Li Jing, who was always as stable as Mount Tai, unexpectedly prostrated on the ground sobbing uncontrollably. Li Er was bewildered, and the assembled officials were also bewildered. Seeing that Li Jing’s grief wasn’t temporarily feigned—tears came down, his voice became hoarse—he kept requesting His Majesty to grant him extended leave. He wanted to go find his brother to comfort the suffering of years of longing.

Passionate feelings everywhere! Yun Ye rubbed his buttocks and secretly sighed. Just a small probe had created such a huge commotion. The dignified great general wanted to abandon his thousand troops and ten thousand horses, his delicate wife and beautiful concubines, to run off and find a legendary charcoal head. The feelings between the two had apparently long transcended friendship, transforming into a tremendous Brokeback Mountain. Could it be that he and the Bearded Guest were the real pair, and the Red Whisk Lady was the strange third party?

“Yun Ye, you come tell Li my beloved minister where that Bearded Guest went. Do not conceal it.” Li Er, probably annoyed to death, roared furiously at Yun Ye.

“Reporting to Your Majesty, that Bearded Guest went to the White Jade Capital. He probably can’t come back.”

In Tang times, the concept of imperial power bestowed by Heaven had long been deeply rooted in people’s hearts. This world was full of unknowable places everywhere. Mount Kunlun had the Queen Mother, the Eastern Sea had the Dragon King, the heavens had all the celestial gods and Buddhas, underground there was the King of Hell. Anyway, everywhere was filled with immortals. Even if you squatted in a latrine, there might be a wretched immortal secretly watching. Why couldn’t I add a White Jade Capital? Moreover, the name I came up with made people want to go see it just from hearing it. Yun Ye’s heart was full of wicked amusement.

“Nonsense! The White Jade Capital is another name for the moon. Who can climb up to the moon?” Li Jing was indeed an all-around talent in both civil and military matters—his first reaction was that Yun Ye was talking nonsense.

“General Li has such great official authority! Just kicked the marquis into a sprawling fall, and now accuses him of talking nonsense. Who says there’s no one on the moon? There’s Chang’e, there’s the Jade Rabbit. Perhaps that Bearded Guest admired Chang’e’s beauty and had a way to run up to the moon to see the beauty—nothing impossible about that.”

Cheng Yaojin’s protective temper erupted. He’d long regarded Yun Ye as his own nephew. He could kick him around left and right without issue, but others kicking him made him unhappy.

General Li’s military achievements were too abundant and had long made the assembled officials uncomfortable. This rare opportunity to mock Li Jing—when else but now? So the entire hall burst into laughter.

His Majesty Li Er’s face turned green. He coughed lightly twice, and the great hall immediately quieted down. He looked viciously at Yun Ye and asked: “What’s this about the White Jade Capital? Tell me honestly. If you’re talking nonsense, I’ll send you to the White Jade Capital.” A very vicious threat.

“How would this humble minister dare talk nonsense in this great hall? I also asked my master where the White Jade Capital was. The answer I got was a thorough beating. It was the first time master beat me—my buttocks lost all feeling. So I remember his venerable self’s words extremely clearly.”

Master said: People of the world all want longevity. From emperors to common people, they all regard life extension as their deepest dream, yet they don’t know that longevity itself is the biggest joke. Buddhism requires extinction, Daoism requires non-action, Confucianism explores the mean—different paths lead to the same destination, which in the end is just turning people into stones.

“Tortoises are long-lived because they’re slow. Trees are long-lived because they don’t move. Only stones exist eternally since ancient times. Extinguishing human desires, severing human relationships, cutting off the five senses, blocking seeing and hearing—is this still human? Not knowing cold or heat, not recognizing fragrant or foul, not distinguishing right from wrong, having no thoughts of family or country, no concept of kinship, no joy or happiness, no sorrow or pleasure—what difference is there from rotten wood? What distinguishes humans from beasts is that we have thinking, understand etiquette, know kinship, can labor, can create, can transform heaven and earth, and can also create heaven and earth, making all things in the world serve us. This is humanity’s proper role.”

“Exceeding one’s abilities to foolishly pursue the ethereal longevity, yet not knowing Heaven has long arranged things—if you want longevity, you must become stone. Laughably, the world’s foolish people are like moths flying into fire, crying and fighting to become stones. It’s truly ridiculous. This old man had half a foot stepped into the White Jade Capital yet forcibly pulled it back because I didn’t want to become a stone block in heaven and earth. I want great joy, great sorrow, great grief, great pain—I just don’t want to become stone.”

“Master also asked me: Do you want to be human for a hundred years, or be stone for ten thousand years? This humble minister answered that naturally I want to be human—I wouldn’t be stone even for a million years. Master was very pleased and stroked my head while reciting a poem: ‘In heaven the White Jade Capital, nine palaces and twelve cities, immortals stroke my crown, binding my hair to receive longevity.’ After hearing this poem, this humble minister had nightmares for several days, constantly feeling like a stone-like immortal wanted me to become stone like him. Master held me while sleeping for two days before I escaped the nightmare. This is what this humble minister knows of the White Jade Capital.”

Yun Ye sincerely hoped Li Er could listen and stop dreaming about longevity. How many wise emperors had fallen into this great pit of longevity, leaving only eternal ridicule.

Li Jing spoke no more. His face showed whether joy or worry was unclear. He cupped his hands toward Yun Ye: “I wonder if your master said anything about how my brother the Bearded Guest actually fared? Earlier Li was discourteous. I hope Marquis Yun will truthfully inform me.”

“Uncle Li, this nephew will speak truthfully. Please don’t be angry.” Speaking thus, he also saluted the entire hall of civil and military officials: “This junior will just repeat master’s words. Please Your Majesty do not blame me. All uncles please bear with me, otherwise one kick from each person will turn this junior into meat paste.”

Li Er said with a dark face: “You just truthfully report. I have my own judgment.”

“It’s agreed—no blaming.” Yun Ye hastened to secure his footing.

The entire hall laughed loudly. The assembled officials were very curious—what exactly did his master say? Could it be that everyone in this great hall would be stuffed inside?

“Master said: Capable idiots like the Bearded Guest—the more who enter, the better. Now that the world is beginning great order again, this old man wishes all such calamities in the world would go in and turn to stone. This way the world could be peaceful for more years. The Bearded Guest probably can’t enter yet—he has obsessions, unresolved distracting thoughts. Even if he reached the White Jade Capital, if he doesn’t die he’ll shed a layer of skin.”

As soon as Yun Ye finished speaking, he ran behind the pillar to hide, determined not to come out.

Li Jing’s chest filled with fury. Thinking of the Bearded Guest’s uncertain fate of life or death, and Yun Ye’s master gloating over others’ misfortunes, he wanted to catch Yun Ye to vent his anger. Seeing him hiding behind the pillar where he couldn’t be easily seized, he could only say “hmph” and speak no more.

Fang Xuanling stepped out of line with a chuckle to memorialize: “Your Majesty, this old minister feels that though the words are coarse, the reasoning is sound. Those who stir up the winds and clouds of the world are all people with heaven-reaching abilities. If all these extraordinary talents were put into the White Jade Capital, this old minister would shamelessly follow along willingly. Hehehe…”

For a time, the entire court competed to go to the White Jade Capital. Of course, there was no lack of those inflating their own worth, such as Yuchi Laosha—you’re already a block of stone yourself, what are you fighting for?

Li Er’s court turned into a marketplace, noisy and chaotic. Watching this, Li Er furrowed his brow. He coughed for a long time before stopping the assembled officials’ nonsensical talk. Seeing Yun Ye hiding behind the pillar sticking his head out to look, anger rose from nowhere. He ordered the inner attendants to drag him out.

“Hmph! A perfectly good court turned into a marketplace—what kind of propriety is this? Since Li my beloved minister has finished asking, that Bearded Guest takes his own fortune or misfortune—don’t be sad anymore. Though the divine potato seeds were obtained by him, the one who offered them to me was Yun Ye. I said before—reward extraordinary merit with a marquis title, reward hard work with ten thousand gold. Naturally I won’t go back on my word. Someone, present the crown and belt.” Two inner attendants brought forward a purple-gold crown and crimson robes.

Old Cheng chuckling bowed to Li Er: “This minister’s son is quite compatible with Yun Ye. How about having this minister perform the capping ceremony for him?”

Li Er smiled and permitted it.

Elegant music played on both sides of the imperial dais. The Minister of Rites Wang Gui recited the imperial edict in some unknown accent—quite pleasant to hear. Four palace maids slowly approached, removing Yun Ye’s outer garment, taking off his hair-binding golden crown, using a comb to arrange his hair properly, binding it into a topknot, then dressing him in crimson robes, fastening the jade belt. They bowed in salute and withdrew. Old Cheng swayed over, took the purple-gold crown and placed it on Yun Ye’s head, securing it with a jade hairpin, tying the crown strings under his chin, loudly admonishing him to be loyal to the country and repay His Majesty’s exceptional treatment. The elegant music stopped, the admonishing words stopped. Fang Xuanling personally fastened the purple-gold fish pouch for him, leading him through three prostrations and nine kowtows to thank the imperial grace. Li Er offered a few words of encouragement. The ceremony was complete. The inner attendants announced the court’s dismissal. Li Er sat on the imperial palanquin and departed first.

The assembled officials surrounded him, cupping hands in congratulations, making Yun Ye at a loss, fumbling about.

Niu Jinda said with a chuckle: “You’ve become a proper marquis. When will the grand banquet at your residence be held?”

Old Cheng took up the conversation: “This boy has a good palate. The meals he makes still make this old man drool to this day. It won’t do if it’s not lively. Later I’ll have your aunt arrange it—your household people can’t manage it properly.”