Luo Shenyuan had just returned from the Court of Judicial Review.
After a long conversation with Xu Wei, he felt tired. As he entered his residence with his men, his subordinate Lin Yong quickly caught up.
“Did Miss Sun take the letter?” Luo Shenyuan asked.
Lin Yong respectfully replied, “As you instructed, Madam Jiang gave it to Miss Sun. She should have left the residence by now.”
Luo Shenyuan nodded and walked to the main hall, noticing it was quieter than usual. When Yining was around, it was livelier; her maids loved to laugh and chat, and she enjoyed the bustling atmosphere. Not seeing her, Luo Shenyuan frowned, “Where’s Yining?”
Lin Yong called over a guard, who bowed and said, “Sir, the young miss went with Miss Sun to the Grand Canal. Given the time, they should return soon.”
Luo Shenyuan’s eyes flew open at this. Those behind him also changed expression slightly.
He coldly eyed the guard, almost hissing through clenched teeth, “Didn’t I forbid her from going out? Who allowed her to leave the residence?”
Luo Shenyuan rarely showed emotion, and this fierce demeanor was unfamiliar to the guard. He hastily replied, “The young miss said she’d be back soon. We sent guards with her, so there shouldn’t be any problems…” Seeing Luo Shenyuan’s increasingly dark expression, he suddenly had a terrible premonition. His heart raced, and his words became jumbled, “Should… should I send someone to find her now?”
As he spoke, Luo Shenyuan stood and approached him, striking him across the face.
Luo Shenyuan had what’s called a “broken palm,” making his blows extremely painful. The guard was instantly dazed, his face numbing as he turned away.
Luo Shenyuan’s voice carried an icy chill: “I’ve said before, she’s not to leave when I’m away. Did you think my words were mere noise?”
“I didn’t think there’d be any issue…” The guard, seeing Luo Shenyuan’s increasingly cold gaze, recalled rumors about how this Lord Luo treated criminals, how naturally cruel he could be. Kneeling, cold sweat breaking out on his back and his face swelling, he lowered his head and said, “It was my fault. I beg for your punishment, sir…”
An attendant had already draped a cloak over Luo Shenyuan’s shoulders, and others were preparing a carriage. Adjusting his sleeves, Luo Shenyuan coldly told those nearby, “Make him kneel. I’ll deal with him when I return.” He then strode out of the main hall. Lin Yong had readied a carriage and men, and they set off towards the Grand Canal.
Throughout the journey, Luo Shenyuan’s expression remained grim.
He had intended to use the letter as bait, worried that others might not be enough to convince Cheng Lang, so he had involved Sun Congwan in the plan. The contents of that letter… were meant for Cheng Lang. Who could have guessed that Yining would go to see the Grand Canal with Sun Congwan today? Hadn’t he taken her there just yesterday?
Although Cheng Lang was Yining’s nominal cousin, the man’s thoughts were unpredictable and difficult to guard against. Who knew what he might do to achieve his goals? When Shen Yu nearly took liberties with Yining last time, Cheng Lang had almost ignored it entirely. Moreover, with Wei Ling absent from the capital, who in the Wei family’s mansion did he fear? The old Madam Wei had one foot in the grave, and Wei Ting was still young.
Luo Shenyuan suppressed his anger and let out a soft sigh.
The carriage sped on.
Yining sat on the edge of the wooden couch and adjusted her collar before continuing, “Will you kill me? Or tell Lu Jiaxue and let him do it?”
Cheng Lang’s lips trembled, almost in disbelief. He slowly approached and said in a low voice, “You… you…”
Yining gave him a faint smile, “A’lang if you want to kill me, do it now. Working for Lu Jiaxue, you surely can’t allow someone who knows his secrets to live…”
In truth, she knew Cheng Lang wouldn’t kill her. These words were merely to probe his thoughts.
“No!” Cheng Lang suddenly interrupted, moving to stand before her. His gaze carried a heavy sorrow as if pushed to the limit yet still restraining himself. He gripped the dagger tightly, “Tell me… is it really… how are you…”
Yining nodded slowly, “I know. I remember those things. Don’t ask why—I’ve lived very carefully and cautiously. Having died once already, I can’t afford to be so foolish again if I want to live.” She continued, “If you hadn’t threatened her to force me, I wouldn’t have told you. But why did you have to ask?”
In truth, she had never forgotten any of it.
The excruciating pain of shattering upon falling from the cliff, the helplessness of being trapped within a hairpin. That feeling of others not knowing you exist, no matter what happens outside. Being unable to say a word, no matter how the world changed. Whenever she recalled it, it felt like a nightmare—the pain that clung to her bones, the terror of the person who cared for her at her bedside becoming her murderer.
It was because twenty years had passed that the feelings had dulled. But the cold stone tiles of the side courtyard, the isolated Xie Min on rainy nights—these were the scenes she had seen most often in those twenty years. These scenes made her feel desolate and afraid, so she had always wanted to forget them. She truly wished she were this young Yining, not the Luo Yining from her previous life.
Cheng Lang said hoarsely, “Can you tell me one or two things…”
Luo Yining sighed. Looking out the window, she said softly, “When you were little, you loved those yam cakes. You ate so many that you got indigestion. I told you to eat less, but you wouldn’t listen. You’d even skip meals just to eat them. Once, you vomited all over the bed, and I had to get up in the middle of the night to clean up after you.”
“Later, you still wanted to eat them. I really couldn’t understand what you were thinking. Once, you told me that the first time you met me, I called you over and treated you to yam cakes. You thought they were the most delicious pastries.” Yining smiled slightly, remembering the timid young Cheng Lang and how sincerely he had treated her then.
She continued, “You stayed with me and didn’t want to return to the Cheng family. When their servants came looking for you, they couldn’t find you anywhere. I got worried and had all the maids and servants search for you, but still couldn’t find you… In the end, after they left, I discovered you hidden in my wardrobe, fast asleep. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, whether to scold you or not…”
As Cheng Lang listened, his hands trembled. His emotions were so intense that he didn’t know how to express them in words…
Those years were among the few happy times in his life. He depended on her, liked to follow her around like a little tail, always clinging to her… After her death, no one ever treated him so well again. Even Lu Jiaxue only used him. Cheng Lang no longer liked it when others liked him; he felt all his happiness had died with her. Power and status—when had he ever cared about such things?
He was no longer that young, innocent Cheng Lang. Faced with these memories, he had thoughts he shouldn’t have. Even cursing himself as inhuman didn’t help. There had only ever been her; in this world, only she had ever been kind to him… And now, unexpectedly, she was still here! Right in front of him!
She had endured so much pain, yet here she sat before him, living peacefully.
And what had he done? The things he had done were simply heartbreaking to speak of!
At first, he had wanted to use her to escape his engagement with Zhao Mingzhu, even deliberately acting ambiguously with Yining. How must she have viewed his wanton behavior then? Later, when Shen Yu nearly took liberties with her, he saw it but did nothing! If not for Luo Shenyuan saving her… Yining would have been harmed because of him! He had almost let Shen Yu take advantage of her!
…This was Luo Yining, after all!
Cheng Lang could no longer control his trembling. The dagger in his hand fell to the ground with a clang.
Yining turned back to see Cheng Lang slowly kneeling before her. He grasped her hands and buried his head in her lap, his voice hoarse as he apologized, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was you… I’m sorry.” Yining could only see his straight nose bridge, not his expression. He pressed her hands tightly, and soon she felt warmth on her palms.
He seemed to be suppressing great guilt or excitement. Yining heard his choked sobs.
Yining looked at him silently, finally reaching out to stroke his hair, “A’lang, don’t cry. You wanted to use me to escape Mingzhu, you ignored others’ suffering… You even tried to threaten me using Congwan? Although it pained me to see, I never said anything. Those tactics of yours that harm others at great cost to yourself—I don’t believe you didn’t know what you were doing…”
His tall frame was curled up, and despite his size, he truly cried like a child before her.
Cheng Lang stood up. Before Yining could react, he pulled her tightly into his embrace.
Cheng Lang’s embrace felt too unfamiliar to Yining. She felt uncomfortable and immediately tried to break free. But then she heard him say softly in her ear, “I didn’t know it was you… If I had known, I…” If he had known, how could he have done those things? He would have cherished her above all else. If anyone dared to touch a hair on her head, he would have torn them to pieces!
He had indeed become someone she didn’t recognize. In Yining’s eyes, he was still that child who followed behind her, but he knew he was nothing like that anymore. He felt utterly filthy. The things she had taught him were never suited for survival in the treacherous world of officialdom. And his thoughts…
Cheng Lang held her tightly, neither letting go nor speaking, only his suppressed, heavy breathing audible.
Yining felt his arms were a bit too tight. She could smell an unfamiliar faint fragrance on him. She patted his back, “You… you shouldn’t hold me like this now. Let’s put those past things behind us. Let Congwan and me leave. I hope that considering how I treated you well in the past, you won’t harm the innocent…”
She didn’t understand!
Cheng Lang embraced her tightly, smiling bitterly. Lost and found again. He could only say, “You… probably don’t understand, but you should remember this: no matter what you say, I will agree to it. Anything at all.”
Yining was confused by his words. What did Cheng Lang mean?
But with him holding her, Yining couldn’t see his expression.
Suddenly, a knock came at the door: “Lord Cheng, have you finished questioning? It seems someone is coming…”