Since the Yun family was bringing ceremonial guards, naturally they had to follow the rules. As a military marquis, Yun Ye couldn’t ride in a carriage—horseback was his only option. Only after arriving in the Great Tang did he understand what those ridiculous ceremonial guards were actually for. Officials leaving the capital had to use ceremonial guards to clear the way, and important guests also had to be welcomed with ceremonial guards. Otherwise, it would be considered an insult to them.
Every time Li Gang came to the Yun household, he grumbled that the Yun family had no rules. When he arrived, there weren’t even ceremonial guards—if word spread to Chang’an, he’d be laughed at by officials. Old Cheng had the same complaint.
Later, Yun Ye simply placed the ceremonial guards at the main gate. Whoever came, he’d have servants carry them out to welcome them. Who would have thought it nearly scared the Lantian County Magistrate who came to visit the Yun household to death? Seeing the ceremonial guards from afar, he fled in panic and sent Yun Ye a letter tearfully complaining that the Yun family wanted to kill him. This matter became another joke in Chang’an City. The Yun family’s ceremonial guards suddenly became worthless. Because of this, Yun Ye was also ordered by the Emperor to forfeit a year’s salary as punishment.
In this world, everything was like the old man who lost his horse—there was a bad side, but also a good side. Since the ceremonial guards were worthless, guests to the Yun household increased. No one mentioned ceremonial guards anymore. Everyone in Chang’an, even beggars who came to the door, could see those magnificent things at the Yun family’s gatehouse.
Yun Ye wanted to make the Yun family more common, but he met enormous resistance. Led by Grandmother, the fanatics of feudalism collectively voted against Yun Ye’s incomprehensible actions. This trip was the counterattack of the Yun family’s feudal forces. They brought everything they could—eight maids, sixteen servants, plus two old wet nurses. They also brought four of the orphans the Yun family had adopted. All capable guards deployed in full force, not even sparing the old soldiers retired at the wine distillery workshop.
Provisions alone filled seven or eight carts. Add in tents, tables and chairs, carpets and bedding, oil lamps, and chamber pots—that filled another five or six carts. The horses pulling the carts had to be pretty ones, not strong ones. When Old Qian riding a donkey also caught up, Yun Ye knew a new joke was born in Chang’an City.
Cheng Chumo didn’t count—he was bringing his young wife and didn’t qualify to show off. The Niu family also had a long string of carriages. Madam Little Niu put on even more airs than the Yun family. When the three women met, they chattered endlessly. Finally, after discussing it, they felt the Yun family’s carriage was the largest and most comfortable, so the three women squeezed into the Yun family’s large carriage. After a while, Xinyue even called the Yun family’s old wet nurse inside. Then the sound of mahjong began.
The convoy soon got on the official road. The official road from Chang’an to Luoyang was both wide and smooth. Trees grew densely on both sides of the road. With trees providing shade, traveling was actually quite enjoyable. Looking at the villages on both sides of the main road and the boundless fields, one’s heart naturally felt as vast as the sea and sky.
“Yezi, why are we going to Shaolin Temple? The conversation between you and my dad—I still don’t understand it even now. After you left, my mom cried all night, saying my dad has no conscience. He leads troops outside and doesn’t care whether the whole family lives or dies. My dad spent the whole night comforting her.”
Cheng Chumo’s brain was showing signs of rigidity. Even now he hadn’t seen the situation clearly. Seeing Cheng Chumo confused, Niu Jianhu said, “This time, for some reason, all those uncles of ours are roasting Yezi over the fire. Usually, no one yields to anyone—when they meet, they glare at each other. Now it’s all harmony. Even when the Yun family took first place, they’re all smiles and don’t care, following orders most happily. There must be a problem here. We three brothers are young. If Uncle Cheng hadn’t seen clearly, we’d have been tricked.”
Hearing Niu Jianhu say this, Cheng Chumo’s face immediately flushed red. He said in a choked voice, “These old fellows watch us jump into a pit without saying a word, and even help others scheme against us?”
He was asking Yun Ye. He wanted to hear Yun Ye’s view on this matter. He couldn’t quite understand how these people he usually called uncle would gang up to scheme against him.
“Chumo, Jianhu is right. Those uncles indeed have that intention. Although I can’t figure out their purpose, I always feel they don’t have malicious intent. Perhaps calling it a test is more appropriate. You have to know that for this trip to Lingnan, the main manpower is theirs, and most of the money is also provided by them. If I had any bad ideas, they’d also be implicated and hard to escape. No one is willing to do this—to gamble their family fortune and life. This time I left Chang’an just to let my heart quiet down and think through the cause and effect of the matter thoroughly. What exactly are those old foxes calculating?”
Since there was no objective or plan, under Cheng Chumo’s instigation, the three families’ convoy turned onto a small road. Although the main road was good, there wasn’t much scenery to see. The small road was more difficult, but had countless beautiful views, and the journey would also be much shorter.
Galloping on mountain paths, pheasants and rabbits constantly burst out from roadside grass. Cheng Chumo’s arrows never missed—a pheasant had just flown up when he shot it down with one arrow. Niu Jianhu was also good, actually shooting dead a muntjac deer. Yun Ye knew he didn’t have this skill, so he just folded his arms and watched the two of them show off their archery with a smile.
Old Jiang and a few others squinted their eyes and paid no attention. Wine gourds kept passing back and forth among the old brothers. Each person was full of drunkenness, ignoring the young people’s fooling around.
Dan Ying very much looked down on Cheng Chumo’s showing off. He disdained such petty tricks and kept leading Wang Cai up and down mountains to exercise. Where had Wang Cai suffered such hardship? He wanted to run to Yun Ye but didn’t have as much strength as Dan Ying, so he could only pant and run along, his whole body soaked with sweat.
Wang Cai was the family’s source of joy and also a treasure. Yun Ye pretended not to see. Xinyue couldn’t bear to watch and had a maid bring Wang Cai a basin of chilled fermented rice wine to relieve the heat.
“No, he just got heated from running. He can’t drink cold things.” Dan Ying flatly refused Xinyue’s kindness. He even picked up the basin and drank all the fermented rice wine in one gulp. Wang Cai anxiously butted Dan Ying with his head, but was pushed aside. He threw the basin to the maid and continued leading Wang Cai up and down mountains.
The mountain before them was Mount Li, the place where King You of Zhou lit beacon fires to amuse the feudal lords. To display his power and win a beauty’s smile, this foolish, pitiful king ultimately became a captive of the Rong people, suffering various miseries before dying.
Very strangely, sitting by the fire listening to Yun Ye tell the story—Cheng Chumo, Niu Jianhu, Dan Ying, and the three women—all expressed dissatisfaction with Bao Si for bringing disaster to the country. Dan Ying even said if that demon woman were before him, he’d definitely kill her with one sword. Yun Ye’s wife, Little Niu’s wife, and Cheng Chumo’s young wife all cast approval votes for Dan Ying. Who knew if all their brains were broken?
“If one day I set fire to the Yun family to make you happy, and then everyone cursed you instead of me, and Chumo, Jianhu, and their wives said I was confused by you, this fox spirit, that you’re the chief culprit, and then there were righteous idiots like Dan Ying coming to take your head—would you still think you deserved to die in this situation?”
“How could this concubine let you set fire to our home? If we really did that, being cursed and killed would be deserved. Husband, your thinking is different from others. Could it be this Stone Urn Valley isn’t clean, with evil spirits making trouble?”
Xinyue’s answer made Yun Ye feel like fainting. No, today he had to make this clear. Otherwise, poor Bao Si, having been cursed for so many years—that wronged soul would jump out to cause trouble even if she hadn’t wanted to before.
“What ‘women’s beauty misleading the country’—putting everything on a poor woman who was loved by her husband. I most look down on those who record these histories. Clearly it was the men themselves who didn’t do things well, but they put the shit pot on women’s heads. This kind of coward without responsibility—they deserve to die. Even farming households know that when their wife does something wrong, they take it on themselves, saying ‘my woman doesn’t understand shit—come at me for everything.’ How is it that when it comes to emperors, generals, and ministers, it becomes complete nonsense? What can a woman do? In the inner court, gossiping, bullying concubines, beating maids—that’s the extent of it. What do military and state affairs have to do with them?”
“Chumo, Jianhu, Dan Ying—would you joke about military and state affairs? Would you toy with feudal lords back and forth? No, right? Clearly they themselves were scoundrels, but they had to say they were wise, only deceived by women. Bah!”
Seeing Yun Ye speak with such agitation, Niu Jianhu curled his lips and gulped down a large mouthful of grape wine before saying, “Those who write history aren’t wrong, and those who pass down history aren’t wrong either. Concealing for superiors, concealing for the respected, concealing for relatives—this is the great way of human relationships, the foundation of every dynasty. Every family follows this without exception. How is it that when it comes to you, you bring out all this nonsensical twisted logic to slander? I’m the one who says bah.”
“Exactly. As a wife, bearing infamy for one’s husband is proper. Men have to go out to make a living. If he loses face, how can the whole family survive? So in this kind of matter, it’s best for women to bear it.”
Little Niu’s wife also came out to say Yun Ye’s thinking was wrong and needed reflection. This made Xinyue unwilling—she didn’t want her husband criticized by others. She poked the fire with a stick and asked Yun Ye, “Husband, I don’t know if those mud balls you buried are cooked through. This concubine is hungry.”
Yun Ye was looking up at the dark mountains, apologizing to Bao Si, this beautiful and wronged woman. There was nothing he could do—he couldn’t out-argue them. They’d even brought out the great way of human relationships, truly ironclad evidence. Regarding your injustice, forgive my inability to help. I’m going to eat beggar’s chicken. You endure a bit longer yourself. By the Qing Dynasty, there will be a talented scholar named Yuanmei who will vindicate you women.
Pulling apart the fire, the four mud balls under the charcoal had already been baked dry. Using a forked wooden stick, he picked them onto a bluestone slab. The three women were curious, preparing to see how a lump of mud could produce delicacies. Cheng Chumo had eaten this before and wasn’t interested. Niu Jianhu and Dan Ying were very expectant because Cheng Chumo said it was a delicacy under heaven.
Yun Ye used a stone to crack open the mud balls. A rich aroma immediately burst out. Clear oil flowed from the cracks. Breaking open the mud shell and removing the lotus leaves, snow-white chicken meat appeared before everyone.
Dan Ying was quick-handed. Not afraid of the heat, he grabbed a mud ball and ran off. Seeing this, Niu Jianhu wasn’t to be outdone. He also grabbed one and went to divvy up the spoils with his wife. Jiuyi kept poking Cheng Chumo’s back—she also really wanted to eat. Cheng Chumo grinned. Very experienced, he used a wooden stick to carry one to another stone slab and started cracking it open. At this time, Yun Ye had already torn off a chicken leg and handed it to Xinyue, who was swallowing her saliva.
The men barely ate. An entire fat wild pheasant was demolished by the women, each one touching their oily mouths and bashfully teasing each other.