HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 39: A Tongue Destined to Feed Dogs

Chapter 39: A Tongue Destined to Feed Dogs

The Daoist school’s misfortune lay in their tendency to use living human sacrifices at the drop of a hat. This bad habit left over from the ancient period of shamanic worship still couldn’t be changed even now. When faith reached its extreme, finding nothing left to offer the deities, they filled the gap with human lives. Cheng Xuanying was one such example. When he secluded himself on the East Sea, unable to fathom the future of Daoism, he used the most extreme methods to stimulate the believers’ minds. The most deeply engraved emotions of life-and-death separation were the gifts on his altar. As for the children’s lives or deaths—that wasn’t important.

Cheng Xuanying himself wouldn’t believe the Sea Dragon King would receive his gifts. The deeper one cultivated, the less one believed in gods and Buddhas. He had once asked an eminent monk what cultivating Buddhism truly meant. The high monk said: “At first you worship deities, later you worship principles, and after that you worship yourself.”

Those children floating in the terrifying waves on the East Sea might tell Cheng Xuanying what true terror was. Now Yun Ye was preparing to use the same method to deal with Cheng Xuanying. The *Mysterious Virtue Compilation and Commentary on the Classic of the Way and Virtue* contained too many Daoist secrets. Once leaked, the Buddhist school would use these principles to specifically formulate their offensive and defensive strategies. For several hundred years, the Daoist school would have to find alternative paths, and their previous cultural accumulation would become wasted effort. Decline would be unavoidable. The struggle between religions had never ceased; only insiders could know how brutal it was.

Sun Simiao came without speaking. He sat before Yun Ye’s desk cradling a teapot and drinking tea, waiting for Yun Ye to explain.

“Xuanzang is about to return, bringing back countless scriptures. His Buddhist teachings received tremendous respect in Tianzhu. I heard he even encountered the Thirty-Three Heavens Buddha in the vast sea, who had slept for hundreds of thousands of years. Upon awakening and seeing him, the Buddha said this world was no good and planned to sleep until a new Buddha was born before emerging again. You and I both know this is nonsense, but the believers accept it. His Majesty now also needs an opportunity to proclaim the arrival of the Great Tang’s golden age, so Xuanzang is destined to become Buddhism’s trump card. The Compassionate Relief Assembly is just a front—Xuanzang will easily destroy the efforts your Daoist school has made these years.”

There was nothing to hide from Sun Simiao. If even he couldn’t be trusted, Yun Ye felt the Tang Dynasty had nothing worth staying for. He might as well sail away like Qiu Ran Ke to establish his own domain overseas. Island Master of Peach Blossom Island was also a good title.

Rather than calling Sun Simiao a Daoist, it was better to say he was a physician—wearing a Daoist robe while doing a doctor’s work. In all these years, he’d never been seen burning incense.

“Boy, what do you want the *Mysterious Virtue Compilation and Commentary on the Classic of the Way and Virtue* for? Even I get a headache looking at it. Are you interested in studying it?” Sun Simiao wasn’t at all surprised by the news of Xuanzang’s return. The rise and fall of the Daoist school held little meaning for him.

“What use is the *Mysterious Virtue Compilation and Commentary on the Classic of the Way and Virtue* to me? I’ll burn it with a single fire after getting it back. It’s stained with children’s blood—such a filthy thing doesn’t even enter my sight. What I want is Cheng Xuanying’s rumor-mongering tongue. Bring me that tongue to feed my dogs, and I’ll tell him the news about Xuanzang’s return.”

Sun Simiao visibly relaxed, walking out while carrying his teapot and saying to Yun Ye: “If you want Cheng Xuanying’s tongue, just ask for the tongue. Why mention the *Mysterious Virtue Compilation and Commentary on the Classic of the Way and Virtue*? Yuan Tiangang is nearly scared out of his wits, thinking you’ve become some kind of Buddhist protector. He asked me to come find out what’s really going on. As long as you don’t enter Buddhism and obviously help them, what does anything else have to do with this old priest? About the tongue matter, I’ll tell Yuan Tiangang. For people who spout nonsense, an extra tongue is superfluous anyway. Better off without it.”

Yun Ye saw Old Sun to the door and from afar saw Yuan Tiangang waiting outside the main gate. Seeing Old Sun emerge, he crowded around, preparing to get a definite answer. Old Sun muttered to him for a bit, then got on his carriage and returned to Yushan, leaving only Yuan Tiangang and his disciple looking at each other in dismay.

Sun Simiao wouldn’t tell Yuan Tiangang about Xuanzang’s arrival. At most he’d tell him that Yun Ye simply wanted Cheng Xuanying’s tongue—it concerned human life and had nothing to do with Daoist orthodoxy.

He ordered someone to give Yuan Tiangang a carriage. He was very busy today and needed to discuss Cheng Xuanying’s tongue problem with many people. Walking wouldn’t show an attitude of being pressed for time. Sure enough, the master and disciple requested two horses, turned their mounts around, and galloped toward Xuandu Temple.

Within two days, the Yun household was very lively. Big shots from all sides arrived, beating around the bush to ask Yun Ye what exactly would happen. Yun Ye deflected their questions, telling them something would definitely happen—just bring Cheng Xuanying’s tongue and they’d know. The words were polite, but the will was very resolute.

The nights weren’t peaceful either. The rooftops were full of people flying about. This disturbed Dan Ying’s romantic pursuits, so each of the flying people took an arrow to the leg, falling like ducks. The Yun household guards picked them up and tossed them outside the gate. Yun Ye didn’t even ask questions. The guards quietly told Yun Ye that several had shaved heads.

Monk Yulin visited Yun Ye, uncertainty flickering in his eyes. He was definitely in the know, coming to the Yun household to sound things out while taking advantage of their hospitality. He praised the Yun family’s tea leaves, commended Shishi’s filial mourning, and incidentally consecrated the Buddha statue in the Yun family temple. He explained Buddhist doctrine to Grandmother for two hours before discussing the Compassionate Relief Assembly with Yun Ye.

“Marquis Yun, the Compassionate Relief Assembly is Buddhism’s highest-level ritual, providing deliverance for those who died tragically these years, liberation for those not yet in reincarnation, and great freedom for those unable to enter the Way. Wandering spirits will enjoy blood offerings—it’s great merit! Why does Marquis Yun hold hostility toward it?”

“Master, you give me too much credit. Since childhood, Yun Ye has cultivated with his family teacher. I don’t believe in gods or Buddhas, but I also don’t oppose them. I only believe in heavenly justice under the clear firmament. Your Buddhist school’s undertaking this time is quite substantial! Yun Ye applauds the Water and Land Assembly—providing deliverance for the dead and consolation for the living truly qualifies as great merit. Only, why is Master Xuanzang’s return from ten thousand li sealed with such strict secrecy?”

“Your Buddhist school even dared privately intercept the letter Xuanzang sent His Majesty through the Khotan envoys—what tremendous audacity! While His Majesty still doesn’t know this news, deliver it to him. Otherwise, even if you hold a thousand rituals, the loss will outweigh the gain.”

Monk Yulin’s face turned ashen. He pressed his palms together, bowed to Yun Ye, and hastily departed, much to the surprise of Grandmother who had prepared to properly entertain Monk Yulin.

The Yun household’s main gate closed tightly, declining outside visitors. Only a wooden sign hung outside the Yun gate with a number written on it: ten. Each day that passed, the number decreased by one. When the number became three, Zhangsun arrived, tyrannically disregarding all propriety. She opened the main gate herself and entered, going directly to the rear residence to dig Yun Ye out of his study. Glaring with almond-shaped eyes full of anger, she demanded of Yun Ye: “What do you know? Why must you have Cheng Xuanying’s tongue? Are you planning to stir-fry it and eat it?”

“Your Majesty, this subject is just scaring Yuan Tiangang a bit, preparing to get that damned *Mysterious Virtue Compilation and Commentary on the Classic of the Way and Virtue* to use as toilet paper. Last time I asked Cheng Xuanying for it and he actually refused—this clearly shows he doesn’t regard me, the dignified Marquis of Lantian, with any respect. You know this subject is petty-minded, so I thought up this scheme.” Yun Ye planned to act shamelessly. Reasoning with Zhangsun wasn’t appropriate—all the logic belonged to her family. Whatever she said was reasonable. “My word is law” wasn’t just an empty phrase.

“An official as small as a sesame seed—even the turtles in the Jinshui River are bigger than you—yet you still know to care about face! Cheng Xuanying was just granted the title of Grand Master Xihua by His Majesty less than a year ago, and you want to take his tongue? Where does that leave His Majesty’s face?”

Yun Ye said expressionlessly: “Universal peace, prosperous people, brave soldiers, expanding territories, myriad nations paying tribute—these are His Majesty’s face. A charlatan who incites with his glib tongue doesn’t qualify as His Majesty’s face.” He said this with his mouth, but in his heart he was already cursing. When did I become worth less than even a turtle? Damned Zhangsun! With everyone else, she’s always like a spring breeze caressing their face, but with me, she becomes a vicious tongue.

“Oh my, not seen for a few days and your learning has grown—you even know to use big labels to suppress people now. Little bastard, what exactly are you trying to do? You’re under house arrest and still won’t settle down. His Majesty and I were preparing to happily watch the show—why are you meddling? How did you know Xuanzang was returning to the capital?” Good heavens! Was this still that gentle and virtuous empress? Yun Ye’s ears were being pulled into donkey ears. Words like “little bastard” were coming from her mouth, and she seemed quite pleased saying them.

“Any more pulling and they’ll fall off!” Yun Ye jumped and shouted in exasperation. He had absolutely no way to deal with Zhangsun.

“Falling off would be fine. Chang’an hasn’t been peaceful lately. Just stay home and study properly. What’s wrong with hearing nothing outside your window? You just had to be meddlesome. Is it fun getting involved in Buddhist-Daoist disputes? How many assassins has your household caught? Don’t say no one wants to kill you. Who’s that fellow who can shoot arrows in the pitch black night? Only now did I discover your Yun household is full of hidden dragons and crouching tigers—not easy to scheme against.”

Yun Ye sprawled in his chair refusing to get up, gripping the armrests and saying: “Of course I know, and that’s what I planned to do. I was even preparing to secretly go to Chang’an to watch song and dance performances and listen to Qiuci music. Who knew that just then I’d find out about Cheng Xuanying throwing children into the East Sea? This kind of thing actually became customary—now they throw them every year. Especially after he became Grand Master Xihua, they used to throw two a year, now it’s become four a year. The damned southeastern monsoon comes every year, which means this tradition will continue. His Majesty now values Great Tang’s population as precious beyond measure—can we afford to have them throwing children into the sea, rivers, fires, and pits every year?”

“What even Xi Men Bao refused to do back then, these bastards now do with such enthusiasm. If not for considering His Majesty’s face, I’d imitate Xi Men Bao and throw Cheng Xuanying into the East Sea too. I don’t care—this time I absolutely must take his tongue to feed my dogs.”

Zhangsun was stunned. Previously, whenever she intervened, no matter how big the matter, Yun Ye would listen to her. This time, she heard that Yun Ye was truly serious.

She sat down dejectedly and said to Yun Ye: “For these children, you don’t hesitate to provoke a great conflict between the Buddhist and Daoist factions?”

Yun Ye stood and poured Zhangsun a cup of tea, saying softly: “Dogs biting dogs getting mouthfuls of fur—what’s worth worrying about? In chaos His Majesty will see clearly. It doesn’t concern the people’s livelihood or the nation’s security. Once His Majesty sees clearly, with His Majesty’s wisdom, whatever he wants to do will have good results. In my view, those children’s lives are far more important than those monks and Daoists.”

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