True form.
What did that mean?
Huang Zixia followed the group out of the prince’s mansion, sitting with Yongji and Chang Qing in the palace carriage heading to Taiji Palace, deep in thought the entire way.
In Chang’an under curfew, the sound of hooves and carriage wheels echoed on the broad roads, seeming to reverberate in Huang Zixia’s chest as well.
She turned those two words over and over in her mind, but no matter how she thought about it, she felt Li Shubai was probably just telling her to give up and accept death—that bastard, at this crucial moment, was he not going to save her?
Just as she was about to grab the carriage wall and cry, Yongji drawled: “Master Yang, we’ve arrived at Taiji Palace, please get out.”
Her scalp tingled, but she had no choice, only able to follow them out.
Taiji Palace, abandoned for a hundred years, was incredibly desolate, exactly like the Cold Palace that everyone spoke of.
In the deep night, looking from afar, the back palace was sunk in darkness, with only several palace lanterns lit in front of Lizheng Hall, illuminating the vermillion walls and pillars.
Huang Zixia followed behind Yongji and Chang Qing, step by step entering Lizheng Hall.
Tender green grass sprouted from between the blue bricks, the longest reaching past the ankles, giving an unstable, floating sensation when stepped on due to its softness. The stone lanterns at the hall entrance had become smooth and mottled from wind and rain, their light revealing the green moss traces on their surface.
The stone lotus hanging from the eaves, the peeling vermillion paint on the pillars, all made one clearly feel that this was a palace that hadn’t been carefully maintained for a long time. No matter how magnificent and gorgeous it had been, it was still a forgotten place where few people passed.
Empress Wang’s people were capable—though the Empress had only moved to Taiji Palace that afternoon, Lizheng Hall had already been cleaned thoroughly, with all furnishings comfortable and proper.
Though it was already dawn, Empress Wang had not yet retired. She sat on the couch in the back of the hall, perhaps waiting. Palace maids brought in freshly made sweet milk porridge with four exquisite side dishes. Empress Wang ate slowly, showing no expression, elegant and unhurried, as if she had completely forgotten about the small eunuch summoned from the prince’s mansion standing below, trembling while awaiting judgment.
After finishing her midnight meal and clearing away the small table, Empress Wang rinsed her mouth and drank a cup of Guizhu purple bamboo tea before finally slowly asking: “Master Yang, don’t you find the long nights in Taiji Palace seem too quiet?”
Huang Zixia could only steel herself and say: “If one’s heart seeks liveliness, everywhere is a bustling market. If one’s heart is quiet, perhaps everywhere is a place of solitude.”
Empress Wang lifted her eyelids to glance at her, her voice soft and gentle: “Master Yang, my moving to Taiji Palace is all thanks to you; my current lonely state of mind was also brought about by your hand. I wonder how I should repay you to properly acknowledge all these favors you’ve bestowed upon me?”
Hearing the meaning in her words, Huang Zixia felt as if a flame was burning in her chest, sweat quickly seeping out of her back. She desperately thought about the meaning of “true form” in her mind while saying: “As the Empress moves to a new palace today, surely for the sake of auspiciousness and good fortune, you would treat this servant kindly and show mercy…”
“Mercy?” Empress Wang’s lips curved slightly, but her eyes held an icy light. “Did you think of showing mercy to me when you were speaking nonsense at the Wang residence?”
And you? When eliminating one after another of your past acquaintances, relatives, and loved ones, when did you ever think of today in your cold-blooded ruthlessness? Huang Zixia thought this in her heart but couldn’t speak it, only able to stand there with lowered head, watching helplessly as a drop of sweat from her forehead fell onto the blue brick floor at her feet, unable to seep in for a long time, leaving a conspicuous blue mark.
Empress Wang looked around again, seemingly talking to herself: “Moreover, where is there good fortune in the palace? Empress Changsun died right here in Lizheng Hall—how could any place in this palace, no matter how beautiful, not have witnessed death?”
Huang Zixia stared at another drop of sweat slowly spreading at her feet, managing to say: “Empress Changsun was a wise empress who earned Emperor Taizong’s lifelong respect and love. Surely the Empress will also be like her, forever holding the Emperor’s favor.”
“Hmph… it’s too late for such words now, Master Yang. If you had half the wit then that you show now, you would have known that some things, what should be said and what shouldn’t, determine whether you live or die!”
These words rang in her ears like thunderous anger, suddenly making her realize. True form, true form—damn that Li Shubai, so that’s what he meant!
In that instant, enlightenment struck her heart, and she immediately understood, instantly falling to her knees before Empress Wang and kowtowing heavily, saying: “I beg Your Majesty to hear one thing from me, just one thing, and after saying it, I will willingly die here today!”
Empress Wang smiled coldly, asking slowly: “What is it?”
She looked around without speaking.
Empress Wang slowly raised her hand, gesturing for everyone around to leave and wait outside, then coldly looked at her, still not speaking.
Huang Zixia bowed deeply to her again, then raised her head and said: “Your Majesty, this servant knows I am destined to die, so what difference does it make when or where? I just wonder what crime Your Majesty will charge me with?”
“Do we need a crime?” Empress Wang coldly looked at her, contemptuous as if looking at an insect. “Isn’t knowing my greatest secret enough of a capital offense?”
“Naturally it is a capital offense.” Huang Zixia said respectfully, looking up at her. “But now this servant has something to tell Your Majesty, perhaps after hearing it, you might find there is still room for flexibility in this matter.”
“Speak.”
Huang Zixia heard her own heart pounding heavily. She knew her life hung on this one sentence—hopefully what Li Shubai told her would work.
She took a deep breath and said softly: “This servant still remembers, three years ago when I was fourteen, the first time Your Majesty summoned me, you said that if you had a daughter, she might be like me, as old as me, as lovely as me.”
Empress Wang’s gaze froze on her, her expression changing unpredictably in the current lamplight. After a long silence, she finally asked slowly: “You… are that one from three years ago…”
She bowed down, kneeling before Empress Wang: “Your guilty servant Huang Zixia pays respects to Your Majesty.”
Empress Wang asked coldly: “You know I hate you and want you dead, so why reveal your weakness to me?”
“Your Majesty’s secret has already received the Emperor’s forgiveness. I believe that with the deep affection between Your Majesty and the Emperor, the restoration of your harmonious relationship is imminent. But this servant’s secret is truly a matter of life and death. This servant is willing to place my life in Your Majesty’s hands. In the future, if Your Majesty worries that I might harm you, you need only whisper a word, and this servant would face a thousand deaths—you wouldn’t even need to act personally.”
Empress Wang remained silent, examining her grave expression for a long time before slowly standing and walking to the window, gazing at the faint lights outside. Her profile was beautifully curved, like a white peony quietly blooming in the night.
Huang Zixia watched her profile, weighing in her heart the probability of her changing her mind. The sweat on her back hadn’t dried, its coldness seeping into her skin, making her involuntarily shiver all over.
After who knows how long, she finally heard Empress Wang’s voice, neither hurried nor slow, neither light nor heavy, still that dignified and deep voice, echoing in the hall: “Do you think that by placing your life in my hands, I will find you useful and sweep away all your previous offenses against me?”
“Huang Zixia wouldn’t dare!” She looked up at Empress Wang, saying earnestly, “But I think Your Majesty surely knows of Emperor Taizong’s old matter with Wei Zheng, and Empress Wu’s friendship with Shangguan Wan’er. In this changing world, even national grudges and family hatred can transform. As long as I can be of use to you, what do past matters matter?”
Empress Wang walked slowly to stand before her, looking down at her kneeling on the ground, her gaze sliding inch by inch from her head to her shoulders, to her waist. After a very long time, this consistently strong woman suddenly let out an almost inaudible sigh and said: “Since that’s the case, I’ll hold your life in my hands for now. If you can’t serve me well in the future, it won’t be too late to take it then.”
“Thank you for Your Majesty’s mercy!” Huang Zixia bowed her head, feeling the cold sweat penetrating every pore of her body. But she dared not wipe it away, only able to remain motionless with a lowered head in acknowledgment.
Empress Wang ignored her, standing before her for a long time before saying softly: “Huang Zixia, Huang Zixia… you could be said to have done me a service.”
Huang Zixia was stunned, looking at her with wide eyes.
“If not for you, perhaps I would never have known about Xue Se’s death, much less known that she… died by my hand.” She clenched her teeth, finally forcing out those few words, then let out a long breath. “If you hadn’t revealed this, perhaps only after my death when meeting her in the underworld, would I have known how deeply sinful I was… At that time, I truly wouldn’t know what face to use to face her…”
Huang Zixia remained silent, thinking in her heart: yet what face will you use to meet Jin Nu in the underworld, who respected you as heaven and loved you as a mother, or to meet Feng Nianniang, who traveled thousands of miles without complaint to repay your past kindness by escorting your old friend’s daughter to the capital?
“Enough… what does it matter anymore.” Empress Wang turned to sit on the couch, pulling a brocade cushion to lean against by the window, looking up at the glittering stars outside. The palace lanterns’ light had faded, and the inverted Milky Way stretched above Taiji Palace, with countless stars like the tiniest specks of dust, spilling across the sky.
Huang Zixia heard her voice, seemingly squeezed out word by word from her heart and lungs, firm and hard: “Since I could rise from a singing and dancing house to the highest place in Daming Palace, I can have a day when I return to Daming Palace from the Cold Palace! In this Great Tang, in this world, the person who can defeat me hasn’t been born yet!”
Huang Zixia knelt before her, overwhelmed with mixed emotions, momentarily speechless.
And this strong woman, in the half-burnt palace lanterns, in the desolate and silent ancient palace, lay watching the stars outside the window, at this moment, raised her hand to cover her face, also wiping away something that was about to fall in her palm.
The palace water clock dripped steadily; no matter how long the night, it would eventually pass, and the glittering stars would fade into dawn.
As Huang Zixia silently kowtowed to her and was about to rise and withdraw, she suddenly heard Empress Wang’s low, hoarse voice slowly coming: “Huang Zixia, in your life, have you ever encountered a desperate situation where you felt death would be better?”
Huang Zixia responded: “Yes… when all my parents and family died, and I was identified as the murderer, wanted throughout the realm. But I didn’t want to die—even in death, I refused to die bearing the crime of poisoning my whole family!”
“But I truly did have… a moment when I wanted to die.” She lay quietly on the brocade couch, her seven-layered magnificent embroidered silk robe covering her body, submerged in the embrace of silk and brocade, her soft, waterfall-like black hair gracefully flowing around her. Her plain face was full of exhaustion and haggardness.
“Have you… seen Xue Se? Does she look like me?”