces? Give me the cinnabar, and I’ll go earn us a large sum of money. To be honest, those old Daoists really do have money. As long as we don’t get entangled with them, making money should be no problem, right?”
Seeing that He Shao had figured it out, Yun Ye lay back on the brocade couch and said: “Charge a high price. The goods belong to my friend. I won’t take a commission. You take your profit, and use the rest to buy some shops. Someone will coordinate with you.”
He Shao nodded without asking who this friend was. This was very pleasing. The Yue women, who had just been frightened, continued singing the Song of the Yue Boatman at Yun Ye’s indication.
This was the right way to live life. At home, three wives attended to him diligently. Outside, having a little wine and listening to music with fair-weather friends was also comfortable. After lounging around all day and returning home, the children would hug his legs calling “Daddy! Daddy!” and asking for presents. Even though she clearly knew her husband had been drinking at Yanlai Tower all day, Xinyue would still ask with a smiling face whether he was tired today. What more could a man ask for from such a life?
When idle, he would go to the academy to teach two classes and accept the admiring gazes the students cast at him. When feeling irritable, he would go to the Lingnan Navy camp to show off his authority as commander, using the whip to strike a couple of officers who made mistakes. Only if he was so full he had nothing better to do would he go to the palace and bow his head while Zhangsun scolded him.
Humming the Song of the Yue Boatman while pushing Old Li Gang around the academy—this was Yun Ye’s routine. Li Gang generally enjoyed being pushed around for leisurely strolls. But today, after hearing the Song of the Yue Boatman, his reaction was somewhat different. He crooked his finger at Yun Ye, indicating he should bring his face closer. Thinking the old gentleman had something to say, Yun Ye quickly leaned over, only to see the old gentleman laboriously accumulate a large mouthful of saliva and spit it right in Yun Ye’s face with a “ptui!” Still confused, Yun Ye then heard the old gentleman break into furious cursing.
“You scoundrel! How dare you sing the ‘Song of the Yue Boatman’? Do you know what the allusion is? Ignorant and incompetent—so shameful! How did my dignified Yushan Academy produce such a fool as you? You have a wife and children at home, yet you enjoy engaging in the passion of cut-sleeve love? Bring me my cane. I won’t be satisfied today until I beat you to death, you scoundrel!”
“Wait! Please explain clearly before you start hitting. That’s disgusting! How does my singing the ‘Song of the Yue Boatman’ have anything to do with cut-sleeve love? He Shao said that listening to this song is only flavorful when brothers hold hands while listening.”
Teacher Li Gang was so angry he pounded his head with his fists. After a good while, he finally calmed down and explained the origins of the “Song of the Yue Boatman” to Yun Ye in detail. After hearing the origins, Yun Ye was so enraged he just wanted to kill someone. Too humiliating! And to think he’d been constantly singing it these past few days. No wonder those gentlemen had been looking at him strangely and had started avoiding him.
The documented source of the “Song of the Yue Boatman” is from the Han dynasty scholar Liu Xiang’s “Garden of Persuasions,” Volume Eleven, the Chapter on Skillful Persuasion, Section Thirteen.
The story tells that on the day when Lord Xiangcheng of Chu was enfeoffed and received his title, he stood by the river dressed in magnificent attire. The Chu minister Zhuang Xin passed by, and seeing him, felt delighted in his heart, so he approached to pay his respects and wanted to hold his hand. Lord Xiangcheng was angry at his breach of protocol and paid him no attention. So Zhuang Xin washed his hands and told Lord Xiangcheng the story of E Jun of Chu:
E Jun Zixi was the younger brother of the King of Chu. While on a boat excursion, a Yue boatman who admired him embraced his oar and sang a song to him. The song was melodious and lingering, gentle and moving, and touched E Jun, who immediately had someone translate it into the Chu language, thus creating the words of the “Song of the Yue Boatman.” After E Jun understood the meaning of the song, not only did he not get angry, but he walked over to embrace the boatman, covered him with an embroidered quilt, and was willing to share a bed with him.
Zhuang Xin then asked Lord Xiangcheng: E Jun’s status was so noble yet he could still make love with a Yue boatman to his heart’s content—why can’t I hold your hand? Lord Xiangcheng truly agreed to his request and gave him his hand.
This damned thing was not some song of a woman seeking love from a man, but a poem explicitly celebrating homosexual love. Yun Ye felt the sky had fallen. Yun Ye, the foremost of Chang’an’s Three Scourges, had now acquired the vice of cut-sleeve passion. Chang’an city had probably already spread the news everywhere. No wonder that ignorant bastard He Shao insisted on saying this song only had flavor when listened to while holding hands.
He handed the cane to Teacher Li Gang and said quietly: “You might as well just beat me to death with one blow today. I can’t go on living.”
Li Gang said huffily: “In earlier years I told you to read more books. Now you know shame? Roll back home and reflect in seclusion. Read through the ‘Songs of Chu’ properly for me. Until you’re thoroughly familiar with it, you’re not allowed to go out.”
“This student obeys your command. But before that, please allow this student to go kill someone. It was this bastard who threw this student into the gutter. If I don’t kill him, it won’t be enough to vent the hatred in my heart.”
A half-grown panda, not knowing death was near, approached the gnashing Yun Ye. Just as it was about to hug his leg and beg for some food, it was kicked flying far away by Yun Ye. Rolling and crawling, it scurried into the bamboo grove.
Red-eyed, Yun Ye sent Li Gang back to his office, then mounted Wang Cai himself and rushed like the wind toward where He Shao lived. Today, if he didn’t peel off a layer of this bastard’s skin, he would swear he wasn’t human.
Huh? Strange. The steward actually said his master was ill. At this moment, Yun Ye couldn’t care about such things. Even if the bastard had leprosy, he had to beat him up first to vent his anger. He kicked open the door and froze. He Shao probably only had one breath left. His head was swollen like a pig’s head, and his body was covered with bruises everywhere. Seeing Yun Ye enter, he wailed and rolled off the bed to hug Yun Ye’s leg, saying: “Qing Que has gone crazy! He came to my house and without a word beat me into this state. Please ask for me—why?”
“When Qing Que came to your house, did you also entertain him by having him listen to the ‘Song of the Yue Boatman’?”
“Yes, such a wonderful tune—how could I not share it with a good friend?”
“Did you also hold his hand? I mean while listening to the song.”
“The southerners said that only this way can one enjoy the flavor of this song.”
“Bear with it, because I really want to beat you up…”