Before sleeping each day, Yan Shang routinely reflected on himself, examining his behavior throughout the day to see if anything had been out of line. As he pondered back and forth, he couldn’t help but think of how Mu Wanyao had told him last night not to seek her out anymore. Today while reading, several times their conversation from last night suddenly popped into his mind, causing his thoughts to wander.

So at night, Yan Shang naturally thought of Mu Wanyao.

She was dragging things out, wanting to reject him yet reluctant to do so.

This was Yan Shang’s conclusion after contemplation.

When he reached this conclusion, Yan Shang felt momentarily disheartened. However, he had already been disheartened by Mu Wanyao before, and he could still withstand this blow.

Thus now, sitting at his study desk, Yan Shang merely pondered deeply, without showing any unusual expression.

He reflected on whether the problem lay with himself or with Mu Wanyao. Had he shown too eager an attitude somewhere, frightening her? But why should she be afraid?

Could she be afraid of romantic feelings between men and women?

Yan Shang closed his eyes, reviewing bit by bit the unusual reactions Mu Wanyao had shown around him.

The first time she showed fear was when she was pressed against the bed and he almost involuntarily kissed her – she was so frightened her whole body stiffened, trembling unconsciously; the second time… was when Mu Wanyao brought him the sleeping lotus.

Yan Shang opened his eyes, looking at that pot of sleeping lotus placed in the corner by the window next to his study desk. The sleeping lotus opened by day and closed by night, and of course, it wasn’t flowering season now. Yan Shang just looked at this pot of lotus, thinking of that night when Mu Wanyao had actively brought the sleeping lotus to find him.

At first, she acted nonchalant, and in bed, she also playfully teased him, no different from usual.

However, when he accidentally pressed her down, she resisted again… and when Mu Wanyao kissed him, it gave Yan Shang the feeling… well.

Yan Shang hesitated slightly, unsure if he was overthinking. He just felt that Mu Wanyao had kissed him many times, but she seemed to have never once… been absorbed in it.

Never been moved as he had been.

He was certain Mu Wanyao must like him… but he just felt she was too calm. Every time she kissed him, she was like an onlooker, coldly observing his reactions, only finding pleasure in his responses.

She liked his reactions.

Not the kisses, embraces, or intimacy themselves.

Yan Shang’s heart sank for a long while. He slowly stood up, walked to that pot of sleeping lotus, and crouched down, watching the lotus leaves embracing the flower bones, the room full of subtle fragrance, yet not knowing when this flower would truly bloom.

Yan Shang reached out to touch a lotus leaf, softly murmuring to himself: “…Is it because her previous political marriage was too unsuccessful? Because she disliked her former husband too much, is that why she’s like this with me?”

All of a person’s behaviors must carry traces left by the past.

Yan Shang was stunned for a long while, inexplicably coming to hate her former husband for causing her such great harm.

He hadn’t guessed the true reason for Mu Wanyao’s back-and-forth with him, but just thinking she was afraid to accept him because of past hurts made his heart fill with pity, unwilling to force her.

Never mind.

Though she made him feel disheartened like this, he couldn’t blame her.

Yan Shang silently endured this matter, deciding he should still give Mu Wanyao more time to accept him. Give her more time, and she would know he was different from her former husband, right? No matter how her previous marriage had been, in any case, he wasn’t the kind of person who would hurt her.

Two months… hopefully Mu Wanyao could accept that.

However, in two months, with Mu Wanyao’s terrible memory, if he left no trace in her life, wouldn’t she treat him like a stranger again when they met after two months? Would the feelings they had finally cultivated have to start all over again?

Yan Shang naturally didn’t want Mu Wanyao to forget him again, and after much thought, he decided to write her a letter every three days.

At least let her remember his existence—

Writing one letter every three days, Yan Shang had timed it too well.

It kept Mu Wanyao swaying between the stages of “forget about him” and “just when I stopped thinking about him, he sends another letter.”

The court’s political struggles weren’t easy, with Mu Wanyao following the Crown Prince in fighting life-and-death battles with Prince Qin daily, both sides constantly making and countering moves. Moreover, Mu Wanyao was currently arguing with the Crown Prince to let her handle the inner palace banquet for the year-end ceremony.

The year-end ceremony was a major event with various countries coming to celebrate, happening only once every few years. Mu Wanyao was determined to grasp this opportunity to show her face. If she handled this well, not only would Mu Wanyao’s prestige in Great Wei increase, but she would also be remembered among the various small countries.

This matter was crucial.

As long as she could get the highest-ranked Noble Consort in the palace confined, there would be no female host to handle this matter, and naturally, it would fall to the princesses. And since Mu Wanyao was already fighting with Prince Qin’s birth mother the Noble Consort, pushing aside Prince Qin’s sister Princess Yuyang to host the grand banquet herself was nothing in comparison.

Princess Yuyang was soft-natured, the Noble Consort was aggressive, and Mu Wanyao wouldn’t yield to either of them – Prince Qin’s side probably hated her to death.

Also because of fighting with these people daily in various ways, when returning to her princess manor at night, Yan Shang’s letters became Mu Wanyao’s “appetizer” as she drank alone to relieve her stress.

Usually, she would sit in the three-story pavilion in her manor’s inner courtyard, quietly watching the lights in the mansion opposite, judging whether Yan Shang had returned home or wasn’t in residence. Whether he had already gone to sleep or was still studying.

She could now identify which lights belonged to his chambers.

So when she had nothing to do, she would stare at the two lanterns hanging outside his chambers’ corridor. Today seeing those lanterns unlit, wondering if he hadn’t returned all night; tomorrow seeing those lanterns lit all night, getting angry wondering if he hadn’t slept all night.

Such random thoughts were most relieving of pressure, yet also most torturous.

After maid Chunhua left, the task of standing behind the princess at night and reading Yan Shang’s letters to Mu Wanyao fell to maid Xiarong.

Xiarong read Young Lord Yan’s letter in her clear voice: “Last night I stayed at the teacher’s home and met with the teacher’s wife. Though the teacher is past fifty, seeing the teacher’s wife heavily pregnant, I couldn’t help but marvel at the teacher’s… continuing vigor.”

Hearing this, Mu Wanyao burst out laughing.

Xiarong looked at the princess, seeing her eyes fixed on the lights of the mansion opposite, swirling a crystal cup in her hand. After drinking for half the day, the princess’s face was flushed red, her eyes alluring like silk threads, yet this was the first time she had laughed since returning to the manor with a gloomy expression.

Xiarong sighed in relief, thinking it was good that Young Lord Yan’s letters could make the princess laugh. Otherwise, with the princess being angry all day, they were all quite scared.

Hearing Mu Wanyao rest her chin on her hand and smile: “He’s mischievous. He must not show anything on the surface, but returns home to talk about his teacher’s wife being heavily pregnant, about his teacher’s continuing vigor…”

Xiarong smiled and said: “Indeed. Second Young Lord talks much more with Your Highness than before – he would never have said such things before.”

Mu Wanyao snorted a laugh: “Yes, with his temperament, he would never speak ill of others…”

So now that Yan Shang would secretly write to her about his teacher, it made Mu Wanyao both moved and emotionally complex.

…Why trust her so much?

Was he so certain she wouldn’t use his vulnerabilities against him in the future?

Someone like him shouldn’t be telling others everything like this.

Mu Wanyao pressed her hand against her forehead: “Ah, headache. My head hurts even more.”

Just continuing to read letters like this every day, in two months, perhaps she wouldn’t forget someone. Even now, Mu Wanyao somewhat missed Yan Shang and wanted to see him appear before her.

Yan Shang was quite thoughtful—

In the blink of an eye, summer passed and autumn leaves reddened.

Then autumn leaves fell and winter’s cold arrived.

Chang’an entered October, beginning early winter.

In these two months, the servant Mu Wanyao sent to watch over Liu Wenji reported that he only went to the North District to drink himself into a stupor daily, either sleeping or reading during the day, not socializing with others. Seeing he wasn’t causing trouble, Mu Wanyao left him alone.

During this time, while fiercely battling with Prince Qin, Mu Wanyao still found time to visit Prince Jin’s manor once, to see Chunhua. Chunhua was now showing her pregnancy, her figure more voluptuous, her face bearing the gentle radiance of motherly love. Although Chunhua’s brows always carried a trace of worry, Prince Jin’s manor hadn’t mistreated her and she was living quite well, so Mu Wanyao was reassured.

However, when Chunhua wanted Mu Wanyao to feel her belly and sense the baby, Mu Wanyao rejected her mercilessly.

Mu Wanyao said absent-mindedly: “I don’t like children, and never will.”

Chunhua could only sigh and accept that the princess might rarely come to Prince Jin’s manor to see her. After all, being Prince Jin’s manor, the princess would not visit frequently to avoid suspicion.

In mid-October, on the day of the imperial examination, Yan Shang left as usual, preparing to go to the Ministry of Personnel to take the Broad Learning and Grand Literature examination.

If his results were good, he would immediately become an official; if he wasn’t selected, he would wait for next year.

Many in Chang’an were watching, waiting to see how Yan Shang would perform in the examination after refusing Lord Liu. Yan Shang remained composed, showing no trace of anything on his face.

When leaving, as servants led out his horse, Yan Shang turned to face the alley and froze for a moment.

Because he saw the princess’s carriage stopped in the alley, with maids and guards mounting horses. Mu Wanyao had left early today and encountered him here.

Yan Shang saw the maids and guards greeting him, and he returned their greeting with clasped hands, his gaze turning toward that carriage.

Knowing Mu Wanyao was inside.

His heart stirred, and a very gentle smile floated in his eyes: he had never encountered her leaving before, yet today they met so easily. Could she be deliberately waiting for him?

Yan Shang went over, standing outside the carriage to pay his respects: “I hope Your Highness is well.”

Mu Wanyao’s languid voice came from within the carriage: “The imperial examination today?”

Yan Shang: “Yes.”

Then the carriage curtain was suddenly pulled aside, and Mu Wanyao looked outside, just as Yan Shang raised his head.

The young man stood outside the carriage, his blue sleeves touching the ground. His slender frame gave him an air of romantic refinement, setting off his ink-like eyes and brows, his bearing like jade and bamboo, clear and luminous.

Mu Wanyao saw him, every raised eyelash above his eyes, every drop of early winter dew clinging to his temples.

Such grace.

And Yan Shang looked at her too, seeing as if a brilliantly bright red leaped into his eyes. She was leaning on the carriage window, eyes slightly curved, round like a cat’s, carrying a hint of allure, a hint of clarity. As she leaned at the window looking at him this way, he felt as if he had been thrown into a vibrantly red dream.

Her radiance made everything around seem bland and uninteresting.

The two quietly gazed at each other.

Their first sight of each other after two months.

Mu Wanyao lounged casually at the window, yet felt her palms were already full of sweat; Yan Shang stood below looking up at her, his heart that even the imperial examination couldn’t excite now beating so fast it seemed not his own.

After a while, he came to his senses first, lowering his eyes, not daring to look at her more, afraid of revealing his awkwardness for others to notice.

Yan Shang said softly: “I’m very happy to see Your Highness when leaving today.”

Mu Wanyao said nothing, abruptly dropping the curtain, and separating their two worlds.

The maids and guards around the carriage gave Young Lord Yan sympathetic looks, silently telling him with their eyes that the princess was just someone with such a big temper, it was nothing that she ignored him.

Yan Shang remained silent, watching as the carriage slowly left the alley, passing by him.

As the carriage was about to pass him, a lazy voice that only the two of them could hear came from within: “You’re allowed to be happy.”

Yan Shang suddenly raised his head to look at the carriage passing before him, his gaze bright, feeling a surge of motivation—

Mu Wanyao was restless.

Yan Shang went to the Ministry of Personnel to take the imperial examination, and Wei Shu went too. She had been worried about this matter all along, unable to properly listen to what the ministers were saying in the Eastern Palace all day.

She finally couldn’t sit still, and in the afternoon made an excuse of feeling unwell and returned to her princess manor.

Mu Wanyao then waited for news in the princess manor, drinking cup after cup of water. She felt she was probably more nervous than him.

She couldn’t help but worry.

Because the imperial examination was harder than the regular examination. With so many brilliantly talented young people like Wei Shu taking the examination together with Yan Shang, could Yan Shang’s level be enough? Had his half-year of study been useful? He couldn’t even handle the previous provincial examination… would today’s imperial examination not overwhelm him?

Mu Wanyao bit her lip, resenting why Yan Shang wasn’t a great talent.

If he were brilliantly talented, she wouldn’t have to worry like this.

Mu Wanyao sat in the main hall drinking water and waiting for results, when muffled winter thunder sounded from the sky, making her feel truly ominous—

Things were fine on Yan Shang’s side.

This examination was easier for him than the last one. Last time’s poetry and prose were all things he wasn’t good at; this time there were more subjects to be tested, and he felt less uncertain.

Moreover, this examination started with questions on political strategy.

With questions like these on political strategy, it became much easier for Yan Shang.

The Minister of Personnel, Vice Minister of Personnel, and others personally came to watch their examination. The entire hall was completely silent, occasionally hearing distant thunder.

The imperial examination would take two days.

This was the first day, they would stay in the imperial city tonight, take another examination tomorrow, and the results would come out the day after. The speed was much faster than the previous examinations—

Liu Wenji had slept all day in the North District, and by evening, the rouge and wine fragrance of the building woke him from his splitting headache.

Liu Wenji staggeringly got up to change clothes, then sat back in his place to continue drinking alone.

He stayed here all day, and the courtesans of this pleasure house were used to him, knowing he just wanted to drink and didn’t want anyone to serve him. This young lord was so handsome, but drank all day – suffering from love. The courtesans in this place of pleasure naturally had good feelings toward such a devoted man, so they secretly instructed others not to drive this young lord away.

Dancing halls of thousand flowers and courtesans, song boats of five-colored towers.

On this brightly lit night, famous courtesans began to take the stage to dance, and the courtesans upstairs began nestling against various young lords, starting another night of drunken revelry.

Liu Wenji sat among them, constantly hearing romantic songs and silver words, but seemed not to hear any of it, only drinking his wine.

A dozen or so young lords pushed and shoved past nearby, voices extremely loud, pearl curtains clashing, courtesans following with calls—

“It’s Young Lord Zhang, why haven’t you come for so long, Young Lord Zhang?”

“Is it because the Ministry of Revenue is busy lately?”

“Oh my, those superiors are too cruel, not letting young lord rest for even two days. Don’t be upset, young lord, tonight we’ll surely help you relax.”

The young man called Young Lord Zhang laughed loudly, followed by more than ten people fawning over and embracing him. He looked utterly disdainful, and when passing by Liu Wenji, merely glanced at him before casually embracing a beautiful courtesan to kiss.

A courtesan gently knelt beside Liu Wenji, pouring wine for him, saying softly: “Young lord, that one is the eleventh son of the Ministry of Revenue Director’s family, a noble person, you must not offend him.”

In his drunken state, Liu Wenji looked at her, hearing her gentle voice, feeling she was as gentle as his Chunhua. He managed a smile, saying softly: “Who can I afford to offend now? Don’t worry, I won’t go out.”

The courtesan sighed, feeling pity for him, and sat beside him pouring wine and taking care of him.

Liu Wenji: “…What are you doing staying here with me? I don’t need a courtesan’s service, you should go.”

That courtesan pleaded: “This humble one has just arrived here recently, and doesn’t wish to serve those vulgar men. Please take pity on me, young lord, let me stay and serve you.”

Liu Wenji thought everyone in the world had their difficulties, so he didn’t refuse anymore.

The laughing and joking were normal here.

Young Lord Zhang drank a few more cups of wine, and in his drunken state, sitting upstairs without even reaching a private room, began pawing at the serving courtesan beside him, who pretended to refuse. It was just a game between men and women. In his wantonness, Young Lord Zhang suddenly saw a courtesan sitting at an angle, and with a casual glance, saw how enchanting this beautiful courtesan was.

Young Lord Zhang pushed away the person beside him, pointing at that courtesan: “Bring her to me!”

Everyone around Young Lord Zhang followed his gaze to look over there.

The delicate courtesan was kneeling beside Liu Wenji, just pouring wine for him, when suddenly several young lords came over, splitting to both sides, grabbed her arms, and lifted her. In her panic, she screamed, and those young lords laughed: “Don’t scream, don’t scream, Young Lord Zhang wants you to serve him!”

The courtesan’s eyes were filled with fear: “I don’t want to, I don’t want to… Lord Liu, Lord Liu save me!”

She reached out toward Liu Wenji, who was in the depths of drunkenness, and the woman’s long fingernails scratched across the back of his hand, the pain bringing him back to reality as he heard the woman’s fearful cries for help.

Liu Wenji turned his head to look, seeing the courtesan who had just been sitting beside him being pressed and dragged away by several young lords, those lords wearing knowing lewd smiles on their faces, the courtesan being dragged on the ground, her long hair disheveled, her clothes torn with a ripping sound.

The courtesan screamed: “Save me! Save me!”

Her pleading, tear-filled, beautiful eyes, carrying supplication, looked toward Liu Wenji.

Liu Wenji’s mind went blank with a boom.

He suddenly seemed to see Chunhua looking at him with tears, yet always silent.

When she was dragged to Prince Jin’s bed that night, was she also this helpless? When her beautiful tear-filled eyes looked at the people around Prince Jin, did she also plead like this for someone to save her?

When that bitter fate fell upon her, was she utterly desperate, was there… not a single person who reached out a helping hand?

Letting her fall into the abyss, letting her gradually suffocate, letting her never struggle free from that malicious trap laid by fate…

In Liu Wenji’s mind appeared Mu Wanyao’s cold eyes.

She had said: “It will pass. You will forget.”

Liu Wenji heard his voice from then and his current murmuring overlapped—”It won’t pass, can’t be forgotten.”

At least now—

“Bang—”

Someone on the second floor of the pleasure house overturned a table, a young man staggeringly rushing toward that group of laughing young lords. That young lord shouted: “Let her go, let her go—”

Release the shackles fate has bound to her!

Release her weak and innocent soul!—

Liu Wenji crashed into them, knocking aside those laughing young lords, he crouched down and held the disheveled strange courtesan in his arms. That Zhang lord had already been about to embrace this courtesan to steal her fragrance, when he was suddenly knocked away, crying out in pain, breaking out in a cold sweat on his forehead.

Young Lord Zhang exploded in rage: “You dare fight me for someone? Cripple him—”

“Boom—”

Muffled thunder in the sky was covered by the rouge and dance music of this place of pleasure, the building already in chaos. A group of young men pounced on Liu Wenji, who protected the strange courtesan under himself, closing his eyes—

Thunder in the sky.

At midnight, the gates of Princess Danyang’s manor were knocked upon.

Mu Wanyao was woken by someone knocking at midnight, and for a moment thought something had happened with Yan Shang, hurriedly getting up to go out.

She opened the door to find the two servants she had sent to look after Liu Wenji kneeling in the corridor covered in blood and mud, looking up tearfully: “Your Highness, something terrible has happened, we couldn’t take good care of Young Lord Liu.

“Young Lord Liu has been… castrated.”

Mu Wanyao listened blankly as the two servants cried and repeated it twice before realizing what had happened. She staggered back two steps, her face suddenly pale, drained of color.