“Fifty thousand people in Beisha City turned to ashes, at Sanshan Port there were ships but no people? Cangyan City’s ground rose three feet higher? Mudi City had only walls left? Destroyed villages and razed settlements too numerous to count? Daewang Castle became a true earthly realm of ghosts? What? He even robbed a Wa princess, and now the Wa princess has gone to Goryeo?”
Li Jing, who had been enjoying the cool air in the pavilion, no longer needed to cool down. He only felt his heart continuously sinking, his vision repeatedly going dark, cold sweat streaming down his forehead like a creek.
“No stratagem is more poisonous than cutting off grain supplies, no plan more wicked than setting fires. You didn’t cut off their grain, probably influenced by Niu Jinda, so you set fires instead. Boy, this old man can’t bear it anymore. Zhangsun Chong merely massacred a city for three days, and this old man as commander was called a butcher, said to have the evil of Bai Qi. Now, at least a hundred thousand people have been burned to ashes by you. This old man can’t bear it. Boy, you’re on your own. Starting today, this old man’s leg ailment has flared up—I’m closing my doors to visitors. If I can’t provoke them, can’t this old man hide?”
“But boy, ah, excellent skills, excellent skills! As long as you’re around, all the military texts in my home are yours, the newly written ones too. With you here, my Li Jing’s sharp edge won’t be so exposed. A young hero who destroys cities and pulls down strongholds like crushing dry weeds has finally appeared. In another ten or twenty years, you can carry the military banners—this old man is done. Young people these days, each one more ruthless than the last, each one more vicious than the last. My son is already among the rare pure and good ones. How fortunate, how fortunate!”
Li Jing was alone in the pavilion, alternating between worry and delight, sometimes grabbing the teapot to gulp down tea, sometimes picking up the wine jar to take a couple of swigs. After he couldn’t squeeze out another drop from the wine jar, he tossed it far away and returned to his study. Grinding ink and lifting his brush, he began writing a leave of absence memorial.
“Your Majesty, Marquis Yun sent someone to deliver one thousand eight hundred Goryeo women, saying Your Majesty’s place needs a large labor force. They were sent on Marquis Yun’s behalf by Dengzhou Prefect Yuan Dake.” A eunuch came before Empress Zhangsun, who was examining account books, and reported in a low voice.
“Oh? Is this so?” Zhangsun raised her head in confusion, unable to figure out where Yun Ye had obtained these women. But this confusion only appeared on her face for an instant before transforming into towering rage.
“Audacious! To openly plunder civilian women like this—Yun Ye, what gall you have! You don’t want face, but does the Great Tang not want face either?”
“Your Majesty, these women were not plundered by Marquis Yun from Goryeo. Marquis Yun captured some slave traders—all these people were rescued from the slave traders’ hands. Originally there were fewer than a thousand, but later the navy destroyed the slave traders’ lair, which added another thousand. Marquis Yun sent a letter earlier, but at that time Your Majesty had gone to Jiucheng Palace to escape the cold and hadn’t returned. This servant also worried it might harm Your Majesty’s health.”
Hearing her personal female official say this, Zhangsun finally calmed her fury. She had the official find Yun Ye’s letter and read it from beginning to end, finally letting out a long sigh of relief.
Arranging for one thousand eight hundred women was a major matter that couldn’t be neglected. After thinking it over, Zhangsun ordered these women to be arranged into her own estate. The wool was about to be delivered—she didn’t know if this Fang Tianshi mentioned in Yun Ye’s letter was reliable or not.
She was writing an edict when Li Er walked in from outside, actually carrying a huge flowerpot, followed by two eunuchs with tense expressions.
Zhangsun dropped her brush to scold him, but Li Er smiled and shook his head, personally placing the large flowerpot on the table. He carefully examined the corn plant growing in the pot—already a foot tall and as thick as a thumb, with green leaves. Six leaves had already emerged, and the midrib was curled. It looked like it wouldn’t be long before two more leaves sprouted.
“Your Majesty, if you like corn, there’s some planted in the garden. Why do you personally do such things?”
“Empress, you don’t understand. I planted corn in this pot precisely because I don’t have time to constantly observe it in the garden. Now planting it in a pot on my desk, during breaks from official duties I can look up at it, loosen its soil, water it, remove insects. First, it can relax my mind; second, I can accurately grasp the farming seasons. Look, from the corn’s germination to sprouting its first pair of leaves—I’ve recorded everything. Another magical effect the Empress may not know—when I nap with this thing beside me, I never have bad dreams. I always sleep soundly for a full half hour and wake up vigorous in spirit. Haha, this truly is auspicious grain, so I moved it to the rear palace to try it out, to let you also sleep peacefully.”
Zhangsun stepped forward to carefully examine the Emperor’s new favorite. It was indeed growing robustly. Gently brushing the long leaves, she smiled: “As long as it benefits Your Majesty, it’s a good thing. Our palace should have more auspicious signs. Last time Ke’er said he discovered an iron-eating beast in the Qinling Mountains—that’s the auspicious beast that devours evil spirits. This subject has already ordered the Palace Affairs Department to capture it. Once caught, our imperial palace will surely be even more harmonious.”
“No need for that. The palace is already harmonious. Qian’er is running around outside preparing the coinage. Qing Que hides in Wude Hall and won’t come out—he’s practically hollowed out the entire palace from below. Ke’er is managing the Palace Affairs Department. I heard that a while ago he went through all the palace accounts from top to bottom. Now the palace’s expenses have decreased by thirty percent compared to before. This is all thanks to the Empress’s excellent guidance. By the way, what are you doing?”
Li Er leaned his head over curiously to look at Zhangsun’s edict. This look didn’t matter, but upon seeing it, his whole body trembled. He sat weakly in a chair and lamented: “This little bastard actually also abducted people! Now it’s finally complete.”
“Your Majesty, what’s complete?” Zhangsun looked at the edict she had written, not knowing why Li Er would have such a strong reaction.
“Under my command is an army that commits every evil—killing, arson, robbery, deception, attacking without declaring war, and now adding abduction of people. They’ve finally committed all possible crimes. What infuriates me most is that the blame is mine, because I initially promised him that as long as he brought back the soldiers’ remains, I wouldn’t investigate anything and would take the blame. Just now I was celebrating that they at least hadn’t violated one thing—abducting people. Now seeing the Empress’s edict, it seems they’ve done this too. Do you know how outrageous Yun Ye’s plundering has become? Even the plaques hanging at temple gates were torn down and brought back by them. The only reason? Those plaques were made of ironwood.”
Zhangsun laughed until she swayed back and forth, softly leaning against Li Er: “It’s truly excessive enough, but these women weren’t abducted—Yun Ye seized them from human traffickers. It’s a virtuous act of accumulating merit.”
Li Er, taking the opportunity to embrace Zhangsun, asked in astonishment: “Really?” Zhangsun nodded, answering affirmatively: “Really!”
“That’s good, that’s good. I thought these people were abducted back. The old affairs of Dong Zhuo and Cao Cao—my Great Tang need not do such things. If I want the realm to submit to me wholeheartedly, I cannot do everything to the extreme.”
“In the future, Yun Ye shouldn’t go on campaigns anymore. Each time he goes on campaign, my reputation suffers a bit. If I let him fight a few more battles, who knows how the history books will portray me. The Yan family has now become historians—it seems they won’t show me, the honored one, any concealment. That’s fine too. Let me leave posterity a Li Shimin of true character, letting descendants know how I controlled my ministers and dominated the realm. If it were truly possible, I genuinely hope my posthumous title will be ‘Benevolent Emperor’ rather than ‘Martial Emperor.'”
“However, this can only be a thought. After death, all affairs cease. If I had two more ministers like Yun Ye under my command, I probably wouldn’t even have the chance to be a Martial Emperor.”
“Your Majesty is currently in heroic prime—capturing tigers and shooting bears are small matters. Why think of affairs after death? This subject has always greedily wished Your Majesty would never age, that this subject could accompany you through the full lifespan heaven grants. Whether Benevolent Emperor or Martial Emperor, even if it were Tyrant Emperor, what of it? Your Majesty dresses simply and eats frugally, pouring all your energy into this country—this subject sees it all. Whatever outsiders say, let them. We husband and wife are one body. In the future, even if questioned by ancestral spirits, this subject will accompany her husband.”
Seeing Zhangsun speak so boldly, Li Er said somewhat embarrassedly to Zhangsun: “I gave Yun Ye a private letter, asking him when wandering at sea, if he sees those immortal mountains like Penglai, Yingzhou, or Fangzhang, to tell me. I very much want to see them.”
Zhangsun suddenly laughed so hard her whole body went soft, sliding straight down. Her protruding belly was the key protection target. Li Er didn’t dare use force and could only slowly let her sit on his feet. With a dark expression, he asked Zhangsun: “I only wanted to satisfy my curiosity. Is it that funny?”
Sitting on the ground, Zhangsun was in no hurry to get up. She reached back to embrace Li Er’s legs, laughing: “Your Majesty, you could give this private letter to anyone, just not to Yun Ye. He’s always worried Your Majesty will abandon the myriad people to search for some immortal realm. So that jade tablet—he’s shown it to everyone except you. Now you actually entrust him to help you find immortal mountains—you’ve truly entrusted the wrong person. Even if he found them, he’d come back and tell you he found nothing. This subject is laughing because Your Majesty, wise all your life, has been confused for once.”
Li Er helped Zhangsun up, saying somewhat dejectedly: “This kind of letter, I can only give to Yun Ye. If I gave it to someone else, believe it or not, immediately there would be remonstrations about not asking the common people but asking ghosts and spirits, and it would become known throughout the realm. Only giving it to Yun Ye avoids such troubles.”
“When I was very small, I was very curious about the moon. Mother told me the lonely Chang’e and Jade Rabbit lived up there. I saw the moon hanging not very high, just on the eaves. I once stood at the highest point of the palace, wanting to use a bamboo pole to poke the moon down. Who knew that upon reaching the rooftop, I discovered the moon had run to the mountaintop. When I had the chance to go to the mountaintop, I found the moon floating on the lake surface. At the time I was extremely angry—this damned moon was playing hide-and-seek with me. No matter where I went, it would appear in another place. So I secretly used my own allowance to have someone forge a thick iron chain, thinking that if one day the moon was caught by me, I’d tie it up with the iron chain and let it hang forever on my family’s rooftop!”