The northern sky turned cold quickly. By mid-December, snow had already fallen.

When 1998’s first snow drifted down gently, the people of B City were in deep slumber.

Ah Heng had grown up in the south, and the times she’d seen snow could be counted on one hand. Moreover, each time it snowed, before she could even react, it had quietly stopped, leaving no trace. So her concept of snow was quite vague: white, soft, cool, and, well, something that would upset your stomach if eaten.

Though these descriptions might seem amusing, when Si Wan excitedly knocked on her door saying “Ah Heng, Ah Heng, come quick, look at the snow,” these impoverished and rigid imaginings were indeed all she had in her mind. Therefore, the moment she pushed open the window, the impact was beyond words.

She had nearly blasphemed this heaven-made beauty through her ignorance.

The sky was a vast expanse – this hue was neither blue nor white, nor any single color in the world, but rather solemnly encompassed all that was vibrant or dim, unexpected yet meant to be, with a posture both powerful and soft.

Within this vastness, snowflakes were falling abundantly, each flake blooming with purity.

Ah Heng suddenly thought of dandelions.

That was when she was very young. Her mother had saved fabric for a long time to make her a cotton dress, but it got stained with pomegranate juice. Neighbor Granny Huang told her that washing it with dandelion seeds would clean it. She waited for a long time, finally until spring came, to collect dandelion seeds. But across the hills and plains, she only found flying white, soft little umbrellas, with no seeds in sight.

Such beauty was also rarely seen in life. However, the mood was different from watching snow now. At that time, she looked upon that sea of dandelions with other thoughts in mind, missing a moment of beauty. What remained in her heart until now was still the regret of not finding dandelion seeds.

The snow sea stretched for thousands of miles, endless.

After a night of heavy snow, the roads were thickly covered, soft, and springy underfoot. Street cleaners had already started sweeping the snow, which disappointed Ah Heng somewhat.

“Don’t worry, it will keep snowing, it won’t stop so quickly,” Si Wan understood Ah Heng’s thoughts.

Ah Heng squinted, looking up at the sky, and a snowflake happened to drift into her eye, making it feel cool.

“Si Wan!” A thunderous shout from far away.

Si Wan turned around and smiled. Heh, this was a rare combination – Auntie and Ah Xi together.

The three of them, along with Lu Liu who was studying in Vienna, had grown up together, but these two should never be allowed together. They never went a day without fighting when together. When the fighting got heated and Si Wan tried to mediate, speaking earnestly, the two would link arms, flash their white teeth, and kick him together, snickering: “Dear Si Wan, don’t you know that hitting is affection and scolding is love? When love isn’t enough, shouldn’t you kick?”

He would tearfully call Lu Liu for help, but that person wouldn’t even look at him, speaking with gentle tenderness: “Who asked you to interfere? It’d be better if they beat you to death, then the world would be peaceful.”

“Dayi, Ah Xi.” Si Wan waved vigorously.

Ah Heng watched as the two figures in the distance gradually approached.

One in white clothes, one in a blue jacket, similar in height. However, Xin Dayi was much more robust than Yan Xi, who appeared even more slender and cold in comparison.

“I was just telling Yan Xi, that that person ahead looking so silly must be Wen Si Wan, so I tried shouting, and it was you!” Xin Dayi chuckled, his messy hair quite striking.

“Get lost!” Si Wan cursed with a smile, but intimately put his arm around the youth’s shoulder, smiling at Yan Xi, “Ah Xi, why are you going to school with Dayi today? Weren’t you the type who never left home before 7:50?”

Yan Xi gave Si Wan a cold glance, saying nothing.

Standing in the snow wearing a white down jacket, the snow’s reflection on his face, the youth with black hair and red lips, skin like jade, was strikingly handsome, though his expression was indifferent.

Ah Heng looked at him, feeling something strange.

Yan Xi seemed to have two sides – that day at his house, he was domineering, playful, and lawless; today, he was like the times she had seen him before they knew each other, cold and lazy, caring about nothing.

“He’s got a cold, in a bad mood, don’t talk to him,” Xin Dayi said quietly, eyeing Yan Xi.

“Oh.” Si Wan nodded and stopped trying to talk to Yan Xi.

When Yan Xi was in a bad mood, absolutely, definitely, under no circumstances should you talk to him, let alone provoke him, otherwise, you’d die miserably.

This was the experience gained from Si Wan being his childhood friend for seventeen years.

Unfortunately, Xin Dayi was typically excited by crowds, becoming more boisterous when there were more people.

“Yan Xi, let me tell you, what’s wrong with being a man, why learn from little girls having their period, having to be moody for a few days every month, what a nasty habit!” Xin Dayi, seeing Yan Xi’s continued quiet harmless appearance, started getting cocky.

Si Wan’s face darkened, pulling Ah Heng to one side.

Quick as lightning, they saw the white-clothed youth lightly approach the naive, contentedly smiling blue-jacketed youth. His long leg kicked out instantly, combining speed, force, and accuracy, leaving a clear size 41 shoe print from his white sneaker on someone’s backside.

That someone stumbled, falling face-first into the snow.

Everyone cheered – good, very good, extremely good!

This posture, this angle, wasn’t something an ordinary person could kick out.

“Yan Xi, martial arts?” Ah Heng quietly asked Si Wan.

“Ah Xi doesn’t know martial arts, he just practices on human punching bags,” Si Wan looked rather sympathetically at Xin Dayi, whose bottom was pointing skyward, implying something.

Xin Dayi was in tears: “Yan Xi, I’ll never forgive you! You bastard only knows sneak attacks!”

Yan Xi coldly smiled: “I seem to remember telling you not to provoke me today! The young master’s in a bad mood, can’t control what I might do. Don’t tell me you forgot, I repeated it three times when we were having tofu pudding!”

Xin Dayi did not argue, struggled for a while, and finally ground out through clenched teeth: “Yan Xi, don’t think you can kick me just because you have some good looks!”

Si Wan collapsed in laughter.

Yan Xi smiled slightly, quite helplessly: “Born this way, young master can’t help being so universally loved.”

Si Wan got up and collapsed in laughter again.

Ah Heng just chuckled.

Ah Heng knew very little about Grandmother, just bits and pieces from Si Wan, but she could feel his longing for her.

Grandmother had passed away the winter before Ah Heng returned to the Wen family. Though Grandfather was an atheist Communist Party member, Grandmother was a very devout Catholic. She often taught Si Wan to keep kind thoughts, to be generous to people and things, because all things are equal, to never lie, to be honest, and to always be sincere and polite when dealing with others.

Under Grandmother’s influence, Si Wan was also a faithful believer.

When Ah Heng learned this, she wasn’t particularly surprised. Because Si Wan was that kind of person, always gentle and polite, treating people with generosity. In his eyes, there was no distinction between beauty and ugliness, only good and evil, and he could calmly and magnanimously treat everyone equally.

However, this youth who had never been impulsive disappeared three days before Christmas.

To be precise, Ah Heng hadn’t seen Si Wan since that morning. The Wen family initially thought he had some business and went to school first.

But by the next day, the youth still hadn’t returned home. They called Yan Xi and Xin Dayi, who both said they hadn’t seen him. Word came from where Si Er lived that she also hadn’t returned for two days. Only then did the family panic and report to the police, begging the neighbors in the courtyard to help search.

Ah Heng was left at home to watch the house. Thinking about it, she felt this incident was completely unpredictable. The day before Si Wan disappeared, he had been laughing and talking normally, without any abnormality. How could he just vanish without a word?

Ah Heng entered Si Wan’s room; the usually clean room was in chaos. Just now, the family had searched every corner of his room but found no clues. Si Wan was always neat; he would be unhappy seeing his room like this.

Ah Heng imagined Si Wan’s furrowed brows upon seeing the room in such disarray and shook her head with a smile. She began tidying up the youth’s room.

Opening the curtains, outside was still snow-white, though she could tell it was night.

Tonight was Christmas Eve. Ah Heng didn’t have much concept of Western holidays, but Si Wan had mentioned it often enough that she remembered.

On Christmas Eve, you eat apples for peace and safety.

Si Wan was outside in the cold wind – did he have apples to eat? How could he not come home in such cold weather? What if he caught a cold? How silly, what couldn’t be properly discussed? If he couldn’t talk to her, there were still Mom and Grandfather.

Thinking Si Wan might return soon, Ah Heng cleaned the room and went to peel apples.

After peeling one, thinking Grandfather and Mom might return together, she peeled two more.

When bringing them to Si Wan’s room, Ah Heng’s gaze accidentally fell on the wall calendar. December was marked with black lines one after another, finally stopping on the twenty-second.

December twenty-second was the day Grandmother was buried.

Si Wan had told her that Grandmother was buried by Grandfather in B City’s largest church, but Grandmother didn’t like that church. Her favorite place to pray was a small church; he said Grandmother’s soul would surely be there.

Su… Su Dong Church!

Ah Heng’s eyes lit up and putting on her coat, she ran out.

Leaving the courtyard, she hailed a taxi. When the driver heard she wanted to go to Su Dong Church, he waved his hand, troubled: “Young lady, the roads around Su Dong are icy, very difficult to drive.”

“Uncle, money, I have it!” Ah Heng pulled out all her pocket money from her coat pocket.

“Hey, young lady, at my age, would I be after your little bit of money?” The driver, a straightforward imperial city native, was somewhat annoyed.

“Uncle, don’t be angry.” Ah Heng grew anxious. “My brother, at Su Dong, two days, hasn’t come home!”

“Oh. Young lady, how about this – I’ll take you to G Village. It’s about two li from Su Dong. The road’s a bit slippery, cars can’t get through, but you can walk it. How’s that?” The driver was kind-hearted, frowning as he made the suggestion.

Ah Heng was very grateful, nodding vigorously as she got in the car.

Unfortunately, being Christmas Eve, there were especially many people in the city center, and the car couldn’t move quickly.

“Uncle, faster, please faster!” Ah Heng was anxious.

“Any faster and we’ll run into people!” The driver laughed, finding the young lady’s way of speaking amusing.

“My brother, at Su Dong, cold!” The more anxious Ah Heng became, the clumsier her speech.

The driver was somewhat moved, glancing at Ah Heng and speaking gently: “Alright, we’ll go a bit faster, can’t let your brother freeze!”

By the time they reached G Village half an hour later, Ah Heng paid and hurriedly started walking.

The driver stuck his head out the window, calling loudly to Ah Heng: “Young lady, keep going straight ahead, when you see the Cypress Hill sign, turn right for three hundred meters and you’re there!”

Ah Heng waved, smiling and nodding.

“Miss, take it slow on the road.” The driver was warmhearted, waving from afar.

She had already walked far and didn’t hear him, only smiling as she gazed at the kind stranger in the snow from a distance.

Ah Heng had mentally prepared herself for the slippery road the driver mentioned, but after taking several hard falls, she was still struggling, though her worried thoughts kept her mind off the pain.

What if Si Wan wasn’t at Su Dong Church?

What if Si Wan wouldn’t return with her?

What if Si Wan was with Er Er and felt awkward seeing her?

Ah Heng made her way holding onto trees, finally finding the Cypress Hill sign. By the time she fumbled her way to Su Dong in the night, her entire body was soaked through with sweat and snow, clinging uncomfortably to her skin.

Su Dong Church had a unique design, looking clean and warm, reminiscent of how Grandmother appeared in photographs Ah Heng had seen. However, this church was nearly abandoned, being quite far from the city center and smaller than other churches.

The church lights were on – oh, not lights, but flickering candlelight.

Ah Heng was about to push the door open when she heard a familiar voice – Si Wan’s.

She smiled, relaxing.

“Er Er, do you think Grandmother can hear us talking?”

His usually gentle, fresh voice carried trust for the other person.

“She can. Grandmother’s soul is here, she’s always watching over us.”

A warm, comfortable voice.

Er Er… was it?

Ah Heng’s hand that was about to push the door withdrew. Going in now would be too presumptuous; let them talk a while longer.

“Yes, Grandmother loved this place most when she was alive. Every Christmas Eve, she would bring us here.”

The youth laughed.

Ah Heng felt some regret; she also wanted to meet Grandmother. In Wushui, children called their grandmothers “A Po” – would Grandmother be happy to hear her call her “A Po”?

Grandfather had told her that Grandmother’s ancestral home was Wushui.

Ah Heng smiled silently, her eyes growing increasingly gentle. If only she had a grandmother to dote on her, she would be such a filial granddaughter. She would massage her back, wash her feet, and make delicious food.

Ah, yes, she would make Wushui dishes, Grandmother would surely be happy. Perhaps Grandmother would make her pretty sachets; would smile at her kindly; would chase away bad people with a broom when they bullied her; would tell her ancient mythological stories… hehe.

“Brother, if Grandmother were alive, would she also not want me?” The gentle female voice in the church carried sadness.

Then, if Grandmother were alive, would she welcome her arrival?

The youth’s voice trembled slightly as he spoke softly: “She wouldn’t. No one doesn’t want you! Grandmother doted on you most, don’t you remember? When we argued, she always comforted you first, right?”

“But Grandfather used to dote on me too, and now he still doesn’t want me.”

Si Wan’s voice grew agitated: “Er Er, Grandmother told me before she died, she knew the truth just like Grandfather. She knew you weren’t her real granddaughter, she had secretly investigated Ah Heng’s whereabouts when we were very young, but she never brought her back, right until she died, never even went to see her once, isn’t that right?”

“Crack” – she heard something shatter in her chest, such a cold night, such a scorching wound…

She silently slid down the wall corner onto the ice-cold snow, her whole body chilled to the bone.

Ah Heng, Ah Heng, she murmured her name, her eyes growing wet.

It hurt so much, her heart hurt so much.

Why, why did no one want her?

Why…

When she earnestly lived as Yun Heng, being called a bastard behind her back, she couldn’t argue because they weren’t wrong, they were speaking the truth.

When she earnestly lived as Wen Heng, being forgotten and hated by all who loved Wen Si Er, she couldn’t make a fuss because they weren’t wrong, Wen Heng had taken everything from Wen Si Er.

In this world, after all, there was Wen Si Er first, then Wen Heng.

She had never hated herself as much as she did today.

Why exist?…

Why exist so blatantly?!

She had a life and had someone to raise her, but… no one wanted her.

They could like her, could treat her kindly, but except for her, they always had someone they liked more, and wanted to treat better.

For those people, they naturally tossed her into a corner.

So shameful, like garbage, once thrown away, would they not even remember?…

“Wen Heng?” A pair of ice-cold hands rested on her head, the voice carrying a nasal tone.

Ah Heng looked up to see Yan Xi.

The youth was bundled up – hat, scarf, gloves, mask, everything complete.

Seeing him, Ah Heng felt somewhat awkward, lowering her gaze and composing herself.

“Si Wan and they are inside?” The youth pointed at the church.

Ah Heng nodded.

“Oh.” The youth nodded noncommittally, the pompom on his hat swaying, reflecting his bright black eyes, looking very cute in the snow.

“Then let’s go.” Yan Xi’s voice came through the mask, somewhat muffled.

“Where?” Ah Heng was stunned.

“Home.” The youth answered simply, reaching out to gently pull Ah Heng up from the ground.

“What about Si Wan, and Er Er?” Ah Heng spoke softly.

“I’ll call Grandfather Wen, and have a driver pick them up later. You come with me first.” Yan Xi stretched lazily, casually crossing his hands behind his head.

Ah Heng nodded, turned to look at the church, and softly said: “A Po, goodbye.”

Yan Xi spoke flatly: “She can’t hear you.”

“Why?” Ah Heng’s voice was hoarse, her whole body somewhat limp.

This farewell had taken all her strength.

“She’s no longer in this world.”

“Is she beside God?” Ah Heng lifted her head slightly, her eyes full of vastness.

The youth laughed, his breath visible in the cold: “If God exists, then she’s surely beside you.”

Ah Heng stared at him blankly.

But the youth said no more, walking in the snow, his bearing aloof and casual.

Ah Heng watched his back, feeling that at this moment, this youth was even lonelier than she was.

Yan Xi suddenly stopped, struggling somewhat to remove his thick cotton gloves and hand them to Ah Heng, smiling slightly: “God never saves people, but people save people. Just like how in this situation, it’s natural for a man to maintain his dignity.”