HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 26: Everyone Becomes a Censor

Chapter 26: Everyone Becomes a Censor

By the time Yun Ye’s mood had improved, the wheat seedlings in the fields had already sprouted new shoots. The tender goose-yellow color spread across the earth, and swallows flew low, occasionally picking up withered branches and leaves from the wilderness before darting into the homes of princes and nobles to build their nests. The Yun family home had an especially large number of swallow nests—there was an old nest from last year under the eaves of the main house. Two swallows were busy going in and out diligently, and when they had leisure time, they would curiously poke their heads out from the nest, watching a sturdy young man kneeling beside an elderly person, speaking in a low voice.

“Great-grandmother, your grandson must go to the distant frontier to serve garrison duty. This journey will take three years at most, two years at least. While your grandson is away, you must take care of your health. When your grandson returns, I will serve you well and show my filial piety.”

The old grandmother looked somewhat sentimental, holding her great-grandson’s hand reluctant to let go, saying sadly: “What else can great-grandmother do besides take care of her health? Children from military families, when they grow up, must leave home to guard the borders. This is your fate, and also great-grandmother’s fate—it cannot be avoided or escaped. Your father has been campaigning abroad year after year without rest, which is how our Yun family gained such prosperity and honor. Before you know it, it’s already your turn. Just yesterday I saw you as a plump little child, how is it that today you must don armor and go to war?”

Yun Shou stood up, forcefully pounding his chest once and said to his great-grandmother: “Great-grandmother, look, your grandson is very strong! Father drove away the enemies, so now it’s your grandson’s turn to guard against them and prevent them from taking back what was lost…”

The swallows had no time to listen to these sentimental words. They felt they were about to lay eggs, but their house was still a bit drafty, which wouldn’t do at all. With a push of their legs, they left the nest and darted into the outer garden, continuing to search for the softest nesting materials.

In her room, Xinyue was busy preparing armor for Yun Shou’s expedition. She re-examined the gold thread on each piece of armor, and carefully added an extra strand of thread at the connecting points between armor plates. This way, the armor plates would be less likely to fall off.

Yun Ye was nestled in his reclining chair, holding up a book to read. The spring sunlight shone through the window lattice onto his body. Li Jing’s “Six Armies Mirror” still had its merits. This masterwork by a legendary general, having just been published, already faced the danger of obsolescence—this had to be called a tragedy.

Some students at the academy arrogantly believed that the ancient cold weapon warfare system was gradually dying out, to be replaced by a new generation of hot weapons. These killed people more efficiently and directly. Yun Ye’s famous saying about eliminating the enemy on their path of attack had become an object of their worship. The theory of weapons supremacy had occupied their fanatical minds, especially after the appearance of the Camel City and the invincible posture it displayed, which seemed to confirm this theory, providing an even more solid foundation for it to stand on in military theory history.

This was excessive. Who would know better than himself what he really was? He had merely used the right weapons at the right time and place to defeat the right enemy.

As enemies gradually came to understand hot weapons, they would always find new methods to counter these hot weapons. From the failure of the Sixteen Kings of the Western Regions, one could see the tremendous progress of the Tocharians. They had gone from fleeing in panic at the sound of gunpowder explosions to now knowing to dig trenches and disperse skirmish lines to reduce casualties, which showed that this world was rapidly adapting to the arrival of hot weapons. In the use of fire oil, they had even gained further understanding. Something called hellfire was being equipped in large quantities by the Tocharians, Chaghatai people, and Arabs.

A famous person from later generations once said that the Long March was a seeding machine and a propaganda team. This saying was absolutely true. The largest-scale use of gunpowder and fire oil was in the Western Regions, and this place had been the region with the most frequent warfare since ancient times. As long as something belonged to the category of warfare, they were willing to learn and accept it.

So they were the earliest group of people besides the Tang people to accept the existence of hot weapons. The elites of the Great Tang were now so arrogant and self-important that they would inevitably suffer great losses sooner or later. Pride and arrogance were two different concepts.

However, once such an atmosphere formed, it would be very difficult to reverse. Only after suffering great losses could they awaken. Thinking of this, Yun Ye shook his head and, after a bitter smile, completely cast aside these thoughts.

Putting down the book, he turned his head to look at Xinyue, who was preparing battle garments for her son. Her expression was very focused. In the past, when preparing battle garments for her husband, she and her sisters had completed it together. Now, preparing battle garments for her son, she refused everyone’s help—focused and affectionate. Regarding the mother-son bond, Yun Ye couldn’t find a poem better than the “Song of the Wandering Son” written by Meng Jiao, so he kept his mouth shut and no longer expressed any opinions. He walked over and picked up Yun Shou’s armor, lightly tapping it with his finger and said with a smile: “You’d better prepare two sets of armor for him, one of which is for wearing in winter. The frontier is bitterly cold. When the weather is freezing, sometimes armor plates will stick to the skin and can’t be removed. Many people get frostbite because they don’t know how to prevent it.”

Xinyue wiped away tears and complained: “You came down from those places, so naturally you know more than a woman like me. How can you be so heartless, allowing Shou’er to go to the North Sea? In a place where even stones can freeze and crack, how can Shou’er with his delicate skin endure it?”

“It’s something he must experience. Shou’er is like a little tiger raised in a cage. Now the cage can no longer contain him, and he needs a larger world. As it happens, the North Sea region is vast and sparsely populated, which is perfect for wearing away the prosperity that clings to him and for tasting loneliness. After three years, you will see a son who has completely grown up. It’s beneficial with no harm.”

Xinyue sighed and said: “Let him be. I raised him from one foot long to his current adulthood. How to discipline him is your business. I have done right by the Yun family ancestors.”

Yun Ye just smiled. Xinyue had already found eighty reliable household guards to accompany and protect Yun Shou to the North Sea. For this purpose, she didn’t hesitate to transfer Zhuang Santing back from Yuezhou. With these eighty men, where in the world couldn’t he go? She was just throwing a little tantrum right now.

Spring clouds flew very low, almost skimming over the treetops. Under the blue sky floated dozens of black dots. These things must be hot air balloons—they drifted with the wind like migratory birds. The Zhangsun family had driven away He Shao, and now their whole family made their living by the wind, living in great luxury with bells and cauldrons of food, making others envious.

Wang Cai stood by the window, pushing open the window with his head to let Yun Ye see the beautiful scenery outside. He was reminding Yun Ye that it was time for their daily walk.

Xinyue irritably pushed Wang Cai’s long face out, shut the window with a bang, and returned to the table to continue wrapping thread around the gold wire.

“Why are you taking your temper out on Wang Cai!” Yun Ye muttered as he left the house, walking out with his hands behind his back. Wang Cai slowly followed with a clip-clop, clip-clop gait, the money pouch under his neck swinging heavily back and forth, very impressive.

He had walked halfway before realizing this was the road to the academy. Shaking his head, he turned back. He couldn’t go to the academy yet—the rumors about himself and the academy hadn’t subsided yet. If he went at this time, it would give people grounds for criticism.

In fact, there were always people coming and going endlessly on the stone-paved road—merchants, students, women—everyone of status in Chang’an could go to the academy, but if Yun Ye went to the academy, he would be subject to gossip.

Ever since Li Er went mad and set up a huge bronze box on Zhuque Avenue, anyone could put letters and memorials into it. It was said the idea behind this was to make everyone in the world become censors. With countless censors watching, shouldn’t the world be at peace?

Yun Ye knew the result. Wu Zetian had done this, and the result was creating countless cruel officials, with the entire court bathed in a bloody storm. He didn’t know who had given this idea to the Emperor, but in any case, it was not a good omen.

Figures like Lai Junchen and Zhou Xing—once they appeared, one must stay far away from them. As long as there was no conflict with oneself, it was best not to deal with them, because under the three woods torture device, one could extract whatever confession one desired.

No one would have thought that the person receiving the most impeachment accusations was not Yun Ye, who had just caused great trouble, nor Du Ruhui, who had just killed over thirty thousand people, but Crown Prince Li Chengqian!

Li Chengqian, who had just returned to Chang’an from Luoyang accompanying his father, was immediately buried under countless signed or unsigned impeachment memorials, ranging from accusations that the Crown Prince harbored wolfish ambitions and was preparing to usurp the throne, to accusations that the Crown Prince was lax in his private life, wantonly accumulating beautiful women, with nightly revelry never ceasing.

Fortunately, there were no longer attacks on Chengqian saying he liked young boys as before. Chengxin at the Yun family home had long since become a master perfumer, habitually entering and leaving the boudoirs of Chang’an noblewomen to prepare expensive perfumes that belonged exclusively to these noblewomen. No one among the nobles questioned this, only ignorant commoners would gossip viciously, saying how such-and-such family’s woman was this way or that way. Eventually, some very salacious versions would circulate.

The people of Chang’an had a tradition of spreading gossip. They had enjoyed this since the Qin Dynasty period, and even now there were still frivolous dandies in the marketplace using Lao Ai’s sexual organ as a topic of conversation. The thing was exaggerated to the point where it could be used as a cart axle—such a terrifying story, yet people actually believed it.

When disappointed people meet disappointed people, there is only drinking.

Li Chengqian was also extremely vexed. Riding his horse, he was preparing to go to Yushan to relax, when he happened to encounter Yun Ye, who was leading Wang Cai toward the Cheng family estate. He dismissed his guards, and the two men found a very small tavern by the roadside and began drinking.

“I heard you’ve recently enjoyed riding around the Eastern Palace in a sheep cart? What kind of special pants can accommodate two people at once? We’re all brothers, so tell me—maybe I can go home and make myself a pair of those pants.”

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