Yun Ye rose very early, squatting by the small stream using a willow branch to clean his teeth. The morning mountain mist was thick, wrapping around his body with a cool sensation. Like a horse, he brought his mouth close to the water’s surface and took a long, deep gulp of water. After gurgling it twice in his throat, he spat it out with all his strength, scattering water mist everywhere. He had always seen Lishi do this—after completing a painting, he would gulp a mouthful of water, tilt his neck back and spray it out, watching as the water mist permeated the thick ink, creating a diffused effect that pleased him greatly.
Tang Dynasty paintings mostly featured people as their subjects, and the main characters were always painted exceptionally large, with a posture that overwhelmed all others. “His Majesty’s Night Banquet” was just like this. When Yun Ye saw Li’er showing off this painting by Yan Liben, his anger flared up immediately. That bootlicker Old Yan had painted Li’er as mighty and magnificent, Feng Ang as imposing and aggressive, and Fang Xuanling as supremely wise. But when it came to Yun Ye, he had become an insignificant passerby—only half of Li’er’s height and width, depicted chewing on a crab with a beautiful little girl behind him constantly poking his back. It couldn’t be more vulgar.
He had requested that Li’er bestow this painting upon him so he could take it home, hang it up, and worship it morning and night. Li’er’s response was just one word: “Scram!” He knew very well that with Yun Ye’s petty nature, it would be a miracle if this painting ever saw the light of day.
Upon returning home, Yun Ye invited Lishi over, hoping he would also paint a “His Majesty’s Night Banquet.” He didn’t ask for exaggeration, only that the scene be accurately depicted. Lishi was now his uncle by marriage and was very accommodating. Following Yun Ye’s description, he picked up his brush and painted. Once the painting was completed, Yun Ye tore it up in great fury—there was no difference from Yan Liben’s version. Yun Ye only appeared even more vulgar, even more unbearable than in Yan Liben’s painting.
Lishi naturally flew into a rage, grabbing Yun Ye to strike him, but was persuaded to stop by his aunt. Unable to calm his anger, Yun Ye decided to paint it himself. He would use ink wash and let these country bumpkins see the famous ink wash painting technique. He painted following the appearance of Wangcai, who was poking his head through the window to look at Yun Ye. He finished in half an hour, took out his seal and stamped it on top, titling it “Fine Steed Wangcai.”
He showed it to Wangcai, who was very satisfied. But then Lishi jumped out, holding a bamboo rod ready to beat Yun Ye. No one could persuade him otherwise. Holding Yun Ye’s masterpiece, he said to Grandmother, “This is a horse? I think it’s a pig. Since when do horses have ears like palm-leaf fans?” After speaking, he was ready to beat him again, saying he needed to fulfill his duty as an elder.
As he spoke, he suddenly closed his mouth, picked up the brush himself and began painting according to Wangcai’s appearance, using only ink in varying shades of darkness and lightness. After finishing the painting, he always felt something was off—it seemed somewhat stiff. He dragged over Yun Ye, who was drinking water, asking him to see what was wrong. Although Yun Ye couldn’t paint well, his eye was first-rate.
The Wangcai painted on white paper was remarkably lifelike, startling Yun Ye so much that he spat out a mouthful of water. Some water mist fell on the painting, and Lishi wanted nothing more than to strangle Yun Ye. This painting was extremely important to him—if he could just fix the small flaws, he could establish his own school. But Yun Ye had ruined it with one mouthful of water.
He forced himself to suppress his anger, closing his eyes to calm his spirit, but then heard his aunt exclaim in surprise. She dragged him in front of the painting. Opening his eyes, he saw that the “Wangcai Portrait,” which he thought had been ruined, had actually become more vivid, and the colors appeared much softer.
Remembering this incident made Yun Ye proud. He had inadvertently mastered the technique of setting paintings. Lishi’s face couldn’t have looked more ugly. Grandmother hugged Yun Ye and gave him a kiss—even when her darling grandson made trouble, he was better at it than other families’ boys.
In his pride, Yun Ye decided to do it again. Just as he was about to drink water, he discovered a horse’s head coming over to drink together. He wanted to drive it away but found it was Wangcai, so that was fine. The two brothers drank water together. Yun Ye’s breath wasn’t as long as Wangcai’s, and his mouth wasn’t as big either, so naturally he couldn’t drink as long as Wangcai. He gulped a big mouthful of water and sprayed it toward the sky, then enjoyed the feeling of being enveloped in water mist. It was too comfortable. Wangcai didn’t have this ability and could only snort twice to show his appreciation.
“I finally know where Wangcai got all those bad habits—cunning, lazy, gluttonous, and slippery, he has them all. Turns out the root is in you.” Dan Ying’s clear voice came over. This bastard never knew what politeness meant.
Only then did Yun Ye turn around and discover many people standing by the river. Xinyue’s head was almost tucked into her chest. Cheng Chumo and Niu Jianhu wore bewildered expressions on their faces, while their wives had faces full of gossip. The servants and maids turned their heads aside, pretending to be nonchalant.
“Could such beautiful scenery not cleanse the hearts of you worldly mortals? Seeing mountains, observe mountains; seeing water, play in water—only then is our journey of a thousand miles not in vain. If you cannot open your heart to enjoy the pleasures of mountains and water, and act everywhere as if you’re in Chang’an, you might as well stay in Chang’an. Why bother rushing about?”
When encountering an awkward situation, one must make others even more awkward than oneself. This way, everyone stands on the same starting line again and can communicate. Military strategy says: when the enemy advances, I retreat; when the enemy retreats, I harass; when the enemy is exhausted, I attack. These are truly golden words of wisdom.
Sure enough, Yun Ye first won over the servants and maids, who looked at him with worshipful eyes. This was a true master! Their marquis had always been a master. They looked disdainfully at the servants of the Cheng and Niu families nearby. How could such common mortals comprehend such profound learning? We’ve followed the marquis for many years and only received a little enlightenment.
Yun San, as the newly promoted head attendant of the marquis, had naturally been enlightened even more. He lay on the water’s surface and took a full mouthful of water, then under everyone’s gaze, sprayed it toward the sky creating a sky full of water mist, then stood in the water mist enjoying that touch of soft coolness. It was truly comfortable.
When the water mist dispersed, Yun San called out joyfully and couldn’t wait to lie down again to drink water. This time, even more people lay on the water’s surface drinking. For a moment, the streamside was full of water mist, and even some bold maids sprayed until their faces were red and necks thick.
Then it became chaotic. You spray me, I spray you—complete pandemonium. Seeing them playing so lively, even Cheng Chumo was eager to try. After Yun Ye sprayed a mouthful of water at the couple, Cheng Chumo finally erupted. He gulped a big mouthful of water but couldn’t find Yun Ye, so he turned and sprayed it on Niu Jianhu’s head. Thus the battle group continued to expand. When even Little Niu’s wife lay on the water’s surface drinking, Dan Ying was completely dumbfounded. The grass he had just cut for Wangcai dropped from his hands without him noticing. He just stood there with his mouth open, stupefied.
Xinyue couldn’t understand how her husband had been losing face just a moment ago, yet in an instant it had transformed into a kind of wild mountain pleasure. Her eyes widened round. Yun Ye patted her shoulder and said to her, “These days have been difficult for you. Take advantage of now to have a good time and play—you’ll forget your troubles.”
Sweetly smiling at Yun Ye, Xinyue wiped away the tear stains at the corners of her eyes. Not caring that the stream water soaked her clothes, like a child she lay on the water’s surface drinking, then sprayed it out, letting the water mist wrap around her, again and again without stopping.
Yun Ye changed into a dry set of clothes and came out of the tent, walking over with his hands clasped behind his back in a leisurely manner, hiding a piece of spring cake in his palm. Taking advantage of Dan Ying scratching his head, he stuffed the cake into Wangcai’s mouth. Wangcai was very clever and swallowed it in a few bites. Seeing Dan Ying look this way, he immediately stopped moving his mouth, though the cake crumbs on his mouth were rather obvious.
“Is this how the Yun family manages its servants?” Dan Ying pointed at several maids spraying water at Xinyue and asked Yun Ye.
“That’s right, this is how we do it. As long as they do their work well on ordinary days, no one cares what they do. As long as they’re happy, that’s good.” Yun Ye waved back at Xinyue, who was waving at him, and answered carelessly.
“Aren’t you afraid of losing order and having trouble in the household?” Dan Ying persisted and continued asking.
“Since the Yun family established its household until now, there has never been a bad servant. During the Yun family’s most difficult times, not one servant ran away, and no one betrayed the Yun family appeared. When I was imprisoned, they would rather stay at home and await their fate than find their own way out. Such servants—how many other noble families in Chang’an have them? Young man, my Yun family is full of them.”
Dan Ying’s logic was completely confused. His master and his mother had never taught him that there could be a family head like Yun Ye. The Dan family would prosper sooner or later—he had sufficient confidence in himself. If Yun Ye hadn’t trapped him at the academy, he would have planned to return to Hebei to rebuild the Two Worthies Manor. With his martial skills, he would defeat those unruly bandits and restore the Dan family’s rule over the bandit underworld. This was the Dan family’s tradition and his responsibility.
Now he felt his thinking was somewhat off, but he couldn’t ask Yun Ye for advice. This was an expert who habitually led people into ditches—he must stay far away, the farther the better. He suddenly felt lonely. Among this group of people, he was an outsider. They were all so happy, but he alone carried the mission of revitalizing his family and wasn’t happy at all. At this moment, he extremely missed his master and the simple days spent together with his master.
Old Jiang came over carrying a wine gourd and said to him, “Young man, why don’t you go play with them? Look at Yun San and the others—they’ve started using basins to splash water. If I were thirty years younger, I definitely wouldn’t miss out. When you get old, you lose your spirit. Come have a drink to lift a strapping young fellow’s spirits. If your heart is troubled, talk to this old man. This old man is elderly and has seen many things—maybe I can untangle your inner knot.”
Without realizing it, Dan Ying gulped down a big mouthful of liquor. The fiery liquor went down his throat and immediately felt much more comfortable. Led by Old Jiang, the two sat on a huge stone slab and chatted. Laughter occasionally came from the old and young pair, who seemed very compatible.
Yun Ye didn’t even look at the two of them, only gave Old Jiang, who was facing him, a thumbs up, then hurriedly joined the new battle. It seemed the women’s side was already soaked through, each with curvaceous figures that were quite worth seeing.
He was quite disappointed. Several old matrons rushed out from the tents holding cloth curtains, quickly separating the women from the men. Anyone who dared to look this way received a thorough scolding.
The game lasted a full hour before everyone finally felt both tired and hungry. Wearing wet clothes, they struggled through what may have been breakfast or lunch, gulped down a few bites, then lay on stone slabs in the shade waiting for their clothes to dry.
The journey couldn’t continue. Qian Tong looked at the scattered servants and said to Yun Ye, “My lord, I’m afraid we can’t travel today. How about we set up camp here and rest for the night?”
Yun Ye looked at Dan Ying, who was so drunk he couldn’t tell north from south, and nodded with a smile. He had to admire these old fellows—anyone who could get an assassin drunk to this degree was truly remarkable.