That evening, three people indeed slept together—but with a slight modification. Instead of a husband with two wives, it was a father with two sons. Both arms were bruised and swollen. Moving them hurt terribly. When holding his sons to help them urinate, it felt like his arms were broken. Who had the energy to fetch a chamber pot? He just sat on the bedside and let them relieve themselves on the floor. After both plump children finished urinating, Yun Ye, as their father, could finally rest easy. Tonight he wouldn’t be soaked by a flood again, would he?
After settling the two children to sleep, Yun Ye laboriously placed his arms on his belly, actually feeling a bit smug inside. If this were the later era, daring to bring home a mistress so brazenly, his fate probably wouldn’t be much better than a pig’s. If he had properly taken a concubine, Xinyue wouldn’t be so hysterical. This sort of thing wasn’t even a matter in wealthy families. Concubines in noble households had a status not much better than large livestock. When wealthy families had one or two young concubines die of illness every few days, everyone took it for granted. What Xinyue valued was different. Every woman who entered the Yun household would compete with her for her husband’s affection. This could be seen from Na Rimu’s situation. Which family’s concubine lived more grandly than the legitimate wife? The enormous enterprise on the grasslands—she alone had the final say. This had become gossip throughout Chang’an.
Na Rimu’s transformation from the master’s property into the master of property had already dealt a huge shock to all the concubines in Chang’an. In this storm, Xinyue had been rated by the mistresses of noble households as the most incompetent head woman—having had family property carved away by a concubine was the shame of noble ladies.
Only Xinyue herself understood the bitterness within. Her husband had never regarded concubines as personal property. The grasslands had originally belonged to Na Rimu. She had calculated for two or three years, yet the grasslands still belonged to Na Rimu. Even if Na Rimu never bore a son in the future, those grasslands would belong to the girl. Her husband seemed to very much support Na Rimu thinking this way.
The most damnable was the princess, controlling the income from Lingnan, and now shamelessly moving into the household. What was she trying to do? Her own position was under assault, and her son’s position was also under assault. Under such pressure, that Xinyue could maintain this level of rationality was already remarkable.
If Yun Ye treated women as less than human, having beauties on both arms would be easy. With his current position and status, even if he imitated Zhang Xianzhong and used women as folding screens, it wouldn’t be a big deal. Wealthy families commonly had over a dozen concubines, not to mention beasts like Liu Hongji who married eight women into his household in one day.
People were living, breathing humans. You couldn’t make them grow donkey heads just because of your preferences and then treat them as donkeys with a clear conscience. Concubines, besides eating, also had their own feelings and experiences. For someone like Yun Ye who couldn’t bear to throw away even a stone he’d held for too long, wanting to ignore these living people—he truly couldn’t do it.
Since you couldn’t be cruel to others, you could only wrong yourself. The fire always needed an outlet for venting. His two arms suffering disaster was better than the two women being covered in blood. Feeling that soreness and pain again, a surge of pride rose from the bottom of his heart. Looking at his shadow on the bed curtain, he smiled. His head was very large, extremely large, almost covering an entire wall. That was right—this old man was the biggest big-head in the Great Tang.
The two children slept very peacefully. Yun Ye got out of bed, blew out the candle, and saw through the door crack that the candlelight in the opposite room was still burning. He gently pulled open the door, tiptoed to the window across the way, and secretly listened to what was being said inside.
“Sister Xinyue, when all is said and done, you are one with fortune. No matter how legendary they say our husband is outside, when he comes home, he still cares about you most. Na Rimu went far away to the grasslands, and I suffered through lonely days in Lingnan. Though isolated, my heart wasn’t in turmoil, because he was there. Don’t think we two have no shame—just consider us two swallows that accidentally nested under your family’s eaves, finding a place to shelter from wind and rain.”
“What can I say? How should I say it? You also saw today—to let me vent my anger, his arms were twisted like that, yet his face still wore a smile. It was heartbreaking to see. Taking the children and running away for several days was just to let us calm down. After returning, he presented himself ready to be killed or beaten. Among noble households, only I have this privilege. Even Madam Fang only achieved it by threatening with her own life. What more can I say?”
“Having such a husband must be fortune I cultivated in a previous life. Princess, do you believe me? He has never spoken a harsh word to me. When you were pregnant with Rong’er, I nearly went mad. Pressing him like that, he still didn’t lose his temper with me. Had it been another family, grounds for divorce would exist. I don’t count as a lady of a great household. When I was young, my family had hard times—I also ran around barefoot. I once saw a wealthy family’s wedding procession. That spectacle seemed like the most prestigious scene in the mortal world at the time. Who knew it couldn’t compare with the ceremony when I married. On my wedding day, sitting in the carriage, the pins on my back hurt terribly. Tears kept flowing, but my heart was like it held a jar of honey. My husband couldn’t bear to see me suffer, so he removed those pins for me. Perhaps because those pins were removed early, it made me become like this now—wanting everything, wanting to monopolize everything.”
“You don’t know—if I hadn’t played my little schemes back then, hmph, marrying into the Yun household as the legitimate wife, Sister Xinyue, do you believe I would definitely have been even more excessive? It’s too late now. As long as Rong’er is well, I’ll do anything. Don’t regard me as a princess—just consider me a sister of the family. Our husband is the strangest man in this world. I heard in Goguryeo he killed like hemp, but unexpectedly at home he’s made of clay. Forget it, let’s not discuss it. Let’s sleep. I just don’t know how our husband will sleep well looking after two children. How pitiful.”
Having listened to the two women’s private conversation, Yun Ye’s face was full of anger. These bad habits were all ones he’d indulged into them. He deserved it—a grown man taking care of two children, still having his children feel his chest wanting to nurse.
Starting tomorrow, he wouldn’t give them pleasant faces. He turned with hands behind his back, preparing to return to his room. After walking two steps, he heard the door behind him open. Li Anlan was about to return to her room to rest. Unexpectedly seeing Yun Ye standing under the eaves, she opened her mouth to call out, but Yun Ye covered her mouth. If the whole courtyard knew he’d been eavesdropping, how could he go on living?
He pushed Li Anlan back into the room. Xinyue, who had just lain down, widened her eyes, watching the two people tangled together. Having just spoken of her husband, she now saw him very ambiguously push Li Anlan inside.
“I’ve spoiled you all too much in daily life. Not one of you has any propriety. Today if I don’t implement some family discipline, it won’t do.”
Xinyue burst out laughing with a “puchi,” lowering her voice to say: “How does husband plan to implement family discipline? The bamboo rod is enshrined in the ancestral hall. The princess isn’t part of our family—family law can’t be used on her.”
Li Anlan leaned charmingly against the headboard, giggling: “It’s not a big deal. I experienced it in Lingnan. Back and forth just those few moves—I’ve seen it all before.”
This was provocation—naked provocation. Never mind the arm pain—he flipped Li Anlan over and slapped her bottom with a series of smacks. For some reason, Xinyue also became interested and helped Yun Ye discipline Li Anlan…
Disciplining people was physically demanding work, especially disciplining two in one night. Worried the children would wake looking for Father in the morning, before dawn broke, Yun Ye was rubbing his lower back, swaying with every three steps as he tried to return to his room. Opening the door, he looked back at the infinite springtime scenery in the bed curtains, then pounced back to administer another round of discipline before satisfactorily shuffling back to his own room.
Two bare-bottomed little children stood together on the bed urinating toward the floor. Seeing Father return, they happily shouted wanting to ride the big horse. This wouldn’t do—his waist was already about to break. If he were ridden as a horse again, his old life wouldn’t be preserved.
Drowsy with yawns, he still had to tell the children a story about a blue-colored raccoon cat carrying a treasured sword and conquering everywhere. Not having seen the Teletubbies story, he could only make things up for the children. Though the two children didn’t understand why the raccoon cat ran on two legs, they still widened their eyes listening to Father tell the story.
As expected, the ones listening to the story started playing with their own toes, because the storyteller had already fallen into unconsciousness. Li Rong tugging at Father’s ear couldn’t wake him. They were good children—not crying or fussing, playing by themselves.
When those two women climbed out of bed with red faces to check on the children, they were stunned by the scene before them. Two bare-bottomed plump children—one sitting on Father’s face, one sitting on his chest—were counting each other’s toes. When tired of playing, they even took a few bites of Father’s chest. When men watched children, if the children could grow up safely, it counted as Heaven’s blessing.
Li Chengqian came, but Yun Ye, suffering from a chill, wouldn’t receive guests. Li Tai came, but Yun Ye was still ill and wouldn’t receive guests. Sun Simiao came, prescribed a heap of supplementary medicines, pointed at his nose and gave him a thorough scolding, then returned to his medicine hut, saying that continuing like this, if he could live to fifty, it would count as his great fortune. A copy of the “Yellow Emperor’s Inner Canon” was left behind. He couldn’t understand it—some content truly wasn’t something insignificant commoners could comprehend. Too unrestrained, too bestial. What did Sun Simiao, who’d been a virgin his whole life, understand about bedroom arts? Preserving health required abstinence? What a joke. The broken book was casually tossed by Yun Ye onto the bookshelf to gather dust.
Li Tai sat in the tree shade, holding Yun Ye’s head and examining it from left and right. Dark circles under the eyes, greenish complexion, limbs hanging limply—this was standard excessive indulgence.
“Do you want a copy of my medicinal prescription too? I see your current condition is even worse than mine. I’m only invaded by yin energy, but you’re probably soaked in yin energy. They say meeting brings joy, but you can’t be stealing joy for half a month straight. The potatoes need harvesting. The Lantian county magistrate, registrar, and sheriff are all going crazy. If the potatoes are dug up now, there’s still time to plant a crop of millet. Farm households also need to plant some small greens to prepare dried vegetables for winter. Without you and my elder brother giving the word, no one dares dig up the potatoes. I looked—the potato vines have all turned yellow. It’s time to harvest.”
Some things, once started, couldn’t be stopped, especially when both women wanted another child. If even the bedchamber had to be fair, life would become impossible. Yun Ye understood this point very clearly.