HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 16: If You Can't Kill Men, You Can Still Kill Dogs

Chapter 16: If You Can’t Kill Men, You Can Still Kill Dogs

Fortunately, Cheng Chumo had stolen a jar of grape wine to share with him. A single gulp of the warm wine liquid made his blood heat rise, and he slapped down the hand with which Cheng Chumo was raising his bowl.

“What a waste! How can you drink grape wine without chilling it first?”

“Brother here knows that chilled grape wine tastes refreshingly incomparable, but this is Longyou! We came here to suppress the Qiang people. His Majesty won’t even let us enter Lanzhou city—we can only camp in the wilderness. Where do you expect your brother to get ice from?” You could hear the belly full of complaints in Cheng Chumo’s voice. There was no helping it; His Majesty Li Er was currently planning to reorganize the army and absolutely refused to allow the military to disturb the local populace. It was estimated that soldiers throughout the entire Great Tang were all living in tents at this time.

“Living in the city is just a dream, but getting some ice is still possible. As long as you can find saltpeter, I can make ice.”

Hearing Yun Ye say this, Cheng Chumo didn’t even bother asking about the method. He stood up and went straight to the logistics camp—he remembered there should be saltpeter there, as wolf smoke signals contained this substance.

In the time it took to drink a cup of tea, Cheng Chumo returned carrying a large bag of saltpeter. Yun Ye found a vat, dumped all the saltpeter into it, and poured in more than half a vat of water. The water and saltpeter reacted violently, the water churning and splashing with intermittent explosive sounds. When the water surface calmed down, Yun Ye poured prepared cooled boiled water into a copper basin and let the basin float on the water’s surface. Before long, under Cheng Chumo’s wide-eyed stare, white ice patterns began to appear on the water’s surface. Within the time it took to eat a meal, the surface of the water vat was covered with white ice, and the water in the copper basin also began to freeze. Cheng Chumo carefully touched the ice surface with his hand and gasped: “Little brother, how did you do this? Making ice in the sixth month when the weather is hot enough to kill people—who would believe it if you told them?”

“Shut up. If you don’t know, don’t ask. Next year, we two brothers are going to rely on this to make money. You don’t know that your little brother here is still flat broke.”

Cheng Chumo scratched his head and indeed asked no more questions. He always felt that it wouldn’t be difficult for his brother to make money, so there was completely no need to prepare now. However, being able to drink ice-cold grape wine was the real business at hand.

The two brothers lay on a high pile of hay, drinking the refreshing ice-cold grape wine, all their summer heat dissipating completely. The ice chunks clinked against the bowl walls with tinkling sounds that, heard at this moment, were like a moving little tune. The sensation traveled from the tops of their heads pleasantly down to the soles of their feet, and neither had any inclination to talk anymore—they just stared blankly at the sky full of stars.

Cheng Chumo drained the fine wine in his bowl in one gulp, and taking advantage of the cool feeling, fell asleep immediately. Before long, thunderous snoring arose. Yun Ye sipped the wine in his bowl in small mouthfuls, gazing at the Altair star by the Milky Way with an endless bitter smile. Could that be a true portrayal of himself? In legend, they at least had one day a year to meet, while he himself was separated from his wife and children by one thousand three hundred and eighty years—in this life, he feared they would never meet again. He then raised the remaining wine in his bowl to toast the Vega star from afar, softly saying: “Take care.” Having said this, he drained the wine and threw the bowl far away into the unknown darkness.

The Turkic people had withdrawn. Not only did they take away thirty thousand Han slaves, but they also had His Majesty Li Er’s promise of non-aggression. The treasuries of the Chang’an prefecture were emptied for this. These triumphant bandits departed from Yuanzhou and Lingzhou, fleeing into the vast grasslands through Huaiyuan.

Cheng Yaojin held His Majesty Li Er’s personal letter and wept bitterly. Twelve thousand officers and men straightened their uniforms, fastened their armor, and prostrated themselves before the commander’s tent. Several fierce generals loosened their hair and cut their faces, requesting to go on campaign, determined to wash away with blood the supreme humiliation brought by the Alliance of the Wei River.

Cheng Yaojin and Vice Commander Niu Jinda cut their wrists and swore an oath: “If we do not avenge this wrong, we swear we are not human.” However, our army is weak, military equipment is incomplete, provisions and pay are insufficient, rebellions continue within the country, and Tubo and Tuyuhun watch covetously like tigers. With the slightest carelessness, the Great Tang faces the worry of collapse. A gentleman’s revenge is not too late even after ten years. Let us first pacify the rebels within the country. When our troops are elite and our provisions sufficient, we will certainly join you gentlemen in hunting on the grasslands and fighting the Turks to the death.

All the soldiers wept and returned. For a time, throughout the great camp, the sounds of sharpening blades filled the air, and indignant anger filled the space between heaven and earth. To allow the great army’s rage to be vented, Lanzhou and Suzhou, and the few remaining Qiang people, suffered a catastrophic disaster. To pursue and kill the rebels, the great army advanced to Hezhou, and Tuyuhun was thrown into panic. On one side, their army moved to the border; on the other, they dispatched envoys to Chang’an to mediate.

Yun Ye had been traveling with the great army throughout the Longyou lands, personally witnessing the Qiang people—this once glorious race—disappear from the forest of nations. Except for a small number of Qiang people who escaped into the deep mountains and fled to the wastelands, the remaining Qiang men of fighting age were all executed, and women and children were enslaved. It could be said that the entire Qiang tribe paid a heavy price for momentary satisfaction. Personally witnessing the destruction of an entire race brought tremendous spiritual impact to Yun Ye.

The rise and fall of ages, prosperity and decline in a single night—for the Han people to stand on Earth for five thousand years, weathering numerous storms yet sprouting new branches like an old tree, was both immeasurably difficult and immeasurably fortunate. And now, the Han people were about to welcome a new round of climax. Yun Ye pondered secretly: could his own arrival make this approaching golden age even more perfectly composed?

Carts rumbling, horses neighing, passersby with bows and arrows each at their waists—the great army’s march raised flying dust, and the clanging sounds of armor colliding were incessant. Cheng Chumo wore full bright armor that, under the blazing sun’s illumination, was like a gigantic torch, so dazzling one couldn’t open one’s eyes.

Right beside him, a horse stuck its head into the carriage of a horse cart, as if hiding from Xiao Cheng’s radiance. Only its constantly swaying tail betrayed its currently pleasant mood.

The date-red horse beneath Cheng Chumo’s crotch looked resentfully at Wang Cai, who had no one on his back, and lowered its head to continue laboriously carrying its heavy master forward.

Wang Cai naturally had reason to be pleased. Inside the carriage it was cool, a huge ice chunk emitting cold air. Outside the carriage the heat was oppressive; inside the carriage it was pleasantly cool. Yun Ye crossed his legs leisurely, humming a little tune while occasionally tossing a bean into his mouth. He was living carefree and at ease.

Wang Cai would lick the melting ice water from time to time, and occasionally Yun Ye would also grab a handful of beans and stuff them into Wang Cai’s mouth. One man and one horse appeared supremely comfortable in the torrent of the great army.

Behind Yun Ye’s cart followed a long convoy. This was the plunder that General Cheng had obtained when he broke through the old nest of the Hezhou Qiang people—dozens of carts of tanned lambskins. Money and valuables had already been distributed to the soldiers. Women, children, slaves, and servants would naturally be sold off locally, with the income going into the national treasury. From the general at the top down to the stable hands, everyone in the great army received benefits, so naturally morale was high-spirited.

Yun Ye also had benefits. The saltpeter that no one wanted filled a full ten carts. Hezhou itself was a saltpeter production area, producing saltpeter of high purity with few impurities—the best raw material for tanning hides. Originally it would have been at most one cart, but after General Cheng enjoyed the ice-cold grape wine, one cart became ten carts.

Cheng Chumo finally awoke from the dreamlike state of first obtaining bright armor, only to feel his body as if trapped in a steamer. Sweat flowed like a small stream from the top of his head down his neck to his waist. His boots were full of sweat, and a large wet patch had formed on the horse’s back.

Looking back at Yun Ye’s specially-made cart, then looking forward to see the central army’s great banner was a full half li away from him, he called over the commanding Guoyi Colonel, claiming he needed to change clothes, and told him to be careful. The most important thing was to tip him off when seeing the general.

The Guoyi Colonel, wearing a bamboo hat and thin armor, looked sympathetically at the Zhechong Colonel who looked like he’d been fished out of water, said “leave everything to me,” and Cheng Chumo patted his subordinate’s shoulder in thanks before plunging headlong into Yun Ye’s cart. The cart made a groaning sound of being overloaded. First he kicked Wang Cai’s big head out with one foot, then grabbed hold of that ice chunk and wouldn’t let go.

Seeing this, Yun Ye grabbed the iced herbal tea and stuffed the spout into Cheng Chumo’s mouth, watering him like a plant. After drinking an entire pot of cold tea dry, a series of extremely comfortable gasping sounds finally emerged from Cheng Chumo’s mouth.

“Bright armor is simply the best target on the battlefield—it can be called an arrow attractor. Besides show-offs and hot-headed people, who else would wear this thing in the blazing heat?”

Yun Ye glanced disdainfully at dawn’s touch and pulled a cloth towel from behind, throwing it in this fellow’s face.

“Brother here is willing! I’ve longed to have a set of bright armor in the capital, but Father wouldn’t agree, and making one myself was too expensive. Who knew I’d find one in Longyou? You don’t know—that big fool Yuchi has one. When we were in Chang’an, that guy wore it every day to show off in front of us. He wouldn’t even take it off while eating—he’d use his knife to stab food and send it to his mouth, saying that eating this way was the true character of a man. Although his old man gave him a sound beating before he took it off, it still made me unhappy. Now I’ve finally obtained one—if not now, when should I wear it?” Cheng Chumo explained in muffled tones while wiping his face.

“When we return to Chang’an, I’ll design a set of battle armor for you. For now, throw away this thing—the cart is about to break under the weight. Such heavy armor plus your body weight—what horse do you expect to be able to carry you into battle? You’re a cavalry general—agility and speed are your strengths. Now that you’ve put on this piece of junk, the horse won’t be able to hold up after running far. Without a horse, how much fighting power can you have left?”

Yun Ye calmly reasoned with Cheng Chumo. With both hands he helped him undo the silk cords binding the armor. Once the armor was removed, Cheng Chumo was obviously much more relaxed. The eighty-catty suit of armor was sent by his personal guards to the baggage train. After changing into short clothes and leather armor, Cheng Chumo knocked off a large chunk of ice and crunched it loudly, not afraid of breaking his teeth.

Cheng Chumo mounted his warhorse again. Although the blazing sun was fierce, military law was merciless, even if he was the general’s son. Yun Ye could lie in the cart because he wasn’t in a military position—moreover, he had epilepsy, and the general had specially permitted him to ride in a cart.

In this Longyou suppression of rebellion, the Left Guard of Martial Prowess served as a reserve force mainly because the majority in the army were new recruits who had never been on the battlefield. This time bringing them to Longyou also had the meaning of military training. Using the Qiang people to give the Left Guard’s new soldiers practice was just right. This army that had seen blood now had a different bearing from when it first arrived. When coming, the atmosphere in the army had been boisterous—these new soldiers had practically laughed and joked their way to Longyou. Now as the great army traveled, the entire formation was silent as a crow, with only the rustling sounds of armor leaves colliding and the rumbling sounds of military boots striking the ground. The blood-red Tang character tooth banner was fluttering in the wind.

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