After seeing Old Master Liang collapse foaming at the mouth, Yun Ye couldn’t help but ask Zhangsun Wuji: “Uncle Zhangsun, why does His Majesty have to lead all these old and young people stretching their legs under the blazing sun?”
Zhangsun pulled out a water gourd from his waist, took a gulp, wiped the water droplets from his beard and said to Yun Ye: “This is the Grand Ceremony, imitating the scene when the Yellow Emperor traveled in ancient times with ten thousand tribes coming to pay homage. In front, the Yinglong dragon leads the way; behind, the Rain Master holds the rear. On the left is the Wind Elder, on the right is the Golden Armored God. Vast and magnificent, the multitudes follow. This is what’s called the Grand Ceremony.”
Don’t listen to Zhangsun’s nonsense—following him would definitely land you in a ditch. At the very front, those strong men held a dragon head made of woven bamboo strips, followed by dragon body segments. Two people held up wings, walking and dancing, stirring up flying dust. This was the Yinglong dragon? Behind them, those wearing black masks who walked while sprinkling water—were they the Rain Masters? Bastards! You should at least walk behind the Yinglong dragon and sprinkle some water to settle the dust.
On the left, the person with tusked mask carrying a flag, exhausted and sticking out his tongue—was that the Wind Elder? Completely useless. On this hot day without a breath of wind, the Wind Elder was truly derelict in his duties. The Golden Armored God did have some prestige—walking on stilts, two zhang tall, with leopard head and ring-shaped eyes, wielding a mountain-splitting giant axe in his hands. It looked like it couldn’t weigh less than a thousand catties, but seeing him wield it without much effort, it became clear—this was the same principle as the hammer used by Dan Ying’s sworn brother. They were all hollow.
“Uncle Zhangsun, compared to them we’re just a bunch of small fry. His Majesty must be playing the Yellow Emperor now. I just don’t know if Her Majesty is willing to play the role of Mòmǔ.”
Zhangsun Wuji closed his folding fan and heavily struck Yun Ye’s head: “Boy, talking nonsense! Making jokes about your elders really deserves a beating. Your question also shows no learning. The Yellow Emperor’s legitimate wife was Léizǔ; Mòmǔ was only a consort. Remember that?”
“Uncle Zhangsun’s teaching is correct. It’s just—why don’t we choose a cool time to walk instead of choosing the hottest time? If it was that fellow Yuan Tiangang who chose the time, this junior definitely won’t let him off.”
“You’re really wrong about that. This time wasn’t calculated by the Daoist sect—it’s been passed down for over a thousand years. The Double Ninth Festival is the day when yang energy is most abundant, able to suppress all evil spirits, which is why this day was chosen. It’s not someone deliberately trying to torment anyone. Now with ten thousand nations coming to pay homage, this is the perfect time when national fortune is thriving. His Majesty wants to offer sacrifice to Heaven and fulfill his vows to the Yellow Emperor, the ancestor of Chinese civilization. This is also part of the Nuo opera. Boy, endure it—we still have to walk back.”
This news was like a bolt from the blue for Yun Ye, who knew nothing about ancient rituals. These thirty li referred to the straight-line distance on the map, not the winding small paths. If the actual distance was less than fifty li, Yun Ye would gouge out his own eyeballs to step on. A round trip of over a hundred li of mountain roads without food supplied—this was life-threatening! He himself could endure it, but Grandmother couldn’t. Just now Old Master Liang had fainted and had to be carried on his grandson’s back. By the time they reached South Mountain, the old man would probably be ready for burial.
“Uncle Zhangsun, look at the Liang family elder in this condition—if he’s not treated soon, he probably won’t make it to South Mountain. People with heatstroke can be very troublesome. If he gets dehydrated, it’s all over.”
Zhangsun glanced at Old Man Liang and said to Yun Ye: “Ritual law is greater than heaven, let alone for such a grand ceremony. Even in death, one must follow the rules. Haven’t you noticed the Ministry of Rites officials didn’t even blink?”
Yun Ye felt there was nothing more to say. The Emperor had already calculated casualties into the plan. Being able to harden his heart to make his eleven-year-old daughter carry a pole and walk over a hundred li showed he valued ritual honor more than life.
Gao Yang kept hovering in front of Yun Ye, carrying two small wooden buckets. She seemed to very much hope Yun Ye would throw her onto the Crown Prince’s carriage too, but Yun Ye deliberately pretended not to see. So the little girl’s eyes reddened. She didn’t dare climb up herself, and couldn’t find anyone willing to be a scapegoat.
Yun Ye quietly watched the reaction of that fool behind him. If he didn’t make a move, Yun Ye would have to act. Gao Yang couldn’t hold on much longer.
Sure enough, that boy gritted his teeth, took Gao Yang’s pole, grabbed Gao Yang and with a swing, placed Gao Yang at the back of the carriage. He himself carried Gao Yang’s gift and continued forward.
Yun Ye whistled at the sobbing Gao Yang, earning a pair of white eyeballs. Fang Xuanling slapped the back of his son’s head but said nothing more.
“Bug, look at Fang Yi’ai—he knows to throw his future wife onto the carriage. Now look at Changle. That girl has never had a strong constitution since childhood. Now that she has to walk, don’t you feel sorry for her?”
“You bastard are deliberately messing with me. Isn’t it just because I sold you out that time at Yanlai Tower? So petty. How many times have you sold us brothers out? Of course I feel sorry for my wife, but look at me—where on my body is there still any space? It makes sense for Gao Yang and Lan Ling to get on the carriage—they’re children. But Changle is already seventeen. She can’t lose propriety anymore.”
There’s always a solution. Yun Ye helped Zhangsun Chong adjust his pole, then returned Fang Yi’ai’s things to him. Having achieved his purpose, there was no need to pay attention to that fool anymore. He took Changle’s pole and moved everything into Zhangsun Chong’s pole. He didn’t know if Changle was foolish or what, but her pole was filled with cream cheese. This stuff was dead heavy. Yun Ye stuffed seven or eight pieces into his own bosom, loaded all the rest in, and only after watching Zhangsun Chong laboriously pick it up did he nod with satisfaction.
Changle was teased by the women and children, who said envious things about someone caring for her. The shy Changle nearly stuffed her head into her chest. Zhangsun Chong walked forward with high spirits. After walking for a while, he turned back and asked Yun Ye: “Why are your hands empty?”
Yun Ye had no mood to answer Zhangsun Chong’s foolish question. He walked to the back of the procession and asked the Rain Master for two sheepskin pouches. He used a hairpin to poke a small hole in them, then tied the water bags to Old Master Liang’s head. This way there was water to cool him down—maybe he could make it to South Mountain.
Finally entering South Mountain, there was a bit of shade. Ahead, ritual officials patrolled back and forth, constantly shouting that they must have sincere reverent hearts and must reach the Heaven-worshipping location in one go without stopping.
Li Tai came over carrying his pole very easily. That pole seemed weightless, light as a feather. When they departed, the ritual officials had weighed them—poles must not be lighter than thirty catties, with women and children getting half. Yun Ye didn’t believe those rigid officials from the Imperial Clan Court would let Li Tai off the hook and open a back door for him.
He lifted Li Tai’s pole with his hand. What the hell—the red seal on top was intact, but the pole was very light, almost weightless, incomparable to Li Ke beside him who was drenched in sweat.
“Qing Que, you actually bribed the officials? Made them let you off?” Yun Ye looked around and didn’t dare speak loudly.
“Do I need to bribe them? That would disgrace this prince’s face. I inquired clearly long ago about what the Grand Ceremony entailed, so I planned to present ten bright pearls. To make them look good, I specifically froze the pearls in ice. With the ice, doesn’t that make thirty catties? As for the ice melting on the road, what does that have to do with me? Who has the ability to keep ice from melting under the blazing sun?”
The current Li Tai really left people speechless in how he did things. Why hadn’t he himself thought of such a good method? Still counting and loading corn kernels one by one—thinking about it was embarrassing.
Li Tai still helped share some burden for his younger brothers and sisters. Those who weren’t yet adults were all thrown onto the Crown Prince’s carriage by him. Crown Prince Li Chengqian looked at his brother gratefully. Doing this completely freed him from his guilt. He pulled out a packet of pastries from his bosom and handed them to Li Tai. Li Tai took them, but just as he opened them, Yun Ye snatched away half. Li Ke also reached out and grabbed a piece. Just as he was chewing, he discovered a ritual official coming over and immediately shut his mouth, puffing out his cheeks while looking at the sun.
Yun Ye and Li Tai were harshly scolded again by the ritual official—pastry crumbs at the corners of their mouths were unseemly, exposing their chests showed no aristocratic bearing whatsoever. Just as he was about to speak upon seeing Li Chengqian’s carriage full of small children, he saw Li Chengqian’s wolf-like gaze. After his trip to the battlefield, this fellow actually had a murderous aura about him.
The Ministry of Rites official swallowed his saliva, turned back and scolded Li Tai and Yun Ye some more to consolidate his authority, then turned and left. Li Ke struggled to use saliva to soften the pastry and swallow it, then said to Li Tai and Yun Ye: “Just think—I, the dignified Prince of Shu, now eating a piece of cake like a thief. Just now I was so frightened my heart was pounding.”
Yun Ye pulled out the realgar powder from his bosom and threw it away. Although the sachet was very beautiful, for the sake of his life, it was better to discard it. That smell not only kept snakes and insects from approaching—he himself didn’t dare approach either.
“Ye Zi, that enchantress you brought back from the brothel has made me suffer greatly. She’s now relentlessly urging me to perfect the density table. Talk to her—this is painstaking work like grinding stone, not something that can be done in a day or two. I still need to follow up on the gunpowder, and I also need to prepare the wool-spinning machinery well. After the Grand Ceremony, my father emperor will need it. I don’t have time to supplement the density table.” Li Tai irritably complained to Yun Ye about his troubles. Some things couldn’t be said to Hypatia. When urged by her, he could only agree, but had no time to do the work.
“You peeked at her chest and got your whole body soaked without realizing it. The leverage is in her hands—my words won’t work either. By the way, getting so excited from peeking at a woman that you wet your pants is quite a wonder. Qing Que, you need to find another wife now. Otherwise, if you wet your pants a few more times, it will damage your body. Once it becomes a habit, you’re finished.”
Li Tai’s face immediately flushed bright red. He looked around bewilderedly at those lewd faces. Li Ke’s eyes stared unblinkingly at his crotch. Fang Yi’ai had a thoughtful expression. Zhangsun Chong looked at his crotch then sighed. Cheng Chumo came over and patted his shoulder twice as if consoling him. The scene was heartwarming.
Li Tai didn’t think these people were all concerned about his body. These fellows’ assholes were probably blooming with laughter right now. From this moment on, he knew his reputation as an elegant gentleman who never lusted after women was ruined.
Surveying in all directions, he finally found that detestable woman who claimed she would keep his secret. He wanted to go confront her but couldn’t move his legs, because that woman was licking her crimson lips at him…