HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 52: Squeezing the Abscess (Part 2)

Chapter 52: Squeezing the Abscess (Part 2)

Li Tai was very dissatisfied and directly asked Yuan Shoucheng, “Can a person’s fate actually change? Previously, people all said my status was unspeakably noble. Look again—is there something wrong somewhere? I’m someone who likes change—one moment a flood dragon, the next a qilin. Perhaps in the future I’ll become a great roc bird. You’d better tell me all the changes at once.”

Li Chengqian laughed so hard he could barely straighten his back. Li Ke also stopped sweating and became extremely natural, sticking out his belly and clasping his hands behind his back. He no longer had any fear of the examination he was about to face. His brothers were helping him so desperately that he felt no matter what fate Yuan Shoucheng divined for him, it no longer mattered.

Empress Zhangsun’s face turned red and white alternately. She rebuked Li Tai, but seeing he remained unmoved, she was about to go pull him down when she saw Yuan Shoucheng’s hands begin to feel around Li Tai’s chest, back, and shoulders again. After a long while, he stopped and said to Li Tai, “Young man, you are destined for a lifetime of wealth and honor, with a long lifespan. If your lifespan is less than eighty years, you can come tear down this old man’s sign.”

Li Ke stepped forward cheerfully to congratulate Li Tai, saying, “Fourth Brother has a benevolent heart. Naturally, both fortune and longevity are assured. Congratulations, congratulations. Now let this foolish elder brother try and see what his own lifespan and fortune might be.”

Only then did Li Tai descend from the cloud bed. He patted Li Ke on the shoulder and walked straight to Empress Zhangsun’s side to watch how Yuan Shoucheng would judge Li Ke’s fate. He had already done everything he could do and only hoped Li Ke could pass safely through this ordeal.

Yun Ye squinted his eyes, unconsciously chewing the soft candy that Niu Jianhu’s daughter had fed into his mouth. He didn’t intend to miss a single word Yuan Shoucheng said. If the old fellow insisted on pinning labels on Li Ke’s head, he would go up and have him divine his own fate, properly humiliating this old bastard who claimed to be eight hundred years old.

“Dragon shoulders and phoenix neck—unspeakably noble!” The old fellow indeed spoke this phrase. Everyone in the great hall began to change color. Cold light was already emerging from Empress Zhangsun’s eyes, like a mother tiger choosing someone to devour.

“Worthless! Dragon shoulders and phoenix neck, yet you’ve grown a Bi’an head. How truly strange! What a waste of a fine physique. Although your fate is good, you are destined to be childless. If you cultivate your nature and nurture your heart properly, build bridges and repair roads, and do more good deeds, perhaps Heaven will grant you half a son or daughter. The grace of a gentleman is cut off after three generations—what a pity.”

Empress Zhangsun sat up straight again. Yun Ye secretly wiped away sweat. Just now, he could feel the cold emanating from Empress Zhangsun’s body. For the sake of her sons, she absolutely wouldn’t care how many people died.

“Elder Yuan, please feel again. This youngster wholeheartedly wants to accomplish great things—how can becoming a greedy Bi’an work? Please feel again—is there an error somewhere?” Li Ke forcibly held back the tears in his eyes, wanting Yuan Shoucheng to confirm again.

“Just a Bi’an, nothing more. This old man’s discerning eye makes no mistakes. Step down. Don’t let the stench of copper contaminate this old man.” Yuan Shoucheng waved his sleeve and had Li Ke step down.

As soon as Li Ke came down, Li Zhi jumped up impatiently. He was the one with the least psychological burden. Even if an emperor’s fate were divined for him, it wouldn’t matter. He and Li Chengqian differed in age by a full fourteen years, and they were born of the same mother. Being found to have the same fate as Li Chengqian would merely be a scenario of one brother succeeding another—it didn’t matter.

“A Bixi fellow—sufficient for guarding ancestral tombs.” Yuan Shoucheng spoke decisively.

Li Zhi looked up in bewilderment, wanting to get angry but not daring to. He knew what that thing was—it was simply the creature that bore stone tablets, looking exactly like a turtle. Thinking again about his own title of Prince Jin, wasn’t he indeed banished to guard tombs in his hometown? For a moment, tears came down. He turned to look at his mother, then hung his head heavily.

Empress Zhangsun felt unbearable pity and personally went to pull Li Zhi to her side, comforting him softly. But Yun Ye couldn’t help but chuckle. Empress Zhangsun glared at him viciously. Li Zhi’s face flushed red as he shouted, “Please have the old immortal also examine you! This prince is a Bixi—at least still a dragon’s son. I want to see what you will be.”

“There’s no need to examine Yun Ye. This old man has already examined him three times and deduced his fate three times. There is only a destination, but no origin. His fate has layer upon layer of obstacles. This old man’s strength was insufficient—I nearly lost my old life. When I calculated to the deepest place, I saw only bright moonlight but no person.”

Yun Ye looked at Yuan Shoucheng strangely. While playing cards, the old fellow had felt his hand more than once and had even taught him a set of techniques for massaging the head. Turns out he had been taking the opportunity to read his bones.

This old man is from the future—if you want to know this old man’s past, first see through over a thousand years of space-time, you old bastard with malicious intentions. If I don’t deal with you today, how can this old man swallow this grievance?

His expression immediately became confused and hazy. He intoned in a low voice, “White Jade Capital in the heavens, twelve towers and five cities. An immortal strokes my head, binding my hair to receive eternal life. Alas, even the old immortal cannot see through the mists of White Jade Capital. Must this youngster pass through this life in such muddled confusion? On this journey to the Northern Court, I must climb West Kunlun again and go see the true face of the Jade Pool. Perhaps they can resolve the doubts in my breast.”

Hearing these words, Yuan Shoucheng tore off the red cloth over his eyes and said to Yun Ye, “On this journey to the Northern Court, how about taking this old man along? This old man still has countless doubts and wishes to consult the immortals.”

“This youngster has mortal eyes and only saw the Jade Pool as a puddle of water. If the old immortal can go, naturally that’s best. Perhaps this youngster can borrow Your discerning eyes to see through the true face of the immortal realm.”

“Yun Ye, be cautious with your words!” Empress Zhangsun shouted. She didn’t know what the immortal realm looked like, but she could see that trace of a mischievous smile at the corner of Yun Ye’s mouth. When this kid was scheming against people, he had exactly this sort of demeanor. Yuan Shoucheng was the Great Tang’s sole remaining venerable elder—how could he be allowed to perish in the windswept desert wasteland of the Northern Court?

Yuan Shoucheng laughed heartily and said, “Your Majesty need not say more. This old man’s mind is made up. Being able to die in the immortal realm is better than being buried in the mortal world. This has been this old man’s cherished wish for many years. Even if Yun Ye doesn’t go, this old man will organize the Daoist sect to journey far to West Kunlun on pilgrimage. The Buddhist Xuanzang has already made one trip to Tianzhu, and upon his return, the streets were emptied of people—the Buddhist dharma greatly flourished. The route to West Kunlun is not even half that to Tianzhu, and this old man will be traveling under the protection of a great army. This is an opportunity rare throughout the ages—how could I not make this journey?”

After stating his reasons, he deliberately bowed in courtesy, beseeching the Empress not to obstruct him. Empress Zhangsun was alarmed for a moment. This matter was too great—she couldn’t make the decision herself. She couldn’t help but look toward Duan Hong. Duan Hong understood the Empress’s predicament. He flicked his horsetail whisk once and headed straight for Wanmin Palace—the Emperor was still there waiting for news.

Empress Zhangsun suddenly pointed at Yuan Shoucheng’s hair and said, “Elder Yuan, your lock of black hair is gone.” Everyone looked toward Yuan Shoucheng’s head. Indeed, he originally had a lock of black hair among his white hair that was very conspicuous, but now it had disappeared without a trace. His head full of white hair was like white snow, without a trace of other color.

“Today, breaking precedent, I examined the fates of four people. How could there be no punishment from Heaven? This old man has always said ‘fate not more than three times’ precisely to avoid divine punishment and preserve this remnant body. Now it seems difficult.”

Hearing Yuan Shoucheng’s words, Yun Ye didn’t know what to say. This damned fellow had deceived people with such sincerity. He firmly believed that his arrival in the Great Tang belonged to natural factors—this was also the reason supporting him from collapsing. On a whim, he had established Yushan Academy precisely to see if he could unravel this mystery. Whether or not he could see that day, it was a comfort to him. He very much didn’t want to know that there was an immortal squatting above his head, moving a finger and causing him to arrive in the Great Tang. This, to him, was an insult. His teachers had never told him there were immortals in this world.

This was a kind of faith, or rather a kind of obsession. Regardless of whether it was correct or not, he must persist. As the person with the longest vision in this world, this was his source of pride.

“Elder, in the future when you have nothing to do, please don’t divine fate for this youngster anymore. If something goes wrong, this youngster cannot bear the responsibility.” Yun Ye spoke slowly and leisurely. He didn’t like being probed by others, regardless of whether such probing was effective or not.

“Different, greatly different! Young man, after this old man recuperates his body, the first thing I’ll do is continue calculating your fate. You don’t know this, do you, young man? Divining your fate produces no karmic consequences falling on this old man. Last time I nearly perished was due to mental and physical exhaustion—it had nothing to do with divine punishment. In the entire world, you are the only one with such a strange fate. How could this old man let it pass?”

“You are shrouded in fortune and blessing, almost to the point of being immune to all poisons. Although you have created boundless killing karma, no karmic consequences cling to your body. Young man, go look and see—which fellow who killed several hundred thousand people has ever had good retribution? Niu Jinda trampled three thousand people to death with war horses and is destined to have his line cut off—yet now two blessed children run around beside you. Fang Xuanling was destined to have troubles from close relatives, yet now he has a house full of descendants in harmonious joy.”

“Would this old man judge Your Majesty’s fate incorrectly? Even if you soaked this old man in a wine vat, the calculated fate would not be wrong. Even His Majesty, hmm…”

When Yuan Shoucheng mentioned the Emperor, he stopped talking. Instead, he squatted down, smiling as he felt all over the two children. After finishing, he exclaimed in admiration, “Indeed two blessed children.” He even pulled two small jade figurines strung with silk thread from his bosom and hung one on each of the two children.

Empress Zhangsun seemed to know something. Hearing these words, she didn’t feel strange. Li Tai came over, lifted Yun Ye’s chin and examined it up, down, left, and right, then said to Li Chengqian, “Elder Brother, I don’t see anything wrong. Did you notice anything?”

Li Chengqian shook his head. After one glance, he had no interest in a second look—too familiar.

“Before going to the Northern Court, inform this old man.” After giving his instructions, Yuan Shoucheng clasped his hands behind his back and entered the rear hall.

“What a formidable swindler! I’m impressed, truly impressed.” Yun Ye willingly bowed in the direction Yuan Shoucheng had departed.

Empress Zhangsun laughed and said, “Before you appeared, Yuan Shoucheng’s words were followed by results—his predictions were never wrong. Ever since you entered Chang’an, only then did he begin to constantly make mistakes. Speak—what’s going on?”

Yun Ye angrily tugged at his own hair and said, “How should I know!” This was squeezing his abscess again—pain piercing to the heart!

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