Old Sun had gone deep into the Qinling Mountains. He had no patience for those ceremonies, feeling they were a waste of his time. Moreover, from the depths of his bones he harbored a kind of dread toward the barbarian pox, always feeling he still wasn’t clean, always believing those tiny bugs invisible to the naked eye were still lingering on his body.
From the fact that he bathed eight times a day these past days, one could tell. The water temperature was frighteningly high. When Yun Ye stuck his hand in, within moments it would be scalded like a pig’s trotter. Yet Old Sun and those several big fellows gritted their teeth and persisted. Every time he witnessed this scene, Yun Ye felt heartbroken. The old Daoist didn’t drink alcohol before, but these days he desperately drank strong liquor. The highest-proof alcohol from the Yun family—he had to drink a small jar every day. Those men were the same. Yun Ye knew Old Sun wasn’t drinking for pleasure but wanted to use the strong liquor to kill the bacteria in his stomach. He told him this was useless, but the old Daoist would just give a “hehe” laugh and continue as before.
If it weren’t because cowpox still needed him, the old Daoist wouldn’t want to live anymore. From the way he looked at the fire pile, Yun Ye discovered the old Daoist actually wanted to jump into the flames. This was terrible—one live experiment had left Old Sun with lingering trauma.
Those big fellows didn’t know what had happened and were muddleheaded, so their fear was also quite limited. Old Sun was different. He knew it root and branch, knew what form the barbarian pox existed in, how terrifying the consequences were, so naturally the psychological torment he endured far exceeded that of these five big fellows.
These matters could be gradually explained to Old Sun later, but the trouble at hand was very real indeed. Li Er, Zhangsun, princes, ministers, common people, and also Xinyue and Grandmother were all waiting at the palace gate. He had lost the main character—one could imagine how furious Li Er would be. This was the best opportunity to win people’s hearts!
Since the last time Yuan Qi had spoken with Yun Ye, he rarely appeared before him. Previously he thought himself a ruthless person, but now he discovered that Yun Ye was very dangerous. Being around him made it very easy to inexplicably lose one’s head, or even be exterminated to the ninth degree of kinship. So seeing Yun Ye’s extremely worried appearance made him especially happy.
He drove the procession forward rapidly toward Chang’an. The earlier they arrived, the earlier he could rid himself of this wretched assignment. He decided that if nothing came up, he absolutely wouldn’t easily return to Chang’an. Here, he didn’t even count as a grasshopper.
Listening to the landslide-and-tsunami-like cheering outside the window, Yun Ye vigorously banged his head against the carriage wall with thudding sounds. If only he could pass out, not having to see Li Er’s black face was what Yun Ye most fervently hoped for.
No matter how slowly the carriage traveled, it would still reach its destination. Yun Ye jumped down from the carriage early, placed Sun Simiao’s letter on the carriage, and shrank behind it himself, not wanting to be seen by Li Er.
The carriage arrived. The Chief Minister of the Ministry of Rites gave a great shout to play music. Immediately big men blew horns as a vanguard. Prince Li Xiaogong of Heijian, in full golden armor, lowered his face guard, straddled his horse, held his horse lance, and led the way. Two golden-armored strongmen cracking long whips followed behind. Palace maids carrying incense burners and palace maids holding winged screens quickly surrounded the carriage.
The smiling Fang Xuanling appeared behind Yun Ye and heavily slapped his shoulder, nearly scaring Yun Ye to death. With a mournful face, he said to Fang Xuanling, “Prime Minister Fang, you must save me this time!”
“On such a joyous day, why speak inauspicious words? You’ve established great merit. His Majesty will only reward you, not punish you.”
“I lost track of Daoist Sun! The old gentleman took the medicine test subjects to gather herbs in the Qinling Mountains. I couldn’t find him. When His Majesty loses his temper in a moment, you absolutely must shield me a bit.”
Fang Xuanling’s expression changed, but quickly transformed into an expression of admiration. He said to Yun Ye, “This is precisely the conduct of a person of noble virtue and character—the matter concluded, dusting off and leaving, deeply concealing merit and fame! Without such magnanimity, how could one establish such compassionate meritorious deeds? We who daily pursue petty gains like flies and dogs want to reach Daoist Sun’s realm—it’s difficult indeed!”
While speaking, they arrived at the palace gate. Li Xiaogong gathered his energy and shouted loudly, “Miaoyong True Man, Daoist Sun, has arrived!” His voice traveled far. The great gates slowly opened and music emerged. Listening carefully, it turned out to be the “Eternal Spring and Longevity Song”—this was a melody for welcoming immortals. The sheng, bili, dragon flute, jiegu drum, great taiko drum, and great zheng drum sounded in succession, gradually becoming melodious.
Li Er, wearing court robes and the Heaven-Reaching Crown, came out laughing heartily with dance steps to welcome the guest. Zhangsun held a lacquer tray with a golden wine vessel on it, filled with amber-colored wine—clearly good stuff.
“The True Man has risked life and death for our common people—no goodness could be greater. Please accept Li Shimin’s bow.” Watching the Li Er couple bow toward the carriage, Yun Ye tried hard to roll his eyes back wanting to pass out, but just couldn’t manage it. If those two discovered Old Sun wasn’t there, his moment of doom would arrive.
Only after Li Er and his wife finished bowing did Fang Xuanling report to Li Er, “Your Majesty, Miaoyong True Man considers resolving difficulties for the common people of the realm to be his duty and dares not receive Your Majesty’s great ceremony. Therefore, he left Your Majesty a letter and went himself deep into the Qinling Mountains to gather herbs. Truly the bearing of an exalted person!”
Yun Ye felt as if he’d been stung by four wasps. Needless to say, both of them were glaring furiously at him. Trembling, he retrieved the letter from the carriage and presented it to Li Er with both hands.
After Li Er finished reading the letter, the angry expression on his face gradually eased. He actually bowed again toward the empty carriage, then said to the assembled officials, “The ancients often said that only once in five hundred years does a sage appear. Now in our Great Tang, persons of noble virtue emerge in endless succession—this is my fortune and also the fortune of all subjects under Heaven. The harm of barbarian pox is known throughout the realm, worse than fierce tigers, more evil than venomous serpents. Those unfortunate enough to contract it—only one or two in ten survive, and most of these lucky survivors bear disabilities, their faces riddled with countless sores and holes, their appearance inhuman, no different from evil demons. Everyone has perhaps heard that the daughter of the Shouzhou Magistrate ultimately still hanged herself, and not one person in the entire family was spared.”
“What caused the entire family’s calamity? Barbarian pox! This evil disease has always been a malevolent bird circling over our Great Tang. The slightest carelessness would bring irreparable devastation to our Great Tang. How deep is this resentment?”
“Now we have Miaoyong True Man who has developed an unprecedented miraculous medicine. Receive it, and benefit for life, never again fearing barbarian pox. For this, True Man Sun has risked danger time and again. This time he even personally served as a medicine test subject to try the medicine. I ask all under Heaven, besides our Great Tang, where else are there people compassionate to this extent? Come! Various officials and ministers, let us sovereign and subjects celebrate for the realm, celebrate for True Man Sun!” Regarding Li Er’s quick adaptability, Yun Ye always admired it. In the blink of an eye, he elevated an awkward matter to a higher level. This was probably an ability emperors were born with. Others couldn’t learn it.
Taking advantage of everyone else being excited, he sidled up to Zhangsun and quietly said, “Your Majesty, this humble subject also established outstanding merit. Why not mention this humble subject?”
Zhangsun looked at him with contempt and said, “Do you think this palace doesn’t know? When Daoist Sun was struggling for his life in the cave, you were outside the cave playing the refined gentleman, painting turtles. I heard your skills improved a thousand li in a day. From that turtle diagram you gave His Majesty, one can see your skills are truly extraordinary. Since you like turtles so much, then retract your neck into your shell and don’t be envious of the glory others earned with their lives.”
What more was there to say? If he continued, he would become a turtle himself. No merit then no merit—what did it matter? This lord doesn’t care. Just now he only sidled up because he was afraid that cup of unknown good wine would go to waste. Otherwise, who would want to stay with you two? In a moment he’d go home. His house arrest still had several more days!
Without the main character, Li Er naturally became the main character. After accepting countless flattery, the Li Er couple returned happily to the palace. Yun Ye was about to slip away when Duan Hong caught him and escorted him to the rear palace.
He could never figure it out—why was he, a grown man, always brought to the rear palace to receive education? Couldn’t it be done in the front hall? In the rear palace, there were always some bored ladies standing at their bedchamber doors pointing at him. Sometimes they would pull over their children and, pointing at Yun Ye, conduct on-the-spot education for their kids.
Even Li Chengqian entering the rear palace had restrictions. Li Tai and Li Ke needed to make appointments in advance. Only he—as long as Li Er and Zhangsun were in the rear palace, they absolutely would not summon him in the front hall.
Last time when the palace was blown up and he saw several naked beauties, Li Tai had early on warned Yun Ye to quickly forget, or else it would harm both others and himself. Over this matter, the two had a scuffle. Li Tai wanted to resolutely defend his father’s wives and concubines’ reputation, while Yun Ye believed the quality of His Majesty the Emperor’s rear palace needed improvement—they were all little brats, their figures no different from washboards, standing at a distance one couldn’t tell male from female. In the heat of the debate, Li Tai landed a punch on Yun Ye’s eye, but was quickly pressed to the ground by Yun Ye and thoroughly beaten. Finally, they found a harmonious point—that is, Yun Ye would no longer criticize the rear palace’s quality, and Li Tai also vowed not to speak of this matter. Everyone was happy.
Duan Hong had never had much fondness for Yun Ye. Ever since the explosive-lighting incident last time, he very cleverly refused to have further exchanges with Yun Ye. The first time dealing with him, he was sent up a tree by the explosive’s thrust. To this day his crotch still ached faintly. He didn’t want to pay an even more terrible price the second time he dealt with him.
Whenever Zhangsun was together with Li Er, she became a model virtuous wife and good mother. When Li Er wrote at his desk, she stood beside him holding an ink stick to grind ink. According to the length of Li Er’s essays, she ground out exactly the right amount of good ink. When the essay was finished, the ink was precisely used up. The husband and wife had already reached the highest realm of being accomplices in collusion.
Li Er didn’t give permission to straighten up, so Yun Ye could only keep his body bowed. Fortunately, he hadn’t performed the full salute just now, so his waist wasn’t bent very deeply and he could persist now.
After the time it took to burn an incense stick, Li Er finally raised his head, glanced at Yun Ye, and asked, “Are you certain the problem of barbarian pox has been resolved?”
“No. Cowpox can only prevent, but cannot treat. Now if one contracts barbarian pox, one can still only resign oneself to fate.”
“From what you’re saying, we must now quickly inoculate everyone with cowpox?”
“There isn’t enough cowpox to inoculate everyone. No doctors, no cows, no money, no channels. This humble subject can at most guarantee inoculating everyone in the palace and everyone in this humble subject’s household. This is the maximum capacity of the Academy laboratory.”
“Mm, not bad. You know to include the palace. I thought you would prioritize the Academy. You still have a bit of conscience.” Zhangsun raised her head, tidied up the brush and ink, and interjected.
“In response to Your Majesty, the Academy has already begun inoculations. What this humble subject spoke of is what remains after the Academy is done—only then can it be the palace’s and this humble subject’s household’s turn.”