Compared to firmly deciding to break up, Xia Xia’s words seemed more like emotions that had been suppressed in her heart for too long and needed an outlet to explode.

Xie Huai accepted her negative emotions and seriously contemplated her words, but regarding her resolute statements about breaking up, he treated them like passing wind in his ears.

He waited until nightfall until the light in Xia Xia’s window went dark.

The night was deep, and a cold wind suddenly rose. Xie Huai walked out of that narrow alley and took transport back to Zhang City.

The school would start in a few days. He packed his luggage and returned to Chang City the next day, planning to return to school with Xia Xia.

After two days and one night, Xia Xia’s emotions should have calmed down.

Xie Huai called Xia Xia’s phone, but a mechanical voice prompted that the other party was out of service area. He went upstairs and knocked on the door, his knuckles going numb from knocking until a frail middle-aged woman opened the door.

Wu Li examined him carefully: “Xia Xia took the train back to school this morning.”

Xie Huai froze there, his pupils instantly freezing with surging coldness.

Spring had arrived early in South City, with grass growing like carpet and cherry blossom trees bursting into bloom.

South University’s nights were still lively. After the evening class bell rang, crowds of people poured out of the teaching building, going together to the cafeteria for a bowl of rice noodles as a late-night snack, or to drink fresh juice at the campus booths.

Colored lights illuminated the fountain in front of the square. The roller skating club kids were skateboarding on the east side, while the boxing club boys were running under the tree shadows.

Moonlight pressed down, and the dome-shaped glass roof of the library’s main building sparkled under the moon.

The wheels of Xie Huai’s suitcase dragged along the red brick road, making rattling sounds. Since entering the school gate, he had been holding his phone, calling Xia Xia seven or eight times along the way, but she didn’t answer.

Xie Huai continued calling for the ninth time with an expressionless face. The other end rang busy, as Xia Xia had directly turned off her phone.

Familiar faces surrounded him, with people occasionally passing by and greeting him.

Restraining the urge to smash his phone to pieces, he went into the roadside milk tea shop and bought a coconut purple rice drink that Xia Xia loved most.

Outside the girls’ dormitory building were couples reluctantly kissing goodbye at night, hiding behind lamp posts, between stairs and flowerbeds in secluded corners.

Xie Huai locked the caster wheels of his suitcase and made a call. After ringing for a few seconds, Zhu Ziyu answered lazily.

“Give the phone to Xia Xia.”

…

Zhu Ziyu: “Xie Huai is looking for you.”

Xia Xia had just taken a hot shower, her face warm and red from the steam.

She had arrived at school in the morning, spent all day organizing her luggage, and only ordered takeout in the evening, eating halfway through.

She didn’t take the phone. Zhu Ziyu keenly noticed the unusual atmosphere between her and Xie Huai.

Hearing no response, Xie Huai said again: “Tell her to come out, I’m waiting for her downstairs.”

Xia Xia remained silent, her teeth crunching peanuts.

Zhu Ziyu turned on the speakerphone. Xie Huai’s voice sounded calm, yet like an ocean surface concealing surging waves, hiding an impending avalanche beneath.

“That day I waited downstairs for twelve hours and sent you dozens of messages that you ignored. Today, how long do you plan to keep me waiting?”

Zhu Ziyu looked at Xia Xia. Though she was looking at her boxed meal, her gaze was unfocused, her attention not on the food. She didn’t even notice when she picked up a chili pepper with her chopsticks and put it straight into her mouth. She was caught off guard by the spiciness and coughed, covering her mouth.

Xie Huai called softly: “Xia Xia…”

Xia Xia took Zhu Ziyu’s phone and hung up.

Zhu Ziyu asked: “Did you two fight?”

Xia Xia said: “I brought up breaking up with him.”

The atmosphere went quiet. Zhu Ziyu asked blankly: “Why?”

A text message from Xie Huai popped up on Zhu Ziyu’s phone:

[You have negative emotions you won’t tell me about, won’t let me stay by your side, I’m fucking heartbroken and can’t even comfort you, what kind of boyfriend is that?]

Xia Xia’s half-dry hair dripped water downward, sliding past her slender neck into her layered collarbones, then falling into the slightly open neckline of her pajamas.

The marks Xie Huai left on her body that night hadn’t completely faded. In just a few short days, the world seemed to have turned upside down.

“If you want to break up, then break up,” Xia Xia said lightly.

Zhu Ziyu didn’t believe it, pulling up a chair to sit beside her: “Stop talking nonsense, tell me what’s going on.”

Xie Huai’s second message popped up:

[If you need space, I won’t bother you these few days but don’t even think about breaking up.

The doctor said you shouldn’t get too tired, don’t stay up late, rest early. The purple rice drink is downstairs, remember to get it.]

Xia Xia walked to the window and saw Xie Huai carrying his suitcase into the boys’ dormitory opposite. She put on a jacket and went downstairs.

The purple rice drink Xie Huai bought for her was on the duty desk in the lobby. He remembered she was about to have her period and specially asked the shop to make the cold drink hot.

Xia Xia held the plastic cup against her exposed chest, the cold skin warming from the heat.

She looked back and saw a light turn on in Xie Huai’s dormitory window.

Zhu Ziyu asked: “You’re not serious, are you?”

Xia Xia spoke softly: “There were many issues I hadn’t thought through clearly before. It wasn’t until he was hospitalized that I realized how low our resistance to risk is.”

She paused, then corrected herself: “To be precise, it’s my resistance to risk.”

“Xie Huai is very strong. No matter how down and out he is, he can find ways to handle things. If I had been the one lying in the hospital that day, he definitely wouldn’t have been as flustered as I was.” She lowered her head. “But I can barely take care of myself. When he encounters trouble, not only can I not help him at all, I also have sick family members…”

“If he stays with me, these will become his burdens in the future too.”

Zhu Ziyu: “…You didn’t think he was a burden when he was in debt.”

Xia Xia recalled Xie Huai’s spirited appearance, his domineering smile when dealing with Xia Jun, and murmured: “Because he shines, he gives me hope, he makes me feel like nothing is scary as long as I’m with him, that we could brave even mountains of blades and seas of fire.”

“When he was lying in the hospital covered in blood that day, I realized that Xie Huai isn’t omnipotent. He can get hurt too, he has moments of vulnerability too, and that solid, almost faith-like thing he built in my heart can develop cracks too.”

Zhu Ziyu: “Before you could brave mountains of blades and seas of fire, and now? You don’t think so anymore?”

“No,” Xia Xia said, “I still think so.”

Zhu Ziyu didn’t understand. Xia Xia smiled and said: “I never really wanted to separate from him.”

“I’m just afraid of something like this happening again. If it happens several more times, even the strongest feelings will loosen. We have nothing, we wear each other down, and even though we’re intimately close, we still have arguments and quarrels. Who can guarantee that Xie Huai and I won’t eventually be forced to go our separate ways?”

“Rather than ending up like that, it’s better to separate temporarily. When I have enough ability to take responsibility for my own life, when I can protect my boyfriend when he occasionally shows weakness, then being together at that time, we probably won’t separate for life, right?”

“You don’t need to put such a heavy psychological burden on yourself,” Zhu Ziyu said. “This world is very forgiving to girls. You’re beautiful and smart, men can’t wait to like you. Xie Huai hasn’t said anything, you can completely let him go fight and strive, and then comfortably reap the benefits without working.”

She pointed at her nose: “Aren’t I like that? Zhi Ming hasn’t grown tired of me. He even thinks it’s quite cute when I depend on him.”

Xia Xia smiled slightly, “Zheng Zhi Ming entered society early and has already built up his capital. You’re still a student, so it’s fine for him to spoil you a bit more, but Xie Huai isn’t Zheng Zhi Ming.”

Xia Xia poked open the seal of the purple rice drink and took a sip through the straw, feeling the sweet warm taste.

“Xie Huai is only twenty-one, it’s very hard for him alone.”

“I once watched a movie where the male lead said something like this – all men who can achieve great things do it for women.”

Xia Xia paused and said softly, “It’s not just men, it’s the same for women.”

Zhao Yilei reviewed the transfer contract in his hands for the third time, repeatedly confirming: “You’re not doing this anymore?”

Xie Huai threw the pen to him: “Sign it, we’ve been friends for so many years, I won’t deceive you.”

Zhao Yilei took the pen and twirled it between his fingers: “It’s not that I’m afraid you’ll deceive me, I just don’t understand. You spent half a year finally getting this place up and running, with proper management you could earn at least ten or twenty thousand a month, enough to live on, why suddenly stop doing it?”

“Too little,” Xie Huai said, “I don’t have time to waste here.”

Zhao Yilei: “The average salary for fresh graduates is only three thousand yuan, and you’re telling me it’s too little? Don’t be ungrateful, go find me a graduate from your school who can earn ten or twenty thousand after one year.”

Xie Huai: “They are them, I am me.”

Zhao Yilei asked again: “Let me ask one last time, you’re transferring it to me?”

Xie Huai gestured for him to sign.

Zhao Yilei transferred the money to him, and Xie Huai gave him the keys to the farmhouse restaurant.

He picked up the electric scooter keys from the counter, pausing briefly when his eyes caught the plastic pen holder on the desktop.

Last winter when Xia Xia was interning at the Civil Affairs Bureau, she had weekends off, and weekends were the busiest time at the farmhouse restaurant. Xie Huai had to leave before dawn, riding his electric scooter in the cold wind to open up and clean.

Xia Xia would sleep until nine, then use the oven at home to bake some caramel egg tarts or an assorted pizza to bring as breakfast for Xie Huai.

Xie Huai would be busy all morning, and she would cook in the small kitchen in the side room.

Winter days were cold without heating. Sometimes she would make a pot of noodle soup, hot and spicy pig blood curd, or stewed mixed vegetables. They would each occupy one side of the small table, heads close together, able to eat until nothing was left.

In the afternoon, Xie Huai would continue being busy, and Xia Xia would take a nap in the old armchair he placed behind the counter. After waking up, she wouldn’t go anywhere but would make crafts with the colored paper left by the previous owner under the counter. The pen holder and small basket for loose change on Xie Huai’s counter were all wrapped by her in colored paper, with strange patchwork animal patterns glued on them.

Xie Huai was cleaning the charcoal stove in the courtyard when he casually looked back.

The girl was resting her cheek on her hand, lying on the counter playing with that colorful pen holder. She noticed him and waved with a smile full of joy.

A winter cherry tree was planted in the courtyard. In late November, it was weighed down with flowers all over its branches. The pink flower stamens reflected the evening glow from the distant mountains. The colors were magnificent, but entering his eyes, they weren’t as dazzling as a single strand of the girl’s hair. Even when his eyes grew sore, he was unwilling to look away.

Xie Huai thought self-mockingly that the first time he loved someone in this life, also the only time he would love someone, he had fallen so completely, without an ounce of self left in love.

Even though his pride reached the heavens, just one look or word from Xia Xia would make him fall deeply.

He could do anything for her.

…

Zhao Yilei saw him looking at that pen holder and followed his gaze.

The cylindrical holder was covered with mint green paper, with yellow paper-cut rabbits and orange suns glued on with solid glue, all colorful.

“What’s this?” Zhao Yilei asked.

Xie Huai casually picked it up and emptied the few gel pens inside: “I’m taking this.”

He returned to the residential complex and put the electric scooter downstairs to charge.

The six-month lease was almost up. Xia Xia had deliberately avoided him a few days ago to take away her things. Although only half the furnishings were missing, the place looked empty.

The bedroom closet was almost empty, with only a few of his shirts and autumn clothes remaining.

Xia Xia liked to walk around wearing his shirts after showering, the shirt hem barely covering her thighs, exposing most of her long slender legs. After seeing this once, Xie Huai’s eyes turned red, and he immediately pressed her against the sofa for a passionate kiss, then excitedly went online to buy several shirts in different colors for her to wear as sleepwear.

Dried flowers that Xia Xia had bought from the flower market were still inserted at the top of the wardrobe. On the dressing table were her Yumejin face cream and hair ties that she hadn’t taken away – all little odds and ends. But no matter which corner or wall Xie Huai glanced at, he could see traces she had left behind.

He placed the pen holder next to the face cream on the dressing table and collapsed onto the soft bed.

Xie Huai wanted to sleep for a while, but her lingering scent was everywhere in the room. He lay there for a while but couldn’t sleep due to a headache. Thinking of some irritating matters, he got up, grabbed his car keys, and went out.

The electric scooter ran out of power halfway. Xie Huai stood by the roadside, feeling chilled by the late spring cold.

This road was remote with few people. It was two thousand meters before reaching any shops. Xie Huai sat on the curb for a while, and when he got up, he couldn’t help kicking the pink body of the scooter.

“What a worthless bike!” Xie Huai cursed, “Stubborn as hell, just like your mother!”

“Zhao Yilei borrowed you yesterday and I couldn’t even bear to let him ride you, and this is how you treat me?”

The electric scooter couldn’t respond, just swayed a bit, its kickstand scraping against the ground with a scratching sound.

Xie Huai felt guilty again, crouching down to secretly wipe away the size 43 gray shoe print with his sleeve: “Son, Dad was wrong, Dad shouldn’t have hit you, please don’t tell your mother.”

He resigned himself to pushing the bike forward, walking for half an hour before seeing a hardware store.

Xie Huai borrowed a socket to charge the bike and went to eat something at the nearby fast food restaurant.

At dusk, the electric scooter was half charged. Xie Huai transferred twenty yuan to the owner for electricity and rode away.

Jiang Jin Bridge was located between Changping District and the city center. Although it served as a connection, it wasn’t a main artery. This route was longer and used more fuel, so most people would rather be stuck in rush hour traffic than waste gas money.

But this was Zhao Jinsong’s favorite route – quiet and smooth.

His current wealth meant he could completely afford to use money to buy time; he didn’t care about the fuel costs.

Jiang Jin Bridge was bathed in intoxicating twilight, draped in a touch of starlight that had just fallen from the distant horizon.

The electric scooter stopped in the middle of the road.

Xie Huai sat on the white jade stone railing at the bridge’s head. He held a can of cola, dangling his feet to kick at the green bricks below.

Zhao Jinsong was blocked and slowly brought his car to a stop.

Xie Huai had drunk half the cola and carefully placed the bottle on the railing.

His jacket was tied around his waist, wearing a clean white T-shirt that revealed his youthful, lean figure in the cold wind.

He jumped down from the railing and walked to the driver’s side, knocking on the window.

Zhao Jinsong rolled down the window and turned to see Xie Huai’s handsome but expressionless face.

“Uncle Zhao,” Xie Huai asked flatly, “Shall we talk?”

Zhao Jinsong: “Here?”

Xie Huai stared at him. Zhao Jinsong unfastened his seatbelt and got out. He had taken off his suit for comfortable driving and was only wearing a white shirt. He hadn’t noticed the cold in the warm air-conditioned interior, but once outside he felt the cold wind rising. When he tried to go back for his coat, Xie Huai closed the car door first.

Xie Huai snatched the keys from his hand, locking Zhao Jinsong’s clothes and phone in the car.

Zhao Jinsong: “What are you doing?”

Xie Huai spun the key ring on his index finger, saying carelessly: “I heard that while I was unconscious, you made some strange demands of Xia Xia. By rights, being willing to lend money is kindness, being unwilling is your prerogative, and I shouldn’t morally coerce you.”

Xie Huai’s eyes were clear. Though he was smiling, when he raised his eyes to look at Zhao Jinsong, they carried a bone-chilling coldness: “But you blackmailed Xia Xia.”

“My precious darling whom I cherish in my palm and don’t want to let suffer even a bit – in your eyes, she’s only worth eighty thousand yuan?”

He held the BMW keys up in front of Zhao Jinsong.

Zhao Jinsong frowned, adjusting his shirt collar: “Xie Huai, you’re not young anymore, don’t be so childish.”

“What’s wrong with being childish? Aren’t you the one who loves to preach to Xia Xia about how young people are rash, impulsive, and worthless?” Xie Huai casually threw the keys into the rushing river below the bridge, smirking as he curved his lips, “Today I’ll show you just how childish I can be.”

The night grew deeper, with whistling cold winds.

Zhao Jinsong’s clothing was thin, and the late spring cold wind chilled him to the bone.

He couldn’t drive his car and tried to walk past Xie Huai to leave on foot, but Xie Huai blocked him: “Did I say you could leave?”

In the library.

Zhu Ziyu was dragged there by Xia Xia and Zhao Shanqi. She barely looked at a few pages before getting drowsy, but she couldn’t sleep soundly. Just as she was dozing off, she was awakened by the sound of Zhao Shanqi’s keyboard.

She got up and looked at her screen with sleepy eyes: “Isn’t this homework due next week? Can’t you just do it on the weekend?”

Zhao Shanqi said: “I need to go home to take care of my father on the weekend, no time for homework.”

“What happened to your father?”

Zhao Shanqi sighed: “You won’t believe this. My father usually gets off work at six, but the night before last he didn’t get home until midnight, wearing only a shirt, without his car, his face purple from the cold. When we asked what happened, he said he was accidentally locked in the office by his secretary, who had turned on the air conditioning before leaving.”

“He was in the cold wind for five hours. He got a fever when he got home, just recovered from the fever yesterday, but still has a cold.”

Zhu Ziyu laughed so hard she couldn’t straighten up: “Why didn’t your father call someone to open the door?”

Zhao Shanqi spread her hands: “Who knows? It’s the first time I’ve seen him so hesitant when speaking. I even suspect he’s lying to me, maybe he was partying at a nightclub and abandoned his car.”

Zhu Ziyu said: “Your father’s still better. My boyfriend is worse. The other day I was playing on my phone late at night and saw a woman messaging him asking where he was at 3 AM. Isn’t that strange? He explained it was an older woman he met through business who was pursuing him, messaging him every day to harass him, but I still feel like he’s cheating on me.”

Zhao Shanqi asked: “Is she pretty?”

“Not pretty,” Zhu Ziyu snorted, “Quite old, must be over forty.”

Zhao Shanqi laughed: “Then what are you worried about? Zheng Zhi Ming would have to be crazy to cheat with her.”

Xia Xia was very quiet beside them. Zhu Ziyu leaned over and saw her browsing spring recruitment information on the computer.

“You’re looking for a job?”

Xia Xia made an affirmative sound.

Zhao Shanqi asked: “Aren’t you taking the graduate entrance exam?”

Xia Xia shook her head.

She was focused on browsing the information when Xie Huai came up the stairs and walked straight to their table.

He was holding a clear thermos filled with brown sugar water. He stopped beside her and placed the cup in front of her.

Xia Xia had seen him coming. Since his last message saying he’d give her time to think, this was the first time she had seen him after more than a week.

He looked somewhat haggard but spirited, his eyes bright.

Xia Xia’s period usually came on the sixth of each month. Today was the fourth, and Xie Huai had prepared brown sugar water in advance as usual.

Xia Xia pretended not to see him and lowered her head to use the computer.

Xie Huai naturally bent down to look at her computer screen. Seeing the internship recruitment information, he frowned and asked: “The graduate entrance exam is in December, why are you looking at internships now?”

Xia Xia moved away a bit and said fiercely: “Go away, you’re blocking my light.”

Xie Huai showed no awareness of being an ex-boyfriend, pinching the tender flesh at the back of her neck, gripping it firmly like grabbing a cat’s scruff: “I’m asking you a question.”

Xia Xia winced in pain. He grabbed her arm and dragged her away. Xia Xia wanted to curse at him but didn’t dare make a loud noise in the quiet library.

Zhao Shanqi only glanced at Xie Huai when he arrived, then lowered her head and didn’t raise it until he left.

…

There weren’t many people in the philosophy section of Area T on the third floor. Xie Huai pressed her against the bookshelf.

“You promised me last semester you’d take the graduate entrance exam, now you’re going back on your word?”

“I’ll do whatever I want, what right do you have to control me?”

As soon as Xia Xia struggled, he held her tightly. She hadn’t been this close to him for a long time. Smelling his scent, her waist went soft and her legs went weak, immediately losing half her resolve.

“What right do I have to control you? Say that again if you dare.” Xie Huai pressed her against his chest, not letting her move. “How many days has it been? Have you calmed down?”

His warm chest rose and fell slightly as he said softly: “I’ve transferred the farmhouse restaurant to Zhao Yilei, so I’m quite comfortable financially now. I met some businessmen while working for Brother Xu, and we’ve arranged to have dinner in a few days to see if I can build some connections for dealing in new plastic boards.”

“Why are you telling me all this?” Xia Xia couldn’t push him away and said weakly.

Xie Huai released her and looked at her seriously: “I’m working hard to earn money to give you a better life. If I don’t tell you, who should I tell?”

The motion-sensor lights connected between the bookshelves above would click on at the slightest sound.

Xia Xia wanted to get further away from him, but she knew Xie Huai wouldn’t allow it. If she continued struggling, the lights would keep turning on endlessly, making it awkward as everyone would know she was being pressed there by Xie Huai.

She simply stopped moving.

“I know you lack security, and security isn’t something I can give you just by talking.” Xie Huai said, “You can be upset with me, and you can wait until you’ve thought things through before dealing with me, but you can’t joke with your future. It’s enough for me to earn money alone, you must take the graduate entrance exam.”

Xie Huai’s embrace was full of security, but Xia Xia couldn’t help thinking of what happened before. She said dejectedly: “I don’t want to take it, stop controlling me.”

“I’m being this tolerant now because I’m considering your emotions, don’t push your luck.” Xie Huai said with an unchanged expression, “You can try continuing to anger me with your words, or you can try testing whether I dare to strip your clothes off and take you right here when you make me angry.”

“The lights here are so responsive, I guarantee that within ten minutes, everyone in school will know that you were done by Brother Huai here.”

Xia Xia: “……”

“You just focus on your studies, just do what you like to do, I will do everything in my power to let you live freely.” Xie Huai said softly, “Trust me, Brother Huai keeps his word.”

“If you still feel insecure, we can give each other some space temporarily, but remember, this isn’t breaking up.”

His voice sounded unnatural. Xia Xia’s attitude couldn’t help but soften, and she asked: “What’s wrong with your voice?”

Xie Huai said casually: “Caught some wind a few days ago, got a bit of a cold.”

The day before yesterday, he had blocked Zhao Jinsong on the bridge and wouldn’t let him leave, keeping him in the cold wind all night. Zhao Jinsong went home with a fever and cold, and he hadn’t fared much better. But he didn’t think it was a loss, rather he felt quite satisfied. However, he didn’t plan to tell Xia Xia about this – not only would she not praise him for being cool, she would call him an idiot.

“Did you take medicine?”

Xie Huai made an affirmative sound and took out a bag from his backpack to give to her: “You forgot to take these.”

Xia Xia opened it. Inside were Xie Huai’s shirts that she used as sleepwear and a key.

“I renewed the lease on the house for half a year. You’re the mistress of this home, you can come back anytime.” Xie Huai said, “Keep the clothes, I know you’re not comfortable wearing anything else.”