HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 26: Two Old Thieves

Chapter 26: Two Old Thieves

County Magistrate Hua lifted his sweat-drenched head and saw standing on the ridge an elderly man with an extraordinarily ancient-looking face. His age was impossible to determine—saying eighty would be right, saying a hundred wouldn’t be far off either. Such a venerable elder must be treated with proper courtesy, especially since this old gentleman possessed an uncommon bearing. Despite his advanced age, he stood without a walking stick. If someone claimed he came from a common humble household, the magistrate simply wouldn’t believe it.

Without time to set down the potatoes in his hands, he bent at the waist and replied: “In your presence, old sir, I truly cannot accept the honorific of County Magistrate. Please just call me by my courtesy name, Chengduo. It’s far too scorching hot here—let this junior help you to the shelter to escape the sun and have some water. Whatever you wish to say, this junior will listen attentively.”

Yan Zhitui smiled and nodded, allowing County Magistrate Hua to help him settle comfortably under the awning. The Yun family hadn’t sent anyone to the fields, but had prepared several large buckets of cooling tea for them to quench their thirst. County Magistrate Hua selected a clean bowl, rinsed it with tea water, then poured more than half a bowl of tea and respectfully presented it to Yan Zhitui with both hands.

Yan Zhitui didn’t decline. He took it and tasted a sip, finding it slightly bitter at first but with a sweet and moistening aftertaste. He smiled at County Magistrate Hua and said: “Good stuff indeed. Seeing you drenched in sweat, you should also drink a bowl to relieve the heat. This old man hasn’t stepped outside his home for ten years. My children and grandchildren all worried I would die outside and wouldn’t let me leave. Seeing their filial devotion, I gave up the thought of going out. Now it seems I’ve lost out greatly. As soon as I step out, I encounter the harvest of an auspicious miracle not seen in a thousand years—this is truly fortune! I heard that the yield from one mu of land is a full twenty dan. Chengduo, you’re a magistrate close to the people—tell this old man, did I hear correctly?”

County Magistrate Hua, having just gulped down a large bowl of cooling tea, smiled until his eyes narrowed to slits. He washed the freshly harvested potatoes with clean water and handed them to Yan Zhitui, saying: “Old sir, please don’t laugh at this junior. Just now I personally harvested one mu of land—the clerks re-measured it with measuring ropes, so there’s no mistake. It yielded exactly 3,162 jin and four liang. Worried it might be due to the soil’s fertility, I’m now measuring another mu to make a comparison. From what we’re harvesting now, the difference won’t be too great. These potatoes are truly the Great Tang’s foremost auspicious miracle.”

Hearing this, Yan Zhitui also broke into a grin. As long as this crop could be planted throughout the Great Tang, there would certainly never again be worries of famine. He turned the potato in his hands over and over, liking it more with each look. He asked County Magistrate Hua again: “Chengduo, can these potatoes be used as grain to fill one’s belly?”

“Yes, yes! Potatoes can serve as both vegetable and grain. As a dish they taste delicious, and when steamed they’re soft and glutinous—perfect fare for venerable elders like yourself, old sir.”

Yan Zhitui clapped his hands and laughed heartily, then said to County Magistrate Hua: “Could this old man buy a few jin to take back and taste, to experience the good fortune brought by this auspicious miracle? Perhaps it will help me live a few more days.”

“That’s exactly what should be done! This junior takes it upon himself to gift you fifty jin, old sir. To be honest, these potatoes are all meant as seed grain for next year—otherwise giving you more would be no problem at all.”

Yan Zhitui shook his head at County Magistrate Hua and said: “Being a county magistrate isn’t easy for you. Now you’re personally working in the fields, sweating profusely under the poisonous sun, laboring tirelessly for the people’s welfare. How could this old man let your virtue be tarnished? Three to five jin will suffice. This old man still understands the principle that one would rather starve one’s parents than consume seed grain.”

Seeing the old man’s solemn expression, County Magistrate Hua nodded. He returned to the field, selected the three largest potatoes, and brought them over to Yan Zhitui. When the old servant prepared to pay, he quickly waved his hands: “Old sir, you are elderly and virtuous. For this junior to present a small token of respect is only natural. If I were to accept money, it would shame this junior. Rest assured, what I’m giving you I’ve purchased with my own money—I absolutely won’t let your kind intentions go to waste.”

Yan Zhitui grinned once more, patted County Magistrate Hua’s shoulder, and with the old servant’s assistance boarded the ox cart, which creaked and groaned as it headed toward the Yun family estate.

The chief clerk moved beside County Magistrate Hua, watching the departing ox cart and asking: “County Magistrate, do you know this old sir? I can see he has an uncommon bearing—he’s definitely not an ordinary person.”

“What does it matter whether he’s ordinary or not? Just his advanced age alone is enough reason for us to treat him respectfully and courteously. Giving three potatoes to form a good connection—why wouldn’t we do such a thing?”

The chief clerk said with a grin: “With such an astounding potato yield, once next year all the barren land and sloping fields in the county are planted with potatoes, Your Honor’s ambitions will surely be realized.”

“Spare me a couple of flattering words and do more work instead. When I’m dismissed, won’t you take my position? When everyone benefits, let’s all pull together. Wait until we’ve actually grown the potatoes next year before celebrating.”

The two men bantered as they went back down into the field. Seeing the ground covered with excavated potatoes, their chests immediately burned with passion.

Yan Zhitui sat in the ox cart, staring at the three potatoes beside him in a daze. If he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes, he would definitely have dismissed it as nonsense. Just now, standing at the field’s edge, he had used the soldier-counting technique to scan the freshly excavated potatoes before him, then picked up a potato to weigh it—he knew County Magistrate Hua hadn’t exaggerated. One mu of land had indeed yielded three thousand jin. This couldn’t be faked.

The ox cart climbed up a slope. Reaching the highest point, Yan Zhitui instructed the cart to stop. He lifted the curtain and looked down at the Yun family estate at the mountain’s foot. In the bright daylight, the entire estate was laid bare.

Connecting to the official road was a wide stone-paved path that passed through the Yun family’s tall memorial archway and extended straight into the verdant mountains. Within the mountains, a few eave corners were faintly visible. The distant sound of bells gave one a feeling of a paradise beyond the mortal world.

A large cluster of tall buildings at the mountain’s foot was quite conspicuous—needless to say, this was the Yun Manor. Though the surrounding structures were all single-story houses, they were exquisite small courtyards with red bricks and green tiles. It was now mealtime, and pale blue smoke drifted from every household’s chimney, giving one a feeling of peaceful serenity and comfort.

The small market in front of the Yun Manor’s gates was quite lively with people coming and going. Just moments ago, many two-horse carriages had passed by the ox cart, and one could still smell wafts of delicate fragrance—no telling which family’s ladies they belonged to.

Yan Zhitui smiled once more and instructed the old servant to turn back and go look at the corn field again. Right now, Yan Zhitui’s interest in corn far exceeded his interest in Yun Ye. Knowledge was spiritual sustenance. Yan Zhitui had studied this his entire life and had long ceased to be fixated on external things. He had researched for a long time only to discover he was always going in circles. Throughout history, those truly good emperors invariably started with food, clothing, shelter, and transportation. As long as the common people had enough to eat and warm clothing, there was no obstacle in the world that couldn’t be overcome. Thick history books spoke of nothing more than two words: clothing and food. With clothing and food, foreign tribes could only submit obediently. With clothing and food, learning would flourish everywhere. With clothing and food, anyone’s dynasty would be ironclad. The common people actually didn’t care who was emperor. Questions of legitimacy were just the barking of scholars and literati—never relevant to the greater situation.

So he very much looked forward to corn giving him another great surprise. “Young fellow, if the corn is also good, this old man will acknowledge you as a true child of the immortals,” Yan Zhitui said to himself.

The ox cart turned off the main road and slowly made its way along the small dirt path between heaven and earth to the cornfield’s edge. Tall corn stalks stretched their long leaves, standing quietly in the field. When the wind blew, they rustled loudly, and the male flowers on top would shake loose countless pollen grains. Yan Zhitui sneezed. He grasped a corn stalk and examined it from top to bottom, then from bottom to top. This was clearly a very large sorghum plant! The height was similar, the leaves were much wider than sorghum, and the stalk was also more robust than sorghum. A cylindrical object protruded at an angle—needless to say, this must be the corn’s fruit.

Without calling for the old servant, Yan Zhitui struggled to break off an ear of corn. Peeling away the outer husk, it was indeed as expected—plump corn kernels grew in rows on the cob. He pinched one and milky white liquid flowed out. Yan Zhitui peeled off a kernel and put it in his mouth to taste carefully. A sweet fragrance unique to grain filled his mouth. He couldn’t help but peel off several more kernels to savor this refreshing sweetness.

The Yun family guard watching over the corn had long since spotted these two thieves stealing corn. They were truly audacious—stealing corn in broad daylight! They really didn’t take him seriously. He hurried over, ready to give these two thieving brats a good thrashing. But when he got close, he didn’t dare move. No other reason—the two corn thieves were simply too old, older even than his grandfather. He swore one of them was the oldest person he’d ever seen.

Anyone over seventy—everyone in the world had an obligation to provide for them. This obligation didn’t just mean the state, but included the Yun family and tenant farmers as well. Even if they committed crimes, no one would pursue charges. At most they’d take their nephews or younger relatives to take the blame. If you harmed such a person, even if you fled to the ends of the earth, the authorities would track you down and prosecute you. This was a matter of great human relations, concerning filial piety. The same injury to a young person would at most result in a few board strikes and be done with, but injuring them meant exile three thousand li if you were lucky, and no one would think you’d been wronged.

The burly guard could only watch helplessly as the two old thieves brazenly examined his family’s corn, turning it over and over. All he could do was anxiously shout from the side: “Alright, alright! Breaking off one is fine, but if you break off more I’ll get angry!”

As soon as he finished speaking, with a crack, Yan Zhitui broke off another ear, not even glancing at the guard. The anxious guard, rubbing his hands together, jumped up and down shouting “Catch the thieves! Catch the thieves!” but didn’t have the guts to stop them. These two frail old fellows couldn’t withstand his fists and feet.

“Young man, come here. Tell this old man how to eat this corn. Surely it’s not eaten raw?”

Seeing the oldest of the old thieves beckoning to him, the guard carefully approached and said testily: “Honorable grandfathers, there’s only this much of this crop in the entire world. For every ear you break off, there will be fewer seeds next year. Don’t you know? The whole estate has been stretching their necks waiting to plant it!”

“Enough with the nonsense. This old man is asking you how to eat this thing.” Yan Zhitui asked the guard, suppressing a smile.

“How else would you eat it? Boil it. After it matures, grind it into flour—His Lordship says the flatbread made from it is incredibly fragrant, even better than wheat flatbread.”

“Mm, I just tasted it—the flavor is indeed good. Why doesn’t your lordship come watch over the corn himself? He just sent a simpleton like you to guard it. What if someone steals it all? Too careless!”

The guard’s eyes widened in grievance beyond measure. He couldn’t understand these two arrogant old thieves—they’d stolen things but instead of running away, they were here lecturing him about inadequate guarding. What kind of logic was this?

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