HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 32: Differences

Chapter 32: Differences

People cannot have bad habits—once acquired, they’re too difficult to quit. Yun Ye had tried to quit smoking for over a thousand years without success, so when Yun Ye was immersed in the pleasure of exhaling smoke clouds, others watching him were filled with awe.

Li Tai’s bad habit was being excessively curious. Ever since seeing Yun Ye smoke, it didn’t take long before he discovered this was a good thing. Having a pipe bowl every day truly refreshed the mind and awakened the brain.

Yun Ye knew this was an illusion, all caused by nicotine’s effects, but he didn’t plan to say anything about it, lest future generations use him as an anti-smoking icon. Now Yun Ye and Li Tai had more and more in common.

Setting down their rice bowls together, rinsing their mouths together, then simultaneously pulling out their pipe bowls to lie in chairs like immortals—speaking nonsense amidst swirling smoke had a particularly distinctive flavor.

“Ever since you failed to kill Zhou Xing, many people have been unlucky. Yesterday another member of the imperial clan was thrown in there, and the next day his head was cut off. Shouldn’t the imperial clan be dealt with by the Court of Imperial Clan Affairs? How did it become the Court of Judicial Review’s business?”

“Are you regretting now that you didn’t let me kill Suo Yuanli back then? That fellow and Zhou Xing are now the two door gods of the Court of Judicial Review. I heard civil and military officials are all trembling with fear when passing by the Court of Judicial Review.”

“A little, but I’m even more curious about how you can know someone’s true nature just by hearing their name? I don’t seem to be stupider than you, so why don’t I have this ability?”

“Well, that’s a long story. Have you heard the story of Gongye Chang? The one that goes ‘Gongye Chang, Gongye Chang, there’s a sheep on South Mountain, you eat the meat, I eat the intestines.'”

Li Tai exhaled a cloud of smoke and rolled his eyes, saying: “Don’t tell me you also understand bird language. What is that crested phoenix on your treetop constantly calling about right now?”

Yun Ye rolled his eyes to glance at that bird, thought for a moment and said: “It’s complaining about why we two won’t leave. When you were eating just now, you dropped many rice grains on the ground!”

Li Tai snorted and turned to talk with Wang Cai instead, believing Yun Ye was talking nonsense.

However, Wang Cai seemed able to understand what Li Tai was saying, his big head nodding continuously. After a while he ignored Li Tai, instead running to Yun Ye’s side and lying down again. Li Tai had just blown smoke into his nostrils—couldn’t be considered a good person.

Li Tai knocked out his pipe bowl and refilled it, skillfully pressing the tobacco down firmly with his finger. After lighting it, he said: “Everyone has their own unknown talents. I strongly suspect your talent is precognition. This talent is too formidable. Can you know right now what I’m planning to do?”

“Besides farting, what else can you do!” As soon as Yun Ye finished speaking, a muffled sound came from behind Li Tai’s buttocks, startling Wang Cai into raising his head to search all around for the sound source.

Li Tai scrambled up in one roll, wanting to approach Yun Ye to express his admiration, but was kicked far away by Yun Ye’s foot: “Come over after the fart smell disperses.”

Li Tai randomly shook his robes a couple times before coming over to say obsequiously to Yun Ye: “How did you know? Teach me!” This time he was very certain that Yun Ye had the ability to predict the future.

Yun Ye helplessly put down his pipe bowl and said to Li Tai: “You’ve been confused. Think carefully—with your intelligence you can figure out where the problem lies. Do you really believe there are people in this world who can predict the future?”

Li Tai rolled his eyes in thought for a while before lying back in his chair: “I habitually furrow my brows before farting. Thinking about it, how boring—if a person knows what they’ll do tomorrow, what people and things they’ll encounter, such days would be unbearable. The whole person would live like a straight line, extremely uninteresting.”

“I plan to go to the imperial palace to warn my eldest brother, tell the Court of Judicial Review to restrain themselves a bit. If this continues, something major will happen. Our Great Tang doesn’t only need severe punishments and strict laws—it also needs gentle rain and spring breezes, dragons and tigers working together harmoniously. Will you go with me tomorrow?”

“Not going. Don’t try to persuade me. I plan to watch whether your eldest brother can completely eliminate all the officials in court. When he’s almost killing down to our level, I’ll move to the distant islands and sit watching the winds and clouds change.”

“I’ve received too much kindness from your Li family. I can’t do rebellious things, but watching others rebel to satisfy my curiosity should be acceptable, right? Look at your eldest brother—he just recalled Li Daozong from Jade Dragon Snow Mountain, and immediately Han Zhe moved into Jade Dragon Snow Mountain. That place is Tubo’s prime territory. In the blink of an eye, Great Tang lost a very large piece of land.”

“I don’t believe that without Li Daozong guarding the capital, he can’t sleep peacefully. The battle situation at Songzhou has been going back and forth—the officers and soldiers there are fighting to the death with the Tubo people over just a small road. Your eldest brother’s single sentence turned those people’s deaths into a joke.”

“And he thunderously issued an edict to Tubo, telling the Tubo people to get back to the plateau. Does he think he’s the Great Emperor? That at his command heaven and earth will bow in submission? I dare say he can’t even find a single general he truly trusts now.”

“Li Jingye’s head is gone. By rights this matter should end there. Duke Ying Li Ji’s merits should guarantee his family members’ survival without problem. Li Ji carried his own grandson’s head and knelt at Vermillion Bird Gate for three hours, yet your eldest brother’s fury still wasn’t appeased. He also wanted to strip Li Ji of his office and title, exiling him to Lingnan.”

“Even someone like Dugu Mou couldn’t stand watching and desperately pleaded with him before he withdrew the order. Anyone knows that Li Jingye was killed by someone Li Ji sent. To do this already makes him a rare loyal subject—an old man with white hair holding a young man’s head, begging the Emperor to give his whole family a way to live, a meritorious minister who had already retired, and he won’t even give this bit of grace?”

“If the Great Emperor hadn’t issued an edict to have Li Ji temporarily reside in Shangyang Palace, Li Ji probably would have had thoughts of suicide right then. What happened to make him harsh to such an extent?”

“You know what? Li Ji has already asked me to send his close family descendants to the distant islands. What does this mean? This is called planning for the future. Do you expect these people who went to the distant islands to have good feelings toward your Li family?”

Li Tai was left speechless by Yun Ye’s words and could only mumble: “Go and persuade him—he’ll still listen to your words.”

“Not going. I bear the heavy responsibility of guarding Yushan City and won’t go anywhere. The Great Emperor and the Empress Dowager have cherished me my whole life. I was the one who persuaded the Great Emperor to abdicate, so I must ensure the Great Emperor spends his remaining years without worry. If your eldest brother dares touch Yushan City, I’d rather die together with him in mutual destruction, perishing together like jade and stone!”

“Not to that extent, not to that extent! No matter how confused my eldest brother is, he wouldn’t dare touch a single hair of Yushan City. You’re overthinking, overthinking…”

Yun Ye looked at Li Tai and said with a smile: “What, frightened by my words? You also think it’s possible, don’t you? He’s doing everything possible to consolidate power. Zhangsun Chong’s position as Zhaozhou Prefect was stripped from him. Yun Shou’s position as Yuezhou Prefect is also gone, becoming some inexplicable Silver-Blue Glorious Grand Master. The Prince of Shu will soon come to the capital to have a family reunion with his elder brother. Xiao An wrote asking me whether he’ll be beheaded on this visit, or if the Sixteen Princes’ Mansion will become the Seventeen Princes’ Mansion?”

“Following the principle of far before near, first is Xiao An, then Xiao You, then it’ll be Li Ke’s turn? The Late Emperor alone couldn’t consolidate all the world’s power for himself—is he more brilliant than the Late Emperor?”

“Which military city is closest to Chang’an? Of course it’s Yushan City. Half of the world’s essence is in Yushan City. If he doesn’t have this city in his grasp, how can he feel at ease?”

“It’s good that you’re going to Chang’an. Tell Chengqian that Yushan City is the Great Emperor’s sleeping palace. Once the Great Emperor passes to the dragon’s rest, this city is his. I won’t stay in Yushan City for a single moment—I’ll immediately roll out of the Central Plains and go fishing on the distant islands, not obstructing his view.”

Li Tai irritably stomped his feet and left the Yun family residence. He also had a bellyful of anger in his heart, planning to personally ask Chengqian tomorrow how in just two short years he’d become like this.

Night had already deepened. Wanmin Palace remained as bright as day. The jade tablets on the roof scattered white light, making this magnificent palace like a divine palace in heaven.

Li Chengqian still bent over his desk, staring at the map on the table, falling into deep contemplation for a long time. The current Li Chengqian was terribly thin, completely lacking the handsome bearing he’d had as Crown Prince. In just two years, his temples already showed scattered white hairs.

Only after becoming Emperor could one know how heavy the burden on one’s shoulders was. After taking over, he discovered the empire’s power had unknowingly become fragmented into pieces. Three distinct strata had already appeared: the imperial clan, the meritorious nobles, and the merchants—they actually had intentions to divide up the world’s power. How could this be acceptable? The Emperor’s power was mandated by Heaven and should naturally last eternally. Father Emperor had been too benevolent toward the world. Since Father Emperor’s governing way was lenient, then his own governing way must be doubly harsh. Otherwise, once the Li family delegated power downward, trying to reclaim it would be too difficult.

Yun Ye hadn’t come to Chang’an for three months. He didn’t even leave Yushan City by a single step, daily inspecting Yushan City’s defenses. Moreover, he had swiftly and decisively replaced all the military officers he himself had sent, completely changing them to generals from the Great Emperor’s faction. And on the road between Yushan City and Chang’an, less than fifty li apart, he’d established three hypothetical defense lines. Ring fortifications were already under construction. The purpose was very clear—guarding against Chang’an.

Thinking of this, Li Chengqian was so depressed he almost wanted to howl loudly. How could he possibly attack Yushan City? How could he? Setting aside that it was the Great Emperor’s sleeping palace, even if it weren’t, there was still Yushan Academy and the Martial Research Institute there. Nearly all of Great Tang’s essence was there. After a great battle, what would remain there?

This was his best brother and friend! Why couldn’t he understand his painstaking efforts? Dispersed power would only lead to Great Tang being torn into pieces. This old friend who had never allowed Great Tang to experience any division—why was he now so wary of him? Examining his conscience, Li Chengqian was still Li Chengqian, never having changed.

Zhou Xing and Suo Yuanli were merely two vicious dogs used to bite people. Once I complete my arrangements, giving you these two vicious dogs to cook—what’s wrong with that? Li Ji was old and foolish, his son’s rebellious intent was obvious. Just as I was about to arrest and try him, he had someone sent to behead him. How detestable! The hidden evil intentions in the Xiangzhou region vanished in an instant. Such a villain—how could death be the end of it?

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