HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 18: Delicious Noodles

Chapter 18: Delicious Noodles

It was over. Li Er had enthusiastically gone to attack Goguryeo this time and would surely return in disgrace. Perhaps he had already returned by now. Anyone from Guanzhong couldn’t help but feel saddened by Emperor Taizong’s three campaigns against Goguryeo, all three ending in failure. This wasn’t because the soldiers weren’t brave, nor because provisions couldn’t keep up, and certainly not because someone was hindering from behind. It was purely because of the three conditions that determined victory or defeat in war—favorable timing, geographical advantage, and popular support—and the Great Tang possessed not a single one.

The Emperor wanting to use war to divert domestic conflicts was a clever move. However, the Great Tang had only just achieved peace, and everyone wanted to properly enjoy a few years of tranquility. They truly had little interest in distant Goguryeo. Naturally, except for Goguryeo’s maidservants and slaves. If the Emperor raised the banner of plundering slaves to campaign in Goguryeo, Yun Ye guaranteed he would return in great victory.

Because the Great Tang’s best fighters now came in two groups—one was the pirates Yun Ye led, and the other was the formidable slave traders. These bastards all came from the Great Tang’s militia system. Ever since Li Er decided that anyone below squad leader who exceeded forty years of age could retire from the militia, the Great Tang’s violence industry had become exceptionally prosperous. Escort agencies opened everywhere. When other people opened escort agencies, they tried every means to establish good relations with the great bandits of the greenwood, so their agencies could safely pass through their territories.

Now escort agencies began organizing and premeditated seeking trouble with those bandits. When they were militiamen, armor and weapons were self-provided—they couldn’t just let them rust at home. The damned thieves were becoming fewer and fewer, no longer coming out to rob merchants. Escort fees dropped dramatically. To get bandits to rob them, they went to provoke bandits themselves. If lucky, after exterminating bandits, not only could they keep the bandits’ ill-gotten gains, but the authorities also gave reward money.

The slave trader profession only emerged after Hou Junji had completely conquered the grasslands. The court no longer restricted nobles from dividing pastures on the grasslands. The Yun family’s pastures became the model—cattle and sheep were continuously transported back to Chang’an every year. This business made countless people green with envy. Now that the pastures beneath Yin Mountain were gone, they set their sights on pastures elsewhere.

Hou Junji had swept the grasslands very clean—not even a herdsman could be found. How to herd sheep? Who would herd sheep for them? Surely the masters couldn’t go out with whips themselves. Thus, slave traders emerged in response to demand. They went east to Goguryeo, north to the vast sea, west to the plateau. Even Tuyuhun’s Xingxing Gorge area wasn’t stable—people constantly disappeared.

The Great Tang’s laws were formulated quite unscrupulously. As long as slave traders entered Great Tang checkpoints and paid sufficient taxes and fees, they acknowledged that those people you brought back were your goods. The tax paid was livestock tax.

Yun Ye’s mind was racing, but he just didn’t want to turn his thoughts to Li Er’s campaign. A year had passed—regardless of how the Goguryeo war had turned out, he was powerless to do anything.

Li Anlan had tidied herself up again and walked to the reception hall preparing to take revenge on Yun Ye. Those two slaps earlier had hurt—they’d left red marks. But she saw Yun Ye sitting alone in a chair muttering to himself in a daze. She quietly approached and only then heard Yun Ye say:

“What’s the rush? What harm if Goguryeo fights for two more years? When two wolves fight, if a tiger jumps out, these two wolves will immediately cease hostilities. They might even turn around and attack the tiger together.”

“Even if you want to fight Goguryeo, at least bring the Lingnan Navy! Using only the army, how much effort will it take to pull down those cities one by one?”

“Xuantu City, Hengshan City, Gaimou City, Momi City, Liaodong City, Baiyan City, Maigu City, Yinshan City, Houhuang City, plus the already repaired Great King City—by the time you attack Pyongyang, Liaodong’s bitter cold will descend. The only option is retreat! Truly making trouble for yourself. Don’t you know this will encourage Chengqian’s arrogance?”

“The Feng Shan ceremony at Mount Tai would have been a good plan to drag down the Shandong aristocratic clans. Why use the even more brutal Liaodong War to drag down Shandong? Wasn’t one Wang Bo enough? Are you preparing for a Li Bo to appear?”

Li Anlan said softly, “Husband, you’re not optimistic about Father Emperor’s campaign?”

“Too hasty. Zhang Jian, who knows Goguryeo best, and I—neither of us are on the campaign roster. Although His Majesty has assistance from the Bai Qi Si, Chengqian, Qing Que, our family, and spies left by the nobles, they’re still very unfamiliar with Liaodong. I think problems will arise with the climate and the distant supply lines.”

“Father Emperor said that the nine regions have been settled but one corner remains incomplete, so he wouldn’t listen to anyone and insisted on the eastern campaign. Wei Zheng earnestly advised that this would repeat Emperor Yang of Sui’s mistakes, but Father Emperor issued an edict demoting him and forbidding him to leave the capital—he can only reflect at home. Chu Suiliang earnestly advised but was also rebuked in court by Father Emperor. Husband, please, I beg you, don’t speak of this matter. When your wife learned Father Emperor was preparing to attack Goguryeo, I was also very worried, but also secretly delighted—that you had already gone to sea and were completely uninvolved with the eastern campaign.”

“If you still have interest, your wife will accompany you back to the bedroom to sleep. Just don’t think about this matter. Chengqian remains in Shandong with unclear intentions—our family won’t get involved.” Li Anlan’s last few sentences were emphatic. Clasping Yun Ye’s arm, she wanted to return to the bedroom.

“Alright, alright, I won’t think about it. Go get me a bowl of noodles to eat. Remember, the bowl should be large, plenty of chili peppers, and the sauce should cover all the noodles. If this meal is comfortable, maybe I’ll forget about this matter. After resting a while, I’ll take you back to Yongzhou to see if you can have another child.” Yun Ye patted Li Anlan’s back and instructed.

“Another bowl of noodles with the same requirements as the previous bowl. Best if you also send two cloves of garlic.” Li Tai’s voice came from the direction of the moon gate. Yun Ye’s words just now had been somewhat loud, and he’d overheard.

Li Anlan blushed scarlet with embarrassment and glared at Yun Ye without good humor before leaving the hall, kicking Li Tai’s shin as she went. Li Tai cried out repeatedly, “I only heard about the noodles! As for having children, I didn’t hear that at all.”

Seeing Li Anlan walk away, Li Tai plopped down in a chair and said, “Big trouble. My father emperor ordered Minister of Justice and Duke of Jun, Zhang Liang, as Grand Commander of the Pyongyang Route Army, with Governor of Luzhou Zuo Nandang as Vice Commander of the Pyongyang Route Army, and Ran Rende, Liu Yingxing, Zhang Weng’an, Pang Xiaotai, Cheng Mingzhen and others as commanders, leading forty-three thousand elite troops from Jiang, Huai, Ling, and Xia, aboard five hundred warships departing from Laizhou, crossing the sea toward Pyongyang.”

“Simultaneously, Duke Yingguo Li Ji was made Grand Commander of the Liaodong Route Army, Minister of Rites and Prince of Jiangxia Li Daozong as Vice Commander of the Liaodong Route Army, with Zhang Shigui, Zhishisili, Qibi Heli, Ashina Mishe, Jiang Xingben, Qu Zhisheng, Wu Heituo, and Li Yuanzheng as army commanders under him, leading sixty thousand infantry and cavalry from land toward Liaodong. At the same time, edicts ordered Khitan chieftain Yujue, Xi chieftain Su Zhi, Silla King Kim Seondeok, Baekje King Buyeo Uija, and other rulers to lead troops to assist in battle.”

“Ye Zi, a year has already passed. We know nothing here in Lingnan. You’re most familiar with Liaodong—tell me, can my father emperor settle Goguryeo in one battle and make the nine provinces complete without defect?”

Yun Ye smiled but said nothing. Li Tai’s words were full of excitement, believing that with the Great Tang’s elite forces fully deployed, small Goguryeo would surely be pacified in one battle. Asking Yun Ye’s counsel at this time was naturally just wanting to hear flattering words.

“His Majesty’s civil and martial virtue blesses all living things. Between breaths, clouds and mist take on color. While sitting and reclining, there are hidden thunderclaps. The imperial majesty is sufficient to make the four directions submit. This time, wielding the Son of Heaven’s sword to punish the disloyal, with tigers, leopards, bears, and brave warriors at his command, insignificant Goguryeo will surely turn to dust before His Majesty’s divine might. We need only sing and chant praises.”

After hearing Yun Ye’s praise and glorification, Li Tai’s eyes widened in shock as he asked, “You’re saying my father emperor will be defeated?”

“Which word did I say that was inauspicious speech predicting His Majesty’s defeat? I was praising achievements and virtue, not Wu Zixu whose head hung on the city gate cursing the army. You and I may be close, but I won’t accept baseless rumors.” Though Yun Ye’s mouth spoke cheerfully, his eyes were ice-cold without a hint of laughter.

“Then what should we do? Though you haven’t fought many battles and don’t know the Liaodong war situation, you seem to be spouting nonsense here, but why do I feel uneasy? Clearly, Li Ji, Li Daozong, Zhang Liang, Zhang Shigui’s characters seem more trustworthy, yet I feel your instinct is correct.” Li Tai had already started talking nonsense, his lips trembling severely.

“If you want me to die early, go around saying these things. Don’t you know how Tian Feng of the Three Kingdoms died? His cause of death was being loose-lipped. Moreover, I haven’t even been loose-lipped—everything is your speculation.” Yun Ye took two large bowls of noodles from the maid’s tray, pushed one bowl toward Li Tai, picked up a bowl with extra sauce for himself, and began eating noisily. Blanched baby bok choy always suited his appetite.

Li Tai pushed away his bowl and said, “Ye Zi, let’s go to Liaodong right now. Take these three giant ships. I believe the Liaodong battle situation could use these three ships.”

“No need. Five hundred warships are enough for the army to maneuver in the gulf. Actually, we’ve already defeated the Goguryeo navy. Where do you think Takayama Yoko, that fake empress’s hundred-plus warships came from? They’re all from the Goguryeo navy. We kept Goguryeo’s most elite navy occupied in the South Seas and beat them badly. That’s enough.”

“His Majesty’s war began right after we left. I didn’t understand before why His Majesty wanted Yan Lide to build four hundred old-style warships in Hongzhou, Raozhou, and Jiangzhou. Now I know—the old man wanted to fight Goguryeo. This idea must have been brewing in his heart for a long time. His Majesty not only deceived the Goguryeo people but even us.”

“The war must be in its late stages now. By the time we spend two more months traveling along the coastline to Liaodong, His Majesty will probably have already returned to the Great Tang. This battle—we can’t catch up to it.”

Seeing Li Tai had no appetite, Yun Ye finished his own food, then pulled over Li Tai’s bowl and continued eating. His body was badly depleted and needed replenishing.

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