Li Er walked around Yun Ye in a circle, then turned back to Changsun and said: “Empress, this kid sometimes still has a little bit of persistence. To say he has backbone would be going too far—a beating with a board would make him cry and sniffle. To say he has no backbone, well, these past two days he smashed the gambling house in Lanling, and when arranging smallpox vaccinations, he prioritized the academy students first, putting even the imperial family in second place.”
“People who are all backbone, like Wei Zheng, are also annoying. Those without backbone I look down upon. You tell me, is this kid soft or hard? He’s really a freak.”
Changsun poured a cup of tea for Li Er, then pointed at the teapot, meaning for Yun Ye to pour one for herself too. Li Er casually handed the tea in his hand to Yun Ye, picked up the small teapot himself, and slurped from the spout.
“Kid, if I threw the clothes from those bottles of yours into a pile of enemies, do you think it would…”
“The incubation period for this disease is at most half a month. By then it would spread over a large area. When your army that has been vaccinated against smallpox kills their way back, your enemies are doomed—there’s no possibility of accidents.” Yun Ye unhesitatingly continued Li Er’s words. He couldn’t let those words come out of Li Er’s mouth.
If he said it himself, at most it would be considered a fantasy. If Li Er said it, that would be terrifying—he had the ability and the desire to make this unconscionable tactic appear on the battlefield.
“Kid, can I also use the words you used to frighten Feng Ang to frighten others?” Li Er squinted his eyes, seeking Yun Ye’s opinion.
In an instant, alarm bells rang loudly in Yun Ye’s heart. Word by word, he said to Li Er: “Your humble minister can say such things—at most people would think it’s youthful indiscretion, hot-blooded behavior. Your Majesty is different. As long as you say it, people will believe they themselves will face such terrible consequences. Captive’s sores don’t only exist in the Tang—they’re also on the grasslands, and even more common in the Western Region countries. Moreover, Your Majesty, there are many types of viruses similar to captive’s sores—the Black Death, cholera—their harm is even more terrible than captive’s sores. Especially the Black Death—those who contract it are difficult to save, the dead turn completely black, extremely terrifying. I’ve heard that in the far western lands there was such a terrible disease that ravaged for more than a year, reducing the entire city-state’s population by thirty percent.”
Li Er licked his dry lips. Changsun was startled by the sound of her own swallowing. Just as she was thinking about using this thing militarily, Yun Ye poured a basin of cold water over her head. Yun Ye’s implication was: you use captive’s sores, they use the Black Death or other strange diseases. The final result would be that the Tang becomes a convergence point for virulent infectious diseases—this land wouldn’t be livable for anyone.
“Guard this thing well. Don’t let it spread out.” Li Er solemnly instructed Yun Ye.
“Your humble minister has long been prepared. The remaining contamination sources will all be handed over to Your Majesty. This responsibility is beyond what your humble minister can bear. Please Your Majesty choose someone more capable.”
Only a fool would take this hot potato. Any little mistake would be a major disaster—who knows how one would die. Yuan Qi had this concern, and so did Yun Ye.
“Kid, you’re unwilling to take responsibility. I know your concerns. Someone has to do this thing. Do you have good candidates? How to do it—I imagine you should have a draft plan. Speak up, after all you’re an expert in this area.”
Li Er also felt it was inappropriate to hand this thing to Yun Ye. This thing was too terrifying—the slightest carelessness could cause endless disaster. It would be better to find someone more reliable to do this.
“Your Majesty, the place to store this thing must be far from human habitation. Deep mountains are better than suburbs, and sea islands are better than deep mountains. Your humble minister suggests choosing an uninhabited sea island, building a small city specifically to store these things. If necessary, gunpowder should also be sent there. That island, except for craftsmen, soldiers, academy researchers, and court officials, needs strict control over all other personnel. If something goes wrong, we can also minimize the losses.”
“This idea is good. I will choose a hidden place and select capable personnel to go there. The content of our conversation just now must not be leaked. If anyone learns that I once planned to use this thing in warfare, I won’t behead you, but I’ll give you a thousand beatings with the board—in batches, thirty today, fifty tomorrow—anyway I’ll make you suffer while alive.”
Yun Ye gritted his teeth and touched his buttocks. If this continues, does this old man still have a way to live? Might as well die. That group of bastards who specialize in beating with boards spend their whole lives figuring out how to make beatings hurt the most. Last time he felt his buttocks weren’t his own anymore—that feeling he never wants to experience again in this lifetime. He quickly shook his head like a rattle drum, guaranteeing to Li Er that he wouldn’t leak anything. But seeing Changsun’s gloating expression, he quickly added: “What if the Empress accidentally leaks it?”
“Then I’ll still beat you. What, not satisfied?” Li Er squeezed these words out of his nose, looking at Yun Ye with fury.
Watching Yun Ye angrily leave the Lizheng Hall, Li Er and Changsun looked at each other and smiled. Now, bullying Yun Ye when there was nothing else to do was one of the few pleasures for this couple.
Just as he left the Lizheng Hall, a pitiful little girl looked at Yun Ye with tears in her eyes, looking like “you’re a big bad guy.” Yun Ye irritably scratched his head—it seemed he really had bullied this little girl.
He walked up to the little girl, crouched down and asked: “Unhappy because of the gambling house matter?”
The little girl immediately burst into tears, sobbing and saying: “I don’t have a mother, no one to save up dowry for me. My uncle opened a gambling house to earn some money to save up dowry for me. You even sent people to smash the gambling house and beat up my uncle. Without a dowry, I won’t be able to get married.”
Lanling was truly heartbroken. Although smart, she was ultimately still a child. Being hurt by someone she trusted still made her very sad. She felt there was no longer anyone trustworthy in the palace.
He took out a handkerchief, wiped away her tears and said to her: “Do you know why I clearly knew it was your gambling house but still specifically sent people to smash it? There are many princesses who open gambling houses and brothels—why didn’t I smash theirs but specifically targeted yours?”
Lanling cried even louder: “Because I’m a child without a mother, easy to bully.”
“Bullshit. Because among all these princesses, I like Lanling the most. A little beauty—why go earn that dirty money? If you want a dowry, that’s easy. Just tell me and I’ll give you good ideas for making money. A little beauty should earn clean money—that way you can use it without worries, however you want to use it. Those censors and court officials won’t run to your father emperor every few days to complain. Then your father emperor will choose a handsome, talented husband for you.”
Lanling suddenly stopped crying, her eyes red as she asked Yun Ye: “Really? In the palace you like me the most?”
“Of course. You’re the smartest princess. From when you were very small you knew to use your brain. You know, I’m the smartest person under heaven, so naturally I’d like the smartest princess.”
“But I don’t have money to do business. I only have two hundred strings now—I can’t do big business. My other sisters are all very wealthy, but my allowance is very small.”
“Only fools use a lot of money to do business. You know, I’ve always done business without capital. Smart people know to use their brains to earn money from those fools. Look at those people walking around the palace—aren’t they annoyingly stupid?”
Lanling turned to look around at those cowering palace maids and eunuchs, and some concubines specifically waiting for father emperor in pavilions. She really felt everyone around her was a fool. She nodded heavily—at this moment Lanling felt she was much smarter than those people.
Lanling had just been drinking milk—pure cow’s milk. Her brow furrowed, and she immediately had an idea. Taking Lanling’s hand, she said: “Look, we’re smart people. Staying with fools will make us stupid. Let’s stay far away to avoid being contaminated by the fools’ aura. Let me show you how I use a bowl of milk to earn your first sum of money.”
The two came to the palace kitchen. Yun Ye kicked out the cooks in the kitchen with a few moves, and Lanling also helped drive people away with a broom. She anxiously waited for Yun Ye to show how to use milk to make money—it seemed this was the most abundant thing in the palace, even palace maids could drink it.
The palace had lots of kelp, with many brown-red sea moss mixed in. Yun Ye casually found a small handful, soaked it in warm water, then poured already fermented yogurt into a wooden bucket for churning butter, stirring continuously. Soon, a layer of white stuff floated on top of the yogurt. Using a flat spoon to scoop it out, he told Lanling this was cream. After tasting it, it was fine—not sour.
He then put the soaked sea moss in a pot to cook. Soon it was cooked into a mucilage, placed on ice to cool, then took out the top layer—not bad, slightly brown.
Finally he put a little soybean oil in the pot, grabbed two large handfuls of sugar crystals, put them in the oil pot to boil sugar. When it started bubbling, he poured in the cream, milk, and cooked sea moss gelatin to simmer together, letting the milk completely dry and become thick liquid. Then he poured it on a cutting board, let it cool a bit, and while the sugar hadn’t hardened yet, rolled it into a long thin strip with his hands, cut it into pieces with a knife, threw them all on ice to cool. When completely cool, he took one piece and stuffed it in Lanling’s mouth, also tasting one himself. Not bad—he hadn’t made this in years, his skills were a bit rusty, not as delicious as what he made back then, perhaps due to the materials.
Before finishing one piece, Lanling was already eating her third. The burnt fragrance of sugar crystals mixed with the sweet creaminess of milk was extremely delicious. Although tasty, she still didn’t understand how to fool those idiots.
Yun Ye took out a wax pill from his chest, crushed it, took out the throat medicine inside, put the milk candy in, carefully sealed it with soft wax and asked Lanling:
“Would you buy this for two wen?” The little girl immediately understood, jumping and saying: “Of course I’d want it for two wen! It’s so delicious, I’ll tell them it takes a whole bowl of milk to make one piece.”
Clearly a smart child, but obviously still had a sense of shame, didn’t understand the role of advertising propaganda. Patting the girl’s head, he said: “You’re not yet an adult. Eating and using your father emperor’s things is perfectly natural, so you don’t need capital. If a daughter wants to drink two bowls of milk, would a father refuse?”
“As for the milk candy, you should say this: one day when you were sleeping, you dreamed of a white-bearded old grandfather who taught you this in the dream, saying that eating it regularly would nourish and beautify the skin, make skin delicate, and more importantly, make breath fragrant. For this, you specifically found more than ten medicinal ingredients and asked Master Sun to prepare them before having this thing. Master Sun also said it was good stuff! Because Master Sun said so, one piece sells for ten wen. Your brother Qingque loves sweets the most—you can get reputation and fame from him, then sell in the palace. Don’t give any to sisters you don’t get along with, understand?”