Things turned out unexpectedly. They liked the story very much but didn’t like the song. This made Yun Ye sad. Although his good brother Cheng Chumo strongly supported him, he couldn’t withstand the fierce criticism from the two lolis, who also said that the art of song was elegant and noble—one should use the most beautiful language to express the most wonderful love. Using rustic village songs to describe such beautiful love gave a feeling of abandoning bells to make tiles roar.

He didn’t understand. They were already prostitutes yet still fantasizing about love? It could already be determined that Jiuyi’s love interest could only be Cheng Chumo. If she fantasized about someone else, this wonderful triangle relationship would definitely become the Tang Dynasty version of “Ghost.” This master had learned this stuff since childhood. Folk songs praised to the heavens by countless big names and masters—how did they become things that couldn’t be brought onto the stage? Wasn’t “Jasmine Flower” sung until the whole world knew it? And this was only because this master was a literary youth that he could randomly chant such a wonderful song. If it were switched to a few brothers from my student dormitory singing “Eighteen Touches,” wouldn’t you die?

This made him angry. He ordered the maid to get him a cartload of Hami melons, then load up a cart with various pastries, and headed home. Don’t ask—Zhangsun Chong was paying! Under the watchful eyes of hundreds of people up and down Yanlai Pavilion, he returned laden with goods.

Old Grandmother hadn’t slept again, waiting for Yun Ye to return. The whole family hadn’t slept either. The little girls eagerly watched outside the door. Xiao Ya nodded like a chicken pecking rice but persisted.

Yun Ye felt somewhat ashamed and planned to slip into the courtyard, but was spotted by the sharp-eyed Xiao Xi. In a flash, a group of people surrounded him. Fortunately, he’d prepared early—one Hami melon and one portion of pastries per person. Old Grandmother didn’t ask where Yun Ye had actually gone, only arranged for the older sisters to prepare bath water. An aunt washed Yun Ye from top to bottom until he was clean, especially paying special attention to key areas. Her mouth chattered incessantly, saying people outside were unclean. If he liked someone, he should find a good woman from a good family. If she got pregnant, that would be even better—pure and innocent descendants of the Marquis residence.

This made Yun Ye’s face completely red. The more he explained, the more disdainful his aunt became. Yun Ye swore that once his hands were better, he would never again let family elders bathe him. Thing was, his psychological age was approaching forty, and his physical age was already fifteen—he wasn’t some little brat the elders could randomly grab and scrub.

Chang’an City truly had countless bored people. Overnight, the matter of Marquis Yun running to Yanlai Pavilion to forcibly seize Hami melons spread with great commotion. Even more so, two people whispering secretly made shocked expressions—one muttered, the other nodded repeatedly. In an instant, the forced seizure of Hami melons incident became: Marquis Yun didn’t like beauties but only liked Hami melons, and at night could only fall asleep holding Hami melons, and so on.

Cheng Chumo asked how it felt to sleep with Hami melons and was viciously kicked twice. Zhuang Santing stayed far away from Yun Ye and wouldn’t come over. Liu Jinbao was still applying hot eggs to his eye socket—this was the consequence of looking at Marquis Yun with strange eyes.

“What’s shameful about men going to brothels? But why did you bring back a cartload of melons for?” Yun Ye wanted to die. This one he also didn’t dare hit. Hami melons were for eating—otherwise what else could they be used for? Old Niu didn’t even know this—no wonder Madam Niu pinched him.

While measuring Niu Jianhu’s lower leg, he warned: “Don’t look at me with strange eyes. Be careful or I’ll saw off your other leg too.” Niu Jianhu hurriedly shut his mouth, but his face turned completely red—looking like he was constipated.

His arms could move. The old consecrated master’s acupuncture skills weren’t given freely. Both promoting blood circulation and dissolving blood stasis, in two days his hands could move, only he couldn’t lift heavy objects. So now he could only do simple preparatory work. He’d agreed with Old Niu that since they’d reached the New Year holiday, he would come after the fifteenth to make the prosthetic limb.

Before he knew it, the New Year arrived. He couldn’t hear the crackling of firecrackers, couldn’t smell the choking gunpowder smell—it seemed to lack the New Year atmosphere. Spring couplets couldn’t be pasted. Two deities with bizarre expressions and fierce faces were hung on the main gate. Old Grandmother personally smeared honey on the Kitchen God’s mouth and used a big red rooster as the Kitchen God’s mount to send him to heaven to speak good things.

Worshipping ancestors, Old Grandmother smiled and stroked Grandfather’s spirit tablet without the slightest sadness, only saying to let Grandfather wait a bit more for her. She had just started living good days and didn’t plan to go see Grandfather right now. No matter what, she had to wait until Yun Ye’s grand wedding and the little girls married—only then could she go find him without worries.

Yun Ye diligently used a brush dipped in black tree lacquer to carefully trace stroke by stroke his nominal father’s memorial tablet. There was no one else in the spirit hall—just the two of them, grandmother and grandson. Desolate.

Old Grandmother kept sighing, speaking of the sadness of not prospering in descendants. Thinking back to those years, the spirit hall was packed full of male family members. Now there was only one grandson—it made one’s heart ache. However, in an instant she became proud again, saying a houseful of men couldn’t compare to one grandson. My grandson is now the dignified Marquis of Lantian County, associating with princes and dukes and such. A few days ago even His Highness the Crown Prince ran over to pay respects to me, this old lady—your Yun family ancestral graves are emitting green smoke.

Whether the Yun family ancestral graves were emitting green smoke or not, Yun Ye didn’t know. Now he was starting to emit green smoke, and it was coming out from his nose. “His Highness the Crown Prince gracing our humble abode truly makes it radiant. But I wonder what His Highness means by bringing so many Hami melons?” Forcibly suppressing his anger, he asked Li Chengqian through gritted teeth.

Li Chengqian’s mouth chewed the fried dough twists made especially for New Year, saying unclearly: “This one heard news that the Marquis of Lantian most loves this foreign melon, to the point of never being separated from it day or night. The Eastern Palace has stored quite a lot, so I’m sending some to the Marquis of Lantian to comfort Marquis Yun’s lovesickness.” After swallowing a large piece of dough twist, he had a disgusting appearance of being a confidant.

“This minor marquis being able to receive the Crown Prince’s gift, I’m truly endlessly grateful. Recently this minor marquis has also developed a type of military equipment that can kill enemies invisibly from ten miles away. I wonder if His Highness the Crown Prince would like to come observe?”

“This one naturally wants to see. Marquis Yun, please lead the way.”

Dismissing the guards, the two came one after the other to the study. Yun Ye closed the study and gave orders not to let anyone disturb them. Li Chengqian enthusiastically flipped through books on Yun Ye’s desk, not even lifting his head to ask: “What sharp weapon is it that requires such secrecy?” He asked for a long time without anyone answering. Only when he lifted his head did he discover Yun Ye had viciously grabbed him and thrown him onto the reclining chair, both hands vigorously tickling him.

Now wanting to run was already too late. Li Chengqian laughed heartily from the tickling, his whole body soft and unable to use strength, able only to let Yun Ye have his way. Not until he laughed until tears and snot all came down and begged for mercy repeatedly did Yun Ye let him go. Li Chengqian, lying like mud on the reclining chair, said aggrievedly: “You used trickery.”

“Nonsense. If I didn’t use trickery and did this in the front hall, I’d be chopped into meat sauce by your guards. It’s all your own fault. Dragging a cartload of melons to mock me—serves you right.” Yun Ye’s anger was hard to calm. Pointing at Li Chengqian, he trembled incessantly.

“So you really do like foreign melons and don’t like beauties? Right, why do you call foreign melons Hami melons?”

“I’m not a pervert. Of course I like beauties. Would those few flat-chested, no-ass stick girls at Yanlai Pavilion catch my eye? When I find a beauty I like, I’ll show you what it means to be a man.”

“I’ve eaten this kind of melon before and specifically asked my teacher. Teacher said this thing is produced in a place called Hami in the Western Regions. If it’s not called Hami melon, what should it be called?”

“Right, what did you come find me for? You never visit the temple without a reason. State your business. I don’t have time to bicker with you—still need to celebrate New Year.”

“It was my mother who sent me. She told me to tell you that since you have the leisure to visit brothels, that means your physical ailments are healed. After the fifteenth, enter the palace. She wants to properly discipline and teach you, this wastrel young master.” Li Chengqian was somewhat gloating. He himself had always been disciplined quite severely by the Empress.

“Your mother? Empress Mother? You’re sure she has the intention to discipline and teach me? Aren’t there other ministers giving us lessons? How did your mother come out again?” Yun Ye panicked a bit. The dignified Empress, instead of properly disciplining consorts in the rear palace and conveniently having a few palace intrigue dramas, was running out to bring disaster on him, this Great Tang seedling.

“Haha, finally someone to accompany me! My mother’s discipline—Yezi, you just suffer it. Hopefully my mother, busy disciplining you, will relax her discipline of me. You truly are a living Bodhisattva who relieves suffering and difficulty.” Li Chengqian patted Yun Ye’s shoulder, unable to contain his joy.

“I’m an external minister. It’s not convenient for Her Majesty to discipline me, right?” Holding onto the last bit of hope, he asked Li Chengqian.

“Your face is big. My mother is the Empress. You’re a noble marquis and still a minor. This means she has the right to discipline and teach you. It’s not a matter of whether you’re an internal or external minister.”

This was tragic. Yun Ye was very clear about what kind of person Empress Zhangsun was. Li’er’s enormous rear palace was managed by her in perfect order without half a thread of disharmonious incidents spreading out. How much wisdom would it take to achieve this? Although the combat in the rear palace showed no gunpowder smoke, it was still a battlefield of life and death. A generation of strong woman who had experienced hundreds of battles and won every one was taking on the important task of educating him. It could be foreseen—no problems whatsoever. He’d mixed around for over a decade yet was still a brick at the bottom of society. That bit of workplace experience in her eyes was just trash. The happy life plan formulated a few days ago could be thrown into the garbage heap. Empress Zhangsun wouldn’t let go until she’d squeezed out his last bit of oil and water. Li’er! You’re ruthless.

Li Chengqian, seeing Yun Ye’s face turn white then black, worriedly asked: “Are you alright, Little Ye? My mother is gentle and dignified, most kind and good. Having her discipline and teach you—this is a good thing others would beg for but couldn’t get. Why are you in such difficulty?”

“That’s toward you. Toward me, it won’t be so easy to be kind. Brother’s good days have come to an end.” Yun Ye said with a mournful face.

Li Chengqian also had a face full of sorrow. He was all too clear about his mother’s formidability.

After sending off Li Chengqian, Old Grandmother asked Yun Ye what had happened—why did his complexion look so bad? Yun Ye told Grandmother about Empress Mother wanting to personally teach him. Old Grandmother closed her eyes and thought for a long time before saying: “Ye’er, Grandmother’s experience is shallow. I don’t know the advantages and disadvantages inside and can’t give you advice. But Grandmother has lived almost sixty years and understands one principle—the imperial family emphasizes that those who submit prosper, those who resist perish. Your father, grandfather, and uncles all lost their lives under this saying. Grandmother doesn’t hope you’ll follow in their footsteps. I hope you’ll continue the Yun family line and live well. Put down your pride. Keep your master enshrined in your heart. Since the Empress wants to change you, she’ll use every method. Right now she’s just using proper and aboveboard means to deal with you. Obviously, your actions have exceeded their scope of control. They want to re-fit you with shackles to make you useful to them. You remember, no matter when, your life is most important. Don’t worry about us.”

Yun Ye stepped forward and embraced Grandmother: “It won’t happen, Grandmother. I want to live, and you all must live too. You must live to one hundred years old.”