HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 19: Pears and Watermelons

Chapter 19: Pears and Watermelons

Yun Ye truly entered the palace upright and left horizontally. Lying on a palanquin with snoring sounds coming from his mouth, he was carried out of the palace. Wang Cai worriedly sniffed Yun Ye’s mouth and nose, only to be continuously snorting from being fumigated by a heavy breath of alcohol.

Madam Cheng and Xinyue were very happy, because Yun Ye had entered for a very long time. He entered the palace in the morning and only left at dusk. Madam Cheng used just a little technique to discover everything—Yun Ye was drinking together with the Empress.

Seeing Yun Ye carried out completely drunk, Madam Cheng smiled even more happily, like a fox that had stolen a chicken. As for Xu Jingzong waiting in a distant carriage, he pushed away the beautiful maid draped over him, stretched his neck to look at the laughing Madam Cheng, then ordered the driver to drive the carriage home. He himself pulled over the beautiful maid, and his bearded mouth roughly pressed against the maid’s face.

Many others simultaneously witnessed this scene. Some were happy, some disappointed, some regretful, and of course some were gnashing their teeth. Madam Cheng clasped her hands together, continuously saying nonsense like “Buddha bless us.” Qin Da also quickly mounted his horse, whipped the horse’s rear, and in a puff of smoke ran back to the Qin Family estate.

Yun Ye slept unconscious until noon the next day before climbing up sickly, drinking small millet porridge one mouthful at a time. This was his favorite food, indispensable at home every day. Xinyue always tried to add things like red dates and dried longans to the small millet porridge, but Yun Ye strictly refused, always believing that after adding those things, the small millet porridge had a stench, which he could not tolerate.

“Husband, yesterday you drank together with Her Majesty. Was His Majesty not there?”

“Husband, what did you and Her Majesty say while drinking yesterday?”

“Husband, after you got drunk, you didn’t lose composure before Her Majesty, did you?”

“Husband…”

“Shut up! If you dare say one more word, I’ll lock you in the cellar!” Unable to bear it any longer, Yun Ye rubbed his temples and roared. Xinyue giggled and quickly went to the back courtyard.

“Master, when you drank with Her Majesty yesterday, you didn’t agree to any strange conditions, did you?”

“Master, our family finally can hide behind the scenes calling wind and rain. You don’t want to make a comeback again, do you?”

“Master, did you actually resign that rotten title of Minister of War?”

“Master…”

“Someone! Lock Xiao Wu in the cellar!” Unbearably annoyed, Yun Ye roared for Liu Jinbao to drag Xiao Wu away.

Just eating a meal—why were there so many questions?

“Xiao Ye, tell your auntie what you said to Her Majesty?”

“Xiao Ye, did you mention to Her Majesty that we also want to operate a cotton textile workshop?”

“Xiao Ye, tell your auntie what you plan to do next. We’ve opened up our channels and can get involved in other trades.”

“Xiao Ye…”

“Someone! Lock… me in the cellar!” Following Yun Ye’s roar, Madam Cheng irritably slapped Yun Ye on the head, then twisted and swayed away to find Xinyue to continue discussing the families’ wealth-making grand plans.

Xu Jingzong came. Just after sitting down, Yun Ye warned: “If you want to eat, then eat. Don’t ask questions. Be careful I’ll lock you up. I’ve already locked up several people.”

Xu Jingzong immediately shut his mouth, took a steamed bun, asked for a bowl of small millet porridge and began eating. Being as obedient as flowing water was his way. Yun Ye’s head was still a jumbled mess. Yesterday’s drinking had been rather unrestrained. He himself couldn’t clearly remember what he’d said. It seemed at the end he and the Empress were mocking Yuan Shoucheng together.

If drinking with Li Er, he would never drink this way even if beaten to death. At the very least, pouring wine into his sleeves was definitely something that would happen. But drinking with Zhangsun, doing this would be extremely base.

He hadn’t expected Zhangsun’s alcohol tolerance to be so good. The two of them drank seven or eight pots of strong liquor. He was carried out, while she was perfectly fine. This defied common sense. Anyone who cheated at the wine table must have other purposes. Could it be Zhangsun cheated? When he drank, he bottomed out in one gulp. When Zhangsun drank, he couldn’t monitor her—this was very impolite. Yun Ye suddenly remembered that toward the end of drinking, Zhangsun’s flowing long sleeves became less flowing. His heart immediately turned ice-cold. He had an eighty percent, no, one hundred percent certainty of being tricked.

At this moment in the palace, the Emperor and Empress were very happy. Although Zhangsun still seemed to have a bit of residual drunkenness, her spirits were very good.

“Haha, yesterday was hard on the Empress. How was it? Did that kid agree or not?” Li Er attentively poured Zhangsun a bowl of tea.

Zhangsun looked charmingly at the Emperor and said with a smile: “At the very beginning, this concubine was truly congratulating him. The Western Regions’ bloody battles—even saying ‘arduous merit and high achievement’ is insufficient to commend them. Unexpectedly, after drinking wine, Yun Ye actually became emotional. Hearing his account, this concubine’s heart also felt very uncomfortable. The Western Regions’ hardships truly are difficult to describe in words. Guo Xiaoke, Zhang Tingyue, Han Huang—they died magnificently and incomparably. When Yun Ye said he retrieved the great general’s seal from Zhang Tingyue’s mouth, this concubine was truly grief-stricken beyond measure.”

“Cheng Yaojin passed such hardship at Dafei River. The dignified great general only had half-raw flatbread for each meal to stave off hunger. Even so, the documents Zhijie sent never mentioned it once. To tell the truth, Your Majesty, these generals under your command truly are worthy of the trust you give them. Whether it’s Yun Ye, Cheng Yaojin, Li Jing, Zhang Jian, Qibi, or Niu Jinda, there seems to be nothing bad to say. All are outstanding figures of a generation. This time our Great Tang could achieve great victory in an environment where the world attacked Tang—their merit is extremely great.”

Li Er stood up, hands behind his back, and said proudly: “This is natural. Zhen treats them as limbs, so naturally they will treat Zhen as their heart and belly. Zhen has never heard of loyalty with only one-sided devotion. With them as the vanguard, Zhen’s realm naturally is cast in steel and forged in iron.”

Zhangsun helped Li Er sit down, smiled strangely, and said to Li Er: “Do you know what Yun Ye’s final plan is? This concubine guarantees you cannot guess.”

Li Er shook his head, held Zhangsun’s hand and said: “He plans to idle away eating and waiting for death? Now his achievements are great enough, his official position is high enough. As for being enfeoffed as a duke, it’s fundamentally a matter of time. A founding duke—one must have a matching age. Thirty-some years old is too young. It’s not like inheriting a title. His Hereditary Marquis rising one more level becomes Hereditary County Duke. This is the first time in our Great Tang. Suffering some opposition is reasonable. A hereditary duke is a hundred times harder to obtain than other dukes, so the resistance suffered is also a hundredfold. On this point he shouldn’t have any complaints.”

Zhangsun nodded: “Yun Ye said he doesn’t plan to go out anymore. In the future he plans to live in Chang’an. The academy is where his foundation lies, so he wants to command all academy affairs, including the back mountain.”

“He said these things were all produced by the academy, so returning to the academy is also proper reasoning. The current commander of the academy’s back mountain, Prince Hejian, is not qualified. The continuously appearing accidents some time ago are clear evidence.”

“What the academy now produces becomes increasingly dangerous, increasingly difficult to control. Some things, once not controlled well, will brew monstrous disasters. He even mentioned those viruses sealed in the back mountain caves. These things should not be entrusted to those who don’t understand. Once something happens, the Great Tang’s essential regions will suffer catastrophe.”

“So he suggests some warehouses should be moved into the depths of the Qinling Mountains, not be so close to Chang’an. Qingque has also made these suggestions. This is Yun Ye’s requirement. He did not agree to Your Majesty’s request for him to serve as Minister of War.”

Li Er pondered for a moment and resolutely shook his head: “Rules. The court is a place that follows rules. The so-called ‘if the name is not correct, the words will not flow smoothly.’ That Yun Ye can recommend himself is very good, but he must follow the rules. Only by serving as Minister of War can Zhen grant him the authority to manage Jade Mountain’s back mountain. Jade Mountain’s back mountain relates to the Great Tang’s life and death. For him to take charge, Zhen is naturally at ease. But rules cannot be broken. Henceforth every Minister of War will naturally have this authority. The two cannot be separated. Among the Six Ministries, only the Ministers of War and Personnel have the great authority to participate in court governance. This is Zhen’s new division of the Minister of War’s authority.”

Zhangsun nodded and said no more, because this already involved the court’s highest secrets. She could not be too involved.

“Tell Yun Ye, if he wants to obtain the authority to manage Jade Mountain’s back mountain, then obediently serve Zhen as Minister of War. This is the only ability he has in this life. If he became prime minister, he would harm the Great Tang’s common people to death.”

The worried and bitter-faced Yun Ye and the jubilant Xu Jingzong formed an extremely obvious contrast. Zhangsun’s letter had transformed in his hands into a golden, brilliant future. Compared to Yun Ye’s heavy authority, Xu Jingzong believed his position as Vice Premier finally had a solid support.

Even fools could see that Yun Ye’s official career had peaked. What kind of place was the academy’s back mountain—who would be clearer than him? That was the true critical military location. Compared to the status of the Sixteen Guards protecting the capital, it was no less important, perhaps even surpassing it.

The Emperor finding Yun Ye to guard his vulnerable spot—for the time being it was impossible to find a suitable person to replace him. It could even be said that in a lifetime there were only one or two qualified people. Yun Ye was undoubtedly the most suitable candidate.

Since he himself was in Yun Ye’s group, once Yun Ye could not reach the height of prime minister, then only people like himself could touch that prime minister position. Having Cheng Yaojin or Yuchi Gong serve as prime minister would be the Great Tang common people’s misfortune.

Yun Ye was worried. He wanted a pear, but the Emperor threw over a watermelon—the biggest kind. The Ministry of War governed over six hundred military prefectures. Who knew how many official duties needed handling daily? Being in such a position, how could one still hope to remain unknown? At any time and place, one had to place one’s rear on a volcano mouth to extinguish fires.

Originally the back mountain’s management authority didn’t require asking the Emperor—it would naturally fall on his head. Prince Hejian, because of several accidents, already felt himself inadequate to the task. When the old gentleman entered the back mountain, he was practically completely in the dark. As long as the back mountain’s supervising officials didn’t explain to him, he couldn’t figure out what things they were manufacturing. Privately he had already begged Yun Ye several times wanting to wash his hands of it. If something went wrong, even sacrificing his entire family’s lives wouldn’t clear the debt.

Finally understanding his own weakness, Yun Ye secretly sighed. He still could not resist Zhangsun’s maternal care.

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