HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 56: The Matchmaker

Chapter 56: The Matchmaker

The small village nestled against the mountains and beside the water was beautiful, yet thoroughly dilapidated. Ruins and broken walls were everywhere, some still bearing traces of fire damage. Charred wood covered in thick layers of dust had turned ashen gray, but cooking smoke still rose from the homes, offering a glimmer of hope amid the despair.

“The lands of Hebei suffered thirty straight years of warfare. Dou Jiande, Wang Shichong, Gao Tansheng, Li Zitong, Tiemu’er—these men either abducted people or killed to seize grain. They committed every evil deed imaginable, turning the fertile Hebei into a ghostly realm where no roosters crow for a thousand li and white bones lie exposed in the fields. If only I had been born twenty years earlier, I would have made them all ghosts beneath my blade.” Speaking of these matters, Xi Tong became so furious he couldn’t contain himself. He snatched the delicate silver wine flask from Yun Ye’s chest and tilted his head back to drain it completely, not leaving a single drop.

“How did you know I’d keep the wine in my chest pocket?”

“If not in your chest pocket, would you stuff it in your crotch? I’ve long known you like to take little sips whenever you have nothing to do. How embarrassing—filling the wine flask with sugar water! Where’s your family’s strong liquor?”

“My family’s strong liquor is for cheating those barbarians beyond the passes—one flask of wine for one sheep. That’s a profitable trade. Drinking grape wine is the mark of nobility. I pay attention to cultivating myself, unlike you—grabbing whatever woman you see, drinking whatever alcohol you find, raising anyone’s children. Can you even manage it all by yourself?”

“This old man has no time for pretentious airs. As long as I’m willing and my heart is at peace, that’s enough. The children will all call me father when they grow up—it’s none of your business. I just prefer rough-handed, rough-footed country women like the wild grass by the roadside who can survive with just a bit of rain and dew. If your family’s delicate flowers fell into this kind of situation, they’d have starved to death eight times over.”

Yun Ye didn’t want to discuss Hebei’s past with Xi Tong, as that would only stir up his hatred. Xi Tong was no ordinary man—he had the ability and capability to do whatever he wanted. It was just that after the journey to the Arctic, when his final fantasies about immortality shattered, he wanted to decay alongside the grass and trees. His heart turned to ashes, so he burdened himself with heavy responsibilities, letting life grind him down to prevent himself from one day going mad with rage.

Xi Tong’s courtyard was quite large. Like all farming households, it had a simple wooden gate. Several women with their hair wrapped in blue hemp cloth were busily working in the yard—some pounding rice, some winnowing grain with bamboo baskets, others pushing millstones, feeding chickens. Under the eaves, five pregnant women sat spinning flax on spinning wheels. From the room on the left came the clacking sound of a loom, and several half-grown children were splitting firewood. Judging by the large pile under the eaves, they had been at it for quite a while.

“Wives and children, this old man is back, and I’ve brought a guest! Come out and pay your respects to uncle!” Xi Tong began shouting as soon as he entered the gate.

The women dropped their work and happily came out to greet their household head. Children emerged from various corners, their calls of “Father!” giving Yun Ye a headache.

But when they saw Yun Ye’s magnificent armor, they all froze in unison. A pregnant woman cried out, “Military lord, please show mercy! Don’t conscript our household head into the army! All forty-some people in this family depend on him to survive. If you must take someone, take me—I can still cook for the army!”

The children all shrank back into their mothers’ arms, not daring to come forward. Several women hid the older children behind them, fully on guard against Yun Ye. One small girl even gripped an axe, as if ready to fight Yun Ye to the death if anything went wrong.

Helplessly glancing at the gleeful Xi Tong, Yun Ye made a cupped-fist salute: “Dear sisters-in-law, I am Xi Tong’s brother. I’m just passing through with my troops and came specifically to visit my elder brother. I have no other intentions.”

“Are you the marquis uncle that father talked about? The one whose family has lots and lots of delicious food? And a fat horse and a pig that weighs a thousand catties?” A seven or eight-year-old child peeked out from behind a woman, blinking large eyes at Yun Ye.

“That’s right, that’s me. The delicious food from my family was packed up for your father last year to bring back for you to eat, but unfortunately your father gave it all away. He also gave away the delicious dried meat. He’s just a spendthrift father. Next time you want something good to eat, tell uncle directly—don’t let your father know, or he’ll give it away again.” Yun Ye squatted down, patted the child’s head, and deliberately sowed discord between father and son. Xi Tong laughed even more heartily.

“That’s not true! Father gave the delicious pastries to those people because they were starving to death. My father was saving people—he’s not a spendthrift! Father said you’re the number one spendthrift in the world.”

“Hahahaha!” Yun Ye and Xi Tong simultaneously burst into laughter. Only then did the women confirm that this general was indeed their husband’s friend and not here to conscript him.

A five or six-year-old girl with yellowish hair carefully squeezed forward and asked, “Uncle, father said you would bring me a pretty silk flower when you came. Little He has one, but I don’t.”

“A silk flower is nothing. Uncle has brought each of you a bolt of silk so your mother can make you the prettiest flower dresses and skirts. And here’s this beautiful stone—take good care of it for your dowry someday.” Yun Ye smiled as he pulled a pouch from his chest and gave the little girl an emerald-green gemstone. The little girl’s eyes immediately lit up as she held the gem up to the sun—she had never seen such a beautiful stone.

“Little Hua, put it down!” A woman without a head cloth emerged from the crowd. Taking the gemstone from Little Hua’s hand, she bowed to Yun Ye and said, “The gift is too precious. A child cannot accept it—it will shorten her lifespan. Please take it back.”

Yun Ye looked back at Xi Tong in astonishment. Xi Tong walked over, took the gemstone from the woman’s hand, and put it back in Little Hua’s palm. He said to the woman, “Ninth Lady, you worry too much. Accepting gifts from others might mean they have something to ask of you, but accepting his money is perfectly natural. We are brothers—talking about these things creates distance. Accept it with confidence, accept it boldly. He’s one of the Great Tang’s wealthiest households. If we don’t accept his gifts, whose should we accept?”

The woman still looked worried and wanted to say something, but to preserve her husband’s dignity, she lowered her head and said softly, “Thank you for your generous gift, uncle.”

Yun Ye smiled and placed the pouch in Xi Tong’s hands before addressing the woman: “You need not worry about being beholden to others or feeling indebted. When Brother Xi Tong came to visit me, I accepted furs worth ten thousand gold without batting an eye. You’re placing too much value on a mere pouch of gemstones.”

Xi Tong quietly said to the woman again, “Brother Yun saved my life—more than once! Are you worried I’ll work myself to death to repay him? You’re overthinking it. His subordinates are full of masters—there’s one even I’m no match for. So if I’m going to risk my life, it will only be for you all, for these children. Everything else is fleeting like passing clouds. This fellow probably hopes most of all that I’ll die of old age in this desolate village and never emerge into the world again.”

Xi Tong had always been a clever man, his wisdom merely concealed beneath a rough exterior. Yun Ye was curious—that speech just now had contained a rare tenderness. This woman was refined and proper, definitely not an ordinary country woman.

When Liu Jinbao arrived at the household with gifts, the happiest were undoubtedly the children. The pastries came in food boxes. The women gave each child two pieces. Watching the children hold them carefully with both hands and lick them, their hearts ached. In the crowd, Little Hua licked hers for a while, then carefully offered the pastry to her mother, saying happily, “Mother, you taste it—it’s so sweet!”

That one sentence brought tears streaming down the woman’s face. Choking with emotion, she shook her head. Once upon a time, her own family had been a grand household with bronze bells and elaborate feasts. Now her daughter was overjoyed by a single bite of the most ordinary osmanthus cake. Heavens, may that disaster never return again.

Yun Ye and Xi Tong sat under the eaves, leaning on a wooden table drinking wine. Though there were only two vegetable dishes, it didn’t dampen their spirits. When the wine had warmed them pleasantly, Yun Ye quietly asked Xi Tong, “Your wife is no simple woman—she’s not like a farm wife. She has something of the same quality as my wife.”

“Hehehe, you noticed? She’s a young lady from a wealthy family. A few years ago, northern barbarians raided Hebei and destroyed her household. She told me hardly anyone from her entire family escaped. She was pregnant at the time and her husband hid her in a well, which saved her life. She thought she would give birth to a boy, but who knew she’d have a girl instead. After that, her heart turned to ashes and she muddled through her days in a daze. She gathered some women together and they supported each other to survive. Later she found me and brought me back. To give those women someone to rely on, she agreed to marry me as my principal wife. But I haven’t touched her to this day—I’m waiting for the day when she’s willing.”

Unexpectedly, this scoundrel was actually a gentleman. Raising their cups, the two brothers toasted each other in mutual admiration and drained them in one gulp.

“Haven’t you thought about changing your current situation? And you got several other women pregnant—that makes your hope of marrying her pretty slim.”

“What the hell do you know? Ninth Lady dreams of having a son. Your brother here is magnificent and imposing, possessing the bearing of a gentleman. I’m honest, know how to care for children, and never beat women. Such a good man—if she doesn’t marry me, who will she marry?”

“Your words make perfect sense. From a beast’s perspective, you have lustrous fur, a robust physique, mighty strength, long limbs, and fierce combat prowess—truly the king of beasts, indeed an excellent breeding specimen. But you’re human, not a wild animal. These qualities aren’t the most important. Between people, the most important thing is feeling. When the feeling is right, you can go straight to the bridal chamber without any problem. When the feeling is wrong, sharing the same bed with different dreams is inevitable. This younger brother really doesn’t want to see elder brother end up wearing green on his head in the future, so you need to devise another strategy.”

“What plan do you suggest?”

“This younger brother knows that the arising of desire is related to this area.” Yun Ye pointed to where his kidneys were.

“Nonsense! Everyone knows the importance of kidney essence. When my master taught me martial arts as a child, he required strengthening the kidneys as the first priority, and only afterward strengthening bones and sinews. Without kidney essence, one becomes a eunuch.”

“Elder brother, don’t be impatient—let this younger brother finish. Women are mostly shy, so sometimes men should take the initiative. Anyway, you and I have been tested through long experience—we have thick faces and aren’t afraid of rejection. Besides, this younger brother has a divine artifact in Chang’an that can be put to use. With it, no woman can resist.”

“Hehehehe…” The two men looked at each other and smiled, perfectly in accord.

“What divine artifact? Could elder brother borrow it to try?”

“Of course you can. This thing is called Spring Breeze Powder…”

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