Luo Yining entered carrying a food box. A servant lifted the thick cotton curtain for her. Inside, Luo Shenyuan was indeed up and getting dressed. Two maids were helping him, while he sat on the bed adjusting his sleeves. He neither spoke nor looked at her when she came in.
Yining gazed blankly at the two maids, remembering they had always served him. After she married him, they lived together and rarely used maids. A pang of bitterness struck her heart. If Luo Shenyuan wanted, he could have all sorts of women – concubines, mistresses – but he never seemed interested.
The two maids, having finished helping him dress, curtsied and retreated, bowing to Yining and addressing her as “Third Madam” before leaving. Their jade-like faces and slender figures were beautiful enough to be concubines in any household.
Yining responded with a soft “Mm.” When she turned back, she found Luo Shenyuan staring at her. Seeing her prolonged silence, he sighed faintly, “Why are you up so early?”
Yining forced a smile. “I brought you some breakfast. I was worried you wouldn’t have time to eat later.” There would be too many visitors on New Year’s Eve. She opened the food box, taking out a plate of red date cloud cakes, a plate of lotus rolls, a bowl of shredded pickles with scallion oil, a plate of sliced braised duck, and mushroom and lamb dumplings.
Everything else was fine, just a bit cold, but the dumplings were overcooked and inedible.
Luo Shenyuan looked at the food and asked, “How long did you wait outside?”
Yining replied, “Not too long. But the dumplings can’t be eaten now. They’re ruined.” The thin skins had broken, with scallions floating on top. But it was the New Year, and dumplings were traditional. When he remained silent, she added, “If you don’t want to eat, I can take it back.”
He stopped her hand, pressing it down. He took a porcelain spoon and tasted two bites. There was no flavor in his mouth, but it should have tasted good. He put down the spoon expressionlessly.
“I don’t make dumplings often,” Yining said, noticing his bland expression. “If you don’t like them, I can make something else next time.”
He chuckled sarcastically, “You don’t often make dumplings? Then what do you often make? Or should I ask, what does Lu Jiaxue like to eat?”
Yining sat rigidly, knowing she had come seeking his forgiveness. Her past couldn’t be erased, but she had hoped that if she showed some humility, he wouldn’t embarrass her too much. Now he was using this as an excuse to lash out, and she found herself silently enduring it. Yining never thought of herself as particularly patient, and she didn’t know how long she could endure.
Self-respect was both the most useless and the most useful thing. The half-open window let in a cold wind that chilled her face, like the ice and snow outside.
“He likes noodles, thin ones in a big bowl,” Yining said. “Just two spoonfuls of lamb broth is enough. He loves it. But I don’t often make it for him. He’s so particular that he won’t eat unless I make it – isn’t that funny? Even if you don’t accept it, these things happen. I can’t pretend they didn’t exist.”
Vaguely aware that his anger last night was due to the mention of divorce, Yining didn’t bring it up again.
Luo Shenyuan remained silent, then said, “You remember it so clearly.” He leaned closer, his tone sharp and mocking, “Last night when you mentioned divorce, were you planning to go back to him after I divorced you? Have you made up your mind to offer yourself to him?”
Hearing his words, Yining trembled with anger. “Luo Shenyuan! If I still loved him, I could have stayed with him in Datong or Jinling. Why would I come back here?”
She laughed, almost like a cry of anguish. “You know I’ve always been content with my situation. Why would I flee from Datong? That winter when I was brought back, I saw you. I wanted to call out to you, but you just walked further and further away. What could I do? When I was in difficult labor, you weren’t by my side. All I could think of was you… I thought then that I’d never see you again! That I’d never see our child grow up, never see you hold him… Do you know how heartbroken I was? Are you trying to force me back to him now?”
Yes, if she had died, everything would have been over. How could she not fear death? She had fought with all her might to live, to survive.
Why live? She should have died twenty or thirty years ago!
She was still alive only because she was meant to meet him. To meet Luo Shenyuan, to complete a part of him that needed her, and she needed him too. The more she thought about it, the more distressed she became. It seemed that everything she cherished was worthless in his eyes!
Luo Shenyuan watched as Yining cried hoarsely, tears flowing incessantly like broken strings of pearls.
She had always been prone to crying!
Luo Shenyuan’s heart had been burning with jealousy as he listened to her speak, and his words had been born of anger! She didn’t know how to talk. How could he not be angry hearing that?
“Do you want to go back to him?” Luo Shenyuan stood up, seemingly indifferent, and picked up his hair crown from beside the bed. “If you dare go, then go now!”
Yining was truly angered by his words. She wiped her tears. He was covered in thorns, impossible to communicate with!
She didn’t want to stay in his room a moment longer. They could talk when he calmed down. Now they would only get angrier. Yining left without even taking the food box, ready to leave everything behind.
Seeing her move to leave, thinking she meant to leave the manor, Luo Shenyuan quickly grabbed her wrist. He sneered, “What? You’re going?”
“I don’t want to talk to you! Let go!” Yining struggled to free her hand.
“So I’ve touched a sore spot.” He lifted her by the hand and pinned her against the wall corner. Pressing against her like an impenetrable prison, he said, “Let me tell you, even if you were still Lu Jiaxue’s wife, I wouldn’t let you go!”
She cried, her whole body shaking, but he held her hand, blocking the oncoming heat and sharpness. Yining simply bit down on his shoulder. When he didn’t let go, she bit harder.
He didn’t move, looking at her coldly. “You think you can hurt me with that little strength? Tell me clearly – do you still dare to leave?”
Didn’t it hurt? She had bitten down on muscle and bone. Yining knew it must be very painful. Otherwise, why would he grip her hand even tighter?
Luo Shenyuan’s grip was so strong it hurt her too. They were both in pain. Her delicate skin couldn’t bear it, and she finally cried out, “No – I won’t leave. You’re not letting me go! I’ll cling to you for a lifetime!”
Perhaps she just needed to cling to him like this, until it killed him!
As soon as the words left her mouth, Luo Shenyuan was taken aback. His grip loosened. Yining collapsed in his solid embrace, suddenly wrapping her arms around his neck and crying as if she had survived a disaster, even more intensely than before.
Knowing he had tormented her severely to make her break down like this, Luo Shenyuan picked her up like a child, patting her back and sighing, “Alright, don’t cry anymore.”
The serious pressure finally eased somewhat.
Yining leaned against his chest, inhaling his familiar scent. His arms were still around her… Had he stopped being angry?
Wanting to know if he was still upset, she anxiously sat up straight and kissed his chin, then his lips. His mouth was tightly closed at first but then opened. She slipped her tongue inside, exploring wildly like a puppy, stopping to taste when she found a spot she liked.
Seeing her frantic movements, Luo Shenyuan leaned against the bed, holding her protectively. Yining boldly climbed on top of him, nuzzling his neck. Honestly, she seemed even more like a puppy now, her warm breath puffing against him like a milk-fed pup searching for food. Luo Shenyuan felt ticklish from her nuzzling and laughed, “Luo Yining, I’m not angry anymore…”
Yining pulled back slightly, looking at him in confusion. He had been so fierce earlier, but now he said he wasn’t angry just like that.
Then again, if he were still angry, he would have pushed her away when she kissed him earlier.
“Last night, you…” She trailed off, remembering his earth-shattering rage and the mess in the room.
Luo Shenyuan admitted that he had indeed been placated by the words she had shouted when pushed to the limit.
He took a deep breath. “I wasn’t very rational. To be honest, I’m still very jealous.” He stroked her head slowly, hesitated for a moment, then said with certainty, “But you love me.”
Otherwise, given her personality, she would have fled far away when pushed to the extreme. How else could she come looking for him, stubbornly trading barbs with him? She said she wanted to cling to him for a lifetime…
The tighter she clung, the better. Let her cling like this. Best if she could grow into his body.
That agitation was strangely soothed, and even his jealousy lessened considerably.
“…Did you just say you wanted to cling to me for a lifetime?” he asked, looking down at her. His expression was much calmer now, with a hint of a teasing smile. “Really?”
Yining knew what she had shouted, but there was no way she could say it again now. Besides, she felt he had become smug because of it. She rolled off him, wanting to get back at him, and said, “I don’t remember.”
He pulled her back down with one hand, making her fall on top of him. Then he covered her lips with his own. His kissing technique was much better than Yining’s, however he had practiced. In any case, he was extremely skillful, and Yining completely melted. It was as if all their pent-up emotions exploded, and they entangled like vines. His study had no floor heating, so when Yining felt cold, she naturally burrowed into the warmest place – his body.
Luo Shenyuan inhaled sharply, his temples throbbing from the sudden cold brought by her movement. He pulled her down a bit, holding her body to control her movements.
He paused for a moment and instructed someone outside, “Go tell Father I’ll be there later.”
The lead servant outside acknowledged the order and immediately had everyone retreat to the courtyard, leaving the couple in privacy.
Two-quarters of an hour passed, and she was still clinging tightly to him. Finally, he took a deep breath and held her in his arms, wrapping her tightly in the quilt to keep her warm.
Yining still remembered their earlier argument. She asked, “Do you not mind anymore? Back then, I was good to you…”
After a moment of silence, Luo Shenyuan replied, “Do you think that’s what I care about?” He spoke slowly, “I can tell you, it doesn’t matter even if you’ve been using me all along. I don’t mind, as long as… you feel you can use me.” He felt pathetic, but as long as she was by his side, what did it matter if she used him?
Yining held him tightly. She understood his habitual self-deprecation. In their relationship, he was the more humble one, fearing her departure because no one else had ever truly cared for him since childhood. This made her heart ache with sympathy, and she was glad she had come to him first. Luo Shenyuan, brooding alone, must have been suffering a hundred times more than her.
Because of his insecurity, he had no way out.
Luo Shenyuan sat up, holding her. He was wearing his undergarments, his long legs hanging off the bed. Looking at the pastries she had brought, he stroked her hair. “Yining, do you remember the cloud cakes?”
Yining didn’t understand what he meant.
“That time I brought pastries to Grandmother, and she told me to take them away. You said you wanted to eat them.” His tone was quiet. ” I was listening outside then. Grandmother wasn’t happy about you keeping the pastries… You forced yourself to eat a lot until you couldn’t eat anymore.”
As he spoke, he picked up a cloud cake and held it to her lips. “Try it again now?”
Yining suddenly remembered what he was talking about. At that time, she had just felt sorry for him. She opened her mouth and ate the cloud cake. Luo Shenyuan asked, “Is it good?”
Before Yining could answer, he lowered his head and kissed her again, then held her tightly. The sweet taste of the pastry became wonderfully pleasant, and they became lost in each other again. In this second passionate encounter, he seemed almost crazed. Yining felt a bit dazed as he gripped her, as if wanting to knead her into his very bones and blood, never to be separated. Yining found this long process both urgent and painful, seemingly endless. She began to beg for mercy, but he wouldn’t let her go.
He would cling to her like this. She had said it herself – she would cling to him for a lifetime! Since she had said it, she must keep her promise. She should be prepared for this!
Luo Shenyuan’s thoughts had turned a bit fierce.
For this lifetime, if she didn’t cling to him, he would lock her up!
His eyes were slightly reddened.
By the time they went to the main hall, it was almost noon.
Lin Hairu, having heard about their discord last night, raised an eyebrow when she saw Yining’s unsteady steps at noon, needing Luo Shenyuan’s support to walk. She couldn’t help but think, “Ah, young people!”
After escorting Yining to Lin Hairu, Luo Shenyuan still had to discuss matters with Luo Chengzhang. He bid farewell to Lin Hairu and left first, instructing Yining, “…Don’t wander off. Stay with Mother. I’ll come to get you in the evening.” Yining nodded and saw him off.
Lin Hairu pulled Yining closer, hesitating before speaking, “You should advise him to be more moderate. You look so haggard… He’s taking advantage of being your third brother to make you listen to him. And you’ve always been indecisive, following his lead since childhood.”
Yining felt a bit embarrassed by her words. “…Please don’t say more. I understand.”
“What do you understand? He’s much older than you. He should know better,” Lin Hairu wanted to advise but didn’t dare speak to Luo Shenyuan directly. She sighed sympathetically, “Never mind, I don’t dare go against his wishes either. I’ve done the accounting for all the family’s fields and properties, but he still checks the accounts every month. Isn’t that showing distrust in my abilities?”
Yining laughed and said, “That’s not a problem. If you find the accounting troublesome, let me handle it in the future. He won’t dare give me a hard time.”
Yining felt relieved. He probably wasn’t bothered anymore. What he cared about wasn’t Lu Jiaxue at all, but her attitude.
He had never thought about not wanting her, even when he was angriest.
Their passionate encounter in the study had made her feel incredibly secure.
Luo Shenyuan went to Luo Chengzhang’s study, where the two eldest sons, Luo Huaiyuan and Luo Shanyuan, were also present. When Luo Shenyuan entered, he didn’t ask them to sit down but started drinking tea himself.
The two brothers’ faces gradually paled, not knowing what they had done to offend Luo Shenyuan.
They didn’t dare to act out. It would be foolish to try anything in front of Luo Shenyuan.
After a long wait, Luo Huaiyuan couldn’t bear it anymore. He stepped forward, cupped his hands, and asked, “Third…” Luo Shenyuan looked at him, making his heart skip a beat. He quickly corrected himself, “Your Excellency, my second brother has been observing government for five years and is to be posted as the magistrate of Shanyin County this year. However, Shanyin is… at the throat of Yanmen Pass. It hasn’t recovered its vitality yet. I fear it might take ten years for my second brother to make a name for himself as the magistrate of Shanyin.”
“He hasn’t achieved much during his observation period, and he’s not a second-rank graduate. He can’t get a good position,” Luo Shenyuan said coolly.
Luo Huaiyuan didn’t understand why he was being rebuffed. His father had discussed this with him and it had seemed fine. He didn’t dare to ask more. Seeing Luo Shenyuan’s subordinate come in, he left with his younger brother.
Luo Shanyuan looked anxious. “Elder brother, if I have to go to Shanyin…”
Luo Huaiyuan shook his head, signaling him to be quiet. He took out a thirty-tael silver note from his sleeve and walked up to Lin Yong, who was guarding outside. He smiled and offered it to him. “Brother Lin…”
Lin Yong pushed it away with a mysterious smile. “Young Master, I can’t accept your money. You should think carefully – what exactly has offended the Master? What does the Master care about most? Young Master is a smart person. What’s most important between sisters-in-law in a household? I won’t say more.”
Seeing Lin Yong refuse the money again, Luo Shanyuan’s face darkened. When his elder brother came back, he asked, “What do you think has offended him-“
“Why do you think?” Luo Huaiyuan, connecting Luo Shenyuan’s sudden change in attitude with Lin Yong’s words, lowered his voice, “Go home and ask your wife first! Didn’t you hear Lin Yong mention sisters-in-law?”
Luo Shanyuan suddenly remembered how his wife, the younger Zhou, had been constantly whispering in his ear about Luo Yining these past few days, calling her a “broken shoe” and saying she had two husbands. He had only treated it as idle gossip, but could it be… that it had reached Luo Shenyuan’s ears? Realizing this, he shuddered in fear. If he had offended Luo Shenyuan because of this, what hope did he have for his future career?
Women were unreliable, and always gossiping.
Thinking about having to endure ten years in Shanyin, Luo Shanyuan’s whole body burned with anger. He strode home quickly.
The younger Zhou had just returned from her mother-in-law’s, where she had been massaging her hands and legs for half the day. Her mother-in-law favored her daughter but worked the daughters-in-law to the bone. She had sneaked away, unwilling to serve any longer.
Seeing her husband suddenly return, she felt happy. Luo Shanyuan had been staying with her these past few days, allowing her to keep a tight rein on the two newly elevated concubines. Last night had been intimate, and she was feeling quite pleased with herself. She went to greet him: “Second Young Master, you’re back! How did it go? What did Luo Shenyuan say about Shanyin?”
Seeing her face and hearing her mention Shanyin, Luo Shanyuan’s anger flared. He raised his hand and slapped her hard. The younger Zhou lost her balance and staggered back several steps. She cried out and covered her face. For a while, she couldn’t understand what had happened. It was the New Year, and he just hit her without warning!
Her hand trembled for a long time. In disbelief, she called out shakily, “My lord…?”
Luo Shanyuan said coldly, “Shut up! You’re going to take some things to apologize to the Third Madam later, understand? Gossiping like that, you worthless woman, you’ll be the death of me!”
The younger Zhou cried, ruining her carefully applied makeup. “My lord, what have I done wrong…”
“You still ask! Didn’t you spread rumors about Luo Yining? Who are you to talk about her? You don’t know your place.” Luo Shanyuan panted heavily, calling for the old nanny to come and select gifts for the younger Zhou to take and apologize to Luo Yining.