Yun Ye had always thought his marital life was his own privacy, an extremely secret behavior. As it turned out, he had misjudged the Tang people. He had forgotten this was the most sexually open era in history.
“The harmonious union of husband and wife is the great way of human relations, like the fusion of yin and yang, the alternation of black and white—it is the source of vitality in all under heaven. One must not be greedy and reckless, yet neither must one cut it off completely. Trees that remain evergreen naturally suffer no ax or saw. Solitary yin does not give birth, solitary yang does not grow. The harmonization of yin and yang nurtures all things. The harmonious union of yin and yang between heaven and earth is the natural state and must not be taboo.” Who could imagine this passage was spoken by none other than Wei Zheng, the dignified Remonstrance Official? Behind him followed two old eunuchs, whisks draped over their arms, smiling as they greeted Yun Ye.
“Marquis Yun need not feel embarrassed. We are the yin-yang envoys from the palace. By order of Her Majesty, we’ve come specifically to transmit the secret methods of yin and yang. Some time ago, Princess Danyang and General Xue and his wife were not harmonious. It was also we two who taught them the yin-yang methods, which brought harmony between husband and wife and stability to the household. Now it’s Marquis Yun—how fortunate we two servants are.”
Yun Ye nodded and invited Wei Zheng to sit in the front hall. Once Wei Zheng entered the house, he grabbed a thick wooden club and swung it at the two eunuchs. The two eunuchs’ souls flew beyond the heavens as they fled with their heads covered. Yun Ye chased them from the garden all the way to the main gate, only stopping when their figures disappeared down the small road.
Returning to the house entrance, he instructed the gatekeepers that if they saw those two eunuchs again, to beat them nearly to death. If they dared approach the Yun family estate, beat them to death and bury them on the spot—no need to report back.
How infuriating! Did this old man not know how to communicate with his wife? Not know how to make little people? This old man had already made three of them! Bastards! Teaching Old Xue and his wife how to have marital relations? Did they know Old Xue was now hiding in Yushan, not daring to see anyone? When he personally went to find Old Xue to request military formation diagrams, that fellow met Yun Ye with his face covered—too ashamed to show his face! When old brothers met, Xue Wanche, an eight-foot-tall man, burst into tears. Danyang looked down on him, saying he didn’t even know how to perform that kind of thing between husband and wife. The Emperor specifically sent people to explain it to them as a couple—they couldn’t refuse to listen. Throwing Old Xue into a millstone and grinding him into mincemeat would be more comfortable than bearing this reputation.
The bastard recording the Emperor’s daily activities actually wrote this matter into the daily records as a famous example of the Emperor’s concern for his subordinates, discussing it at great length. Xue Wanche hadn’t attended court for three months already. According to rumors, Old Xue had been diligently studying how husband and wife should have marital relations. Three months and he still hadn’t learned—he probably needed another half year.
A valiant general’s military authority was thus easily relieved, without even damaging Old Xue’s character. Outsiders would only think Old Xue lacked sense. Now it was Yun Ye’s turn to lack sense.
Wei Zheng sat calmly in the front hall drinking tea, as if the incident of being cursed by Yun Ye and fleeing with covered face had never happened. Seeing Yun Ye return furiously, he raised his tea bowl courteously toward him and continued drinking tea.
“Old Wei, why is it that now you do whatever unfortunate thing there is, whatever disgusting thing there is? What’s going on? My youthful indulgence isn’t a big deal—how did it reach the Emperor’s ears? Finding two such people to disgust me.”
“Good intentions! Last time you cursed this old man into fleeing with covered face, nearly crashing into a mountain. This time hearing your bedroom matters weren’t harmonious, this old man came to flatter you, specifically finding yin-yang envoys for you. Yet you beat them away. It seems this old man is very unpopular lately.”
“Forget it. Your spine—if it bends once, it will break. You can’t do such shitty business, and you won’t. Would the dignified Remonstrance Official truly be so idle? Which turtle grandson is preparing to embarrass me this time?”
“The princess moved into your household, yet you’re not a prince consort. Court discussions are rife, considering it improper conduct. The princess has lost virtue, Marquis Lantian has lost virtue. The identity of the heir to the Prince of Guide of Lingnan is very questionable. Others need to be dispatched to go instead. The Emperor rejected this on the spot. Although the Emperor helped you, people in court are already saying you’re a treacherous minister, that the Emperor’s favor toward you is too deep.”
“I see. But I don’t know whom they recommended to replace my child? I very much want to know.”
“No one will go. If Feng Ang doesn’t go, no one dares go to that piece of land belonging to your child. They recommended the Ning clan of Qinzhou and the Chen clan of Longzhou. These two families are both great clans in Lingnan, second only to the Feng family. Hearing the rumors, the heads of these two families said: The mountain god of Lingnan beats drums. When drums are beaten, people die. Without fortune, one cannot be a good Prince of Guide. Now it seems only Young Master Li Rong serving as Prince of Guide will quiet the mountain god. Lingnan doesn’t have many people—it can’t withstand the mountain god constantly beating drums. The heads of both families are now ill.”
“Marquis Yun made one trip to Lingnan and made a group of miscreants cower and not dare move. This old man truly admires it. Only, Marquis Yun, the princess living in your household is truly improper. Her Majesty dispatching these two eunuchs was probably warning you. How about…”
Before Wei Zheng could finish speaking, Yun Ye cut him off: “The princess will return to her manor tomorrow. Our whole family will visit the princess manor as guests. What does Lord Wei think?”
“Why don’t you know to avoid this a bit? This matter cannot be put on the table. Your affair with the princess—probably not many in Chang’an don’t know, but doing it so obviously isn’t necessary, is it?”
“Your power schemes left out one person’s feelings.”
“Whose? Yours?” Wei Zheng looked at Yun Ye with interest. He didn’t understand one thing—was having the princess return to her manor so difficult? It was just avoiding people’s eyes and ears.
“Li Rong’s. That piece of fiefdom in Lingnan belongs to this child. This child came into this world for this very reason. Eight hundred li of fiefdom isn’t large, not to mention that place is a barbarous wasteland. These two years it’s had some output—what, everyone’s jealous now? Now Li Anlan, leading Li Rong, has gradually won the hearts of the four classes of people and begun rebuilding that barren land. The taxes paid to the court annually are almost equal to a medium-sized province, not to mention the Lingnan naval forces retrieve over a million dan of grain from Annan every year. These are all achievements. How can they not exchange for a small Prince of Guide title? This princely title probably doesn’t even compare to an earl in Chang’an, yet they’ve set their eyes even on this?”
“Lord Wei, I’ve heard an ancient legend. I heard not only do mountain gods beat drums in Lingnan, but river gods also beat drums. The Dragon King of the Sea, with nothing to do, also beats drums. Now everyone knows how to beat drums. Beating and beating, they might just beat their way to Chang’an.”
“Yun Ye, you dare!” Wei Zheng was shocked and stood up suddenly, knocking over his tea bowl. Light yellow tea water dripped down the table edge, finally becoming a stream of water splashing on the floor tiles. The room was frighteningly quiet.
“Between heaven and earth there are infinite ultimate principles. What I study are precisely these. As for human hearts, I have little understanding. I only know that if there’s a first retreat in these matters, even if it’s just brushing away a speck of dust, those with insatiable desires will always find excuses to make you retreat again and again. When you discover you have no room to retreat, it’s already too late. They’ll dismember you until you’re torn to pieces, finally swallowing you skin and bones together. After eating everything clean, they’ll even spit and say: Idiot!”
“Old Wei, so I won’t retreat. If they have the ability, let them come. Open or covert, I’ll take it all. Whoever dares extend a hand, I’ll sever that hand. Whoever dares extend a leg, I’ll chop off that leg. Starting tomorrow, Lingnan naval forces will not be permitted to transport any private cargo. Those who violate orders will be executed! This was already part of military law. Implementing it now isn’t too late.”
Wei Zheng left the gate dejectedly. He had originally wanted to convey some unfavorable information to make Yun Ye understand restraint, have the princess return to her own residence, have everyone return to their proper positions, and have everyone be peaceful and stop attacking each other. Unexpectedly, it instead intensified the contradiction. Yun Ye, in front of him, ordered that Lingnan naval forces must not carry private cargo. In the future, goods from Lingnan wanting to exit the Five Ridges险 barrier could only take the long Meiling Ancient Road. Without the most important communication channel, Lingnan would instantly return to primitiveness and wilderness.
Those families with major profits in Lingnan would suffer heavy losses. Those attacking Li Anlan and Li Rong were precisely these nobles who had grown too fat and wanted to advance inch by inch. When Yun Ye said he’d chop hands and sever feet, he truly did it. Wei Zheng discovered he now couldn’t understand the people around him. Now for profit, not one of them showed half a bit of friendship. They called each other brother to their faces, while stabbing people in the back without blinking. Now everyone’s eating appearance was too ugly. Cutting them off was also good.
“Yun Ye won’t yield a single step. He also ordered the navy not to carry private cargo—violators will be executed. He’s abandoned that little convenience he initially requested from His Majesty and begun counterattacking those people.” Zhangsun, with her large belly, leaned against the soft couch. She was about to give birth soon, so even speaking a sentence was very difficult now.
“This is correct. The military transporting grain for the nation is national policy—it should be so. He made the military into something neither fish nor fowl. I’ve long wanted to speak to him about it. Because I promised him to relax one military discipline, it wasn’t appropriate to say. Now he’s returning the military to its original nature—there’s nothing wrong with that. Constantly exploiting that barren land of Lingnan isn’t a long-term plan. That place also needs rest and recuperation. Feng Ang shouldn’t be pressed too hard either. After a few years when the population in Guanzhong has grown more, we’ll open the passes once again and release immigrants in. As long as Han people occupy the majority of the population, I’ll divide it into provinces and counties. Finally, those princes will just enjoy tax revenue. Local management authority ultimately must be grasped in our hands to be good.”
“So be it. Yun Ye doing this is still reckless—it will make him enemies throughout the world. Someone come, proclaim my edict: Add five Lisima to the military, specifically to investigate unlawful matters within the army.”
Xinyue and Li Anlan didn’t know why those two eunuchs came to the household. Thinking they truly came to teach their husband bedroom arts, they were so ashamed they took the children and hid in Yushan, not daring to see anyone.
Grandmother also wanted to see her dear great-grandsons, so naturally she took the whole large family into Yushan as well. What they didn’t know was that the Yun family’s main gate was nearly trampled through by those nobles.
Yun Ye watched them perform with a smile—the pleading ones, the weeping ones, the threatening ones, the throwing tantrums ones, the righteously indignant ones. No matter what they said, Yun Ye still shook his head. Finally, with tears streaming down, he said to them: “The Yun family cannot withstand this!”
Yun Ye’s tragic performance lasted a full three days, until finally the Crown Prince, who truly couldn’t watch anymore, dragged him off to see the potato harvest.