HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 30: Bandits Becoming Officials

Chapter 30: Bandits Becoming Officials

Du Ruhui rode his horse while laughing. The old servant didn’t understand—when the master came this morning, he had a mournful face. Why had he become happy after attending morning court?

This was the luckiest moment of his entire life. Someone had stood up for him, and he didn’t even need to thank them. He himself had left the nobles forty percent of their share. Needless to say, when Yun Ye escorted those treasures back from Lingnan, the entire city of Chang’an would certainly become an ocean of rage. I, Old Du, would be the only person they thanked—or perhaps also Yun Ye. That cunning boy would definitely not pass up the opportunity to play the good guy. Having spent several years together, Du Ruhui still had some understanding of Yun Ye.

At home, dark clouds loomed. His old wife had already begun preparing to disperse family members, having them go to places the family had prepared long ago to cultivate themselves and plan for the future.

The entire Du household was filled with weeping. Hearing that Old Du had returned, his old wife came to meet him. Seeing her husband’s smiling face from afar, her heart leaped with joy. Could it be there had been a turn of events?

“Have them do whatever they should do. Don’t cry and wail irritating people. If they like living in Chang’an, then live in Chang’an. Our family isn’t going anywhere. In a few days, when the gains from Lingnan arrive, we’ll have a good celebration. Now go prepare food and drink for me. Bring some wine too. After I eat my fill, I’ll sleep.”

His old wife answered with a smile. It seemed their family was fine now. The master must have expended countless efforts—he needed proper nourishment. For someone of advanced years to go a whole night without sleep wasn’t good—it harmed the body.

One sip of wine, one bite of food—Old Du felt his entire body relax. This time the Emperor had wronged him, but although things hadn’t proceeded according to the Emperor’s wishes, the objective was still achieved. Without incident, this was the best outcome for the Du Family. The Emperor still owed him a favor.

After hearing Du Ruhui’s brief introduction, his old wife also laughed until tears came out. The couple lowered their voices and laughed happily in the inner residence.

These past few days, Yun Ye had been constantly wandering around the city. Liu Fulu accompanied him. The two of them covered every street and alley. The entire city’s layout was now clear in his mind. After Yun Ye made his preparations, he planned to make his move. If he didn’t act now, once the Emperor’s decree came down, he would have no chance to take action.

No matter how many clever people there were in the world, even knowing clearly that entering the jungle to find gold was very dangerous, when they saw others shouting and yelling as they entered the jungle, they could never suppress their restless hearts and ultimately followed the large groups into the jungle.

The Yun Family guards were already in position. Yun Ye bundled bamboo tubes together into bundles, found a place with no one around, and lit them. With just one tremendous boom, all the birds on the mountain immediately took flight, flying frantically toward the mountains in panic.

The guards cupped their buzzing ears, looking at their marquis like he was an immortal. What he had tinkered together these past days with nothing to do using charcoal, saltpeter, and sulfur actually had such an effect. Seeing tree trunks as thick as thighs blown apart, not a single one could maintain their composure anymore. They each carried these thunder bombs on their backs—where had the Marquis borrowed these divine thunderbolts from?

“Don’t speak of these things. Anyone who speaks of them—even if I don’t hold them accountable, others will. Our family doesn’t need these things. For these things to come into the world harms virtue. In the future, countless people will die from them. After using them today, forget about them. Remember this, remember this.”

The guards hastily agreed. These were immortal implements—not something mortals could handle. Being able to use immortal implements this time was already a blessing. Talking too much would incur the wrath of the immortal grandfather. The Marquis wasn’t afraid, but they should still be careful.

The local wandering knights and local strongmen had to be cleared out, or Li Anlan would never be able to control this land. Yun Ye didn’t want to kill people—he only wanted to drive the wild beasts in these forests to mix together with those people.

The Great Tang’s primeval forests had abundant species, with countless wild animals. Almost every mountain had a ferocious beast. The tremendous sound of the gunpowder explosion was enough to drive these local tyrants deep into the mountains. Animals were all sensitive. That thunderclap they saw in the cave last time had already made wild beasts panic and uneasy. There was no reason his gunpowder couldn’t match a thunderbolt.

After making arrangements, Yun Ye returned to the city. The guards advanced in pairs along a pocket-shaped curve. Every half hour, they set off a large firecracker, forcing those wild beasts to advance only along the predetermined route.

Before even entering the city, some thunder sounds came faintly from behind. Everyone was looking at the sky. The sky was overcast—rain was coming soon. Just hearing the thunder, one knew this would be a heavy rain.

Hong Cheng didn’t know about these matters. He was still immersed in the joy of obtaining treasures. This expedition, he had again reaped bountiful rewards. All the soldiers who went to battle were in high spirits. Even those who were wounded smiled broadly. As long as they established merit, they received large amounts of money as rewards. There was no discrimination, no special treatment—everything depended on military merit. The several corpses on the cart had already started to stink, but they didn’t care. Tonight they would burn them to ash and take them away. Dying was nothing—trading a worthless life for three hundred strings of cash was profitable no matter how you calculated it. At fifty-some years old, dying wasn’t considered premature death. Leaving an estate for the wife and children was the important matter.

In the city was a very large brothel. It hadn’t been this large before—it gradually grew after these soldiers arrived. Prostitutes from everywhere flocked to Yongzhou, this small city, preparing to make money. So the most luxurious, most massive building in the city was this place called Emerald Phoenix Tower.

After slaughter, soldiers always needed a place to soothe body and mind. Not many people were as abnormal as Liu Jinbao, who liked killing people. When a blade cut into flesh, anyone would cry out. Killing too many people would turn one into a madman. If the brothel didn’t exist, they would long ago have been committing rape, pillage, and every atrocity.

Hong Cheng didn’t allow such things to happen. Killing was permitted, robbery was permitted—I came here to do exactly that. Rape was forbidden. If even this last prohibition didn’t exist, this unit would no longer be an army but would rapidly degenerate into beasts.

The last fellow who raped a beautiful queen could now only watch others visit prostitutes—he himself had lost certain functions. When Hong Cheng’s leather boot stepped on it, even iron balls would be crushed flat. After consecutively stomping on the crotches of over a dozen men, no similar incidents occurred in the unit ever again—not a single one. When they saw beautiful foreign women, to protect other brothers from being harmed, the soldiers’ first choice was to raise their blades. The more beautiful, the faster they died.

After the army entered the city, except for those escorting money and grain, everyone else scattered in all directions. The main target was those women waving handkerchiefs.

Hong Cheng laughed heartily and turned to the remaining soldiers saying: “After we finish counting, we brothers will go too. The madam has already promised—the good ones are saved for us brothers.”

A group of burly men with bearded faces laughed strangely and drove the carts into the military camp. Underground in the camp was a very large warehouse that now faced the worry of being unable to hold everything. Hong Cheng had sent a letter to His Majesty but received no reply. This made things difficult for him. His subordinates were already very hard to control. Having been out for over a year, they had already earned enough money. Now the most urgent matter was returning home and replacing them with the next batch. This place was simply the Great Tang’s most natural treasury. If they ran out, they could just come here to get more.

Entering the treasury, Hong Cheng’s rage was almost uncontrollable. There was actually someone in the treasury, hands behind their back, leisurely appreciating things. When they saw something good, they actually dared to casually stuff it in their pocket.

Who had such audacity? Didn’t they know doing this would result in being torn apart by five horses? Seeing that fellow stuff a chicken-egg-sized pearl into his sleeve, Hong Cheng immediately drew his blade. He instantly decided he would kill this person. If he didn’t kill them for three days and three nights, he wouldn’t be called Hong Cheng.

The treasury was very dark. The other burly men laughed strangely waiting to watch the show. Old Hong would definitely let them see the bloodiest scene. But the scene before their eyes made their eyeballs nearly fall out.

Old Hong walked two steps in rage, suddenly placed his blade on the treasure shelf, found an even larger, rounder black pearl from inside, and gave it to that person. That person nodded, stuffed it into his sleeve again, and said something to Hong Cheng. Old Hong immediately laughed toward the heavens, shaking dust from the treasury ceiling down in streams.

That person actually kicked Old Hong, but Old Hong didn’t mind. He grabbed that person’s shoulder not knowing what to say, and when he spoke excitedly, he even embraced him.

The two dusty people walked out of the dim treasury. Yun Ye was already bloated beyond recognition. Every place on his body that could hold treasures was stuffed full, and he kept complaining about why he didn’t bring a sack.

“We pay respects to the Marquis.” The burly men all recognized Yun Ye. Knowing they could make their fortune this time was thanks to this marquis’s blessing, they immediately understood why Old Hong was acting that way.

“You’ve worked hard, but it’s nothing much. Everyone has earned an estate. If anyone wants an official position, register with me. It can be hereditary—just three generations. The rank isn’t high—eighth rank, lower grade, Imperial Guard Captain. Each generation decreases by one rank. However, there’s no good place to have you serve as officials—just in Lingnan. If you want to do it, report your ancestors back eight generations. I’ll submit them. Whether it’s approved depends on His Majesty’s decree. Anyway, for you all, I’ve already submitted a memorial. This time His Majesty’s reply is on the road. In a few days, there’ll be a definite answer. An opportunity falling from the sky—a group of lucky killing talents.”

“Marquis, you’re saying us illiterate killing brutes can also become officials?” The burliest fellow asked Yun Ye carefully, his lips trembling.

“If you don’t do it, who will? Even if you’re illiterate, you’re still people of the Great Tang. You’ve already conquered such a vast territory—someone has to govern it. The court’s officials are in short supply. There aren’t extras to dispatch to Lingnan. Should His Majesty invite those barbarian natives to be officials? Having conquered it, it’s Great Tang’s land. Now the land in Guanzhong isn’t enough to distribute. You bastards breed children like raising pigs. Who doesn’t have three or four kids? One person gets eighty mu of assigned land and twenty mu of perpetual land. Having ten children is a damn thousand mu—catching up with me, this marquis. Where does His Majesty get so much land to distribute to you? Guanzhong is only piss-sized—if you divide and I divide, is there any left?

“The land here is fertile. Grain crops three times a year—a truly good place. You’ve been here looking for over a year. You know whether it’s good or bad.”

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