Luo Yining instructed her maids to wait where they were. She pulled her cloak tighter as the wind gusted, its cold seeping through every gap.
She stepped forward, sighing softly, “That was your protective charm. Naturally, I couldn’t keep it.”
Lu Jiaxue glanced at her coldly, his tone light but mocking: “You’re nothing but… a hypocrite!”
Yesterday, when he received the beads returned by Cheng Lang, he was understandably angry. How could he not be? He had knelt before her, placing the beads in her hand, hoping only for her safety. Now she returned them, clearly wishing to sever all ties.
Lu Jiaxue had come today, forcing his way past the Luo family guards. Someone from the Luo household quickly ran to the Five Districts Command to call for help.
But how could the Five Districts Command dare to oppose Lu Jiaxue?
“If you didn’t want them, fine. But why return them?” he said icily, suddenly drawing close. Her white jade earrings swayed gently in the twilight. Her eyes were downcast, seeming to reflect the newly lit lamps, a picture of tranquility.
“If you’d thrown them away, so be it. Once I gave them to you, do you think I still care about these things?” Lu Jiaxue sneered. With a flick of his wrist, the beads flew into the snowy wilderness. In the fading light, it was impossible to see where they had fallen.
Luo Yining watched him toss them away, the wooden beads landing silently in the snow.
She felt like laughing, her gaze cold as she looked at him. “Lu Jiaxue, are you so used to being domineering that everyone must obey you?”
Her tone held a hint of sternness as she continued: “After you abducted me to Jinling, I returned to Beijing. Do you think there were no rumors about me? Did you find it amusing that I was pregnant and wandering outside? Now, as the principal wife of the Luo family, how do you think others will view you coming to see me like this?”
“It was the same back at the Lu family. I had to befriend Xie Min, to survive among the other wives. My family background was the humblest; I couldn’t even hold my head up. Do you know how difficult that was?” She stepped towards him, her tone growing sharper. “Back then, you were so carefree, indulging in wine and women outside… Don’t explain, I know you didn’t do anything! But do you know how others saw me? — ‘That poor fourth daughter-in-law of the Lu family, her husband out drinking and listening to music, and she doesn’t dare say a word. How pitiful!'”
Luo Yining finally voiced the thoughts she had kept bottled up for years, her tone dripping with sarcasm.
Lu Jiaxue stared at her intently, then stepped closer and asked coolly, “So you’ve chosen Luo Shenyuan now, is that it?”
“It’s not that I chose him,” Luo Yining said. “Don’t think I’m the same Luo Yining as before. My being with him isn’t because of that…”
“Luo Yining, don’t come begging me on your knees later!” Lu Jiaxue grabbed her chin, seemingly enraged, though his grip remained gentle. He sneered, “You think Luo Shenyuan is any better? Do you know about the woman I sent him? — Do you think he doesn’t keep secrets from you?”
Luo Yining was furious but couldn’t break free from his grasp. Fortunately, from this angle, others couldn’t see.
Then he suddenly let go, causing Luo Yining to stumble back a step.
Lu Jiaxue took a deep breath to calm his anger, standing with his hands behind his back. After all these years, she could still provoke such emotions in him.
“I must have been mad to love you for so many years,” Lu Jiaxue finally said, leaving without looking back at her.
Zhenzhū came to support her, only to see Luo Yining’s shoulders shaking, her eyes reddened. Zhenzhū exclaimed anxiously, “Miss, why are you crying? It’s the Marquis who’s out of line, clearly knowing you’re a married woman…”
Zhenzhū reverted to calling her “Miss” when flustered.
“That’s just his nature…” Luo Yining wiped her eyes, regaining her composure.
The lantern light was steady. She calmed herself and instructed Daimao, “Get a few servants to… find that string of prayer beads.”
Lu Jiaxue had thrown them away, yet she still wanted to retrieve them for him.
Sometimes she felt that over all these years, he hadn’t changed. Still so unreasonable, once he decided something was good for you, nothing could change his mind!
Zhenzhū gently supported Luo Yining as they returned to rest, her voice low: “Madam, how did you know people were criticizing you…” The Grand Academician had shielded her from outside influence, not letting her be hurt by rumors. He had even carefully instructed them, and the Dowager, not to mention anything.
“I’m not stupid,” Luo Yining smiled faintly. “If I were truly such a chaste and virtuous woman, I should have hanged myself to prove my innocence after being abducted — do you think I don’t know what they say behind my back? I can guess. They’d be happy if I died.”
How could she not have occasionally overheard the servants’ whispers, or what her sisters-in-law and other women were saying?
“But I don’t want to die…” Her tone was stubborn as she gripped Zhenzhū’s hand. “I still have my little one. I haven’t done anything wrong… Why should I die?” She mumbled, almost to herself.
She just pretended not to hear what they said, as if not hearing made those voices disappear.
She simply didn’t want to die, even if it meant enduring criticism.
Zhenzhū found herself tearing up for some reason, supporting her mistress as she said, “That’s right, why should you care about them…”
Mistress and maid slowly walked back to Jiashu Hall in the lamplight. The baby was sleeping in the wet nurse’s arms, bundled in a cloak. He had just woken up and was rubbing his eyes with his little fists. Daimao wrung out a hot towel and handed it to Yining, who wiped the little one’s face. The baby initially tried to dodge but, upon opening his eyes and seeing his mother, snuggled closer to her.
The child was so attached to her. Yining kissed his little face, imagining what he would be like when he grew up when he could talk when he started studying. Like a small, innocent version of his third uncle, sitting under the eaves reading, talking to her in his childish voice. And when he grew up, tall and handsome like his father, getting married, bringing his wife to pay respects to her with tea.
Ah… he was still so tiny, yet she was already thinking about his adult life!
The baby, chewing on his fingers, had no idea what his mother was thinking. But when she smiled, his little hand was pulled away and wiped clean of drool.
When Luo Shenyuan returned, he learned that Lu Jiaxue had come to see her.
The two men had clashed in the passageway. Lu Jiaxue knew there were secret guards around but made no effort to avoid them, obviously intending for Luo Shenyuan to find out. He was clever like that.
Luo Yining was unaware that these secret guards were scattered throughout the Luo residence. A year ago, they had only been stationed in Jiashu Hall. Luo Shenyuan hadn’t told her, not due to distrust, but because she didn’t need to know.
Apart from Luo Shenyuan, no one in the Luo family knew exactly how many secret guards there were or where they were stationed. His high position now required extreme caution.
So the secret guards reported every word of the conversation between the two to him.
After listening, Luo Shenyuan remained silent. His eerie silence made the waiting guard break out in a cold sweat, his legs weak. He had seen too many of the master’s tactics and feared this expression.
Luo Shenyuan merely waved him away, then continued to sit silently before finally standing and walking towards Jiashu Hall.
Warm, bright candlelight shone from the inner chamber, where Daimao and the other maids were competing at making knotwork. Laughter rang out from inside. The maids were all skilled, with a six-compartment box before them filled with various colored silk threads and glass beads. Luo Yining was especially deft, quickly creating a butterfly knot in blue and purple, exquisitely beautiful.
Daimao, always fond of pretty things, stared with shining eyes, almost wanting to snatch it: “Madam, how did you make this? How is it so beautiful! It looks like it could fly away!”
“It’s not difficult,” she chose two colors of thread to teach the maid, a faint smile on her lips. “Here, watch me and you’ll learn.”
Zhenzhū said, “Madam, you’re indulging them! Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve, your clothes haven’t been dried, and the paper for burning hasn’t been prepared…”
“A little play won’t hurt,” Luo Yining said, bending to teach Daimao. Just then, Luo Shenyuan suddenly returned. All the maids in the room curtsied and greeted him in unison.
Luo Yining put down her knotwork and went to help him remove his cloak: “You’re back? What urgent matter at the palace kept you so late?”
The maids, catching Luo Shenyuan’s eye, quickly tidied up and left. The room suddenly grew quiet, with only Qiuniang left supporting the baby as he stood on the luohan bed, proudly kicking his little legs and holding the knot his mother had just made.
Luo Shenyuan didn’t answer, coldly saying: “Get out.”
Qiuniang was startled, picked up the baby, and left only after receiving a nod from Luo Yining.
Luo Yining guessed he must know about Lu Jiaxue’s visit. She pulled him to sit down, standing before him as she said, “Lu Jiaxue came today.”
Luo Shenyuan suddenly smiled, gently caressing her face: “I know. Why are you so nervous?”
“I’m not nervous, I just didn’t want you to misunderstand!” Luo Yining felt his fingertips were ice-cold, making her shiver. How could it not be cold in winter? Knowing he disliked her meeting Lu Jiaxue, she was especially careful about this to avoid making him uncomfortable. “I tried to avoid him, but couldn’t. We just exchanged a few words… Oh, I wanted to ask you, tomorrow is New Year’s Eve. Should we invite a Buddha statue or something for the house? For peace and safety.”
“As you wish,” Luo Shenyuan continued smiling.
Seeing he didn’t dwell on it, Luo Yining relaxed. “Then let’s invite one! I made many knots today, we can hang them on the baby’s bed curtains for him to play with. What do you think?”
She went to fetch the knots from the small table.
After she turned away, Luo Shenyuan’s smile completely vanished, replaced by an expressionless mask.
He already knew every word they had said and could recite it backward. So whatever she said now didn’t matter.
Luo Shenyuan looked at his own hands and realized they were trembling slightly.
Many had died by his hand before. Whether directly or indirectly. He felt as if a taut string had always been at his back, pushing him forward, ever since Xu Wei died, ever since she disappeared. He didn’t care about others’ opinions, about right or wrong, about the reversal of black and white. Perhaps this was his true self. Years ago, when a maid angered him, he coldly had her torn apart by vicious dogs, remaining detached and defiant even as he knelt before Old Madam Luo.
He voiced his suspicions and distrust to Old Madam Luo, and she slapped him. The sharp sound — he still remembered it.
He even imagined how future history books would write about him — Luo Shenyuan, a jackal to the tiger, wielding great power, a generation’s treacherous official.
He could disregard all of this. Truly, he didn’t care about any of it.
What Luo Yining didn’t know was that during the year she was missing, he most often dreamed of Sun Congwan’s words to him years ago. It was on a night when he had servants bring Sun Congwan ginger tea to ward off the cold. Thus, his memories were always tinged with the scent of ginger tea — which he came to particularly dislike.
Her voice, shrill with despair and breakdown: “Someone as vicious as you will surely face retribution one day. Sooner or later… you’ll face retribution!”
He let Sun Congwan beat her fists against his chest, standing unmoved, calmly telling her: “So now you know, I’m a bastard. It’s best if you don’t like me.”
Later, after Sun Congwan left, he suddenly flew into a rage, sweeping the memorials off his desk, consumed by unfulfilled desire and cursed violence. One day, there would be retribution… for being this kind of person, for such bloodthirst and scheming, there would surely be retribution.
He even had this intuition himself.
“Luo Yining.”
Yining had just picked up a handful of knots when his voice came from behind. There wasn’t much emotion in his tone, just a faint question: “I want to ask you, who is Xie Min? Who are those daughters-in-law of the Lu family — and most importantly — who is the fourth daughter-in-law of the Lu family?”
Each word was crystal clear.
Luo Yining froze upon hearing his words, her heart suddenly pounding violently. The knots in her hand — fell with a clatter!
The glass beads shattered crisply as they hit the ground.